Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – Mid-week boost – Minimum Wage and Amazon Reviews…

I have been spring cleaning my files on my computer and have turned up some funnies that have been forwarded over the years from family (Diana)  and friends… . I hope you enjoy this as a midweek boost.

 

 

Thanks for dropping in and I hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Sally.

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – Mid-week boost – More humour from the family… Shadows and Full time job

My sister Diana receives a regular supply of funnies passed along by friends and they end up in my inbox.. I hope you enjoy this as a midweek boost.

 

Thanks for joining us and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – Mid-week boost – More humour from the family….Ketchup and Catfish

My sister Diana receives a regular supply of funnies passed along by friends and they end up in my inbox.. I hope you enjoy this as a midweek boost.

Thanks for joining us and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – March 9th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Casinos and Grammar one-liners

Welcome to laughter lines with some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a joke or two to make you smile from Sally.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally.

Some Book titles before the editing team got hold of them!

The Grapes of Exasperation
50 Penumbras of Silvery-Ash
An Adieu to Limbs
The Supremo of the Circlets

And a few grammar one-liners (cringe!)

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Q: What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

Q: Why should you never date an apostrophe?
A: They’re too possessive

Q: What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses

Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labour and started shouting, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”?
She was having contractions

Q: What happened when the verb asked the noun to conjugate?
A: The noun declined.

I invented a new word! Plagiarism.

Never leave alphabet soup on the stove and then go out.
It could spell disaster.

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end.

Q: What should you say to comfort a grammar nazi?
A: “There, their, they’re.”

When I was a kid, my teacher looked my way and said, “Name two pronouns.”
I said, “Who, me?”

I before e… except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbour.

“Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.” —Anonymous.

 

Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – February 18th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Vows and Good Deeds

Welcome to laughter lines with some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a joke or two to make you smile from Sally.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK    Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores The Realms of Relationships 2021

Now something from Sally

No good deed….

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3 o’clock in the morning!”

He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No, I did not, it is 3 o’clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife.

“Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here on the swing!” replies the drunk.

 

Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – February 16th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin

Welcome to laughter lines with some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a joke or two to make you smile from Sally.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK    Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores The Realms of Relationships 2021

Now something from Sally

I have found a few more examples of exam answers failing the grade….

What is Vacuum?

Something my mother says I should do more often.

*****

What are the characteristics of crude oil?

Coarse and rude.

*****

What is a six-sided polygon known as?

An empty cage.

*****

What is a fibula?

A little lie.

*****

What is a vibration?

There are good vibrations and bad vibrations, they were discovered in the 1960s.

*****

How do you change centimetres to metres?

Take out the centi…

*****

What do you think is the answer to overpopulation? Support your argument with examples.

The Hunger Games.

*****

Imagine you lived in the time of Abraham Lincoln. What would say to him or ask him?

I’d tell  him not to go to a theatre play ever!

*****

What is the highest frequency noise a human can register?

Mariah Carey.

*****

Thanks for joining us to day and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Cafe and Bookstore – Weekly Round Up – 31st January – 6th February 2021 – 1960s Music, Bloggers, Book Reviews, Hormones, Shortstories, Slowcooking and Funnies

Welcome to the round up of posts this week on Smorgasbord that you might have missed.

I hope everyone is doing well and not to badly impacted by the winter storms across America and Europe… we don’t tend to get snow very often in our part of the Irish coast but it looks like we may well get hit tomorrow and then a freeze next week. I took the precaution of doing the weekly shop today instead of Monday and went early. By the time I was leaving at 10.00 the built up as a lot of others had the same idea.

Virus numbers seem to be coming down although not early enough here at the moment. We shall see if the March 5th lifting of restrictions will take place.

In the meantime as one of the five million people still choosing to use the Classic Editor.. I was furious when they updated the programme two days ago which now means adding two steps instead of one to inserting images, short links, centering text, bolding text, adding colour, and italics. Thankfully there are a few keyboard shortcuts for some, but otherwise you now have to click an up arrow to the editing icons instead of them being visible whilst you format the post. Pain in the butt and another move in my opinion to drive us into using the block editor.. underhand.

Of course unless you are a paid subscriber to  WordPress you cannot access help in person. The irony is that if they could guarantee that I could retain the classic editor and keep the current format, I would be happy to pay them an annual subscription. I am sure that most of the other 5 million people still using the Classic Editor would probably be happy to do so.

The latest news from the forums is that they say, if the demand is still there after December 31st 2021, they will reconsider supporting it into 2022.

Whilst it might sound like I am an entrenched luddite, it is more down to the way I blog, which is several times a day. I appreciate that for many that is breaking the rules of blogging, but my vision was of a magazine style blog with varied topics and an effective book marketing platform. I am not going to throw the baby out with the bathwater, but if they keep mucking around with the functionality of the editor then I will be looking at making some changes.

I love doing this and it is frustrating when I can’t do it the way I want.   Which incidentally was their grand opening mission statement.. ‘Your blog, Your Way.’

Anyway.. enough of the rant.

Thanks very much for keeping me motivated by your visits and comments…  Also to the guests this week who are participating in the Breakfast Show specials and the Posts from the Archives.

