Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and Guest Ann Patras


Firstly, with the results for some days sleuthing on the Internet some funnies from Debby Gies  despite the fact that she is on her annual winter sun vacation in Mexico.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

Thanks to Debby for finding this treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK    BlogD.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Check out Debby’s new series here on SmorgasbordD.G. Kaye Explores the Realm of Relationships

And now some great funnies from guest Ann Patras.

Thanks to Ann for finding these gems

Ann Patras, Buy: Amazon UK –  And: Amazon US – Follow Ann:  Goodreads –   Website: Ann Patras Author

Thanks to both Debby and Ann for the entertainment and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your faces… thanks Sally.

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and a Joke from Sally’s Archives – Thanksgiving Special


First Debby Gies shares some of the funnies on the subject of Thanksgiving that she has spotted…..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

Today some things to be thankful for on the humour front.

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon USBlog: D.G. Writes Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s Travel Column here every month: The Travel Column with D.G. Kaye

Now time for a joke from my archives.

Other small things to be thankful for..

  • One good turn gets most of the blankets.
  • There are two kinds of pedestrians – the quick and the dead.
  • Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  • If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you
    say, talk in your sleep.
  • Every morning is the dawn of a new error…..
  • A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
  • A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
  • Diplomacy – the art of letting someone have your way.
  • It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.
  • Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
  • Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
  • Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
  • A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

We hope that you have enjoyed the funnies and we always love to receive your feedback.. thanks Debby and Sally.

 

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and a joke from Sally’s archives.


First Debby Gies shares some of the funnies this week that she feels you should not miss.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: http://www.amazon.com/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO
Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

And now time for a joke from my archives…

Be careful what you wish for.

Here in Ireland the angel of death will visit you a couple of weeks before you pass over to find out where you would like to go. (I know bear with me).

Patrick was not well, and the worst was feared by his wife and family. He is lying in his hospital bed sleeping when there is a tap on his shoulder. He opens his eyes to see a brilliant white light and a splendid figure of a man with wings on his back. Startled into silence he lay petrified.

‘Don’t be afraid Patrick, I am the angel of death but tonight I have just come to show you your options for when you pass over. Tomorrow you will remember nothing about it.’

With that Patrick was whisked out of his bed and found himself sitting on a cloud with a harp to hand. The angel of death stood in front of him and pronounced solemnly.

‘Should you choose to come to heaven, you will be admitted, since your transgressions are small, and you are well thought of by family and friends.’ He paused dramatically. ‘ Being in heaven has its responsibilities. which include playing the harp from morning to night, abstaining from eating and drinking anything but holy water twice a day. and being on your knees for four hours every night saying your prayers.’

Patrick nodded in understanding and before he could blink he was whisked away to the darkest bowels of the earth to explore the alternative.

The angel pushed him though some large bright red gates and told him he would pick him up in half an hour. Patrick stood nervously looking around him. He was amazed at sights he had only imagined. There was a massive hotel with swimming pool surrounded by beautiful women in bikinis, one of whom came over and put her arm through his. Utterly speechless he allowed himself to be led into the hotel where there were men laughing and drinking at the bar, a snooker table and large flat screen television. Feeling slightly hot under the collar, his tour continued through luxury bedrooms, and a dining room with a buffet laden with the most delicious foods. His guide deposited back at the gate and winking at him as she handed him over to the angel of death.

The next morning Patrick woke feeling a touch feverish and in a state of excitement. He could not remember exactly what happened but he felt at peace. Two weeks later he passed away and as promised the angel of death arrived to take him to his chosen destination, reminding him of his options. Patrick had no hesitation in declaring that he would like to spend eternity in hell.

Disappointed the angel left him at the gates of this den of iniquity and they opened to admit him. He had to admit that it was not quite the scene that he had encountered on his previous visit, and a rather old hag was waiting for him, escorting him through a large steel door.

On the other side was the worst possible sight you can imagine.. men and women were up to their waists in horse manure and were busily shoveling it into piles by great big furnaces. A large, half naked man with a whip crossed over to him and handed him a shovel. Patrick was mortified and turned around to go back to the gates and tell the angel of death he had changed his mind.

‘Where do you think you are going Patrick O’Hagan?’ A booming voice rang out behind him. He turned to see the devil dressed in red and black with a flaming trident in one hand.

‘There must be some mistake,’ Patrick muttered. ‘When I was here last time there was a beautiful hotel, bikini clad women and a bar with wonderful food and drink.’

