Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – Open Mic Night 19th June- More humour from the senior team


My sister Diana and her friends have been passing around the funnies again this week and here are a few for you to enjoy.

And now for some more bad ‘Dad Jokes’ from David Cronin….please no groaning from the balcony….

Why are SKELETONS so calm
Because nothing gets under their skin.
===

Why aren’t KOALAS bears
They don’t meet the koalafications.
===
Want to hear a JOKE about cats
Just kitten!
===
I wanted to buy a pair of CAMOUFLAGE pants
but I couldn’t find them anywhere!
===
Why was the CAT asked to leave the COMPUTER store
He wouldn’t stop playing with the mouse.
===
What did the KANGAROO say when her baby was kidnapped
“Someone help me catch that pickpocket!”
===
Why don’t BANKS allow kangaroos to open accounts
Because their checks always bounce.
===
Why do OCEANS never go out of style
They’re always current.
===
One day I was in the park wondering why Frisbees get BIGGER . . .
and then it hit me.
===
Which letter has THE MOST water in it
The C.
===
Have you heard the joke about the GIANT
Never mind; it’s over your head.
===
What did the FISH say when he swam into a wall
“Dam.”
===
What do you call a BEE with a QUIET buzz
A mumblebee.

Thanks for joining us and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…thanks Sally and the team..

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – Open Mic Night 12th June- More humour from the senior team


My sister Diana and her friends have been passing around the funnies again this week and here are a few for you to enjoy.

And now for some bad ‘Dad Jokes’ from David Cronin….please no groaning from the balcony….

I just watched a program about BEAVERS.

It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.

===

What did the PIRATE say on his 80th birthday

“Aye, matey!”

===

How do you organize an OUTER SPACE party

You planet.

===

What type of magazines do COWS enjoy reading

Cattlelogs.

===

What did the OCEAN say to the sailboat

Nothing; it just waved.

===

What did the mermaid wear to MATH CLASS

An algae-bra.

===

I ordered a CHICKEN and an EGG online.

I’ll let you know which comes first.

===

A termite walks into a BAR and asks

“Is the bar tender here?”

===

What did DADDY spider say to baby spider

You spend too much time on the WEB.

===

What do you call a group of KILLER WHALES playing instruments

An orca-stra.

===

We might be going SNORKELING this weekend

but I’m not holding my breath.

Thanks for joining us and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…thanks Sally and the team..

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – Some more seclusion Humour from the senior team


My sister Diana in Portsmouth who is in lock down now except for trips to the grocery store, shared some humor sent by one of her friends.. proving that even those in their 70s (sorry 40s) still have a sense of humour…this is for everyone who is like us waiting it out. I am now using the term seclusion since I feel it is more positive.

And to make sure that you get some exercise today here is a video to get your on your feet…nothing like a bit of Mamma Mia

Thanks Movieclips

I hope this has put a smile on your face and if you have not seen Mamma Mia then I can recommend it to lift your spiritsBuy or rent the film: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK

Stay safe…. thanks for dropping by…Sally.

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and some Jokes from Sally.


Firstly, with the results for some days sleuthing on the Internet some funnies from Debby Gies .

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

Thanks to Debby for finding this treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK    Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Check out Debby’s new series here on SmorgasbordD.G. Kaye Explores the Realm of Relationships

And time for some new material from Sally…..who has also been out foraging

More one liners at the doctors.

‘Doctor, Doctor.. help me I’m shrinking.’ ‘Just a minute and be a little patient’.

Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses
You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!

Doctor, Doctor I think I’m suffering from Deja Vu!
Didn’t I see you yesterday?

“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible.” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”

The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, “Divorce is strong with this one!”

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I’m wondering… do I keep the letters?

Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”

When someone asks me if I’m seeing anyone, I automatically assume they’re talking about a psychiatrist.

Thanks One line fun

Thanks for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your faces… Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and Sally with some new material.


Firstly, with the results for some days sleuthing on the Internet some funnies from Debby Gies .

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

Thanks to Debby for finding this treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USAndAmazon UK    BlogD.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Check out Debby’s new series here on SmorgasbordD.G. Kaye Explores the Realm of Relationships

And time for some new material from Sally…..who has also been out foraging

More one liners

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it’s only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy’s truck leaves him too.

Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you’re slowly looking worse.

I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

Intelligence is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.

Most people are shocked when they find out how incompetent I am as an electrician.

Thanks One line fun

Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… donations are gratefully received.. tequila, chocolate and muffins….

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Rewind and an invitation from D.G. Kaye and Sally to join in the fun.


We hope you won’t mind a few repeats today but we are still getting back to normal (or as normal as we will ever be) in our respective abodes.. But this from last year.. and we hope you will enjoy again.  Debby Gies D.G. Kaye Writer Blog  and I are very happy to keep finding new material to make you laugh but we are very happy if you would like to join in and share your humour too..

If you would like to share your favourite joke.. and get a plug in for your blog or books.. then email it to me at sally.cronin@moyhill.com (this is a family show!)

I have also found some book titles in the archives that might amuse you……

Anyway for those of you who made New Year’s Resolutions…………….

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK  BlogD.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Keep an eye open for D.G. Kaye’s new series for 2020

And here are some book titles you might consider for your next release from my archives…….

A Clifftop Tragedy  by Eileen Dover.

