Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – April 27th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – #Domestic and #Court Humour


Welcome to laughter lines. We will be sharing some of our favourites from the archives over the next few weeks.   If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

 

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally

How do court reporters keep a straight face?

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about  it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you messing with me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

 

Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally …

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – Forming Healthy Relationships – Rewind – What’s Inside the Box?


As many of you already know that D.G. Kaye’s husband passed away on April 7th and our thoughts are with her during this sad time.

Debby is working on her next Realm of Relationship Column  but rather than have the pressure of a deadline, we thought we might share the first posts of the series which began in January 2020 every Monday to bring new readers to the blog up to speed

Forming Healthy Relationships – What’s Inside the Box?

Welcome back to this month’s edition of Realms of Relationships. In this segment, I’m delving into how we judge and are judged by others – First impressions and Body language and discovering what’s underneath the wrapping.

As humans, we are often judged by our outward appearances first. But if we never gave someone a chance to approach us to potentially form a friendship or relationship just because we couldn’t see beyond appearance, our circles would be pretty limited.

People come wrapped in all assortments. Who and what we attract or gravitate to stems from the vibe we give off – this vibe consists of a combination of traits we emit with our words, body language, and our physical appearance. All these elements comprised will help to determine who chooses to approach us.

Our demeanors and physical appearance send signals to others leading them to form a perception of what we’re all about. But without learning what’s on the inside, and perhaps what’s perceived as a first impression, we may not always adequately represent who we really are. Depending on how we choose to present ourselves on a given day, we’ll undoubtedly be judged by our actions as first impressions, so it’s a good idea not to misrepresent ourselves. Sadly, society does label people based on appearance, and as much as appearances do play a part in determining who we approach and how we’re accepted, appearance alone is not a great indicator of what’s inside our box.

Now we all know the old saying – don’t judge a book by its cover, but sadly, it’s human nature that people are judged by their covers. Yes, it’s unfair, but there are shallow thinking people among us. And pity for those who judge because they may just be missing out on opportunity for a satisfying relationship or friendship because they couldn’t see beyond difference.

What do we want most from a relationship? Acceptance, love compassion, trust, understanding, communication and reciprocation. These are the most important qualities a relationship should offer, and the qualities that will sustain a solid relationship. These aren’t qualities you can necessarily decipher based on looking at an individual. Yes, it’s easy to make judgement, but until we learn about what’s behind the cover, we aren’t able to make a complete assessment.

We are hard-wired for judgement. We all have our own version of what’s acceptable to us and peeves we hold in our mental lists of what we seek out of a relationship. But maybe we need to look beyond those physical peeves and explore personality and values.

Example Interview – Making Judgment:

Example: Mr. Brown goes for a job interview. He shows up looking rather disheveled. His stained shirt with no tie and in dire need of a haircut, and unprepared answers for interview offer no redeeming qualities to jump out at the interviewer to even put him in consideration for the job.

Next in is Mr. Green. His plaid shirt is in huge clash with his flowery tie, and his pants hiked up from the last flood make him look as though he’s from another era. He’s clean shaven with a respectable haircut, poses questions about a potential job he’s excited to have, has a cheery disposition and on point with all his answers.

Who will get the job?

It’s not difficult to guess who gets the job. But physically, none of these gents sound like they’re anywhere near Adonis-looking. In fact, if either of these men were walking down a street, some may take a double look and keep moving because judgment has been made, so no further inquiries required.

But here’s what we got from the short interview with these two guys. Mr. Brown gives us the impression of bad hygiene, and that’s a turn-off. His lack of concern for grooming – a haircut or clean clothes, and no ambition, holds little interest for anyone, especially when the idea of interview is to make a good impression. On the other hand, Mr. Green may be sorely lacking in fashion sense, but his clean-cut demeanor, enthusiasm, sunny disposition and quick comebacks in reply to questions make him a prime choice for the job.

*****

In that short example, we learned a bit about what these men looked like, how they presented themselves, a bit of their personality, and a glimpse into their ambition. The interviewer took in all these qualities demonstrated to him and made his choice based on best redeeming qualities for the job. And this little study is an example of the way we should qualify people as relationship potential – only some get caught up in the ‘physical looks’ of someone, sadly overlooking some wonderful qualities for relationship material with some of those who didn’t make the looks list.

