Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and some Tongue Twisters from Sally’s Archive


First Debby Gies shares some of the funnies that she has spotted that she thinks you would enjoy…..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

 

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USBlog: D.G. Writes Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s Travel Column here every month: The Travel Column with D.G. Kaye

Now time for something from my archives…it is the time of year when office parties and Christmas family reunions, often end up in joke telling. I can tell you from experience that after a glass or two of alcoholic beverages, even the most articulate will find these a challenge.. and whilst they are busy, you can grab some more trifle….

The majority of tongue twisters are designed to help students pronounce English words correctly and then there are the Drinking Games!

Each of the following should be spoken as quickly as possible.

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers
Where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

Betty Botter bought some butter
But she said the butter’s bitter
If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter
But a bit of better butter will make my batter better
So ‘twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
He would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood
As a woodchuck would if a woodchuck could chuck wood

She sells seashells by the seashore.
The shells she sells are surely seashells.
So if she sells shells on the seashore,
I’m sure she sells seashore shells.

How many cookies could a good cook cook If a good cook could cook cookies? A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.

Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager
imagining managing an imaginary menagerie.

One liners that should be said as quickly as possible and repeated as many times as you can.

Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.

Six sleek swans swam swiftly southwards

Red lorry, yellow lorry

How many yaks could a yak pack pack if a yak pack could pack yaks?

Seventy seven benevolent elephants

New York Unique, Unique New York.

And here are the drinking games which are best practised sober and in private before attempting in polite company with a glass or two of wine inside you.. trust me!

I slit the sheet and the sheet slit me, slit was the sheet that was slit by me.

I am a pheasant plucker, I’m a pheasant pluckers son and I’ll keep plucking pheasants until the pheasant plucker comes.

Six Cockney sock cutters, cockily cutting socks.

 Let us know how you did…….that is if you are still talking to us…. and thanks for dropping in today…Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter lines – Something to go with the leftovers….Funnies and a Poem…


For those of you who don’t celebrate Boxing Day, St. Stephen’s day, you may still be on a festive break, stuffed with food and chocolate and ready to get some exercise to work it all off. Laughter uses all the muscles in the face and if you get your upper body shaking with laughter, and the feel good chemicals being released in your brain, you are in good shape…. to eat more leftovers later.

 

Now for ditty from me in celebration of the food unconsumed yesterday…..

The Leftovers by Sally Cronin

I opened the fridge this morning
To check on the state of the world,
I hoped to see that the turkey,
Was not all shrivelled and curled.

It peaked from its packet of foil,
Still juicy and raring to go
I shredded it into some sauce
With some shrooms and onions for show.

I took the spuds, carrots and peas
And slathered with butter and oil.
The brandy was down to the dregs,
I added and brought to the boil.

But what to do with the trifle
Still lush with custard and berry
Guess I shall just have to eat it
Topped with a schooner of sherry.

So if I sound a bit pickled
The leftovers carry the blame.
Since to throw good food in the bin
Would be a dire waste and a shame.

My waist has expanded to fit
All the goodies that have been served
But thankfully my beloved,
Likes his women rounded and curved!

Thanks for dropping in today and enjoy the rest of the holidays…..Sally

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – More Christmas Funnies


I have been delving into the archives with the saucier side of snowmen and women…..and our resident foodie Carol Taylor Food Column found a wonderful one and shared last week on Facebook.

Christmas at the races.

Riding the favourite at Cheltenham, a jockey was well ahead of the field. Suddenly he was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages. He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas Crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence.

With great skill he managed to steer the horse to the front of the field once more when, on the run in, he was struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a Christmas pudding. Thus distracted he succeeded in coming in only second.

He immediately went to the stewards to complain that he had been seriously hampered.

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

“How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk.

She showed him a bottle costing $50.

“That’s a bit much,” said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.

“That’s still quite a bit,” Tom groused.

Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.

Tom grew agitated, “What I mean,” he said, “is I’d like to see something real cheap.”

So the clerk handed him a mirror.

A special gift for Christmas

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles.”

“She did,” he replied. “But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?”

T.V game show

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa’s reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, “Rudolph and Olive!”

The host asked the contestant, “We’ll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?”

The man looked at the host and said, “You know, ‘Olive,’ the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..

 

Thanks for popping in and hope it has brought a smile to your face.. why not spread them around.. Sally

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Time to get the Party Started – Christmas Funnies.


Time to get the Christmas ornaments, decorations, crackers and funnies out and here is something to get you started.

Thanks for dropping in today… Guest Comedian Debby Gies has been scouting out some festive fun and will be here on Thursday. Please feel free to pass along.