Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – October 16th 2020 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp


Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp  .. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary.

And a few jokes to send you on your way

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her reception class pupils put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn’t want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, ‘Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.’ She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.

He then announced, ‘These aren’t my boots.’ She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, ‘Why didn’t you say so? ‘ like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they got the boots off when he said, ‘They’re my brother’s boots. My Mum made me wear ’em.’

Now she didn’t know if she should laugh or cry. But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, ‘Now, where are your mittens?’

He said, ‘I stuffed ’em in the toes of my boots.’

She will be eligible for parole in three years. Always TRY to remember patience is a virtue.

Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter, flight for 4 people?! I’m still looking for 2 more people to join us. We leave early Saturday (October 17) morning from Glasgow and will fly to Loch Ness where we will have breakfast and then on a yacht for lunch.

Then we’ll do a flight to Ireland and returning to Loch Ness for dinner, then fly back home.
If interested please pm me.

Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can’t go…

Jokes about work

Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?

I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.

Archaeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things.

I don’t have a solution, but I do admire the problem.

People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

My thanks to Danny for allowing me to raid his Facebook: Danny Kemp

About Daniel Kemp

Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?

In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.

Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.

He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.

A selection of books by Daniel Kemp

A recent review for The Widow’s Son

Kindle Customer 5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely One of the Best  Reviewed in the United States on July 19, 2020

I cannot praise you enough on your style of writing, I have read volumes 1 and 2 of this series one after the others , stopping at the end beginning at the beginning no pause inbetween. This one the widows son first caught my attention with the title as I am a traveler from the East MM living in the Levant. Around the middle of this book to the ending you really out did yourself. Your plot looking at the long view of the world outstanding absolutely outstanding. One of the best stories i have read in a long time. Thank You. Steven

Read the reviews and buy the books also in audio: Amazon UK – And : Amazon US – follow Daniel: Goodreads – Website: Author Danny Kemp – Facebook: Books by Daniel – Twitter:@danielkemp6

 

Thank you for dropping in today and I hope it has make a good start to your weekend…thanks Sally.