Now, when it comes to poking fun at men who wear white shoes or sandals with white socks, I admit, that vision does not set off any wild desire for me, lol. But to pass up a potentially good date or friendship with someone who could be fun and interesting, just because they wore ‘the white loafers’, could turn out to be a missed opportunity – especially if that guy has many outstanding other qualities.

If we didn’t bother taking the time to talk for awhile and get to know the guy, we would have missed out at being pleasantly surprised at finding he is very charming with stimulating conversation, and we lost out for judgment. Sure, it’s possible if we had a conversation with the guy, he could well turn out to be boring and insensitive, which would give me confirmation I’m not interested. But without getting to know something about a person we shouldn’t make judgement because fashion faux pas can be cured, but rudeness or ignorance usually can’t. And to be honest, on first meeting with someone who offers no redeeming qualities and exhibits a lot of personal issues, leading to having to try and fix that person, those days are long done for me. But that was a different time and story.

Cute Story

I never really had a ‘type’ when it came to men. In fact, no two men I ever dated had any resemblance to any other one I dated. But I do have standards and if they aren’t met then all the charm and champagne wouldn’t tempt me.

When I met my husband, he didn’t wear white shoes, but he wore ‘wide ties’ circa 80s. By our 3rd date, we were already in ‘I feel like I know you all my life’ mode, and in our shared sense of humor I felt comfortable and jokingly ( even though I meant it), I told him from now on I’m going to buy his ties. I’ve been his fashion consultant ever since.

My husband ticked off many great qualities on my standards list, but as much as I know he did try his best, matching ties with patterned shirts can be a tricky thing. Hubby was always well-dressed and groomed but he had met the fashion guru and then one day that BOX of ties he had from a decade or two past that his sister had given him from a time she worked in garment manufacturing, went to the donation box. All those ‘Saturday Night Fever’ ties weren’t missed, and the guru began a whole new collection over the years they’d spend together.

When I met my husband, he had a smile to light up a room, quick wit comebacks, a generous heart, and most of all, he made me laugh. I got all that from a 10 minute conversation. If I’d met him under different circumstances, I may have overlooked him. But I was introduced to him by a mutual friend, which gave us a few moments to chat among us. And despite his outdated flowery tie, I felt an instant attraction to him. Because I took time to look inside the box.

Short Excerpt from my book – Words We Carry

You can get the book here: http://smarturl.it/bookWordsWeCarry .

When forming friendships and relationships of the heart, we tend to gravitate toward likeminded individuals, or we attract people based on how we represent ourselves. People with healthy attitudes about themselves tend to fall into relationships with those who share similar attitudes and values. The level of self-confidence we project sets the tone for who we attract.

Women will often ask, “How did that girl latch on to him? What did he see in her?” Do you ever look at a couple and notice that perhaps one of them isn’t particularly attractive while the other is? You’re left scratching your head, trying to figure out what the attraction was, without realizing there’s so much more to our composition than physical appeal. More than likely, kindness, wittiness, and compassion sparked those relationships. The traits we expose of our personalities are what calls attention to us.

People like to be around happy, positive people. Those qualities are natural attracters. Physical beauty and sexiness aren’t enough to solidify a relationship if someone has nothing more to offer. Yes, it’s true that there are some shallow people out there who’ll only go out with “beautiful” people, but if those people continue relationships based only on looks, they may find their partners displaying other negative qualities—and at that point they have sacrificed happiness for vanity. It does happen. Physical beauty alone is no foundation for a happy, healthy relationship.

You can find the other posts in the series: D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

©D.G.Kaye

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

“For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the recent reviews for Have Bags Will Travel

marjorie mallon 5.0 out of 5 stars A fun travel/shopping memoir which will have you laughing Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 21 February 2021

I read this as part of #ireadcanadian., @ireadcanadian #nowmorethanever.

This is such a hoot, what a laugh! Have Bags Will Travel is such an entertaining read which gives you an insight into D G Kaye’s character, her shopping obsession, packing troubles, germaphobia, and brushes with airport security. Enjoy her recollections on the glamour and glitz, her love to travel and a nostalgic aspect to it all.

Her friend Zan shares her shopaholic tendencies too. The two of them together… can you imagine? A red head, blonde explosion of zaniness! I love the part when they end up at Buckingham Palace and chat to a Beefeater, the royal guard and after which… it gets funnier by the moment.

Have Bags Will Travel gives a historical account of how much easier it used to be to take overstuffed baggage through airports in the good old days. Now, it seems that D G Kaye will resort to anything to get her shopping home.
Zan and D G Kaye also travel to Paris and end up shopping for shoes!
There are manmade toboggan rides in Muskoka, Canada.
Trips to Venezuela: Margarita Island and Caracas with cousin Eileen.
Las Vegas, Then and Now – gambling/casinos, fond memories of the author’s love of the desert.

Have Bags Will Travel is just what we need right now, a good giggle! There is also a section at the back of the book with Helpful Travel tips. A short, entertaining read. Highly recommended, especially for the shopoholics and travel enthusiasts in your life!

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

 

My thanks to Debby for taking on the challenge of exploring the complexity of relationships, and sharing strategies to improve the way we manage those important to us. As always your feedback is very welcome and Debby will respond to you comments when she can. Thanks Sally

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – April 1st 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Bread and Fishes, Laundry and Good Deed


Welcome to laughter lines and as some of you may know Debby’s husband is very unwell and requires round the clock care. Update Health and Wellness However, Debby has allowed me to raid her Facebook photo archives to share with you.

april 1st 1

july 21st 3july 30th 2

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally.

No good deed goes unpunished

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension cheque. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely,
Edna.

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.

The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened, It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving beggars at the Post Office.

 

Thanks for visiting and hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – March 18th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Pants and Chimp Wisdom


Welcome to laughter lines with some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a joke or two to make you smile from Sally.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally.

Timing Issues..

A grandmother was discussing the Bible with her youngest granddaughter.

Were you in the ark? asked the little girl.

‘No’, laughed her grandmother.

‘Then why didn’t you drown.’

Some one liners

There’s a fine line between hyphenated words.

The Theory of Relativity: time moves more slowly when you are with relatives.

To err is human, to forgive is canine.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally.

 

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – March 11th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – KFC and Shepherds


Welcome to laughter lines with some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a joke or two to make you smile from Sally.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally.

Shepherd Wisdom

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee advanced out of a dust cloud toward him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie, leaned out of the window and asked the shepherd:

“If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”
The shepherd looks at the yuppie, then at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers:

“Sure.” The yuppie parks the car, whips out his notebook, connects it to a cellphone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, opens up a database and 60 Excel spreadsheets with complex formulae.

Finally he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech miniaturised printer, turns to the shepherd and says: “You have exactly 1586 sheep.”

“That is correct, take one of the sheep,” says the shepherd. He watches the young man select a sheep and bundle it into his Cherokee.

Then he says: “If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me my sheep back?”

“Okay, why not,” answers the young man.

“You are a consultant,” says the shepherd.

“That is correct,” says the yuppie, “How did you guess?”.

“Easy,” answers the shepherd. “You turn up here although nobody called you. You want to be paid for the answer to a question I already knew. And you know nothing about my business, because you took my dog!”

Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives -#NewSeries – ‘Pot Luck’ – #Spying – The Story about House Hunting While Being Watched by D.G. Kaye


Since this series began in January 2018 there have been over 1000 Posts from Your Archives where bloggers have taken the opportunity to share posts to a new audience… mine. The topics have ranged from travel, childhood, recipes, history, family and the most recent series was #PotLuck where I shared a random selection of different topics.

In this series I will be sharing posts from the last six months of 2020

It is an opportunity to showcase your writing skill to my readers and also to share on my social media. Which combined is around the 46,000 mark. If you are an author your books will be mentioned too, along with their buy links and your other social media contacts. Head over to find out how to participate: Posts from Your Archives 2021

This is the second post from resident relationship columnist D.G. Kaye, Debby Gies and in this post Debby shares a very disturbing experience when house hunting, and also reminds us to be wary.

 

 

Spying – The Story about House Hunting While Being Watched

I recently wrote a post about protecting our privacy while using digital devices. And at the end of that post, I cautioned to be particularly careful when viewing properties while house hunting because I had encountered a weird situation with a spy camera in one of the properties we ‘almost’ purchased. A few people indicated to me they were curious to know what happened. So today, I’m going to share that incident.

