Delighted that author Toni Pike will be joining us for the next few months with her series Personal Power which I am sure you will find very interesting and thought provoking.
Finding your personal power and living an authentic life with validation and self-respect.
Welcome to my personal power series where I explore topics such as authenticity, values, self-validation and self-respect. I experienced a steep learning curve of personal transformation as I made some major changes in my life, and I wanted to share some of the things I’ve learned that have made a huge difference to me.
Validate Yourself – and Transform Your Life
This is a series about authenticity, validation, self-belief and personal power.
Imagine something happens. You turn to your friend and say, “How should I feel and what should I think about that?” In a nutshell, that is what self-validation is all about. Instead of turning to someone else, try asking yourself that question.
I had read about self-validation but for so long didn’t really understand what that meant or why it was so important. When I finally did work it out, I couldn’t believe what a difference it made to my life.
What Other People Think
Most of us worry about what other people are thinking and trust their opinions – even more than our own. We waste so much emotional energy trying to change another person’s behaviour or alter what they think of us.
We even worry about whether other people would approve of our feelings. Someone said to me recently that they still felt upset about a recent tragedy but everyone else thought they should be starting to get over it by now. They wanted reassurance that it was okay to feel as they did.
Trust in Yourself
You might change your behaviour or ignore your own feelings to gain the approval of other people or conform with how they think you should feel or behave. You might do or say things mainly to please others.
You may worry that someone is believing lies about you or has the wrong impression of you. Manipulative people may twist and turn situations, blaming you for their own behaviour, criticising you – and you feel frustrated, confused and dismayed. Why do they seem to have such a bad opinion of you? And why can’t you convince them that they’re wrong about you?
You have no power to change what anyone else thinks or how they behave. But there is one, and only one, person you can control. That person is yourself!
What do you do you when you feel hurt or upset?
Many of us try to dull that feeling or avoid it by eating a snack, having a drink, phoning a friend or doing anything else that will divert our attention or ease the pain.
Instead of that, we should listen carefully to our own feelings and gently comfort and reassure ourselves.
How to self-validate
Self-validation can be something that transforms your life. It means trusting and listening to your own feelings and opinions. Not those thoughts inside your head, which can often race at a hundred miles an hour – but your feelings and emotions, deep inside your heart. And then, gently comfort and reassure yourself.
I was the worst offender – always thinking, thinking thinking, and trying to neglect and erase my own emotions.
Don’t ignore your own feelings – and never tell yourself that they are wrong or that you shouldn’t feel that way.
When you have a feeling, really listen to it. Trust and support that feeling. Tell yourself that it’s okay to feel that way, whether it’s good or bad. When you’re hurting, comfort yourself with kind, loving words. Let yourself truly feel that emotion. Accept your feelings and don’t judge them.
The second aspect is to trust and support your own opinions – that is so important. If someone is criticising you, instead of believing them or trying to change their views, ask yourself honestly if you agree with them. If you don’t, then trust your own opinion. The other’s person’s critical comments will now ring hollow and hardly affect you.
It’s fine to get some feedback, support or encouragement from other people, but the most important person to deal with is yourself. Get used to relying primarily on your own feelings and opinions. Trust and value them, and learn to comfort and reassure yourself.
Don’t just use this skill when someone is criticising you, but in every aspect of your life, every day.
Now everything has changed. You have validated your own feelings and opinions, and suddenly you don’t need to talk to ten other people about them, get anyone else to agree with you or try to dull those feelings by doing something to try to wipe them from your mind. You are becoming self-reliant and powerful.
Do you practice self-validation? I’d love to hear about it.
©Toni Pike 2023
My thanks to Toni for sharing her series with us and I know she would love to receive your feedback.
About Toni Pike
Toni Pike is a multi-genre author who enjoys writing exciting thrillers for adults, non-fiction, and hilarious books for children. She also loves travelling and being with family and friends. She lives in Australia and firmly believes that coffee and long walks are an essential part of any day.
Do you like books that you can’t stop reading? Pike is the author of DESOLATION BLUFF, DEAD DRY HEART and The Jotham Fletcher Mystery Thriller Series: THE MAGUS COVENANT, THE ROCK OF MAGUS, THE MAGUS EPIPHANY and HOLY SPEAR OF MAGUS.
The Brody Cody Series is for children aged 6-9: BRODY CODY AND THE STEPMOTHER FROM OUTER SPACE and BRODY CODY AND THE HAUNTED VACATION HOUSE.
She’s also the author of two non-fiction books. THE ONE WAY DIET is a no-nonsense guide to losing weight and coping with the journey. HAPPY TRAVELS 101 is a short book of travel tips with great advice for anyone who wants to travel overseas.
A selection of books by Toni Pike for children and adults
My review for Linda’s Midlife Crisis
This is a heartwarming read that shares the journey of Linda Lockwood as she suffers bullies in and out of the classroom, a husband who treats her like a doormat and is very vocal in public about her ‘flaws’, and her own lack of self-esteem.
Just how much is too much, and when will Linda finally snap? At 50 years old and at the end of her tether she decides there has to be a better life than this. Especially when her secret dreams are thrown back in her face.
After years as a teacher she is resourceful and over the following months Linda gets back her joy in life and begins to open up to the world. Meeting new friends, being close to family and looking amazing she blossoms.The one area of her life that doesn’t tempt her is romance, but when you are not looking, sometimes it finds you anyway.
This story encourages all those who find themselves suddenly alone and facing an uncertain future that there is hope and a second chance. Recommended.
Connect to Toni and buy the books: Amazon Australia – Amazon US – And : Amazon UK – Follow Toni:Goodreads – Website: Toni Pike – Twitter:@piketoni1
Thank you for dropping in today and it would be great if your could share Toni’s series.
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