Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – Know when it’s time to go – When giving becomes one-sided by D.G. Kaye


Relationships – Know when it’s time to go – When giving becomes one-sided

Welcome back to The Realms of Relationships. In this edition, I’m going to talk more about friendships. I talked about keeping friendships healthy in my last column. In this post, I’ll share some of the flags that indicate when friends may be taking advantage of us.

Friendships are special to us because they are the people we choose to let into the most personal and intimate part of our lives, the people we trust most. But sometimes in our lifetime of relationships and friendships we may realize that a certain friendship becomes all give and no get back. Today we’re going to take a look at some of the signs that tell us that a friendship we may have with someone is not as fulfilling as it once may have been, how to attempt to repair, and how to decide if it’s time to sever ties.

Friends are those we permit into our personal spaces and hold dear to us. Friends are the ones we share common bonds with, share our world, our homes and often our hearts with. Friends are ones we can rely on for uplifting, favors, companionship, and the ones who have our backs. Do something to betray any of these bonds, it puts a dent into a friendship, and if we let misgivings escalate without confronting our friend about issues bothering us, or better yet, if we have confronted a friend over an issue and they tend to blow it off or ignore our concerns, consider petty, it may be time to re-evaluate that friendship.

As with everything that works smooth in life, there is balance. We take the good with the bad in stride and go about life. Sometimes there are obstacles we learn to work around, sometimes the obstacles must be confronted in order to resolve issues to restore an even balance. If the balance of a friendship begins to teeter, yet one party of the friendship doesn’t see it, someone must alert that person that more effort must be put into that relationship or it’s going to fizzle out. When one party is doing all the giving and supporting and there’s nothing in return – giving back, this is not a friendship. Make sure you’re not doing all the giving and being sucked into an energy vampire sucking relationship.

As a lover and not a fighter, I require peace in all my relationships. I’m a passionate person who cares about all people. I’m also a great communicator, which I learned to become as I’ve spent most of my life observing people and their behavior. If I detect an imbalance or a missing ingredient within a close friendship, I’m going to bring it up for discussion so we can get to the root of a problem to find resolution to continue on with the friendship, hopefully, strengthening the bond once the imbalance is corrected. But what if the other party doesn’t see our side or perhaps thinks we’re making too much out of something insignificant? Or, what if that person is completely blind to a troublesome situation and what if we become tired of rehashing the same issues that never seem to change? Are we just supposed to sit back and live with the lumpy situation, continuing to make excuses to pardon that friend from their faults, or can we keep making excuses to not be available for them? That becomes our decision. But for me, I learned a few relationships ago, when you become a doormat, it may be time to leave.

My Story

It wasn’t the first time I had to lay a friendship to rest. It happened maybe 3 times in my life when I decided it was time to part ways with someone who I’d considered a good friend but realized I was doing all the ‘friendy’ work. But leaving became easier to do with each friend because as the years progressed, I’d learned better to stand up for myself and to not be so easily roped in by people’s antics. Being an empath makes the process doubly hard because my whole life I allowed myself to get sucked into people’s drama because I felt sorry for them. Sure, they may not have been adding anything of value to our friendship at the time, but they were lonely, had a lot of bad breaks from life, and sometimes it was just convenient to have someone to hang out with, which some of us think may be better than being alone – but no, it’s not. I finally learned that being alone without a sidekick was better than being used, taken for granted and not appreciated.

One relationship I ended with a friend almost three decades ago was a smart choice. Amy was a friend I’d met within my circle of my closest oldest friends. I kind of inherited her as when we met through mutual friends, we were both single at the time and lived close to one another, which made it too convenient for her to pop over – a lot.

Amy ‘dropped’ by my place lots – especially when she was in between dating her ex- boyfriend and her ex -ex- boyfriend. I got to listen to the whining and complaining and felt compelled to come up with solutions to her problems. I got to cook her dinners, and rarely did I get to share anything about how I felt about things going on in my own life. And never would she ask.

Initially we were good company for one another – someone to have a meal with, go for a drink or watch a movie with. But after 2 years of it, my ear was getting too full of the ‘woe is me’ stories and zero growth in our relationship. Oh sure, after some time had passed, I did broach the subject with Amy, but I also grew to realize that whatever I’d discussed seemed to pass directly through both her ears, and she didn’t understand what being a real friend was. I call them fair-weather friends.

