Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Spiritual Awareness – Old Souls by D.G. Kaye


Explore the spiritual side of our natures as D.G. Kaye shares her experiences and research into this element of our lives.

You can find the previous post in the series: Are you familiar with Astral Projection?

Old Souls by D.G. Kaye

Welcome back to my Spiritual Awareness series at Sally’s Smorgasbord. Today I’m going to talk about ‘Old Souls’. We hear that term from time to time, usually referred to people who hold the depths of ‘all knowing’ and wisdom at a young age – appearing older and wiser beyond their actual years. This isn’t to be misconstrued with ‘chronological age’ as old soul refers more to, the experience we’ve gathered through our accrued years of knowledge through all our past lives.

Those with a higher level of soul are those who have reached the level of many journeys throughout their lifetimes. It is said that memories don’t come with us in each new life, but the knowledge of life experiences grow with us through each journey. It is also said that just by looking in someone’s eyes you can see their wisdom. This doesn’t mean that person is necessarily highly intelligent, but rather has a high level of ‘spiritual’ intelligence from experiences.

So how do you know if you or someone you know is an old soul?

We all know that when it’s time to leave this earth, we take nothing physical with us. But what about knowledge and lessons learned? We are all spiritual beings, and through our soul’s repeated lifetime experiences, we accrue knowledge and experience that we do take with us into our next lives. Our soul’s experience and development across lifetimes and what we’ve learned from them is what determines our soul age. So, I would suspect that depending on how many other lives we’ve lived, determines how old our souls are, but there are exceptions, depending on the levels we’ve accomplished in each life.

Old souls have certainly garnered lots of life experience and lessons, which adds to the soul age. They have a deep understanding of the world both human and spiritual. But being an old soul is not solely determined by how many lifetimes we’ve lived, but, through those lifetimes, how much our souls have progressed through those life experiences.

Determining a Soul’s Age

It is said there are five earthly soul ages – baby, child, young, mature, and old soul. Each of these five stages have seven levels. All spirits move through these levels with each new incarnation. One can have lived in many incarnations and a person can have lived more reincarnations than levels. After a person reaches all levels as an old soul, a new cycle begins on the astral plane where the spirit continues to learn without having yet another reincarnation.

Having learned lots of life experience through a soul’s journey, old souls garner the ability to see beyond words with their inner wisdom where their values and perspectives are influenced by acquired knowledge. Old souls become the teachers who guide the younger and less experienced souls with divine love and teaching. People who have an inner sense of knowing can sense the power of an old soul.

How do you know if you’re an old soul?

  • You are a kind person because you exude the kindness through the universe. You don’t gravitate to unkind people and do your best to stay away from such personalities.
  • You are known as a calming force. You’ve been around plenty of times to know that everything has a way of working out in the universe. You aren’t big on drama and know there’s a solution for every obstacle so don’t waste time dwelling on problems.
  • You enjoy your own company. You’re polite and friendly, but don’t always care to socialize or get involved in too many relationships. Most relationships in your circles include other old souls or possibly with people who you’ve pre-arranged to be with in a former incarnation.
  • You’re a non-conformist and may even be called rebellious at times. You dance to the beat of your own rhythm, never afraid to push boundaries or have the last word. Your childhood may have felt awkward as you may have felt like a loner and chosen to keep a low profile and be studious.
  • Old souls are empaths, but despite feeling deeply for others, you stay away from other people’s drama.
  • You are always seeking spiritual knowledge. You know how powerful knowledge is so you are always wanting to learn more by reading, self-educating and taking in the experience around you. You connect with people you meet in groups, work, surroundings who are on the same wavelength with interests in the spiritual and metaphysical world.
  • People gravitate to you to listen to your stories or to seek answers or advice. But you don’t try and push your knowledge onto others, nor try to persuade or judge them as everyone must be able to go through their experiences just as you have.
  • You’re able to see the underlying beauty in things and moments, which many tend to overlook or take for granted.
  • The many lifetimes you’ve lived through have finely tuned your intuition and ‘all knowing’. You’ve learned to trust your intuition more than the average person, and when you ‘know’ something without any understanding of why you know, there’s often no explanation.
  • Often, old souls struggle with being dismissed for their idea or wisdom by being rejected or even ridiculed by others. It can also become difficult sometimes to hold back your words of warning to someone who has no interest in what you may have to say. This is all part of those people not yet having learned their karmic lessons. Watching of others suffer unnecessarily can instill pain within you, as typically, old souls are empaths. But people do have their free will. What is your job of being an old soul? By being yourself and defying convention and continuing to do your own thing observing and learning, you are inspiring to others. You lead by example, and teach the willing, If you think you’re an old soul, know that you were put on earth again because you have a purpose. The lessons you bring with you from lifetimes of experience are needed in this time on earth now.
  • A good indicator you have lived past lives may also come to you through ‘déjà vu’. You know that feeling that sometimes comes over us in an instant? It could be when we’re in a certain place, or when we meet a new person and we feel an inner knowing that we know that person, but in actuality, we’ve never met them before in our earthly life. That feeling usually comes because we did know that person – but in another lifetime.

A short story:

Seven years ago, while vacationing in Arizona, I went to the beautiful, mystical place, Sedona. While there I visited a world-wide recommended Medium. My mother had been ‘dying’ for the better part of that year. Seven years had passed that I had made no contact with my mother, but that didn’t mean my abandonment of her didn’t niggle at my brain daily as I still harbored guilt, but I could not go back. I was struggling bad with the dilemma of not speaking to my mother and how I may be affected when she’d finally pass. After the reading I received – and hadn’t divulged anything yet of my life to her, the Medium asked me if I’d like to ask one question. Without detail or backstory, I asked, “What about my mother?” That was all I said.

Her reply, as though she crept into my mind and knew exactly what I was getting at: “You may not know this, but you and your mother were bitter enemies in a previous life. You were sent to teach her lessons, but she failed to learn and will have to repeat those lessons again in her next life.”

That information was huge and so unexpected, but really not hard to understand as I recalled how many times in my life I tried to help my mother better herself and her situations to no avail. But just as I sat there taking it all in and feeling as though I didn’t quite receive the answer I was hoping for, the Medium continued.

“In answer to your question, no, you don’t have to go back. You have only to forgive her for her sins. This will free your Karma, but she will have to redo her life again and learn the lessons before her Karma can be broken.”

She knew. She knew what I was asking. I had been struggling as each month, week and day passed while my mother still lived, living in fear that I was a terrible person not going back to her again because she was dying. At that point it had taken me 50 years to leave her emotional abuse and acrid words and the thought of going to her ate away at my insides daily along with the repercussions of wondering if I could live with myself if I didn’t.
I didn’t. She passed, leaving behind hurtful words for me, no remorse, and died so very alone. I beat myself up mentally and forgave her, which ultimately became the catalyst for my book about it, P.S. I Forgive You. I’m at peace with myself now.

