Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Rewind December 14th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin- Blame Game and Optimism vs. Pessimism..


Firstly, some of the funnies from Debby Gies shared in Christmas’s past followed by some recycled jokes from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s latest Realms of Relationships here on Smorgasbord: Wrapping up the Year and Covid Lingering Effects

Now for a joke from Sally

Pessimist vs. Optimist

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, on Christmas day their father loaded the pessimist’s room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist’s room he loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist’s room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

“Why are you crying?” the father asked.

“Because my friends will be jealous, I’ll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I’ll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken.” answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin’s room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. “What are you so happy about?” he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, “There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!”

Thanks for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face..thanks Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Rewind December 7th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin- Santa Stand in and Weird Facts


Firstly, some of the funnies from Debby Gies shared in Christmas’s past followed by some recycled jokes from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for expert foraging…

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s latest Realms of Relationships here on Smorgasbord: Wrapping up the Year and Covid Lingering Effects

Now for a joke or two from Sally

A reminder of some weird and wonderful facts over the next few weeks that are useful when there is a lull in the conversation…allegedly true although some might be a little out of date now!!!

  • Alexander Graham Bell insisted the proper way to answer the phone is “ahoy!”
  • John Wilkes Booth’s brother once saved the life of Abe Lincoln’s son.
  • 25% of Americans believe Sherlock Holmes is a real person. (stress on IS, folks!!)
  • It is against the law to drink beer in Cedar City, Utah, if your shoelaces are untied.
  • Errol Flynn once worked on an Australian sheep ranch, castrating sheep with his teeth.
  • Disneyland has the fourth largest navy in the world.
  • Raccoons, slugs, and ants all love to get drunk.
  • The Bible is the most shoplifted book in the United States.
  • Louis XIV bathed once a year.
  • The NY phone book had 22 Hitlers before WWII. It had 0 after WWII.
  • Fish can get seasick.
  • Kentucky produces more whiskey than all the other states combined.
  • 59% of men and 39% of women say that the remote control has significantly improved their lives.
  • In Kentucky, it is illegal to marry your wife’s grandmother.
  • Termites eat wood twice as fast to heavy metal music.

Thanks for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face..thanks Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines November 23rd 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Something to be Thankful for…


Firstly, with the results of previous sleuthing on the Internet are some funnies from Debby Gies followed by some jokes from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.


 

Catladyland: Cats are Funny: Stuck at the Thanksgiving ...

And then there is the joy of family at the dinner table….

Thanks to Debby for finding these treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s series here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now for a joke or two from Sally

Some small things to be thankful for..

  • One good turn gets most of the blankets.
  • There are two kinds of pedestrians – the quick and the dead.
  • Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  • If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you
    say, talk in your sleep.
  • Every morning is the dawn of a new error…..
  • A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
  • A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
  • Diplomacy – the art of letting someone have your way.
  • It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.
  • Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
  • Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
  • Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
  • A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

 

Thanks for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face..thanks Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Rewind– November 9th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Hibernation and Doctors.


Firstly, with the results of previous sleuthing on the Internet are some funnies from Debby Gies followed by some jokes from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

 

Thanks to Debby for finding these treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s series here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now for a joke or two from Sally

Doctors…

An old female patient complains to her doctor. “Doc, when I touch my left shoulder it’s painful, when I touch my abdomen it’s painful, when I touch my head it’s also painful! What do you think it is ?” The doctor replies, “I think your index finger is broken.”

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The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said: “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.”

“Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

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A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: “Doctor, I have an ear ache.” (This one is dear to my heart)

2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”
1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
2000 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”

 

Thanks for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face..thanks Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – October 26th 2021 -Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Diet Tips and News Flashes..


First Debby Gies with some funnies she feels you should not miss.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

 

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Head over to read Debby’s latest relationship column: D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – October 2021 – No Contact – The Breaking Point

Now something from Sally

More lost in translation.

‘I’ve got an infallible betting system for horse racing,’ said Freddy. ‘I just think of something that has happened to me recently, and then I look for a horse that fits. I’ll give you an example. A couple of weeks ago, I dropped the teapot – so I backed ‘Broken China’ and it romped home at 20 to 1. Then the day after I had been playing roulette at the casino, I backed ‘Wheel of Fortune’, and it won. Last Christmas, we went to the pantomime, and the next day I backed ‘Cinderella’ and 100 to 8 and I cleared £250.

‘Sounds good to me,’ said Nigel. ‘I’ll try it.’

When they met a week later, Freddy asked Nigel how he got on at the races with his system.

‘Didn’t work for me,’ said Nigel. ‘I was walking to work on the Friday and my hat blew off. The nearest horse I could find at the races on Saturday was ‘Winds of Change’.’

‘And did it win,’ said Freddy.

‘Came in last,’ said Nigel. ‘The winner was some French horse called ‘Mon Chapeau’.’

Newsflash

A lorry carrying copies of the new Thesaurus crashed today. Witnesses were startled, stunned, amazed, staggered, taken aback, aghast…..

I hope this has left you with a smile on your face and please feel free to pass it on…thanks Debby and Sally.

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – October 19th 2021 -Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Security blankets and Dog Days


First Debby Gies with some funnies she feels you should not miss.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Head over to read Debby’s latest relationship column: D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – October 2021 – No Contact – The Breaking Point

Now something from Sally

Dog Days

A young medical student halfway through his course developed a sore throat. He decided he knew enough about medicine to write out his own prescription which he duly handed in at the chemist. The chemist read it through and then said doubtfully, ‘Is it a very large dog sir?’

A couple were away for two weeks on holiday and arranged for their dog to be boarded at a local kennels. The husband went to collect the dog so his wife could unpack, and brought it home. ‘I don’t know what’s got into Rover,’ he said as he entered the house. ‘He barked, and struggled all the way home, I think he must be coming down with something.’

‘It’s not that,’ said his wife. ‘He’s trying to tell you that he is the wrong dog.’

 

Ben had been married for twenty years and one night brought a business associate home for dinner.. As they entered the house Ben’s wife rushed up to him and threw her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately.

‘You are a lucky man Ben,’ said his associae. ‘Married for twenty years and you still get a welcome like that when you come home from work’

‘It doesn’t mean a thing,’ said Bill. ‘She only does it to make the dog jealous!’

I hope this has left you with a smile on your face and please feel free to pass it on…thanks Debby and Sally.

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – October 12th 2021 -Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Funny Bone and Famous Last Words


First Debby Gies with some funnies she feels you should not miss.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

 

 

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Now something from Sally

Famous last words.

On the day before the Battle of Hastings, King Harold said to his commander of the army ‘Are the troops all ready?’

‘They are, Your Majesty,’ said the commander. ‘Woud you like a demonstration?’

‘Yes, I would,’ said the king.

So the commander lined all the archers up and instructed them to fire off a volley. Three thousand arrows sped through the air and landed a quarter of a mile away. However, one clumsy archer fired straight up into the air, and the arrow went up several hundred feet, turned round and came back down again, landing about six inches from where the king was standing.

‘You want to watch that fellow,’ said the King. ‘If he’s not careful, he’ll have somebody’s eye out tomorrow!’

 

I hope this has left you with a smile on your face and please feel free to pass it on…thanks Debby and Sally.

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Rewind – October 7th 2020 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Baked Beans and Great Expectations


Firstly, with the results of sleuthing on the Internet are some funnies from Debby Gies followed by some jokes from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

Thanks to Debby for finding these treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s latest relationship column here on Smorgasbord: September 2021 – The Relationship with Ourselves -Self-Care  

Now for some jokes from Sally –

The Debt

A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?” “Do you have any proof he owes you the money?” asked the lawyer. “Nope,” replied the man. “OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you,” said the lawyer. “But it’s only $500,” replied the man. “Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!”

MIT Graduate Interview

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?”

The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”

The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?”

The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”

 

Thanks for dropping in today and I hope you are leaving with a smile on your face..thanks Sally and Debby..

Smorgasbord Health Column – Women’s Health Month – The Heart – Connecting the Dots by D.G. Kaye


Welcome to the women’s health month and in the original series, D.G. Kaye, Debby Gies accepted my invitation to write a guest post. She shared her story about a health issue that could have gone unnoticed at great risk to her life. Thankfully she as you know she is now fully recovered from this life threatening heart condition.

Connecting the Dots by D.G. Kaye.

It was the tiniest of dots; not much bigger than the size of a pinhead. Most people wouldn’t even have paid it any mind. But I am not most people.

As a girl who has experienced her fair share of health concerns, I made a pact with myself to practice a healthier lifestyle and to become more in-tuned with my body. I wouldn’t categorize myself as a hypochondriac, but because I have been challenged with cervical cancer, glaucoma, and a near fatal diagnosis of Crohn’s disease at the age of forty, my instincts instruct me to pay close attention to any suspicious “red flags” that capture my attention.

I am blessed to have a most wonderful Naturopath who has guided my health for the last decade and he has given me quality living with my Crohn’s. I was also blessed with an angel; my Dermatologist.

I became fascinated by a tiny red dot on my right forearm. Months had gone by and I was puzzled as to why it was still there, so I kept mental note of it every time I glanced it. I just found it strange that this tiny red, transparent speck had taken up residence on my arm and wouldn’t go away. It never hurt, nor itched; it was just there.

I followed my intuition and decided to take action. Ironically, this wasn’t the first call to action. I had previously shown it to my husband’s Dermatologist two months prior, and he offered to burn it off. He was a very old gentleman, and I had mentioned to my husband that I thought this doctor was ready for retirement, as he didn’t see very well. He never used a microscope and seemed always too eager to burn things off. I didn’t feel at peace with the issue so I wanted to seek a second opinion.

I made an appointment with a new Dermatologist who came highly recommended in August 2005. I had to wait until January of the following year to see him. When January rolled around, I went to the appointment and I was told that the doctor I was to see was off sick and that I would be passed over to one of his associates; Dr. Allen (name changed.)