Fair- weather friends are those who come around or call when they have a need to be fulfilled – when it’s convenient for them. They aren’t necessarily bad people, more like self-centered, selfish, and often clueless when it comes to maintaining healthy relationships – romance or otherwise. These types of people will not go out of their way for someone else, usually have trouble in their romantic relationships for same reasons, and deny what they don’t like to hear.

Amy treated me like her personal Shrink or a sounding board for all her dilemmas – and there always seemed to be one with her. Me, always feeling as though it’s my duty to fix people, was kept in the vortex way too long.

Eventually, as that time in my life became a huge growth spurt in growing my self-esteem in both friendships and a crappy relationship I was in at the time, I realized then that it was time to unload the pressure of that relationship too. Without a fight or a phone call, I just slithered away. I first took her calls, but made myself consistently unavailable to her ‘drop over’ requests. Then eventually, I just stopped answering her calls and faded out. A good indicator I was right in doing so was that she made no attempts to further contact me or even questioning why I just cut her out. This was a confirmation it was time. There was no need to second-guess.

Friends who suck the life out of us are what I call energy sucking vampires. They are needy people who will swoop right in on us if we offer them a cushy nest. They are the ones who will ask for favors, visit and forget to leave, borrow things and never return them, and most known for draining our soul. And if you are an empath who constantly finds yourselves attracting these types of people, it’s time to become more aware of these behaviors and how much you will allow. Weigh out the pros and cons of a relationship. If you’re finding the con column getting a little too top heavy, it’s a good idea to consider cutting the ties.

If you find that you’ve discussed your feelings with your friend and they deny any actions you’ve pointed out, become defensive and/or accusatory as a lame defense, deny or blame you without admitting, apologizing, or ultimately, getting angry because you brought up the discussion, it’s pretty clear that your suspicions were right in the first place and it’s time to go. Empaths in particular, tend to let things drag on a little too long because we will do our utmost to keep from hurting anyone’s feelings, often taking the zings ourselves to keep the peace. But if it’s not peaceful, we need to leave.

There are no age limits, time limits, friend limits. You shouldn’t put a timeline on a friendship – meaning: Just because you’ve invested ‘x’ amount of years in a friendship and it doesn’t feel right anymore, doesn’t mean you must remain because you’ve put in the time. No. If you’ve put in the time and the friendship and it’s not growing or feeding you back in any way, it’s time to move on.

Do you have a sticky friendship experience you’d like to share here?

You can find the other posts in the series: D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

©D.G.Kaye

I’m a nonfiction memoir writer who writes about life, matters of the heart and women’s issues. My intent is to inspire others by sharing my stories about events I encountered, and the lessons that come along with them.

I love to laugh, and self-medicate with a daily dose of humor. When I’m not writing intimate memoirs, you’ll find me writing with humor in some of my other works and blog posts.

When I was a young child, I was very observant about my surroundings. Growing up in a tumultuous family life; otherwise known as a broken home, kept me on guard about the on-and-off-going status of my parents’ relationship. I often wrote notes, and journaled about the dysfunction I grew up in. By age seven I was certain I was going to grow up to be a reporter.

Well life has a funny way of taking detours. Instead, I moved away from home at eighteen with a few meager belongings and a curiosity for life. I finished university and changed careers a few times always striving to work my way up to managerial positions. My drive to succeed at anything I put my mind to led me to having a very colorful and eventful life.

Ever the optimist, that is me. I’ve conquered quite a few battles in life; health and otherwise, and my refusal to accept the word ‘No’, or to use the words ‘I can’t’, keeps me on a positive path in life.

I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences.

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

                 “For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling. Find out more about D.G. Kaye: D.G. Kaye Writer

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the recent reviews for Conflicted Hearts

Reviewed in the United States on March 5, 2020

In her book Conflicted Hearts, Kaye recounted her vivid memories of painful experience growing up with a narcissist mother whose interest was partying, smoking, gambling and getting male’s attention to herself. Her mother threw out her father frequently and had male companions in the house with the children’s presence. Kaye’s father returned home long enough to make babies but had no guarantee to stay. She felt sad for her father. She couldn’t concentrate at school. Instead, she expected the disappearance of her father or anger from her mother. She did not receive the nurturing needed for a happy childhood. Instead of being a child, she felt responsible and be the parent to her father. Later, she found out that the paternal grandparents didn’t like her because her mother was pregnant with her and caused her parents’ marriage. She felt it was her fault, and that she was the reason for her father to marry her mother. She considered herself as the black sheep, the accident. If her father married someone else, he would have been happier. Her mother was never home and had babysitter watching the four children until Kaye was twelve and became a babysitter.

