The beauty of being blonde and having a touch of the Irish is that there are many jokes you can tell without getting told off. As I am now well into my 60s I can also tell elderly jokes if I remember them.
I have rifled through my drawers (pardon the expression) an unearthed some jokes that have been sent to me.
Anyway… Have fun with this selection and pass them on as laughter is infectious and so much more healthier than the usual virus.
And as an added bonus – some What’s in a Name signs..
A natural Blonde!
A blonde in first class refuses to move when the ticket holder who paid for the seat boards, saying only, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to LA to be a star – and I’m not moving to the back of the plane.” Repeatedly. To anyone who tried to convince her otherwise.
The stewardess asks the advice of the captain. Since his wife happens to be blonde, he admits to some expertise in these matters and agrees to handle it. He whispers something in the budding starlet’s ear and she immediately scurries back to the cheap seats, saying only, “Well why didn’t they tell me THAT in the first place?”
The curious stewardess couldn’t wait to hear what the pilot had said to get her to change her mind so abruptly.
“I simply informed her that the front of the plane wasn’t going to Los Angeles.”
Men can have a blonde moment too!
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”
And a blonde cow!
The only cow in a small town in Northern Italy stopped giving milk. So the town folk found they could buy a cow in Sicily quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Sicily. It was absolutely wonderful. It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they’d never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.
The people were very upset and decided to go to the local veterinarian, Dr. Santucchi, who was very wise, to tell him what was happening and to ask his advice.
“Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side.”
The veterinarian rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, “Did you by chance, buy this cow in Sicily?”
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Sicily.
“You are truly a wise veterinarian,” they said. “How did you know that we got the cow from Sicily?”
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eyes and says, “My wife is from Sicily.”
A not so blonde student!
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.’ The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.
He got an A.
A not so blonde salesman
Sid was told if he did not sell more toothbrushes he would be fired. One month later his sales record had soared and his manager called him in to explain the dramatic turnaround.
Sid explained that he had got tired of calling at pharmacies and had set up a little stall at the main train station with some crackers and a new dip.
‘Try my dip,’ he would say, and a constant stream of people did so. When they enquired about the ingredients of the dip, Sid told them: ‘Garlic and Chicken poop!’
They would go ‘Aaaargh!’ and spit it out.
Then Sid would say: ‘Would you like to buy a toothbrush?’
and finally a blonde Irishman
A Scot, Irishman and an Englishman were dining together in a restaurant. When the waiter cleared away the coffee the Scot was heard to ask for the bill.
Next day the newspaper headlines declared: Irish Ventriloquist shot in restaurant.
I hope that raised a smile and feel free to pass them along.. thanks Sally