Below, you will find a wonderful video I found, which will give you an idea about traits of an old soul. Fits me perfectly. Oddly enough though, I think it’s my two minds of being a Gemini that entitles me to also be an extrovert as well as one who quite enjoys her alone time.

Do you think you may be an old soul?

©D.G.Kaye 2022

My thanks to Debby for another fascinating post on the spiritual side of our natures. I know she would love to hear from you.

About D.G. Kaye (Debby Gies)

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.

I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:

“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

“For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

Books by D.G. Kaye including her new book arriving soon Fifteen First Times.

Read all the reviews and buy the books: Amazon US – and: Amazon UK – follow Debby: Goodreads – Blog: D.G. Kaye Writer – About me: D.G. Kaye – Twitter: @pokercubster Linkedin: D.G. Kaye – Facebook: D.G. Kaye – Instagram: D.G. Kaye – Pinterest: D.G. Kaye

 

Thanks for dropping in today and it would be great if you could share Debby’s post.. thanks Sally

 

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – July 27th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Shoes and Bricks


Debby Gies has been foraging on the internet for funnies to share and I have a joke or two up my sleeve.

   If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s latest relationship column here on Smorgasbord July 2021 – The Universe Brings Us Kindred Spirits

Now something from Sally

Out of the mouth of babes..

A family was in the process of having an extension built on their house and one of the challenges was keep their three old daughter inside and out of the way of the Irish builders.

The work was progressing well but seeing the little face at the window every day watching their every move touched the hearts of the kind lads as they went about their work. Eventually the foreman told the mother that if she was happy, her daughter Maggie could come out in the afternoons for an hour and help the lads when they were doing work that was safe for her to be around.

Over the next two weeks this became a regular treat and Maggie would help by passing tools and ‘supervising’ the brick work. The only hiccup was on the Friday when the foreman would hand out pay packets to his men and Maggie got visibly upset that she was not included. The foreman kindly made up a packet for her and each Friday she received a bunch of coins as her pay.

Maggie had a post office savings account and her mother took her in to put her pay in her account. The lady behind the counter, playing along with the game, asked Maggie if she was going to be getting another pay packet next week.

Maggie thought for a minute.. “I might if the feckin’ bricks arrive!”

 

Thanks for dropping in and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships Rewind -Envy, Jealousy, Bullying – A Path to Narcissism?


Following the death of her husband, Debby Gies is moving into her new condo in two weeks time and is extremely busy downsizing and getting her new home prepared. She is very much looking forward to writing a new column for July 12th when she is settled. In the meantime, a repeat on the thought provoking column on narcissism.

Envy, Jealousy, Bullying – A Path to Narcissism?

There’s nothing good about the green-eyed monster, envy. Envy is a side-effect for some who harbor resentments and suffer a feeling of lacking. And for many, this syndrome can lead to narcissism—created from the root of the bad seed of envy that nurtures itself, manifesting into desire and creating a must need to, out-do, outlast, outshine and all the other ‘outs,’ better than anyone else in their circles and beyond, to compensate for the envy and attention others receive, with a desperate want to be showered with adulation and praise to feel superior.

The distinction between envy and jealousy is: Envy is a reaction to lack of something others have which you desire. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something, or usually someone, to another cause or person.

But where does this envious or jealous behavior evolve from? What are the seeds that spawn such behavior?

I’m familiar with the envy and the jealousy syndrome, so I can speak confidently from experience. My mother was a champion at both. I knew my mother better than I ever let her know me. I also know her beginnings in life were defining reasons for the contributing factors aiding in the creating of both bugs in her character, and the eventuality of her narcissism.

People don’t just behave a certain way out of thin air. Behaviors are learned from studying or being a part of other’s behavior and then adopting those same behaviors. Bad behavior and anger grow from resentments, neglect, hurt, and lacking, which can result into rage-filled anger episodes that can ultimately become a long-term side effect in behavioral patterns as resentments pile and fester. These frenzied fits become an assault on the narcissist’s victim’s self-esteem over long-term.

An emotionally neglected child who is berated, ridiculed, or ignored by a narcissistic parent, may feel vulnerable and sometimes insignificant, as their own declining self-esteem gets chipped away at. Without proper nurturing and attention, these children grow up with a lack of confidence, and can possibly begin to harbor their own grievances for other’s accomplishments. This is a perpetual unhealthy existence for a child.

Those harbored feelings of inadequacy can lead them to follow suit and become bullies themselves. Bullies aren’t born, just as racists aren’t born, they’re bred. We are born pure. It’s the outside influences that help feed us as we develop that help shape our values and preferences. These acquired negative traits can derive from both the home and outside influences. There are a multitude of things that can contribute to the reasons for someone becoming a bully. And the usual reason for a bully’s actions will come down to one of these: they’ve been hurt, jealousy, or anger. And often, if these traits aren’t dealt with, they have a propensity to become a precursor to narcissism.

Bullies have been hurt. They’ve been ridiculed and made to feel inadequate at some point, so in retaliation, they project by placing their frustrations on others. Often, the name-calling by a bully is a transference onto someone else because of what someone has laid on them, or, what they imagined was laid on them. Bullies feel outdone and unencouraged, they project back on to someone weaker because they’re reminded of what they themselves are lacking in and want someone else to feel their pain. Whether in school where they’re made to feel stupid by peers, or even a bad teacher, or home where they may be teased and ridiculed and neglected, they don’t want to be reminded about what they are missing out on, be it good grades, a shiny bike, and as they age, a job, a family, a vacation, lavish gifts – they are frustrated they don’t have something others do, either emotionally and/or materialistically.

The narcissism develops and begins with visions of seeking to attain something to compensate for what they lack in. Narcissists require praise like we need oxygen. They have a need to be admired for their actions and possessions. Compliments and kudos are their fuel to validate they are no longer lacking. These are components to how narcissism grows.
A narc is an oxymoron – like two people in one. Two selfs – fraudulent, and dreamer. The dreamer self is what keeps them focused on their fraudulent motives and goals to attain superiority, often presenting a social side of their nature in public, evoking their fraudulent self of grandiosity, authority and dominance, while deep inside, they know who they really are, which perpetuates the persona of their fraudulent self.

Narcs must maintain their personas and egos daily. It is in fact, a lot of work for narcs to keep up the show, but a necessary defense mechanism for their ego to survive and thrive. What must go on in their minds? Pathological narcs are delusional about imagining things that never happened and twisting events that have actually happened, into a converted version that fits their narrative better. Pathological narcs are the most dangerous of all relationships. They imagine things – slights and accomplishments that don’t exist, and they believe them. The dangers presented can be anything from threats, guilt trips, blackmail, lies, excuses, and they are notorious for gaslighting anyone who threatens their bubble of superiority.

Narcissistic parents are my familiar territory, as I grew up with a narcissistic mother.

Most of the damage from a narc parent begins in early development of their children, which, in itself, can contribute to becoming the catalyst for narcissism to be inherited if not checked. But not always, because it will depend on the emotional state of each individual child. Damage can lead to symptoms of withdrawal into oneself, creating a low self-esteem, becoming a people pleaser, and later, as mentioned earlier, can potentially manifest into bullying and/or narcissism transferred to their victims. The condition(s) will grow as the narc’s defenses escalate, leaving the child to form either a shield around themselves from others, or in contrast, a reactive personality, such as bullying in defense of the hurt that has accumulated from being ridiculed, belittled, and/or ignored.

It becomes a constant battle for a narcissist to defend their wounds with a growing determination to never be left out or hurt again. When a narc feels hurt or someone is outshining them, they unleash an inner rage which always resides within them, this is their defense used when being challenged or bested by someone else.

As a child of a narc, I will state that there are only two ways for us to develop. We either become like them or try to steer clear of them. Most children of narcissists require long-term therapy to unlearn the many familiar repercussions of low self-esteem, insecurity, and feelings of inadequacy, which are common results of growing up in a narcissistic environment. For the lucky ones of us, we turn to another family figure in our lives for nurturing. For me, I was fortunate to have my Aunty Sherry, my mother’s sister, who was well-versed in her sister’s antics. Some of us will develop a curiosity to learn the whys of their parent’s erratic and grandiose behavior. I turned to self-help books in efforts to find an understanding of my mother’s behavior to help me to understand what spurs this kind of behavior, which notably stems from their own childhood abuse. They mimicked instead of ran away from.

Narcissists have no empathy and create and live in their own reality. A narc’s scars evolve from them being humiliated, hurt, or ignored at a crucial point in their own young psychological development. When they are later faced with situations where they feel challenged, they become triggered by other’s accomplishments. Our successes remind them they have failed or have been deprived of the same accomplishment, as though someone else’s success takes away from them personally, leaving them feeling small and insignificant as they constantly compare themselves to others.

In order to get along with a narc, they must feel that they are in total control and they must be in the forefront ahead of anyone else, and if they feel threatened in a moment, they will make us pay emotionally by slashing our self-esteems and try to make us feel inferior, using a common tool called projection.

Example: Trying to help my own mother with her health issues by recommending better diet and supplementation, got me this—one of her standard retaliatory lines: “You think you’re so goddamned smart.” This is a perfect example because once you learn how a narc operates, you can begin to take their lashings with a grain of salt.

Dissection of that statement: My mother lived in grandiosity, so recommendations to her were like being told. And being told by her daughter who had a lot more knowledge than her when it came to health, annoyed her. It made her feel she wasn’t smart enough to know this on her own – triggering her own feelings of inadequacy, plus, she interpreted my giving advice as though she were being told by someone more educated than her, worse, from her own spawn. Those things always hit a nerve with her.

Envy vs. jealousy:

Envy is a reaction to someone who has something the envier wants, and they can’t or don’t have. The envious one wants that life, job, dress, car, education, etc.

Jealousy is ignited by a loss of someone they can no longer have in a relationship – attention paid to them gone, a partner cheating on them, a friend who spends other time with other friends, creating a raging drive fueling them to go to any lengths to retaliate, and the ultimate reaction is revenge. Jealousy can apply to any relationship – one of the heart or a friendship, where the jealous person fears losing that relationship, driving them to react impulsively.

A narc is a jealous person and can take their jealousy to dangerous levels. Jealousy is formed from insecurity. And their jealousy isn’t reserved only for strangers and friends, but children of narcs are often emotionally neglected by a narcissistic parent. These children get no encouragement, no applause for accomplishments, and sometimes rarely a compliment, as that would mean it would take away from the narc. Narcs feel that by giving anything compassionate of themselves, it takes away from them, almost like their ‘score card’.

Pathological narcissism sets in when delusion and extreme behavior evolve and can potentially lead to dangerous abuse. These feelings are born from feelings of insecurity, and from being made to feel inadequate, evoking a void in them, leading them to feel resentful with entitlement by feeling deserving of what everyone else has.

A narcissistic parent’s actions don’t change for their children. Typically, a narc mother would like their child to represent everything the parent wanted to be – a great achiever, well-dressed, popular, etc. Alternatively, as in my case growing up, I sensed my mother’s jealousies for any of my accomplishments. Instead of her acting proud of my accomplishments, looking at them as a reflection on accomplishment for herself as a mother, she felt the opposite way, making me feel as though my accomplishments were a threat and competition to her grandiosity. At other times, when she had an audience and her children were around, she would only then take the opportunity to brag about an accomplishment to let that person know how wonderful her child is. But one-on-one it was a different feeling.

Narcissistic parents who neglect their children emotionally will exude these usual behaviors: are uninterested in milestone accomplishments of their children, harbor covert jealousy, don’t encourage, shows no compassion, main goal is stealing the limelight, domination, and using threats and guilt trips as discipline. All these attributes help shape their child’s personality making the child feel nervous, inadequate, and insecure as they grow and venture into their own grownup lives. It’s a behavioral pattern that the child learns to adapt to – or avoid. These types of parents will either project onto their child everything they themselves wish to be, do, or have, and often will become jealous of all that child accomplishes throughout their life. The child grows up fearful of that parent – fear of reprimanding, threats, and punishments if they don’t obey the rules.

The tactic is known as emotional blackmail, a common method used for narcs to discipline children. This behavior will ultimately affect the relationships we, the children, gravitate to in future, similar unhealthy relationships, both, romantically and in friendships. These fractures narc’s children endure can lead to social retreat, lack of confidence, fear and insecurities, and no self-gratification for their own accomplishments. We become the product of who we grew up under, often depressed, nervous, anxious, and fearful. These repercussions can stick with that child all their lives unless they seek therapy – or in my case, self-help and a mentor.

The narc parent is a blamer on everyone else, nothing is their fault, with no regard for the fallout or the feelings of others. Two typical habits of narcs are, belittling of others to keep the spotlight on them, and denying the reality of a situation by twisting the narrative to match their perceived delusions. The narc parent’s lacking becomes the child’s problem.

Dr. Ramani – understanding a narcissist’s jealousy

My Mother’s jealousy of myself confirmed her disorder to me throughout my life. It began with her jealousy of my close relationship with my father. Then it grew into her jealousy for attention I was paid as I matured into young womanhood whenever we were out together and a male paid attention to me before her, and even when I began dating my now husband (who is incidentally, two years older than my mother was), and her flirtation with him upon first meeting. All her contrived jealousies were because in those instances, she did not hold the spotlight.