Aunty Sherry was the only adult to show her guidance, concern and attention. Sherry got married in her forties and didn’t have children.

Read all the reviews and buy the books: Amazon US

and: Amazon UK

More reviews and follow Debby: Goodreads

Connect to Debby Gies

Blog: D.G. Kaye Writer – About me: D.G. Kaye – MeWe: Debby Gies
Twitter: @pokercubsterLinkedin: D.G. Kaye
Facebook: D.G. Kaye – Instagram: D.G. Kaye – Pinterest: D.G. Kaye

My thanks to Debby for taking on the challenge this year of exploring the complexity of relationships, and sharing strategies to improve the way we manage those important to us.  As always your feedback is very welcome. Thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and some new material from Sally.


Firstly, with the results for some days sleuthing on the Internet some funnies from Debby Gies . 

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

Thanks to Debby for finding this treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USAndAmazon UK    Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Check out Debby’s new series here on Smorgasbord –  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realm of Relationships

And time for some new material from Sally…..who has also been out foraging

A group of hunters on safari in Africa are in a forest and decide to split up and meet back at the clearing three hours later. It  was agreed that if any of them got lost, he would shoot three times into the air to alert the others.

About an hour later one member of the party found himself completely lost so, as arranged, he shot three times into the air. Nothing happened, so he shot three more times. Again nobody responded. ‘I hope someone comes soon,’ he muttered to himself, ‘I’ve nearly run out of arrows.’

*****

Two friends were chatting in a bar and one said, ‘No matter what kind of girl I bring home to meet my parents my mother disapproves of her.’

‘I’ll tell you wat to do,’ his friend said. ‘Find a girl just like your mother. She’s bound to like her.’

A week later the friends met again. ‘Did you do what I advised?’

‘Yes I did,’ replied his friend. ‘I found a girl who looked like my mother, talked like her and even dressed like her.’

‘So what happened when you took her home?’

‘My father hated her.’

*****

A very elderly lady phoned the fire brigade and told them her kitchen was on fire.

‘Right,’ said the fire chief, ‘How do we get there?’

‘Don’t you have your little red fire engine anymore?’ queried the old lady.

Thank you for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. thanks Debby and Sally.

 

 

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and some new material from Sally.


Firstly, with the results for some days sleuthing on the Internet some funnies from Debby Gies .  This takes real dedication as she is meant to be on vacation at the moment..

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book review

Thanks to Debby for finding this treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USAndAmazon UK    BlogD.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Check out Debby’s new series here on SmorgasbordD.G. Kaye Explores the Realm of Relationships

And time for some new material from Sally…..who has also been out foraging

More groan worthy one liners….or two or more liners!

A man asked his wife ‘On a scale of one to ten, how do you rate me as a husband?’

She said, ‘You know I am no good at fractions’.

*****

A guy goes into a bar and orders twelve shots of tequila and drinks them as fast as he can.

The bartender ask,’Why are you drinking so fast?’

The guy says, ‘You would be drinking fast if you had what I had!’

The bartender asks, ‘What do you have?’

The guy says, ’15 cents’.

*****

‘Waiter this lobster has only got one claw’

‘I expect he was in a fight sir.’

‘Well go away and  bring be back the winner.’

*****

Rubbish: The stuff you throw away.

Stuff: The rubbish you keep

*****

Procrastinators: The leaders of tomorrow.

*****

The only honest people in the world are small children and drunks

*****

How many seconds are there in an hour? About eight if you take my boyfriend to a buffet.

*****

I joined a self-help group for people who talk too much. It’s called On and On Anon.

Thanks for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally…

 

 

Smorgasbord Reblog – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships Introduction and Communication


D.G. Kaye (Debby Gies) wrote the first part to this new series in January before she went on her annual winter sun break to Mexico and part two is scheduled for next Monday. If you are new to the blog in the last two months you may not have had a chance to read part one so here it is again.

Welcome to my newest Blog Magazine Column at the Smorgasbord. This year I’m going to be writing here about relationships – The Realms of Relationships. When Sally suggested I might like to write on this topic I was elated as all my books are about things I experienced in life, and I’m delighted to share my insights here with you all. Now don’t worry, you won’t be finding any psycho-babble here, just plain English from a lifetime of experience.

I’ve been a storyteller since I was a young child – never a fibber – not that kind of storytelling. Whenever I’d heard or ‘overheard’ something when I was young, knowing I wasn’t supposed to be privy to, of course I had to tell someone what I’d heard. I hadn’t yet learned that by not telling all, it was easier to earn trust. By the time I was 10 years old, I was solid. Anyone could tell me anything and my lips were and still are sealed. I pride myself on not being a tattler or a rat and learned to keep my observations to myself.

I was an observer of people, and I didn’t have to look much further than my own family’s behavior to learn what makes people tick. What makes some people angry and some always singing? What kinds of things have I experienced to learn the warning signs of trouble? These are just some of the topics I’ll get into, sharing from my own experience, some of the emotions, and how we react to the different relationships we have with people.

Then I’ll add an experience of my own on the topic to validate my findings. And of course, I look forward to discussion in comments.

So, let’s begin. Today’s topic we’ll start with communication. In order to make and maintain healthy relationships and keep them flourishing, not fizzling, respectful communication is essential. It isn’t just our words, but our body language we emote through our gestures, just as our silences do, the vibe we give off. A shrug denotes indifference, just as hands do waving in the air. And let’s not forget ‘a look’. Hey, I grew up with a stern mother. One scary certain look from her and I knew I’d better run for cover. A slammed door tells another story of frustration just as shouting and belittling of others does.

The old saying, ‘all is fair in love and war’ is cynical. Love isn’t always fair and there’s never anything good about war. We must learn diplomacy when faced with unpleasant situations because we don’t want to leave something hurtful behind from our voice or actions that becomes a future wedge between us and the people we’re upset with. Ranting and raving and throwing around hurtful words never helps any situation. Sure, they can be very cathartic in the short-term, but what about long-term repercussions long after the dispute? We must avoid fanning the flames in already heated moments to preserve our relationships. Even if this dispute becomes large enough that we wish to banish that person from our life or circles – don’t burn your bridges, translation: no bad-mouthing.

Nobody wants to be made to feel that they are small or insignificant by words of anger and it doesn’t serve to resolve anything except escalate an already inflammatory situation. There’s always a graceful way out. Creating bad blood has a tendency to follow us into the future. Life is a circle and we’re apt to meet up with those we’ve banished or bashed somewhere in life again, often unexpectedly – and that’s exactly it – you never know where or when. It could be through meeting other people, a job interview, an introduction to a friend who may be friends with the one you’ve banished or angered. Keep it simple and clean with a break, so those ugly repercussions don’t show up when you least expect them. And be very careful about sharing your hurt feelings on social media because that’s like pouring kerosene and lighting a match to the problem once hurtful words are spread around the cyberverse.

We must learn to convey our grievances with friends and loved ones with honesty and sincerity, explaining what is bothering us and discussing. And believe me, I know very well that some people will never learn to contain their tongues or emotions. If we’ve made the effort to discuss and are faced with the same indignation and screaming match that’s probably a sign it’s time to walk away. Sometimes silence is the healthiest answer. If we’re living under the same roof with the person we’re in conflict with, we need to take a step back, take time to sort our thoughts before we speak.

Once hurtful words are spoken, we can never take them back. If we have good relationships at home and conflict arises, a timeout gives both parties a time to reflect. Once some time has passed and the anger of the heated moment passes, it’s much easier to discuss the issue at hand. A good tip to remember is – speak without shouting or accusing. Don’t point a finger at that person and tell them what we feel they did or said wrong. Speak about your feelings, speak about what you feel has hurt you about the situation to inform the other party about what you are feeling. Nothing will ever get resolved in anger. Remember, don’t try and be logical and problem solving in the heated moment. Take that step back and let the silence cool the embers before attempting to resolve.

Similarly, if we’re conflict with a friend or co-worker, the same distance is suggested. Our relationships with loved ones and relationships with friendships outside the home can be dealt with in the same manner. But if those outside friendships have suffered familiar ongoing issues, and you are faced with a less than agreeable opponent willing to make amends or uninterested in rectifying a situation, that should be a huge flag for us to think about moving on.

Only honest discussions and having respect for other’s feelings can offer healthy solutions with minimal fallout. Using best efforts to eliminate hard feelings or scars when communicating our feelings and gripes can seem trying in the moment of conflict. Also, by not discussing our grievances and by just tolerating the issues that bother us isn’t healthy either. These issues left unattended to will only grow within us, eventually, festering and building a growing resentment for the offending person, which can become a forever wedge in the relationship if left to stew internally and not discussed. Carrying slights and unresolved grievances within us is a recipe for unhappiness. We must try to salvage issues with honest discussion. If we can’t find it in ourselves to confront the one we have issue with, we then have to find a peace within ourselves, acknowledging that we’ve tried our best to rectify to no avail, and make a decision to move on.

