Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and some new material from Sally.


Firstly, with the results for some days sleuthing on the Internet some funnies from Debby Gies . 

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

Thanks to Debby for finding this treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USAndAmazon UK    BlogD.G. Writes Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Check out Debby’s new series here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realm of Relationships

And time for some new material from Sally…..who has also been out foraging

Speed limits

There was a man named Cletus that lived in a small town with only one traffic light. Cletus had saved up his money and bought a mo-ped. One day Cletus was at the light waiting for it to turn green when a shiny new Corvette convertible pulled up next to him. Cletus had never seen anything like this in his life. The Corvette had its top down so Cletus leans over the side of the car and starts checking out the interior. This annoys the driver of the vette so when the light turns green he steps on the gas, laying down rubber as he leaves the intersection. He gets up to 60mph when suddenly Cletus flies by him on his mo-ped.

The driver of the vette says to himself “This clown wants to race”. Shifting into 4th gear he steps on the gas again. He leaves Cletus in his dust as he gets up to 100mph. Then out of nowhere he sees Cletus coming up fast in his rear view mirror. He can’t believe it as Cletus flies by him again on his mo-ped. The driver of the vette shifts into 6th gear and floors it. He passes Cletus and gets up to 150mph! Once again, Cletus passes him like he’s standing still. Shocked, the driver of the vette pulls over to the side of the road. He hears gravel flying and brakes squalling as Cletus pulls up next to him.

The driver of the vette congratulates Cletus on winning the race and asks him what kind of an engine he has in his mo-ped. Puzzled Cletus replied “Race? I was just trying to get my suspenders off of your side-view mirror.”

The Three Sons

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back
together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly
mother.

The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.”
The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”
The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. Remember how mom
enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well. I sent her a
remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church
12 years to teach him. He’s one of a kind. Mama just has to name the
chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it.”

Soon thereafter, mom sent a letter to each son. “Milton,” she wrote one son,
“the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the
whole house.”

“Gerald,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel. I stay most of the
time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!”

“Dearest Donald,” she wrote to her third son, “you have the good sense to
know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious.”

Thanks to Best Clean Jokes

Thank you for dropping in today and we hope we have brightened your day — Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and some new material from Sally.


Firstly, with the results for some days sleuthing on the Internet some funnies from Debby Gies .

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

Thanks to Debby for finding this treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USAndAmazon UK    BlogD.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Check out Debby’s new series here on SmorgasbordD.G. Kaye Explores the Realm of Relationships

And time for some new material from Sally…..who has also been out foraging

Some more one liners (or a couple more in some cases!)

Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

*****

A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?” “That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

*****

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?” She leaned over the counter and said, “Burrr-gerrr Kiiing.”

*****

My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.

*****

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

*****

A mexican magician was doing a magic trick. He said, Uno, Dose, and he disappeared without a trace.

Thanks One line fun

Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… donations are gratefully received..tequila, chocolate oranges, free holiday to Greece!

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and some new material from Sally..


Firstly, with the results for some days sleuthing on the Internet some funnies from Debby Gies .

D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

Thanks to Debby for finding this treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USAndAmazon UK    BlogD.G. Writes Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Check out Debby’s new series here on SmorgasbordD.G. Kaye Explores the Realm of Relationships

And time for some new material from Sally…..who has also been out foraging

Timing Issues..

A grandmother was discussing the Bible with her youngest granddaughter.

Were you in the ark? asked the little girl.

‘No’, laughed her grandmother.

‘Then why didn’t you drown.’

Some one liners

There’s a fine line between hyphenated words.

The Theory of Relativity: time moves more slowly when you are with relatives.

To err is human, to forgive is canine.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Thanks One line fun

Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… donations are gratefully received.. tequila, chocolate and muffins….

 

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Rewind and an invitation from D.G. Kaye and Sally to join in the fun.


We hope you won’t mind a few repeats today but we are still getting back to normal (or as normal as we will ever be) in our respective abodes.. But this from last year.. and we hope you will enjoy again.  Debby Gies D.G. Kaye Writer Blog  and I are very happy to keep finding new material to make you laugh but we are very happy if you would like to join in and share your humour too..

If you would like to share your favourite joke.. and get a plug in for your blog or books.. then email it to me at sally.cronin@moyhill.com (this is a family show!)

I have also found some book titles in the archives that might amuse you……

Anyway for those of you who made New Year’s Resolutions…………….

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK  BlogD.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Keep an eye open for D.G. Kaye’s new series for 2020

And here are some book titles you might consider for your next release from my archives…….

A Clifftop Tragedy  by Eileen Dover.

A Whole Lot of Cats  by Kitt N. Caboodle

Animal Scents by Farrah Mones

Cheating on His Wife by  Izzy Backyet

Confessions Of A Gold Digger by Emile Ticket

Yellow River by I.P.Daily,

Russian Lion Tamer by Claude Buttox

Carpet Laying by Walter Wall

Eating Garlic by Y.I Malone.

Pain and Sorrow by Ann Quish

The Insomniac by Eliza Wake

The Scent of a Man by Jim Nasium

Wait for me by Isa Cummin.

Willie Win by Betty Wont.

Thanks for dropping in and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Rewind – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye with more funnies and a joke from Sally’s Archives


We hope you won’t mind a few repeats today but we are still getting back to normal (or as normal as we will ever be) in our respective abodes.. But this from last year.. and we hope you will enjoy again.  Debby Gies .D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USBlog: D.G. Writes Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Keep an eye open for D.G. Kaye’s new series for 2020

Now time for a joke from my archives

Some more from the Washington Post quest for answers……their invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
Decaflon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

Thank you for joining us today and as always we would be delighted to receive your feedback. Sally and Debby.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines from the archives with D.G. Kaye and Sally Cronin


A little resurrected humour from New Year’s 2019 – Debby Gies has done an amazing job this last couple of years in finding amazing funnies and looking forward to what she will come up with in 2020…D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US Blog: D.G. Writes Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Now something from Sally’s archives…..

