Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Presents for teacher, Mums and Dads, All the fun of the Fair

As the children break up for the  holidays something for the teacher!

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She held up the box and said, “I bet it’s some flowers!”

“That’s right!” shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held up the box and said, “I bet it’s some chocolates!”

“That’s right!” shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner’s son. The teacher held up the box and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.

“Is it wine?” she asked.

“No,” the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.

“Is it champagne?” she asked.

“No,” the boy answered.

“What is it?” she said.

“A puppy!”

Something for mums..

A mother took her three-year old son to a psychiatrist and explained that she was worried that he was becoming too precocious. ‘Right,’ said the psychiatrist, ‘we’ll try a few simple tests.’ Turning to the little boy , he said, ‘just say a few words – anything that comes into your mind.’

The boy turned to his mother and said, ‘Does he want logically constructed sentences or just random and purely isolated words?’

Something for dads

A police officer finds a small boy who has become separated from his father in the middle of a football crowd. “What’s your dad like?” the policeman asks in a kind voice. “Beer and women,” the boy replies.

Something for the rest of us of mixed origins.

An Englishman, a Frenchman (they get everywhere) and an Irishman were in a pub talking about their children.

‘My son was born on St George’s Day, ‘remarked the Englishman, ‘So we obviously decided to call him George.’

‘That’s a real coincidence’, observed the Frenchman’, My daughter was born on Valentine’s Day, so we decided to call her Valentine.’

‘That’s really incredible’, drawled the Irishman, ‘Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.’

All the fun of the fair.

An Englishman, a Welshman and an Irishman were at the fair and about to go on the helter-skelter when an old witch steps in front of them.

‘This is a magic ride,’ she says. ‘You will land in whatever you shout out on the way down.’

‘I’m game for this,’ says Dai, the Welshman, and slides down the helter-skelter shouting ‘GOLD!’ at the top of his voice. Sure enough, when he hit the bottom he found himself surrounded by thousands of pounds worth of gold coins.

William, the Englishman, goes next and shouts ‘SILVER!’ at the top of his voice. At the bottom he lands in more silver coinage than he can carry.

Patrick, the Irishman, goes last and, launching himself from the top of the slide shouts ‘WEEEEEEE!’

Size Matters!

The Englishman and the Scotsman were boasting about the size of their estates.

‘I can get into my car at seven o’clock in The morning,’ said the Englishman, ‘and drive and drive all around my estate and not get back until four o’clock in the afternoon.’

‘I can get into my car at six o’clock in the morning,’ said the Scotsman, ‘and drive and drive all around my estate and not get back until seven o’clock in the evening.’

‘I had an old car like that too myself once,’ said the Irishman.

I hope you have enjoyed the humour… if so please pass it along and make someone else smile. Thanks Sally