We must remember that every good relationship is good because we nurture it by being kind and compassionate, listening, communicating, giving and taking, and most of all respect. When we begin to feel someone stops having time for us, isn’t interested in what we have to say, is not giving back of themselves or displays no interest trying to resolve ongoing issues, it may just be time to leave.

All the above elements in a relationship are the parts we must nurture to keep them solid. This is the work I refer to. I use the word work, but we can easily replace it with effort. If we don’t put in the effort to maintain good relationships, we can’t expect them to last. Simple as that.

~ ~ ~

Later on in this series I’ll delve into some specific relationships we have with people – parents, spouses, friends, children, etc., and talk about what makes them good, warning signs, and steps and actions to take to avoid unpleasant occurrences in our relationships and how to deal with them..

My PHD is life, and my life has been a quite colorful one to say the least when it comes to my life experiences. I grew up as a very insecure, emotionally scarred little girl. My childhood and teenage years were spent observing. I began reading self-help books in efforts to make some sense of my slights in life and trying to better myself and my self-esteem. I did some crazy things along the way, to say the least, but I didn’t really have any teachers, only the will to learn, the desire to feel better about myself, my compassion for others, and the things I witnessed from a young age that children should not have to witness. I wrote a book about some of those things I witnessed, learned and experimented with to help better myself and grow a self-esteem – Words We Carry.

I hope you will all enjoy my new series delving into relationships, and I look forward to you sharing your stories, comments and/or questions here monthly at Sally’s Smorgasbord Blog Magazine.

©DGKaye 2020

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

                 “For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the recent reviews for Conflicted Hearts

Pete Springer 5.0 out of 5 stars A Compelling Read! Reviewed in the United States on February 2, 2020

D.G. Kaye shares the story of growing up with a self-centered and narcissistic mother and the effect that this took on her self-esteem. I felt as if I were a character in Kaye’s life as she details the struggles of living with a mother who was unable to love and nurture her.

It is not a book filled with rage, but one of a girl’s journey to find acceptance and love. The author is not without loving figures in her life; her father and aunt provide stability and love.

While dealing with a sad subject, Kaye’s story is also uplifting as she eloquently describes the health struggles that she and her husband endure. Their love is evident as they support each other through their challenges.

If you want a book that pulls no punches and shares the highs and lows that all of us can relate to, this is the one for you.

Read all the reviews and buy the books: Amazon US

and: Amazon UK

More reviews and follow Debby: Goodreads

Connect to Debby Gies

Blog: D.G. Kaye Writer
About me: D.G. Kaye
MeWe: Debby Gies
Twitter: @pokercubster (yes there’s a story)
Linkedin: D.G. Kaye
Facebook: D.G. Kaye
Instagram: D.G. Kaye
Pinterest: D.G. Kaye

My thanks to Debby for taking on the challenge this year of exploring the complexity of relationships, and sharing strategies to improve the way we manage those important to us.  As always your feedback is very welcome.

Please join Debby again next Monday for Part Two of this illuminating series.

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and some new material for Sally.


Firstly, with the results for some days sleuthing on the Internet some funnies from Debby Gies .  This takes real dedication as she is meant to be on vacation at the moment..

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

Thanks to Debby for finding this treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK    BlogD.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Check out Debby’s new series here on SmorgasbordD.G. Kaye Explores the Realm of Relationships

And time for some new material from Sally…..who has also been out foraging

Time for some more one liners….(no groaning please).

For those of you who understand Morse Code… Irish dancing must drive you crazy…

*****

The toughest part of a diet is not what you eat but watching what other people eat!

*****

Of course I can keep a secret, it is the people I tell it too that can’t keep their mouths shut.

*****

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

*****

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

*****

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn’t concentrate.

*****

Hello everyone, welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces here tonight.

*****

If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then lefties are the only ones in their right mind.

*****

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

Thanks One line fun

Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… donations are gratefully received..A Tom Collins, Carrot Cake  and a week in Jamaica..

Smorgasbord Post from Your Arcives – #PotLuck – D. G. Kaye – Sunday Book Review – Midlife Cabernet by Elaine Ambrose


Welcome to the series of Posts from Your Archives, where bloggers put their trust in me. In this series, I dive into a blogger’s archives and select four posts to share here to my audience.