MALE & FEMALE NOUNS:

From the Washington Post Style Invitation, in which it was postulated that English should have male and female nouns. Readers were asked to assign a gender to a noun of their choice and explain their reason.

The best submissions:

SWISS ARMY KNIFE: male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS: female, because they always go to the restroom in pairs.

TIRE: male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.

HOT-AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it… and, of course, there’s the hot-air part.

SPONGES: female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE: female, because it is always getting hit on.

SHOE: male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER: female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed, and it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

ZIPLOC BAGS: male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SUBWAY: male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS: female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER: male, because it hasn’t evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL: female…Ha! You thought I’d say male. But consider: it gives man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

Thank you for joining us today and Happy New Year… look forward to making you smile for 2020… thanks Sally and Debby.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and a poem from Sally.


First Debby Gies shares some of the funnies that she has spotted that she thinks you would enjoy…..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USBlog: D.G. Writes Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s Travel Column here: The Travel Column with D.G. Kaye

and now my poem in tribute to the Turkey and leftovers from my archives.

The Leftovers by Sally Cronin

I opened the fridge this morning
To check on the state of the world,
I hoped to see that the turkey,
Was not all shrivelled and curled.

It peaked from its packet of foil,
Still juicy and raring to go
I shredded it into some sauce
With some shrooms and onions for show.

I took the spuds, carrots and peas
And slathered with butter and oil.
The brandy was down to the dregs,
I added and brought to the boil.

But what to do with the trifle
Still lush with custard and berry
Guess I shall just have to eat it
Topped with a schooner of sherry.

So if I sound a bit pickled
The leftovers carry the blame.
Since to throw good food in the bin
Would be a dire waste and a shame.

My waist has expanded to fit
All the goodies that have been served
But thankfully my beloved,
Likes his women rounded and curved!

We hope that you are leaving here with a smile on your face… thanks Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Afternoon Video – D.G. Kaye finds another gem


Debby Gies has been foraging on Youtube to find more gems to share..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

This parrot takes her role as nanny very seriously courtesy of Daily Mail

My thanks to Debby for spotting this.. so cute

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USBlog: D.G. Writes Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s Travel Column here every month: The Travel Column with D.G. Kaye

Thanks for dropping in and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face….Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Reblog – Q and A with D.G. Kaye Featuring Jane Risdon – Undercover: Crime Shorts


In another of her fantastic interview posts Q and A with D.G. Kaye. Debby features Jane Risdon and her latest book Undercover: Crime Shorts

D.G, Kaye Book PromotionsSo happy to be featuring author Jane Risdon here today for a little Q and A. Jane is a wonderful author, formerly in the music biz, but always writing it seems. Jane has newly released her book Undercover: Crime Shorts. Have a read below as we get to know more about her and her fascinating life.

Author Jane Risdon

About Jane:

Jane Risdon has spent most of her life working in the International Music Business rubbing shoulders with the powerful and famous, especially in Hollywood.

Married to a musician and later working alongside him managing singers, musicians, songwriters, and record producers, she’s also facilitated the placement of music on successful television series and movie soundtracks.

Her experiences have provided her with a unique insight into the business and her writing often hasa music related theme. She is published by Headline Accent.
With long-term friend, award-winning, best-selling author, Christina Jones – one time fan-club secretary for Jane’s husband’s band – Jane has co-authored Only One Woman (Headline Accent) which is set in the UK music scene of 1968/69 and is published in paperback and eBook.

Recently Jane completed a collection of her first short crime stories – Undercover: Crime Shorts -published in both eBook and Paperback (Plaisted Publishing House Ltd).

Jane is working on the sequel to Only One Woman as well as a series of crime novels – Ms Birdsong Investigates – featuring former MI5 Officer Lavinia Birdsong – which she plans to complete in 2020. Her experience of working at the Foreign and Commonwealth Office in her pre-music days has given her plenty of material for her crime/thrillers.

Jane writes for online and print magazines and has contributed to 16 anthologies. She also writes a blog and often hosts guest authors. She is also a regular guest on blogs and on internet radio shows broadcasting with a global reach, including UK, USA and Australia.Her books are available in Waterstones and all good book stores as well as via various digital platforms.

Head over to enjoy the rest of Jane’s interview and read an excerpt from Undercover: Crime Shorts: Q & A with D.G. Kaye featuring Jane Risdon

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US – Blog: D.G. Kaye Writes Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s Travel Column here every month: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/the-travel-column-with-d-g-kaye/

Jane Risdon, Buy: Amazon UK – Blog:https://janerisdon.wordpress.com/Goodreads:https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5831801.Jane_Risdon

Thanks for dropping and please head over and discover more about Jane’s globetrotting childhood and the inspirations for stories Thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Afternoon Video – D.G. Kaye finds another Gem – Remember the parrot who said Really!!! He’s back.


Debby Gies has been foraging on Youtube to find more gems (parrots) to share..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

This little chap starred here a few weeks ago with his ‘Really!’ answer to everything… now he is back.

My thanks to Debby for spotting this.. so sweet.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USBlog: D.G. Writes Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s Travel Column here every month: The Travel Column with D.G. Kaye

Thanks for dropping in and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face….Debby and Sally.