The Devil laughed and beckoned Patrick back towards the dung heaps. ‘That was marketing my friend, now you are a customer.’

We hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. thanks for dropping in… Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and some jokes from Sally’s archives.


First Debby Gies shares some of the funnies this week that she feels you should not miss.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: http://www.amazon.com/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO
Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s monthly Travel Column here on Smorgasbord: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/the-travel-column-with-d-g-kaye/

Nothing like the oldies from the joke files.. I mean for the oldies….sorry

Forgetfulness.

Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.” The second lady chimed in with, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.” The third one responded, ” Well, ladies, I’m glad I don’t have that problem. Knock on wood,” as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, “That must be the door, I’ll get it!”

The longevity diet.

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?” “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.” “That’s amazing,” the woman said. “How old are you?’ “Twenty-six,” he said.

We hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Afternoon Video – D.G. Kaye finds another Gem – This husky is not leaving the dog park


Debby Gies has been scanning the airwaves for videos to share… here are some more that she has come across.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

Debby has found a husky who is very vocal about leaving the dog park.. thanks to

D. G. Kaye – Buy: http://www.amazon.com/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO
Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s Travel Column here every month: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/the-travel-column-with-d-g-kaye/

Thanks to Debby for finding another gem.. I hope you have enjoyed… thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – The Travel Column with D.G. Kaye – Welcome to St. Martin – Two Countries – One Island


Welcome to St. Martin – Two Countries – One Island by D.G.Kaye

Welcome to this month’s edition of my travel column here at Sally’s Smorgasbord. Today I’ve chosen to share some interesting facts about the beautiful Caribbean island of St. Martin, affectionately named ‘The Friendly Island’.

The island of St. Martin is shared between two countries – French and Dutch. The island is surrounded by the Atlantic Ocean to the east and the Caribbean to the west in the northeast of the Caribbean Sea, approximately 190 miles east of Puerto Rico. The whole island is approximately 34 sq. miles with the ownership of each side is usually said to be a 60/40 split, with the French owning approximately 20 sq. miles and the Dutch 13 sq. miles. Although smaller, the Dutch side boasts a heavier populated side than the French side.

History and Legends

The French call their island Saint Martin and the Dutch call it Sint Maarten, and no matter what you choose to call it, it’s one of my favorite islands in the Caribbean.

The island was divided back in 1648 after being taken over several times by various conquerors. The capital of the French side is Marigot and the capital of the Dutch side is Philipsburg. Legend says Christopher Columbus first discovered the island back in 1493.

After several take overs the Dutch built a fort to assert their claim and control access to the island. In the 18th century, a massive influx of African slaves, were imported to the island to develop the sugar cane plantations. On March 23, 1648, the kingdom of France and the Dutch republic agreed to divide the land and created what is still known today as The Treaty of Concordia

There’s an old legend that speaks about how the land was decided to be divided.

Apparently, the natives of each side were asked to choose a ‘walker’. The two walkers began standing back to back and were instructed to walk in opposite directions – no running! At the point where the two met up again was to be declared the dividing line for each one’s country. According to legend, the Frenchman walked faster because he drank wine before the race and the Dutchman drank gin, supposedly the gin was more tiring than the wine. But ultimately, the Dutch accused the Frenchman of running, which apparently didn’t seem to matter because the new perimeters were set with each country officially being deemed with their respective land official.

About the Island

Climate – The dry season with sporadic rain runs from December through May, and the hurricane season typically runs anywhere from June through November where one can also expect tropical storms, particularly in September. Daily annual temperatures typically range anywhere from mid 60s to high 80s throughout the year. Visitor guides will state that mid-November and December, and May and June are the best times climate-wise to visit the island. While November through May will cost more money to visit there, the price for hotels goes down considerably May and June and likewise for the summer/early fall months because of the unpredictable weather. Many hotels on the Atlantic side, in particular, close down during hurricane season.

St. Martin has been hit by several hurricanes through the years, namely, Maria in 2017, which was reported to damage approximately 95% of the French side and 75% of the Dutch side. I was stunned to hear that the island was re-opened for tourists shortly before Christmas of 2017, although it was still in need of major repairs.

Tourism – The main industry for the island relies on tourism. The Dutch side is best known for its beaches, duty-free jewelry, native guava berry liquors, casinos and nightlife. The French side is known more for its nude beaches, clothing, outdoor markets and French and Indian Caribbean cuisine.

Languages – The two official languages spoken on the island are French and Dutch. But there are also French based, Creole and Spanish languages spoken from the emigration of natives from surrounding islands. Many other immigrants from the ABC islands – Aruba, Bonaire and Curacao, living there, speak their traditional Papiemento.

Shopping – You will find some of the world’s best prices on this duty-free island, especially for fine jewelry – gold, diamonds, watches, and just about every piece of jewelry you could possibly imagine for less than half of what you’d pay at home. Many of the jewelers are wholesalers and distributors, so as consumers, we bypass the middlemen retailers and resellers, and of course the import and export taxes.

Other items of note to be found on the island for some great discounts are liquor, tobacco, leather goods and many designer goods. To give you a rough idea of deep discounts, you can still pick up a carton of cigarettes there for $15 – $20! Liquor is ridiculously cheap. Before my husband was informed he can no longer drink alcohol due to his health issues, he enjoyed the odd glass of Johnny Walker Blue Scotch – the highest grade of that brand’s label. Here in Canada, that bottle would run close to $350 – I kid you not. But every time we’d visit the island he would pick up a bottle for approximately $115 US. A ring my husband once bought me for $2200, came in at $5500 dollar upon the appraisal I obtained once at home.

The main street – Front St. in Philipsburg, is located directly in front of Great Bay beach where the cruise ships dock. It’s a long street lined with jewelry store after jewelry store so it’s good to have a recommendation from someone where to shop for best value because it can become very overwhelming going into every store with all those sparkly trinkets beckoning your attention.

Currency – Although the Euro is used on the French side and the Dutch Netherland Antillean guilder used on the Dutch side, the whole island also operates with U.S. dollars.

Airport – Princess Julianna International serves the entire island, and people can pass freely with no border checks between the two countries. The airport hosts many major airlines and St. Martin’s short main runway is known for its specific location between a large hill and the beach, attracting many tourists to watch some spectacular landings and takeoffs flying just above sunbathers on Maho Beach. There is also a paid tour offered complete with cocktail on the beach to watch the low flying planes and listen live between the aircraft and control tower.

Beaches – St. Martin is known to have some of the most beautiful beaches in the Caribbean, and there are many of them. For an island of only 34 sq. miles, the island has 37 gorgeous beaches to sunbathe, swim, snorkel, parasail, you name it- your choice of watersport is there. On the French side, you will also find the famed nude beach- Orient Beach located on Orient Bay, known as the St. Tropez of the Caribbean, also known for its nude beach.

My first visit to St. Martin was over twenty years ago. I wasn’t quite adept at investigative research as the computer era had yet to hit. We were hoping to book an all-inclusive property, which back then was rare for that island, and we chose a hotel situated on Orient Beach. Little did we know after our first morning of walking that beach, that hub and I would feel a little out of place as we strolled with our shorts and bathing suits on while passing many sunburned bottoms and breasts taking in more sun. We ultimately decided that we’d still go for our morning walks on the beach but decided to sunbathe at the pool during the day with our swimsuits on.

Dining – St. Martin is known as the culinary capital of the Caribbean with a variety of cuisine choices available. Besides the many delicious French restaurants in Grande Case on the French side, you will find many other popular restaurants and ocean side dining offering Dutch, Creole, Italian, Jamaican, Indian, Vietnamese. Japanese and American food. A true culinary experience to suit an array of palettes.

Sightseeing – There’s plenty to do in St. Martin if you’re feeling energetic and ambitious to get up off your beach chairs. This small island packs a punch of fun things to do besides visiting beaches and shopping. You will find tours to Rhum distilleries, ATV adventures, evening cruise sails with dinner, drinks and dancing, a wide array of water sports, jet ski rentals, swim with the dolphins, wine tasting, the double-decker bus tour. and even smaller group tours that will take you by boat to close-by neighboring islands – St. Barth’s and Anguilla.

This island also holds its annual Carnival celebrations complete with feathered costumes, reggae music and local bands performing on the streets. The French side celebrates during Lent and the Dutch side celebrates for 17 days and nights when the island comes to a standstill for over 17 days and nights. Locals prepare for this festive event by sewing costumes and preparing to party hardy. If you aren’t able to attend one of these fabulous celebrations, make sure to visit the Jump Up Casino in Philipsburg to see a display of photos and items from previous parades.

I love St. Martin for its beautiful beaches, the best shopping deals, their beautiful island temps, great food and one of the friendliest islands in the Caribbean. I’ve been there many times as I’ve been on many Caribbean cruises and never choose an itinerary that doesn’t include visiting that island. If I were to take a solo island vacation again, I would definitely consider going back to St. Martin for a winter vacation instead of just a day or two stop-over on a cruise ship.

Have any of you ever been to St. Martin?

©D.G. Kaye 2018

Another amazing article from Debby for the travel column and I know that she would love your feedback and questions on St. Martin or any other travel related subject.. I am sure she will have the answer for you.

About D.G. Kaye

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

                 “For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Books by D.G. Kaye

About Twenty Years: After “I Do”.

May/December memoirs.

In this personal accounting, D.G. Kaye shares the insights and wisdom she has accrued through twenty years of keeping her marriage strong and thriving despite the everyday changes and challenges of aging. Kaye reveals how a little creative planning, acceptance, and unconditional love can create a bond no obstacle will break. Kaye’s stories are informative, inspiring, and a testament to love eclipsing all when two people understand, respect, and honor their vows. She adds that a daily sprinkling of laughter is a staple in nourishing a healthy marriage.

Twenty years began with a promise. As Kaye recounts what transpired within that time, she shows that true love has no limits, even when one spouse ages ahead of the other.

One of the recent reviews for the book

Canadian author, D. G. Kaye has written a heartwarming memoir in “Twenty Years After I Do,” detailing the ups and downs of marriage to an older man. I was eager to read this book because I am married to a man who is older than me by a decade. I wasn’t sure what I’d find, but having read other books by this author, I knew I was in for a treat.

Kaye shares how she met her husband, Gordon, chronicling how he swept her off her feet with his captivating personality, and how he made her laugh. With a sense of intimacy, the writing draws you in, as if you are listening to a good friend. Their connection, a true love story, (so rare these days) was a joy to experience through her words.

This book is a memoir in the real sense of the word, where the author details her relationship with her husband based on her knowledge of his battle with prostate cancer. As time trudges along, and more health issues crop up, this couple finds themselves confronting their mortality head-on. Most people would crumble under the stress of these burdens, but not Kaye. Because of the love that she and Gordon share they discover that they can overcome whatever life throws at them.

What I enjoyed was Kaye’s willingness to share the innermost details of her life experiences so others could learn from her example. There was no glossing over here, and she does tell it like it is. Ultimately, she leads the reader to the conclusion that love and humor conquer all. I’ve taken many of her insights and tucked them away for future reference.

A quick read, “Twenty Years After I Do,” will touch you with warmth and sincerity, as the phrase “…till death do us part…” takes on new meaning.

MY RATING: Character Believability: 5  Flow and Pace: 5 Reader Engagement: 5 Reader Enrichment: 5 Reader Enjoyment: 5 Overall Rate: 5 out of 5 Stars

Read the other reviews and buy the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B077V386TL

and Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B077V386TL

Other books by D.G. Kaye

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Read all the reviews and buy the books: http://www.amazon.com/author/dgkaye7

and Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO

More reviews and follow Debby on Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/dgkaye

Connect to Debby Gies

Come and visit me at our Literary Diva’s Library group on Facebook

Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com
About me: http://www.wiseintro.co/dgkaye7
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/@pokercubster (yes there’s a story)
Linkedin: http://www.linkedin.com/in/dgkaye7
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/dgkaye
Google: http://www.google.com/+DebbyDGKayeGies
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/dgkaye
Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/dgkaye7

Thank you for dropping in today and please help spread the news of Debby’s travel column and we look forward to your questions and comments. Thanks Sally and Debby

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – The #Travel Column with D.G. Kaye – Cruising – Reports and Tips -Part One.


Delighted to welcome D.G. Kaye – Debby Gies to the blog as a regular contributor with her new Travel Column. Debby is a non-fiction author who has received wonderful reviews for her inspirational memoirs. She also is a seasoned traveler and her book Have Bags Will Travel is packed with useful information and entertaining stories of her own adventures.

To get the column off to a flying start (or in this case sailing start), Debby has three posts on Cruising holidays which will be posted every two weeks before moving to a regular monthly slot.