If you would like to know how it works here is the original post: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/04/28/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-newseries-pot-luck-and-do-you-trust-me/

Here is the third of the posts I have selected from the archives of D.G. Kaye, Debby Gies who is a regular contributor to the blog with her travel column and also as a guest comedian… Debby has a Sunday Book review series which is always well worth reading and I have selected this posts as an example..

Book reviews by D.G. Kaye

D. G. Kaye – Sunday Book Review – Midlife Cabernet by Elaine Ambrose

My Sunday Book Review is about Elaine Ambrose’s fun and spot on nonfiction and humorous take on midlife changes and how the author embraces them all in her book – Midlife Cabernet -Life, Love and Laughter after Fifty. I met Elaine on Twitter and we followed one another and bought one of each other’s books. My next book, has a lot in common with Elaine’s observations so I was curious to read it and I wasn’t disappointed!

Blurb:

“Laugh-out-loud funny!” – Publishers Weekly
“An argument for joy.’ – Foreword Reviews
2014 Silver Medal Winner for Humor – Independent Publisher Book Awards program
First Place Winner for Humor – North American Book Awards
Winner for Top Ten Idaho Authors – Idaho Book Extravaganza

Welcome to Midlife Cabernet!
This title is SO much better than the original working title of Elderly Wino. If you’re a feisty, robust female tumbling down the far side of fifty, grab a glass of cabernet (oh hell, grab the whole bottle), wear your rhinestone-studded reading glasses, and savor some witty words of wisdom:
– Enjoy midlife love, sex, and passion (with another actual, living person)
– Turn your adult children’s old room into a wine bar so they can’t move back home
– Remain confident when your boobs sway like tube socks, you’re a case study for Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and your aging parents forget your name
Yes, midlife is your reward for not dying young. So, drink it all in, Sisters! The best is yet to come.

My 5 Star Review:

I thoroughly enjoyed this conversation – like book with author Elaine Ambrose – because that is what it felt like while reading. Ambrose doesn’t hold back in telling it like it is when midlife approaches and all of our usual parts become new to us in different proportions, including parts of our lives as we once knew them. The author covers things we no longer have to worry about, and new concerns we come to realize as we age. And according to Ambrose, the only way to tackle some of these absurdities is to make sure we keep a bottle of Cabernet at hand.

The book reads more like chapters on memorable moments of past and new behaviors as she humorously learned to adapt to her life after fifty, oh, and of course her transformation and changes that took effect on her body. The author also offers anecdotes for some of the changes she encountered, offering some good advice for those who’ve yet to get there.

Although the book is a humorous take on midlife changes, it should still offer entertainment value to those of the younger generation who may be curious to take a sneak peek into the inevitable years of middle age.

©D.G.Kaye 2018

Debby writes a monthly travel column here on Smorgasbord and you can find all her articles: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/the-travel-column-with-d-g-kaye/

About D.G. Kaye

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

                 “For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the reviews for Conflicted Hearts on Goodreads

Jul 02, 2017 Lisa Thomson rated it it was amazing

D.G. Kaye takes you into her life in an irresistible way. You feel like a fly on the wall of her childhood home(s). She had many homes and consequently, young Kaye had not known a world of stability. Ever since she could remember as a small child, her parents fought and often her narcissistic mother ‘won’. She didn’t know from one day to the next whether her father would leave them.

As a child and adolescent, Kaye had no understanding of her mother’s personality. On the one hand, she admired her mother’s beauty and on the other, she feared her temper. The relationship was one fraught with contradictions beyond comprehension. All Kaye wanted was to make her mother happy and keep her from destroying her father’s emotional health. This is far too much for any child to bear, but Kaye did for many years.

The memoir takes the reader through her childhood difficulties, her adolescent rebellion and finally freedom, into her young adult romances and career. Finally, D.G. shares how she met the love of her life but as well, the ongoing heartache of dealing with her narcissistic mother and her own health issues. Kaye is not only a fabulous writer, but she is a true warrior. If you want inspiration for overcoming life’s challenges, or if you are dealing with a narcissistic parent, then this is a must read.

Read all the reviews and buy the books: http://www.amazon.com/author/dgkaye7

and Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO

More reviews and follow Debby on Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/dgkaye

Connect to Debby Gies

Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com
About me: http://www.wiseintro.co/dgkaye7
MeWe: mewe.com/i/debbygies
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/@pokercubster (yes there’s a story)
Linkedin: http://www.linkedin.com/in/dgkaye7
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/dgkaye
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/dgkaye
Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/dgkaye7

My thanks to Debby for allowing me to share her archived posts and there will be another next Thursday.