A Whole Lot of Cats  by Kitt N. Caboodle

Animal Scents by Farrah Mones

Cheating on His Wife by  Izzy Backyet

Confessions Of A Gold Digger by Emile Ticket

Yellow River by I.P.Daily,

Russian Lion Tamer by Claude Buttox

Carpet Laying by Walter Wall

Eating Garlic by Y.I Malone.

Pain and Sorrow by Ann Quish

The Insomniac by Eliza Wake

The Scent of a Man by Jim Nasium

Wait for me by Isa Cummin.

Willie Win by Betty Wont.

Thanks for dropping in and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Rewind – An invitation to join in the fun…from Debby Gies and Sally


We hope you won’t mind a few repeats today but we are still getting back to normal (or as normal as we will ever be) in our respective abodes.. But this from last year.. and we hope you will enjoy again.  Debby Gies D.G. Kaye Writer Blog  and I are very happy to keep finding new material to make you laugh but we are very happy if you would like to join in and share your humour too..

If you would like to share your favourite joke.. and get a plug in for your blog or books.. then email it to me at sally.cronin@moyhill.com (this is a family show!)

The phone rings at police headquarters.

‘Hello’

‘Hello is this the police?’

‘Yes, What do you want?’

‘I’m calling to report my neighbour Tom. He is hiding heroin in his woodpile.’

The next day a squad of DEA agents arrive a Tom’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, they chop every piece of wood apart but find no heroin. Furious they leave.

The phone rings at Tom’s house.

‘Hey Tom, did the DEA come?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Did they chop your firewood?’

‘Yeah they did.’

‘Okay, now it’s your turn to call, I need my garden dug over.’

A door to door salesman knocked on a door of a well to do house in Wimbledon. ‘Good morning,’ he said. ‘Would you care to buy a copy of One Hundred Excuses To Give Your Wife for Staying Out Late?’

‘Why on earth would I want a book like that?’ said the enraged lady of the house.

‘Because,’ replied the salesman, ‘I sold a copy to your husband at his office this morning!’

Time for some more actual exam results from 16 year olds….

What is a vacuum?

Something my mum says I should do more often.

What is a vibration?

There are good vibrations and bad vibrations. Good vibrations were discovered in the 1960s.

Discuss the style of Romeo and Juliet.

It is written entirely in islamic pentameter. The play is full of heroic couplets, one example being Romeo and Juliet themselves.

Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?

At the bottom.

Thank you for dropping in and hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and a poem from Sally.


First Debby Gies shares some of the funnies that she has spotted that she thinks you would enjoy…..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USBlog: D.G. Writes Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s Travel Column here: The Travel Column with D.G. Kaye

and now my poem in tribute to the Turkey and leftovers from my archives.

The Leftovers by Sally Cronin

I opened the fridge this morning
To check on the state of the world,
I hoped to see that the turkey,
Was not all shrivelled and curled.

It peaked from its packet of foil,
Still juicy and raring to go
I shredded it into some sauce
With some shrooms and onions for show.

I took the spuds, carrots and peas
And slathered with butter and oil.
The brandy was down to the dregs,
I added and brought to the boil.

But what to do with the trifle
Still lush with custard and berry
Guess I shall just have to eat it
Topped with a schooner of sherry.

So if I sound a bit pickled
The leftovers carry the blame.
Since to throw good food in the bin
Would be a dire waste and a shame.

My waist has expanded to fit
All the goodies that have been served
But thankfully my beloved,
Likes his women rounded and curved!

We hope that you are leaving here with a smile on your face… thanks Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G.Kaye and a joke from Sally’s Archives


First Debby Gies shares some of the funnies this week that she feels you should not miss.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

And please leave your answers in the comments… there are no prizes.. only applause…

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: http://www.amazon.com/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO
Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s Travel Column here every month: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/the-travel-column-with-d-g-kaye/

Now time for a joke from my archives.

Roll out the barrel….

A woman wakes up at 4.30 in the night by some stumbling noise downstairs. She tries to wake up her husband, but the other side of the bed is empty. Rather scared she screams: “Who is that in our house?” To her relief it turns out that the cause of the noise is not a burglar, but her husband.

The noise continues for quite some time and the wife shouts: “What the hell are you doing down there?” The husband replies: “Oh nothing to worry about. I’m just trying to get a cask of beer up the stairs.” His wife gets pretty pissed off now and yells: “For the love of God, will you leave that down there.”

“I can’t”, the husband shouts back. “I drunk it.”

Thanks for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face..and don’t forget to leave your name for that burger…thanks Debby and Sally

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Resident Comedian D.G. Kaye and a joke from Sally’s archives


First Debby Gies shares some of the funnies this week that she feels you should not miss.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: http://www.amazon.com/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO
Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s Travel Column here every month: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/the-travel-column-with-d-g-kaye/

And a joke from the archives.

All that glistens…..

A man comes home late at night and he is pretty smashed. His wife who was worried sick asks “Where the hell have you been?”

“The Golden Bar”, the man replies. “It’s an awesome place. They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer of course and even a golden urinal.”

The wife is not convinced that her husband is telling the truth, so she looks up the Golden Bar in the phonebook and calls them up.

“Do you really have golden chairs at your bar?”
– Absolutely ma’am.

“And what about golden glasses?”
– Indeed we do.

“And golden beers?”
– Most certainly.

“And even a golden urinal?”
– Hold on a minute ma’am… Johnny, I think I have a lead on the guy who peed in your saxophone.”

Thanks for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…thanks Debby and Sally.