The Breakfast Show with William Price King and Sally Cronin – Chart Hits 1962 – Part One

The Breakfast Show – 1960s Hits Part Two – Special Guests John W. Howell and Jennie Fitzkee

July 1986 – Rafting on the Guadaloupe

What’s in a Name? – Patrick – Love in a Time of War

What’s in a Name? – Martha The System Administrator

#1960s #Thriller – Paris Escapade by Ted Myers

#Fantasy #Adventure – Voyage of the Lanternfish by C. S. Boyack

Past Book Reviews 2020 – #Familysaga – The Memory by Judith Barrow

Past Book Reviews 2020 – a kiss for the worthy: #Poetry inspired by the Walt Whitman poem ‘Leaves of Grass’ (A Love Poetry Trilogy Book 2) by Frank Prem

#PersonalPower #Standards by Toni Pike

#Finance – Reversal of Fortune by Sharon Marchisello

#Life – Nature’s Hideaway – Pond Party! – Observations by D.G. Kaye

#Writing D.G. Kaye, #Blogging Pete Springer, #Zucchini Dorothy’s New Vintage Kitchen

#Greece Eat Dessert First, Mairzy Doats by Elizabeth Gauffreau, #FlashFiction Janet Gogerty

#TVReview D.G. Kaye, #Mushrooms Carol Taylor, #Poetry Recap Colleen M. Chesebro

#WildDogs Patricia Furstenberg, #Tofu Jemima Pett, #SueVincent Carrot Ranch

Turning Back the Clock 2021 -Anti-Aging and The Hormone Factor

Vegetable Casserole/soup/base

– #Cheetahs Patricia Furstenberg, #History Barbara Ann Mojica, #Nature Joyce Murphy

New Release -#Fantasy Heather Kindt, Reviews- #Poetry/Prose M.J. Mallon, #Paranormal Romance Stevie Turner

#Fantasy D.Wallace Peach, Fiona Tarr, #Comingofage Bette A. Stevens

Reviews #Family Christa Polkinhorn, #Shortstories Karen Ingalls, #Sc-fi Sandra J. Jackson

February 2nd 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Wine Day and One Liners

February 4th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Margaritas and Flying Companions. Posted on February 4, 2021 by Smorgasbord – Variety is the Spice of Life.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – February 2021 – Another Open Mic Night

 

Thank you very much for dropping in this week and for your support.. enjoy the weekend and I hope you will join me again next week..

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – February 4th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Margaritas and Flying Companions.

Welcome to laughter lines with some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a joke or two to make you smile from Sally.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK    Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally

Nymphomaniacs Conference

A man seated next to a beautiful woman on a plane. Eager to start a conversation, he asks “Business trip or holiday?”

She smiles dazzlingly and tells him.” Business, I’m on my way to the annual nymphomaniac conference in New York”

Trying to stay cool, the man asks “What’s your role at the conference?”

Lecturer, she says, I use my experience to debunk some of the myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” the man asks. And what are those?

The beautiful woman explains “One is that African men are the well-endowed, when in fact it is the American Indian. Another is that French men are the best lovers when actually it’s the Greeks and I have also found the men most likely to impress in both categories are the Irish”.

“Blushing she added I’m sorry I shouldn’t be discussing this with you. I don’t even know your name”.

“Tonto” the man replied. “Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy.

 

Thanks for visiting us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face..Debby and Sally…

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – February 2nd 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Wine Day and One Liners

Welcome to laughter lines with some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a joke or two to make you smile from Sally.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK    Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally’s Archives

Some more one liners…

• Two aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get married. The ceremony was rubbish – but the reception was brilliant.
• Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’. He said: ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’. ‘Is it common?’I asked. ‘It’s not unusual’ he replied.
• I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
• A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ”Pint please, and one for the road.”
• I went to the doctors the other day and I said, ‘Have you got anything for wind?’ So he gave me a kite.
• My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
• I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ”He’s trying to pull a fast one”.
• I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
• A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says ”I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything”
• Slept like a log last night…….. Woke up in the fireplace.
• A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ”Is this some kind of joke?”
• A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ”Sorry we don’t serve food in here”

 

Thanks for visiting us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. thanks Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – January 28th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Spiders and Gravestones

Welcome to laughter lines with some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a joke or two to make you smile from Sally.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK    Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally’s Archives

There are some fascinating things on old tombstones . . .

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York Born 1903–Died 1942 Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.

In a Thurmont, Maryland cemetery: Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only the good die young.

In a London, England cemetery: Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna Wallace The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna. Clark Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon him for not rising.

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake,
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery: Here lays The Kid, We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger, But slow on the draw.

A lawyer’s epitaph in England: Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange.

John Penny’s epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery: Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England: On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

Anna Hopewell’s grave in Enosburg Falls,Vermont: Here lies the body of our Anna, Done to death by a banana. It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low, But the skin of the thing that made her go.

On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts: Under the sod and under the trees, Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there’s only the pod, Pease shelled out and went to God.

In a cemetery in England: Remember man, as you walk by, As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so shall you be, Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you, I’ll not consent, Until I know which way you went.

 

Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally.