Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Marriage, Butlers, Hygiene and Watches!


I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is… Scaring men is easy.

and many a true word……..

Usually the husband regards himself as the head of the household, and the pedestrian knows he has the right of way. Both of them are safe until they try to prove it!


Food Handling….

When Dave asked for two pies and some doughnuts at his local takeaway he was impressed to see the server using tongs to place the items into a paper bag.

‘Indeed sir,’ said the server in response to Dave’s comments, ‘we are very clean here. Always use tongs, No hands ever touch the food.’

As Dave turned to leave he noticed a piece of string hanging from the server’s fly and asked its purpose.

‘All part of the hygiene programme,’ said the server. ‘When I visit the bathroom I use the string to pull it out so it is not touched by human hand.’ Dave was impressed but still slightly concerned.

‘How do you get it back in?’

‘With the tongs sir.’

Personally this is the only way to use a tong!


An innovative young scientist at the sperm bank has packaged their product in an aerosol can and it is sold as Heir Spray.

And much earlier…..

It is a little known fact that the first timepiece was invented by soldiers fighting for Alexander the Great.  He and his army were out colonising the world and at this particular time they were fighting the Persians, day in and day out.

His soldiers were sick and tired and angry. They formed a union and a delegation confronted Alexander with a demand for an eight hour day.

To be fair he saw the point but since the Swiss had not yet invented the clock he had to get creative.. So he suggested that they tied a rag around their wrists and battled the enemy until the rag got damp with sweat when they could knock off.

That first time piece was known as Alexander’s Rag Time Band!


The Lady of the Manor was becoming irritated at Jeeve’s habit of walking into her bedroom without knocking. She took him to task.

‘It would be very embarrassing if I were in a state of undress,’ she pointed out.

‘No need to worry about that, m’Lady,’ he said. ‘I always peek through the keyhole first.’

A few days later….

This was not the last time that her Ladyship had call to have words with her butler. A few days later she called him to her bedroom.

‘Jeeves, please unzip my dress.’ Clearly embarrassed he did so.

‘Now, take off my stockings.’ Jeeves was now visibly perspiring.

‘And now take off my underwear… And if I every catch you wearing my clothes again I will immediately dismiss you!’

Thank you for dropping in today and hope you have enjoyed.. thanks Sally.