We had just sold our big ranch bungalow and weren’t quite sure yet where we wanted to move – buy another single detached home, rent somewhere for awhile until we decided, or perhaps a townhouse bungalow not far from our home, which was part of a condo development, meaning there’d be monthly maintenance fees for care of the properties (also known as HOA fees in the U.S.).

We decided to take a look at the semi-detached bungalow development.

At the time our real estate agent was a friend of ours, her name was Ro. Ro was a go-getter agent, unabashed, and knew her business well. She never held back from what she wanted to say or ask of a client or a potential seller. Ro was a loud and boisterous person and when she spoke, there was no volume control.

Ro drove us over to have a look at the bungalow. It really was a beautiful development for the ‘over 50 crowd’ – a number I was soon approaching but still not comfortable with the idea of moving into a quiet lifestyle. Ro mentioned that many of the residents chose this development because the properties were looked after by the corporation, which left no worries for many of the snowbirds to fly away for the winter knowing their homes would be looked after on the outside. This was appealing to my husband who was getting ready for his first retirement.

Ro fumbled with the lockbox for a bit, then finally we were in. The first thing I noticed in that rather nice layout of a home was its untidyness as dishes were in the sink and lingerie was sprawled out, hanging to dry in the laundry room and beyond. I remarked to Ro how someone could have a showing in their home and keep it in disarray. Ro loved to talk and I’m no sloucher when it comes to conversation, so I shudder to think about all we talked and laughed about during that tour, besides what we later discovered we did talk about.

I know for sure, we freely discussed selling price, possible offer prices, definite changes needed to update to the house, and most likely, shared a couple of snarky comments about some of things we saw that were in bad taste. Then we went down to the games room and bar in the basement.

Ro and I were both thorough gals. We didn’t leave too much unturned when visiting homes. I was a seasoned house shopper and wasn’t shy about opening cupboards and such to check out all the space of nooks and crannies. Then Ro and I walked into the downstairs bathroom. It was fairly dark as we both had trouble finding the newfangled light switch. But we proceeded to walk into the bathroom, guided by the hallway light. Then Ro pulled back the shower curtain and we both screamed in terror.

In the dark, we both instantaneously screamed at the sight of a leg. Ro let go of the curtain and we bolted out still screaming. We were sure there was a dead body in the shower!

Hubby came down to the basement from wherever he was inspecting once he heard our primal screams. The three of us searched for the bathroom light, turned it on, and hubby braved us both and ripped back the shower curtain. It was a prosthetic full leg leaning against a corner of the shower wall. Holy crap!

Oh no!

My heart was still beating at what felt 100 times its pace from the initial horror we’d thought we’d encountered when I shouted “Who the #$#$ does that? Leaving a lone leg stashed in a shower in a dark basement when they’re showing their home? There was plenty more conversation, talk of asking price way too much, and a few nasty remarks made by all three of us before we’d left the home.

Despite the madness we encountered, and the disarray of the home, the house held potential for us and we’d gone back for another two looksees before we’d decided that we should really put an offer on that home. After lots of negotiating on price and terms, including – always, the escape clause – we had one week to get the house inspected, and if we’d found anything we didn’t like from the report, we could bail.

We had the house inspection done a day later, two days before we were scheduled to leave for a week to Las Vegas. We were relieved to know we could go away without worrying about where we were going to live. That was until I got a text message from my real estate lawyer to give her a call on our second day in Vegas.

Back then – ten years ago, a Canadian hardly used their cell phone to make calls while out of country because of the exorbitant phone bill, so I ran over to the pay phone section just adjacent to the casino floor in the Paris hotel to call my lawyer. She wanted to advise us about some of the condo corporation guidelines she’d gone through and wanted to point out some possible additional costs that would come with purchasing the property. Turns out, expensive lawyer did all the necessary homework.

Apparently, there was going to be more involved moving into that development. Besides the purchase price and the stated monthly maintenance fees, it was discovered that when something goes wrong outside any of the homes, the money came from the monthly fees, but if a project was bigger and there weren’t enough funds, every household would be dinged for extra money. That development was due for new roofs at the cost to each homeowner to pay an additional $20,000 as well as an agenda coming due for all new windows. I gulped.

Hub and I discussed the fact that it was impossible to budget for old age not knowing when the corporation would hit us up for more money, and ultimately, we decided to bail. I called Ro and we discussed the days we still had left to back out after the inspection. I told her to make up some excuse we didn’t like about the inspection findings and to break the deal.

Later, after Ro broke the news to the owners, she mentioned that the husband went a bit off the walls in anger about what kind of crazy people we all were, while making idle threats we should watch our backs if we didn’t follow through.

A few days later, we were back home and hubby was outside on the driveway standing on a ladder, replacing a surprisingly broken light bulb over the garage door. I was puttering in my flowerbeds when I noticed a black SUV driving slowly past our house, and driving around the cul de sac to pass by a few more times. After about the 3rd pass, the man stopped his car, rolled down his window and shouted, “You wouldn’t want to be falling off that ladder now, and you should keep your eye out for more broken lights to come.” He continued ranting on about our ‘dirty trick’, putting an offer on his house that we asked to visit three times before putting an offer on, wasting his time and repeated some of the comments I shared with Ro while in his house. He then laughed eerily and loud, and added the ‘leg’ shenanigans in the shower was priceless to him.

I darted into the house and called Ro to let her know what just transpired and asked her to call his agent and to let him know if there was to be one more threatening visit we’d be calling the police.

Nothing more ever came from the man, but needless to say, I remained leery for quite some time whenever a black SUV drove down our street. We ended up buying a single detached home a few weeks later.

The scary man and house adventure taught us a few things. First and foremost, we’d learned that with the advent of digital technology, to never lose our guard with future home purchases and to keep our house comments, questions and price conversations for once outside any home we viewed, and to never forego a house inspection because it affords us time for buyer’s remorse. Buyer beware!

Do you have any house hunting horror stories you’d like to share?

©DGKaye2020

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

                 “For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the recent reviews for Words We Carry

Words We Carry’ is a gem. Kaye writes with a depth of wisdom and understanding and the whole book is relatable because of her insights. She paints a roadmap to show how early memories, others’ opinions and the events throughout our lives create the words about ourselves we carry around. She clearly demonstrates how these shape our thoughts, words and actions and how self-awareness can help us to change the words that do not serve us. ‘Thank you’ dear Kaye, for writing this book.

Read all the reviews and buy the books: Amazon US – and: Amazon UK –  follow Debby: Goodreads –  Blog: D.G. Kaye Writer –  Twitter: @pokercubsterLinkedin: D.G. Kaye – Facebook: D.G. Kaye –

 

Thanks for visiting today and I know that Debby would love your feedback.. thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – February 11th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Dog Texting and Wedding Plans


Welcome to laughter lines with some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a joke or two to make you smile from Sally.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK    Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally.

More on the subject of aging...Wedding Plans

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:

Jacob: “Are you the owner?”
The pharmacist answers, “Yes”.
Jacob: “Do you sell heart medication?”
Pharmacist: “Of course, we do.”
Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”
Pharmacist: “All kinds.”
Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?”
Pharmacist: “Definitely.”
Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?”
Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”
Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”
Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”
Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers?”
Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes”
Jacob says to the pharmacist: “We’re about to get married. We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.”

00000

A well organized life….

Two senior ladies met for the first time since graduating from high school. One asked the other, “You were always so organized in school, did you manage to live a well-planned life?”

“Oh yes,” said her friend. “My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to a preacher; and now I’m married to an undertaker.”

Her friend asked, “What do those marriages have to do with a well-planned life?”

“One for the money, two for the show. Three to get ready and four to go.”

 

Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. thanks Debby and Sally.

 

Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives -#NewSeries – ‘Pot Luck’ #Life – Nature’s Hideaway – Pond Party! – Observations by D.G. Kaye


Since this series began in January 2018 there have been over 1000 Posts from Your Archives where bloggers have taken the opportunity to share posts to a new audiencemine. The topics have ranged from travel, childhood, recipes, history, family and the most recent series was #PotLuck where I shared a random selection of different topics.

In this series I will be sharing posts from the last six months of 2020

It is an opportunity to showcase your writing skill to my readers and also to share on my social media. Which combined is around the 46,000 mark. If you are an author your books will be mentioned too, along with their buy links and your other social media contacts. Head over to find out how to participate: Posts from Your Archives 2021

This is the first post from resident relationship columnist D.G. Kaye, Debby Gies and in she shares her observations about nature when sat on a bench in a local park.

Nature’s Hideaway – Pond Party! – Observations – Fiction/Nonfiction or Somewhere In Between

Masked me

I’ve been trying to make it a habit to get outside for an hour or so a few days a week for some reading time. Our complex has beautifully manicured parkland with various walking trails and park benches and gazebos. I found myself this lovely secluded spot, able to catch some rays, yet shaded by trees with a slight breeze on the bench, below in the photo. And one particular afternoon while reading in my spot, I found myself distracted by ongoing chatter as the birds seemed very busy on this particularly sizzling hot day. Ringleader was large and in charge. I put down my book and listened for awhile since it was difficult to concentrate with the swarm of birds flying back and forth and from the boisterous chatting and chirping banter.

Pond party

I envisioned this conversation as it continued on, and named the boss Ringleader who appeared be the party organizer and bouncer.

Sitting on a park bench, taking in the beauty of peace and quiet, basking in the beautiful sunshine while reading a book, it appeared the birds, a mere ten feet away, were having a grand old time and taking in the calmness of the blue skies.

No doubts the birds adored their sanctuary – away from the humans, chirping in the trees and enjoying the man-made birdbath some kind gardener had created for them. Ringleader seemed unaffected by the blazing sun and scorching heat as he tirelessly led several groups of birds to indulge in the birdie pond. He’d fly away for a few minutes and return with a new flock who wasted no time splashing down in their private pool. As though their time had expired, Ringleader began squawking, to announce their time was up. Once again he’d lead the flock away, and within minutes, he’d return with a new group of winged friends, landing directly in the grassy bath patch to enjoy their secret garden.

It appeared that some, kind human must have spent time manicuring the vast parkland that surrounds my home, and purposely left the approximate 50 square foot patch of concaved weedy patch as a cooling spot for the numerous birds who frequent the area.

In a moment’s notice, Ringleader is up and out again, and streaming behind him were the various feathered friends who’ve enjoyed their visit and were venturing back off to their homing hangouts, only to be followed with a new crowd upon Ringleader’s return.

While I sat there with sweat beading up on my forehead, I have to admit, I was getting envious of the party of birds having a splash.

©D.G. Kaye 2020

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

                 “For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the recent reviews for Words We Carry

Words We Carry’ is a gem. Kaye writes with a depth of wisdom and understanding and the whole book is relatable because of her insights. She paints a roadmap to show how early memories, others’ opinions and the events throughout our lives create the words about ourselves we carry around. She clearly demonstrates how these shape our thoughts, words and actions and how self-awareness can help us to change the words that do not serve us. ‘Thank you’ dear Kaye, for writing this book.

Read all the reviews and buy the books: Amazon US – and: Amazon UK –  follow Debby: Goodreads –  Blog: D.G. Kaye Writer –  Twitter: @pokercubsterLinkedin: D.G. Kaye – Facebook: D.G. Kaye –

 

Thanks for visiting today and I know Debby would love to hear from you.. thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – January 28th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Spiders and Gravestones


Welcome to laughter lines with some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a joke or two to make you smile from Sally.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK    BlogD.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally’s Archives

There are some fascinating things on old tombstones . . .

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York Born 1903–Died 1942 Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.

In a Thurmont, Maryland cemetery: Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only the good die young.

In a London, England cemetery: Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna Wallace The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna. Clark Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon him for not rising.

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake,
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery: Here lays The Kid, We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger, But slow on the draw.

A lawyer’s epitaph in England: Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange.

John Penny’s epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery: Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England: On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

Anna Hopewell’s grave in Enosburg Falls,Vermont: Here lies the body of our Anna, Done to death by a banana. It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low, But the skin of the thing that made her go.

On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts: Under the sod and under the trees, Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there’s only the pod, Pease shelled out and went to God.

In a cemetery in England: Remember man, as you walk by, As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so shall you be, Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you, I’ll not consent, Until I know which way you went.

 

Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – January 21st 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Wizards and Squirrels


Welcome to laughter lines with some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a joke or two to make you smile from Sally.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK    Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally.

Squirrels vs Churches

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and knew instinctively how to swim. Twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Methodist church decided they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. They humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later, the squirrels returned when the Baptists took down their water slide.

The Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They circumcised the first squirrel and haven’t seen one since.

 

Thanks for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. thanks Debby and Sally.