When I met Dr. Allen, I sensed her compassion immediately. She made me feel comfortable with her warm smile and her soft-spoken manner. She informed me that she was going to cut out the dot and send it to pathology; her standard procedure. Dr. Allen stated that she didn’t believe it was anything serious, but as a precaution she wanted to have it analyzed. I was satisfied that I had somebody competent now looking after me. Dr. Allen informed me the results would take about two weeks. Two weeks later, I went back to see her for the results.

The doctor informed me that my results came back negative but that she’d also like to send me for an echo-doppler cardiogram for precaution. She explained that sometimes the reason this type of spot appears is that it may be related to a heart issue. She added that it was a long shot but she would feel better just ruling it out. I looked at her in disbelief as she handed me the referral form but I never questioned her thoroughness. Dr. Allen told me she would call me with the results. I left and went on with my day, not really giving the matter another thought.

The following week I went for the test. The lab technician was friendly and he explained what he’d be doing, to put me at ease. The scan lasted about an hour and through that time, him, and I chatted as though we were old chums. I watched the screen and I was fascinated to see my heart beat with my every breath.

When the test was nearing an hour, the technician suddenly became very quiet. I looked up at the screen and noticed as I breathed; it appeared as though this tonsil-like-looking ball was flicking up and down. Now, I’m no doctor, but I was curious as to what the tonsil-looking thing was that seemed to be suspended from my heart. I suspiciously asked the technician what I was looking at. And then my whole world rocked.

It turned out that I had a rare Myxoma tumour hanging off my valve.

Dr. Allen expressed her sympathy about her suspicion; even though it was a long shot. I thanked her for potentially saving my life. She was so compassionate and she offered to get me in to see one of the biggest heart surgeons at St. Michael’s Hospital, in Toronto.

Within that week, I had gone to meet my soon to be heart surgeon. He was a strappingly handsome man in his early forties. He was also quite curious as to who had sent me for the echo test without a symptom. He explained to me that this tumour was hanging off my valve and if left undetected, it would have eventually dropped off into my lung and embolized, causing sudden death within six months. He also told me that these tumours are asymptomatic, and aren’t generally detected until autopsy; silent killers.

The situation was all so much for me to bear but the one constant that kept me optimistic, was knowing that those tumours were never usually detected and God must have wanted me to live. There were too many coincidences in the finding that wouldn’t allow me to believe anything less than I would survive.

It all happened so quickly. Within the next two weeks, I was scheduled for open-heart surgery.

I got an eye opening view of an operating room as the nurse wheeled me in on a gurney; still fully conscious. I stared at the heart-lung machine that would be sustaining my life, while the good surgeon would hold my heart in his hands.

When I next opened my eyes, the room was very dark and quiet. I thought I felt an angel over my shoulder. I tried to speak with an almost inaudible voice as my lips felt glued together. The nurse sitting behind my shoulder said, “Welcome back Deborah.” I was in and out of consciousness for the rest of the night, but I was alive and I had survived.

©: D.G. Kaye 2017

My thanks to Debby for sharing this frightening experience that could have been devastating without Debby’s knowledge of her own body and speediness in getting checked out.

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.

I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:

“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

“For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the reviews for Twenty Years After “I Do”

D.G. Kaye’s memoir, Twenty Years After I Do, piqued my interest for a couple of reasons. First, I’ve been married for thirty-one years to a man who is not only my loving husband but who is my very best friend. I wanted to read what the author had to say on the subject, and she certainly inserted many pearls of wisdom of which I agreed with. Before I met my husband, I had dated a man twenty years older than me, so reading her perspective on the age difference grabbed my attention, as well. This was the second book that I have read from Debby, so I was already familiar with her beautiful, conversational writing.

Debby offers snippets of insight from her own experiences on how to keep a marriage happy and unbreakable. She adds how humor can lighten any heavy situation and intimately writes of how sex ultimately changes from dating to married life. Most importantly though, she conveys that love has no timeline. Couples should enjoy each moment together and unconditional love will carry them through the difficult times. I was moved by this lovely collection of stories from Debby’s marriage to Gordon, and how she met true love when she least expected. An enjoyable read and one I highly recommend.

Read all the reviews and buy the books: Amazon US – and: Amazon UK – follow Debby: Goodreads

Connect to Debby Gies – Blog: D.G. Kaye Writer – About me: D.G. Kaye – Twitter: @pokercubster Linkedin: D.G. Kaye – Facebook: D.G. Kaye – Instagram: D.G. Kaye – Pinterest: D.G. Kaye

 

Thanks for joining Debby today and as always your feedback is very welcome . thanks Sally.

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – September 28th 2021 -Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Windows and Magic


First Debby Gies with some funnies she feels you should not miss.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s latest relationship column here on Smorgasbord: September 2021 – The Relationship with Ourselves -Self-Care

Now something from Sally

The Magician

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show.

“Look, it’s not the same hat!” “Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table!” “Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?”

The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything, it was the captain’s parrot after all.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.

After a week the parrot finally said, “Okay, I give up.

What’d you do with the boat?”

 

I hope this has left you with a smile on your face and please feel free to pass it on…thanks Debby and Sally.