Dr. Ramani, Narcissistic Mothers

Children of Narcissistic Mothers need to educate themselves and/or get therapy to repair the mental damage inflicted upon them. The narc’s delusions should not become our realities. If we can recognize the signs of a narc that’s half the battle of learning that what they bestow upon us are derived from their inefficiencies, not ours. We need to recognize their symptoms so we can protect our self-esteems and find another path of nurturing and self-love so we don’t fall prey to falling into wrong relationships with same type of people and repeating what is familiar to us.

Recognize the signs of authoritative behavior, dominance, superiority complexes, emotionally unavailability, un-nurturing, blackmail, guilt trips, and mind manipulation. All these factors become an assault on our self-esteem. We need to realize we don’t owe our mothers a debt because they gave birth to us. We owe it to ourselves to learn the signs of a narcissist and how to adjust our sails when under their control. Narcissists won’t be told or controlled, it’s like pouring gasoline onto their open emotional wounds. We must learn how to protect ourselves from them. Sometimes, we must resort to drastic measures, such as, no contact as the years progress and we grow, as their toxicity never falters.

All situations are unique, but the symptoms never change. Because we can’t change them, we must find what’s most comfortable for ourselves to retain our own sanity. It’s called self-preservation and self-love—something I’ve spent most of my life working on, not just to survive emotionally, but to thrive.

~ ~ ~

I’m including two more good video links here, for those wanting to learn more about narcissists and how they affect our personal lives:

Narcissism in a parent by Dr. Ramani

Pathological Jealousy and Narcissism – Why you can never earn their trust by Melanie Tonia Evans

©D.G. Kaye 2020

My thanks to Debby for this detailed analysis of the mother child relationship when it is marred by narcissism and jealousy. I know that she would value your feedback. thanks Sally.

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.

I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:

“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

“For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the recent reviews for P.S. I Forgive You

Harmony Kent 5.0 out of 5 stars A Book Everyone Should Read  Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 28 April 2021

As soon as I saw what this book was about, I had to read it, and I am so pleased I did.

Because of the difficult subject matter, and my own history, I had to take a deep breath before I plunged in. Not only has this writer’s honesty and bravery helped me to understand my parents a little better, it has also shown me precisely what my sister has become. I’d missed that, and this explains so very much.

It is a sad fact of life that, all too often, the victim becomes the perpertrator, unless we have the insight and strength to do something about it. I have long joked that I’m the reverse ‘black sheep’ of my family, and it seems to me that Debby is too. For all our successes, and the miracle of growing into well-adjusted adults in spite of it all, we will never be accepted by a parent who demands that we live their lies, manipulations, and abuses. The same with any sibling who demands the same.

Some lines that resonated with me in particular: 

Read all the reviews and buy the books: Amazon US – and: Amazon UK – follow Debby: Goodreads

Connect to Debby Gies

Blog: D.G. Kaye Writer – About me: D.G. Kaye – Twitter: @pokercubster Linkedin: D.G. Kaye – Facebook: D.G. Kaye – Instagram: D.G. Kaye – Pinterest: D.G. Kaye

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships -October 2020 -Envy, Jealousy, Bullying – A Path to Narcissism?


Envy, Jealousy, Bullying – A Path to Narcissism?

There’s nothing good about the green-eyed monster, envy. Envy is a side-effect for some who harbor resentments and suffer a feeling of lacking. And for many, this syndrome can lead to narcissism—created from the root of the bad seed of envy that nurtures itself, manifesting into desire and creating a must need to, out-do, outlast, outshine and all the other ‘outs,’ better than anyone else in their circles and beyond, to compensate for the envy and attention others receive, with a desperate want to be showered with adulation and praise to feel superior.

The distinction between envy and jealousy is: Envy is a reaction to lack of something others have which you desire. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something, or usually someone, to another cause or person.

But where does this envious or jealous behavior evolve from? What are the seeds that spawn such behavior?

I’m familiar with the envy and the jealousy syndrome, so I can speak confidently from experience. My mother was a champion at both. I knew my mother better than I ever let her know me. I also know her beginnings in life were defining reasons for the contributing factors aiding in the creating of both bugs in her character, and the eventuality of her narcissism.

People don’t just behave a certain way out of thin air. Behaviors are learned from studying or being a part of other’s behavior and then adopting those same behaviors. Bad behavior and anger grow from resentments, neglect, hurt, and lacking, which can result into rage-filled anger episodes that can ultimately become a long-term side effect in behavioral patterns as resentments pile and fester. These frenzied fits become an assault on the narcissist’s victim’s self-esteem over long-term.

An emotionally neglected child who is berated, ridiculed, or ignored by a narcissistic parent, may feel vulnerable and sometimes insignificant, as their own declining self-esteem gets chipped away at. Without proper nurturing and attention, these children grow up with a lack of confidence, and can possibly begin to harbor their own grievances for other’s accomplishments. This is a perpetual unhealthy existence for a child.

Those harbored feelings of inadequacy can lead them to follow suit and become bullies themselves. Bullies aren’t born, just as racists aren’t born, they’re bred. We are born pure. It’s the outside influences that help feed us as we develop that help shape our values and preferences. These acquired negative traits can derive from both the home and outside influences. There are a multitude of things that can contribute to the reasons for someone becoming a bully. And the usual reason for a bully’s actions will come down to one of these: they’ve been hurt, jealousy, or anger. And often, if these traits aren’t dealt with, they have a propensity to become a precursor to narcissism.

Bullies have been hurt. They’ve been ridiculed and made to feel inadequate at some point, so in retaliation, they project by placing their frustrations on others. Often, the name-calling by a bully is a transference onto someone else because of what someone has laid on them, or, what they imagined was laid on them. Bullies feel outdone and unencouraged, they project back on to someone weaker because they’re reminded of what they themselves are lacking in and want someone else to feel their pain. Whether in school where they’re made to feel stupid by peers, or even a bad teacher, or home where they may be teased and ridiculed and neglected, they don’t want to be reminded about what they are missing out on, be it good grades, a shiny bike, and as they age, a job, a family, a vacation, lavish gifts – they are frustrated they don’t have something others do, either emotionally and/or materialistically.

The narcissism develops and begins with visions of seeking to attain something to compensate for what they lack in. Narcissists require praise like we need oxygen. They have a need to be admired for their actions and possessions. Compliments and kudos are their fuel to validate they are no longer lacking. These are components to how narcissism grows.
A narc is an oxymoron – like two people in one. Two selfs – fraudulent, and dreamer. The dreamer self is what keeps them focused on their fraudulent motives and goals to attain superiority, often presenting a social side of their nature in public, evoking their fraudulent self of grandiosity, authority and dominance, while deep inside, they know who they really are, which perpetuates the persona of their fraudulent self.

Narcs must maintain their personas and egos daily. It is in fact, a lot of work for narcs to keep up the show, but a necessary defense mechanism for their ego to survive and thrive. What must go on in their minds? Pathological narcs are delusional about imagining things that never happened and twisting events that have actually happened, into a converted version that fits their narrative better. Pathological narcs are the most dangerous of all relationships. They imagine things – slights and accomplishments that don’t exist, and they believe them. The dangers presented can be anything from threats, guilt trips, blackmail, lies, excuses, and they are notorious for gaslighting anyone who threatens their bubble of superiority.

Narcissistic parents are my familiar territory, as I grew up with a narcissistic mother.

Most of the damage from a narc parent begins in early development of their children, which, in itself, can contribute to becoming the catalyst for narcissism to be inherited if not checked. But not always, because it will depend on the emotional state of each individual child. Damage can lead to symptoms of withdrawal into oneself, creating a low self-esteem, becoming a people pleaser, and later, as mentioned earlier, can potentially manifest into bullying and/or narcissism transferred to their victims. The condition(s) will grow as the narc’s defenses escalate, leaving the child to form either a shield around themselves from others, or in contrast, a reactive personality, such as bullying in defense of the hurt that has accumulated from being ridiculed, belittled, and/or ignored.

It becomes a constant battle for a narcissist to defend their wounds with a growing determination to never be left out or hurt again. When a narc feels hurt or someone is outshining them, they unleash an inner rage which always resides within them, this is their defense used when being challenged or bested by someone else.

As a child of a narc, I will state that there are only two ways for us to develop. We either become like them or try to steer clear of them. Most children of narcissists require long-term therapy to unlearn the many familiar repercussions of low self-esteem, insecurity, and feelings of inadequacy, which are common results of growing up in a narcissistic environment. For the lucky ones of us, we turn to another family figure in our lives for nurturing. For me, I was fortunate to have my Aunty Sherry, my mother’s sister, who was well-versed in her sister’s antics. Some of us will develop a curiosity to learn the whys of their parent’s erratic and grandiose behavior. I turned to self-help books in efforts to find an understanding of my mother’s behavior to help me to understand what spurs this kind of behavior, which notably stems from their own childhood abuse. They mimicked instead of ran away from.

Narcissists have no empathy and create and live in their own reality. A narc’s scars evolve from them being humiliated, hurt, or ignored at a crucial point in their own young psychological development. When they are later faced with situations where they feel challenged, they become triggered by other’s accomplishments. Our successes remind them they have failed or have been deprived of the same accomplishment, as though someone else’s success takes away from them personally, leaving them feeling small and insignificant as they constantly compare themselves to others.

In order to get along with a narc, they must feel that they are in total control and they must be in the forefront ahead of anyone else, and if they feel threatened in a moment, they will make us pay emotionally by slashing our self-esteems and try to make us feel inferior, using a common tool called projection.

Example: Trying to help my own mother with her health issues by recommending better diet and supplementation, got me this—one of her standard retaliatory lines: “You think you’re so goddamned smart.” This is a perfect example because once you learn how a narc operates, you can begin to take their lashings with a grain of salt.

Dissection of that statement: My mother lived in grandiosity, so recommendations to her were like being told. And being told by her daughter who had a lot more knowledge than her when it came to health, annoyed her. It made her feel she wasn’t smart enough to know this on her own – triggering her own feelings of inadequacy, plus, she interpreted my giving advice as though she were being told by someone more educated than her, worse, from her own spawn. Those things always hit a nerve with her.

Envy vs. jealousy:

Envy is a reaction to someone who has something the envier wants, and they can’t or don’t have. The envious one wants that life, job, dress, car, education, etc.

Jealousy is ignited by a loss of someone they can no longer have in a relationship – attention paid to them gone, a partner cheating on them, a friend who spends other time with other friends, creating a raging drive fueling them to go to any lengths to retaliate, and the ultimate reaction is revenge. Jealousy can apply to any relationship – one of the heart or a friendship, where the jealous person fears losing that relationship, driving them to react impulsively.

A narc is a jealous person and can take their jealousy to dangerous levels. Jealousy is formed from insecurity. And their jealousy isn’t reserved only for strangers and friends, but children of narcs are often emotionally neglected by a narcissistic parent. These children get no encouragement, no applause for accomplishments, and sometimes rarely a compliment, as that would mean it would take away from the narc. Narcs feel that by giving anything compassionate of themselves, it takes away from them, almost like their ‘score card’.

Pathological narcissism sets in when delusion and extreme behavior evolve and can potentially lead to dangerous abuse. These feelings are born from feelings of insecurity, and from being made to feel inadequate, evoking a void in them, leading them to feel resentful with entitlement by feeling deserving of what everyone else has.

A narcissistic parent’s actions don’t change for their children. Typically, a narc mother would like their child to represent everything the parent wanted to be – a great achiever, well-dressed, popular, etc. Alternatively, as in my case growing up, I sensed my mother’s jealousies for any of my accomplishments. Instead of her acting proud of my accomplishments, looking at them as a reflection on accomplishment for herself as a mother, she felt the opposite way, making me feel as though my accomplishments were a threat and competition to her grandiosity. At other times, when she had an audience and her children were around, she would only then take the opportunity to brag about an accomplishment to let that person know how wonderful her child is. But one-on-one it was a different feeling.

Narcissistic parents who neglect their children emotionally will exude these usual behaviors: are uninterested in milestone accomplishments of their children, harbor covert jealousy, don’t encourage, shows no compassion, main goal is stealing the limelight, domination, and using threats and guilt trips as discipline. All these attributes help shape their child’s personality making the child feel nervous, inadequate, and insecure as they grow and venture into their own grownup lives. It’s a behavioral pattern that the child learns to adapt to – or avoid. These types of parents will either project onto their child everything they themselves wish to be, do, or have, and often will become jealous of all that child accomplishes throughout their life. The child grows up fearful of that parent – fear of reprimanding, threats, and punishments if they don’t obey the rules.

The tactic is known as emotional blackmail, a common method used for narcs to discipline children. This behavior will ultimately affect the relationships we, the children, gravitate to in future, similar unhealthy relationships, both, romantically and in friendships. These fractures narc’s children endure can lead to social retreat, lack of confidence, fear and insecurities, and no self-gratification for their own accomplishments. We become the product of who we grew up under, often depressed, nervous, anxious, and fearful. These repercussions can stick with that child all their lives unless they seek therapy – or in my case, self-help and a mentor.

The narc parent is a blamer on everyone else, nothing is their fault, with no regard for the fallout or the feelings of others. Two typical habits of narcs are, belittling of others to keep the spotlight on them, and denying the reality of a situation by twisting the narrative to match their perceived delusions. The narc parent’s lacking becomes the child’s problem.

Dr. Ramani – understanding a narcissist’s jealousy

My Mother’s jealousy of myself confirmed her disorder to me throughout my life. It began with her jealousy of my close relationship with my father. Then it grew into her jealousy for attention I was paid as I matured into young womanhood whenever we were out together and a male paid attention to me before her, and even when I began dating my now husband (who is incidentally, two years older than my mother was), and her flirtation with him upon first meeting. All her contrived jealousies were because in those instances, she did not hold the spotlight.

Dr. Ramani, Narcissistic Mothers

Children of Narcissistic Mothers need to educate themselves and/or get therapy to repair the mental damage inflicted upon them. The narc’s delusions should not become our realities. If we can recognize the signs of a narc that’s half the battle of learning that what they bestow upon us are derived from their inefficiencies, not ours. We need to recognize their symptoms so we can protect our self-esteems and find another path of nurturing and self-love so we don’t fall prey to falling into wrong relationships with same type of people and repeating what is familiar to us.

Recognize the signs of authoritative behavior, dominance, superiority complexes, emotionally unavailability, un-nurturing, blackmail, guilt trips, and mind manipulation. All these factors become an assault on our self-esteem. We need to realize we don’t owe our mothers a debt because they gave birth to us. We owe it to ourselves to learn the signs of a narcissist and how to adjust our sails when under their control. Narcissists won’t be told or controlled, it’s like pouring gasoline onto their open emotional wounds. We must learn how to protect ourselves from them. Sometimes, we must resort to drastic measures, such as, no contact as the years progress and we grow, as their toxicity never falters.

All situations are unique, but the symptoms never change. Because we can’t change them, we must find what’s most comfortable for ourselves to retain our own sanity. It’s called self-preservation and self-love—something I’ve spent most of my life working on, not just to survive emotionally, but to thrive.

~ ~ ~

I’m including two more good video links here, for those wanting to learn more about narcissists and how they affect our personal lives:

Narcissism in a parent  by Dr. Ramani

Pathological Jealousy and Narcissism –  Why you can never earn their trust by Melanie Tonia Evans

©D.G. Kaye 2020

My thanks to Debby for this detailed analysis of the mother child relationship when it is marred by narcissism and jealousy.  I know that she would value your feedback. thanks Sally.

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

                 “For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the recent reviews for P.S. I Forgive You on Goodreads

Jul 29, 2020 M.J. Mallon rated it Five Stars it was amazing

This is a very personal account of the author’s experiences of coping and coming to terms with the emotions experienced after the death of a narcissistic mother. D. G Kaye’s mother is herself a product of the terrible parenting she experienced as a child. My own mother struggled with many heartbreaking problems as she grew up. She overcame these and was and continues to be a wonderfully caring mother. I have a deep, unbreakable bond with her which I also have with my daughters.

As I continued to read further into this memoir I kept on comparing our circumstances. How sad and damaging such an uncaring, selfish parent is to her children. How can a mother behave in such a way? P.S. I Forgive You is an important read for all of us. This memoir is about letting go, releasing the emotional turmoil which begun in childhood.

It is a compelling read. It courageously deals with the extremes of family relationships. Relationships are complex and difficult even in what I would deem to be ‘normal’ families. There are many who struggle to understand or relate to their son or daughter, sister, brother, wife or husband.

But this memoir takes those problems to a whole new level that no one should have to experience. After such a damaging upbringing, D. G. Kaye has suffered but has learnt to forgive. She lives a happy, fulfilled life. That is a wonderful testament to her strength of character and her can do attitude.

I’d recommend this memoir to us all whatever our circumstances

Read all the reviews and buy the books: Amazon US – and: Amazon UK –  follow Debby: Goodreads

Connect to Debby Gies

Blog: D.G. Kaye Writer – About me: D.G. Kaye – Twitter: @pokercubster Linkedin: D.G. Kaye – Facebook: D.G. Kaye – Instagram: D.G. Kaye – Pinterest: D.G. Kaye

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – September 8th 2020 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Source of Stress and Passionate


Firstly, with the results of sleuthing on the Internet are some funnies from Debby Gies followed by some jokes from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

Thanks to Debby for finding these treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK    BlogD.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s series here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now for some jokes from Sally –

Something to drive your spell checker nuts…Do my eyes deceive me?

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The phaonmneal pweor of the human mnid .Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt!

Lost in Translation – Passionate..

Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home.

They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived, all she would say as she stroked the officer’s arm is “You’re Passionate”.

They drove awhile longer and asked again, again the same response as she stroked his arm “You’re passionate”.

The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, “Look we have driven around this City for two hours, and you still haven’t told us where you live.

She replied I keep trying to tell you: “You’re Passin It!”

 

And if you have time to spare here is a selection of my Books and reviews

Sally Cronin, Buy: :Amazon US – and:Amazon UK  –  Follow:Goodreads – Twitter: @sgc58

Thanks for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. thanks Sally and Debby.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – The Travel Column with D.G. Kaye – The Bahamas – 16 Islands where you can soak up the sun.


The Bahamas – 14 Islands Up and Running and Waiting for Tourists.

Welcome to this month’s edition of the Travel Column. For this month’s edition I wanted to write about the Bahamas, in light of one of the most devastating hurricanes that pretty much demolished Grand Obaca and Grand Bahama islands. Although support is pouring in from many countries and many selfless people are helping in their own way, the news stated that the best way people can help with their devastation is to visit some of the many islands that make up the Bahamas to help to contribute to their economy to help rebuild with tourism.

A Few Facts

Bahamas are officially known as the Commonwealth of the Bahamas – a country within the Lucayan Archipelago in the Atlantic Ocean. Contrary to what many misconstrue, the Bahamas are not owned by the United States. They are an independent country, part of a commonwealth who gained their independence from Britain in 1973. The vast territory of the Bahamas covers approximately 180,000 square miles of ocean space consisting of over 700 islands and islets and over 2000 coral reefs. Roughly only 30 of those islands are inhabited.

The Bahamas is located in the Northwestern Indies, about 50 miles southeast of Florida, just north of Cuba. The language spoken is English, most natives are descendants of Africa. Two most familiar and popular islands tourists visit are Freeport and Nassau, which is located on the island of New Providence. The capital of Bahamas is Nassau.

A Bit of History

The Bahamas were inhabited by the Lucayans – a branch of the Taino people (original inhabitants of the Caribbean for centuries before the arrival of the European colonizers). Columbus made his first landfall there in 1492. Later, the natives were shipped to Hispaniola to serve as slaves, leaving the Bahama islands mostly deserted from 1513 till 1648 when British colonists began to settle there. In 1718, Bahamas became a British Crown Colony, clamping down on piracy. After the American Revolution, American Loyalists (those who stood loyal to the British Crown), settled in the Bahamas with their slaves and built plantations. The majority of the population from this time period on, saw African slaves and their descendants populate the islands.

In 1807 the slave trade was abolished by the British, and finally abolished in the Bahamas in 1834. The Bahamas became the new safe haven for freed slaves. There was also an influx of North American slaves and Seminoles who migrated from Florida. Bahamas became an independent commonwealth in 1973 under the Queen. The Bahamas are the 3rd richest country in the world following the U.S. and Canada. Their wealth is based on tourism and offshore financing.

Climate

The low elevation and gulf stream contribute to Bahamas winterless, tropical climate, producing sunny and dry days for approximately 340 days a year. Tropical storms and hurricanes have impacted the Bahamas in 1992 – Hurricane Andrew, Hurricane Floyd in 1999, and most recently, and the most devasting, Hurricane Dorian, a Category 5 tropical cyclone – the strongest on record, which decimated the islands of Grand Bahama and Great Abaco. Average temps year-round are 75 degrees to 85.

Tourism

Bahamas rely on tourism for 50% of its income and offshore international financial services for about another 15%. Agriculture and manufacturing contribute to another part of their economy, still, 80% of the island’s food is imported. Bahamas are also known for being a tax haven. The government derives their taxes from importing taxes, licensing fees and property taxes. There is no income tax or tax on the wealthy. The currency used is the Bahamian dollar, which is set at the equivalent of the U.S. dollar.

Culture

The country is made up of Afro-Bahamians, British and Americans, with a huge population of American visitors. Each island is rich in its own culture, all of which offer coral reefs, turquoise waters and beautiful sandy beaches.

Beaches

While Bahamas is comprised of over 700 different islands, there are over 2000 recommended beaches! Of course, some beaches are more well known than others, but some of these not-so-well-known gems may be just the place for you. From quiet beaches to those of full on activity to white or pink sands, there is something for every beach lover in the Bahamas.

Most popular destinations in Bahamas are Paradise Island, Freeport, Grand Bahamas, Eleuthra, and Exuma Islands, and below, I’m sharing links with some recommendations and info on various islands and what they have to offer:

: https://www.sandals.com/blog/best-beaches-in-nassau-bahamas/

: https://www.outislandlifebahamas.com/2018/05/top-bahamas-beaches/

Best recommended places to stay in the Bahamas:

: https://www.thehotelguru.com/en-ca/best-hotels-in/caribbean/bahamas

: https://www.travellingking.com/where-to-stay-in-the-bahamas/

: https://www.travelandleisure.com/hotels-resorts/all-inclusive-resorts/all-inclusive-resorts-bahamas

Shopping

Like many other Caribbean islands, souvenirs and trinkets are widely available on most islands. You can always find local straw items hand-crafted, designer boutiques, fine rums and cigars, wood carvings, jams and jellies, just to name a few items you will find in Bahamas. You will find most of the boutique shopping in Nassau, New Providence. Below is a sampling of things to purchase and where, for your souvenir pleasure:

: https://traveltriangle.com/blog/shopping-in-bahamas/

: https://www.nassauparadiseisland.com/things-to-do/shopping

Things To Do

From beach lounging to snorkeling, diving, just about any water sport, exploring, taking in the culture or just relaxing with a cool drink, there are a plethora of things to see and do in the Bahamas. Below, I’m including some links to give you more specific details to some of the most popular things to be seen and done in the Bahamas:

: https://www.nassauparadiseisland.com/things-to-do/shopping

: https://travel.usnews.com/Bahamas/Things_To_Do/

: https://www.ytravelblog.com/things-to-do-in-the-bahamas-vacation/

As I mentioned in the beginning of this article, planning to visit the Bahamas is one way to contribute to helping them rebuild their devastated islands. I came across this short article on 14 islands in the Bahamas that are up and running and eager to welcome visitors. If you’re not in the market for a visit right now, there is also a place on the bottom of the post that offers people to donate to help with the rebuild of the Bahamas.

14 ISLANDS OF THE BAHAMAS ARE READY TO WELCOME VISITORS WITH OPEN ARMS

Cheers!

I hope you enjoyed this edition of The Travel Column. If any of you have been to the Bahamas and would like to add to the conversation with your discoveries, please share with us here.

My thanks to Debby for another interesting and informative colum.. you can read the other posts in the Travel Column: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/the-travel-colum

About D.G. Kaye

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

                 “For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Books by D.G. Kaye

A recent review for P.S. I Forgive You on Goodreads

Sep 30, 2019 Lucinda Clarke rated it it was amazing

Even after her mother died, D G Kaye could not bring herself to go and meet her in her last few hours on earth. She explains why and while some people may condemn her for this, there are many of us who will understand – readers who have also suffered from the lack of a mother’s love. That which so many take for granted was denied this author, her mother preferred to gamble, mix in high society, use her husband, her children and even her friends who were only there to serve her interests and needs. This book describes how the author came to terms with her own decisions, view her mother in a new light and found peace within herself as far as she could. Although a standalone book, this is best read after Conflicted Hearts the author’s first memoir.

Read all the reviews and buy the books: http://www.amazon.com/author/dgkaye7

and Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO

More reviews and follow Debby on Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/dgkaye

Connect to Debby Gies

Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com
About me: http://www.wiseintro.co/dgkaye7
MeWe: mewe.com/i/debbygies
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/@pokercubster (yes there’s a story)
Linkedin: http://www.linkedin.com/in/dgkaye7
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/dgkaye
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/dgkaye
Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/dgkaye7

Thank you for joining us today and Debby would love to receive your feedback and your travel experiences. Also any questions please add them in the comments.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and a joke from Sally’s Archives


First Debby Gies shares some of the funnies this week that she feels you should not miss.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: http://www.amazon.com/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO
Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s monthly Travel Column here on Smorgasbord: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/the-travel-column-with-d-g-kaye/

Now time for a joke from my archives..

You don’t get much more important than this…

After getting all of the Pope’s  luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.”Excuse me, Your Holiness,” says the driver, “Would you please take your seat so we can leave?”

“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today.”

“I’m sorry but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! And what if something should happen?” protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning

“There might be something extra in it for you,” says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel.

The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

“Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!” pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

“Oh, dear God, I’m gonna lose my license,” moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.”I need to talk to the Chief,” he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

“So bust him,” says the Chief.

“I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,” said the cop.The Chief exclaimed,” All the more reason!”

“No, I mean really important,” said the cop.

The Chief then asked, “Who you got there, the Mayor?”

Cop: “Bigger.”

Chief: “Governor?”

Cop: “Bigger.”

“Well,” said the Chief, “Who is it?

“Cop: “I think it’s God!”Chief:

“What makes you think it’s God?”

Cop: “He’s got the His Holiness the Pope as a chauffeur!!”

Thank you for joining us today and we hope you are leaving laughing….Debby and Sally.

 

 

Smorgasbord Afternoon Video – D.G. Kaye finds another Gem – Petra the Parrot and more tricks.


Debby Gies has been scanning the airwaves for videos to share… here are some more that she has come across.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

Debby had been keeping up with the African Grey Parrot Petra.. who has a new BFF… Alexa…

D. G. Kaye – Buy: http://www.amazon.com/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO
Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s Travel Column here every month: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/the-travel-column-with-d-g-kaye/

Thanks to Debby for finding another gem.. I hope you have enjoyed… thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Human in Every Sense of the Word – My Sixth Sense – IAS (Inner Alert System) D.G. Kaye


Welcome to the Sunday Interview- Human in every sense of the word.

As humans there are five main senses that we rely on to navigate through this world.  And there is one that we all possess but do not necessarily use all the time…

Sight, Hearing, Touch, Taste, Smell….Sixth Sense.

You can choose to write about one sense or all of them, including that elusive sixth sense we have clung on to from the early days of man. 

If you would like to participate then here are the details along with my take on senses: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/05/23/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-new-sunday-interview-series-human-in-every-sense-of-the-word-starting-sunday-june-30th-2019/

This week’s guest is no stranger to most of you joining us this morning. Non-Fiction author D.G. Kaye (Debby Gies) has been writing the Travel Column on Smorgasbord for the last year, enticing us to travel to wonderful destinations, to be safe and to get the best from our vacations… She has also become the Comedian in Residence, joining me a couple of times a week in a quest to bring a smile to your faces.

Image pixabay.com

My Sixth Sense – IAS (Inner Alert System) D.G. Kaye

My sixth sense superpower is my inner warning signal, urging me to take a pause and pay immediate attention to an occurrence. The delivery method to this sense is through my stomach. When something isn’t right, this messaging system is almost always never wrong, the knots within, feeling like twisted intestines, take hold.

I do believe many of us have an inner alert system, flagging us to pay extra attention to a wrong-doing or danger. We have only to recognize these inner warnings so we may act on them. It’s important though to assess what we are feeling to help identify what exactly isn’t sitting right with us. Is it a feeling of unease or just plain fear? If you aren’t well versed on being able to decode these warning issues, then perhaps this isn’t your superpower. But for me, I’ve never been led astray when my twisted insides are trying to get my attention.
Now, truth be told, my radar alerts are almost always warnings portending to something bad coming. It’s quite possible my intuition knows I don’t require a happiness warning, as pure joy is what comes naturally when elated. With me, it’s a message of doom that stirs within. My intestines are like my Achille’s heel.

Through the years and decades, I’ve sadly had too many of these awakening moments, and I’ll share here just one incident to demonstrate how this feeling transpires. This IAS (inner alert system) is something I can’t really explain, but I know its presence well.
This incident stays with me till this day and was a confirmation to myself for the first time that I was able to receive premonitions.

I was twenty-five and living in my same cozy apartment I’d lived in for some 7 years by this point. I sat in front of my vanity table putting on the finishing touches of my makeup to get ready for work when I felt a sharp pull on my heartstrings and an uncomfortable twisting of my insides. I put down the lipstick and leaned back in my chair as unexplained tears began spilling down from my freshly mascaraed eyes. I didn’t question what I was feeling. I knew instinctively the weird feelings I was experiencing had nothing to do with my own health. I knew something was wrong with my father.

I darted out of my chair, heading to the phone to call my father, and before I could pick up the receiver I was startled by the ringing of the phone. I made note of the time – half past 7, and everyone knows calls coming in at that time of the morning aren’t usually good news.

My sister’s voice greeted me when I picked up. Before she got past saying hello, I interrupted her with panic in my voice, asking her what’s wrong with Daddy? She didn’t even bother asking me how I knew, but replied by telling me our father was rushed to hospital after having a massive heart attack – the first one before the one that would eventually take his life at age 55, and second health scare after having a stroke 10 years prior.

My intuition (sixth sense) has never lied to me. I sometimes feel as though I’m a receiver for gloomy warnings. But then I sometimes wonder if I didn’t receive these messages, would I be better off with the element of surprise? It doesn’t make me a winner either way I suppose, but if I had my choice, and as it seems the way this works with me, forewarned is forearmed.

©D.G. Kaye 2019

My thanks to Debby for sharing her sixth sense with us. I believe we all possess this ability to lesser or greater extent, and it is a very powerful and sometimes life saving gift..

About D.G. Kaye

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

                 “For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the recent reviews for P.S. I Forgive You on Goodreads

Jul 05, 2019 James rated it it was amazing

My month of memoirs continues with an autobiography by D. G. Kaye — ‘P.S. I Forgive You: A Broken Legacy.’ Although not quite a series, this is the second book by the author as she explores the impact of a narcissistic mother on her daily life. I read this before bed last night, and all I can say is that some people are dealt a very unfair hand in life. That said, it’s amazing to see how wonderful Kaye is handling all that she went through in the last ~50 years. What a great (but painful) read!

Imagine growing up with a mother who seems to intentionally cause pain for her children. The oldest of four, Kaye spent years letting the woman treat her horribly. In this introspective and emotional autobiography, we learn how and why she tolerated it. The memoir kicks off by letting readers know that the author’s mother has passed away, and this is the story of how she handled the decision whether to be there when the woman crossed over. Sick for many years, touch and go at times, it seems like every possible painful opportunity was taken to cause trouble for this family. It was heartbreaking not just because of what they went through but because you really want this to turn out to be a positive story.

In some ways, it does turn out that way… in death, you are often released from the troubles of the past. Not quickly. Not immediately. Not entirely. Kaye suffers to this day because of the trauma she went through. Emotional pain can be far worse and impacting that physical pain. Seeing how the author connects with her siblings and her aunt helps provide a sense of love and hope for her future. Kaye has a phenomenal way of sharing her past with readers… we feel as if we are there, but one thing is for sure — we were not. That… is fantastic writing.

There is a cathartic honesty in her writing style as well as how she processes the events of her life. On the outskirts, it might seem simple: (A) She’s your mother, you should stay and respect her, or (B) She’s been evil and nasty, you need to run away and forget her. Nope… Kaye fully provides the wide spectrum of all the scenarios that ran through her head, some positive and some not-so-positive. How do you make such a decision? Only a strong person can thoroughly see through the minutia to determine what’s best for both the victim and the victimizer (I might’ve made that word up).

If I could reach through a book to hug someone, this would be the prime one for it to happen. I’ve felt these emotions tons of times before when an author creates a character who suffers… but when a real-life woman shares the truth and the pain she’s gone through, it’s a whole different ball game. If you have a high threshold for reading about someone’s emotional suffering, I suggest you take this book on… it might give you the perspective you need to help others.

Read all the reviews and buy the books: http://www.amazon.com/author/dgkaye7

and Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO

More reviews and follow Debby on Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/dgkaye

Connect to Debby Gies

Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com
About me: http://www.wiseintro.co/dgkaye7
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/@pokercubster (yes there’s a story)
Linkedin: http://www.linkedin.com/in/dgkaye7
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/dgkaye
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/dgkaye
Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/dgkaye7

Thank you for dropping in today and Debby would love your feedback… and if you feel that you are in touch with your human senses, why not share them with us in your own Sunday Interview