Travel Column – Reports and Tips – Part 1

Thank you Sally for inviting me to guest post for your Travel Blog Magazine series. In this series I’ll be sharing some of my favorite places I’ve traveled to, tips about preparing for travel, staying safe when traveling, and how to get the best bang for your dollars.
In today’s post I’ll be talking about cruises. I love cruising. I’ve been on approximately 15 cruises and have the protocol down to a science.

I began cruising with Celebrity cruises because of the many good recommendations I received and after researching various cruise lines while initially trying to decide which cruise line to choose. I had a fabulous first experience cruise with them and never looked any further. I also met many cruisers on the cruises I’ve been on and heard lots of stories about bad experiences with low quality food, tiny cabins, expensive beverages and lack of activities offered. I also met people who traveled on various cruise lines who said their best experience was with Celebrity and I can understand why.

This article is not a plug for any particular cruise line, but rather a sharing about what I’ve gleaned about cruising. Because I travel with Celebrity this is the cruise line I make reference to. Other than the possibility of taking a River Cruise one day, any future cruises I take will remain with Celebrity. I’ve had nothing less than first class service, wonderful amenities, great food, beautiful cabins, and not to mention – their rewards program is fantastic, but I’ll get into that a little later. Therefore, for me, if it aint broken, I aint fixin’. As far as cruisers go, you either love being out on the ocean or you don’t. But for those of us who do, here’s the scoop on what to look for when choosing a cruise.

Which Cruise Line Should I Choose?

This is a matter of preference, pricing and itinerary. For many new cruisers, it can be overwhelming to decide which cruise line to book with. My advice to help you decide is to go to a cruise line site, look at their itineraries, fleet of ships, staterooms (cabins), dining options, reward programs, drink packages, activities, and check what they have offer. Doing your homework is important! You will also take note of which port your cruise leaves from – the further the sailing port is from where you live, the more it will likely cost to fly there. You can also get a good education by checking out sites that passengers leave reviews on such as Tripadvisor, Google, and directly to cruise line sites where travelers often leave honest reviews.

Are you a person who likes to spend a lot of time touring at each port or do you prefer hitting the beaches or shopping? Do too many days at sea in between ports bore you? Personally, I love sea days, they are days to relax at the pool and get my tan on. But some people get a bit antsy with too many sea days, so make sure you check out the ship’s itineraries when looking for one you’d enjoy.

Celebrity Equinox – This was the last ship I sailed with in 2017 – Posted by Mogens Hallas

Which Cabins Are Best For You?

Lodging cabins aboard ship are otherwise known as staterooms. There are various types of staterooms offered, each one with its own price points and perks, depending on your choice of category.

Traditionally, inside cabins are the cheapest, and if you’re anything like me, loving to sit on my balcony to take in the ocean view and enjoy watching the ship dock or sail, you’ll want the freedom of stepping outside your room and perhaps sipping on a cocktail after a lovely day in the sun. But some people are willing to forgo these benefits for a cheaper price and don’t mind an inside cabin.

Inside cabins don’t have windows or balconies, and as you may have seen in movies, the very bottom floors may have a tiny portal window if the cabin is just above sea level. I’m also claustrophobic so that is certainly no option for me.

Oceanview cabins have large floor to ceiling windows facing the ocean, but unless you go up one category, they don’t include balconies. From there, we get into oceanview cabins with balconies and yet another upgrade termed Concierge Class. These cabins are typically a little more generous in size with upgraded room amenities, bigger bathrooms, and come with additional services – your own stateroom attendant on call 24/7 for all your needs including room service orders.

Typically, in this class, you will also find other goodies in your stateroom upon arrival such as: a bottle of wine or champagne, personal tote beach bags, yours to keep, coupons for discounts in select restaurants onboard that aren’t part of your package, wifi usage, priority disembarking privileges, and of course, afternoon hor’s d’heurves of your choice brought to your cabin daily.

Next category up is Concierge Class cabins with spa privileges, ie: use of sauna and relaxing aromatherapy rooms for cabin passengers situated on spa floors, plus dining privileges in the ship’s elite restaurant for those who don’t prefer eating in the huge dining room where patrons congregate nightly for dinner at designated times.

Then of course, you have the Penthouse Cabins, which are almost condo-sized, complete with every imaginable perk including large balconies with sunbeds and a personal butler!

Which Part Of The Ship Is The Least Rocky?

The quick answer is ‘midship’. Midship cabins will typically run you a little more money than the same cabin type located at either the front or back ends of the ship. You will feel the least movement of the ship in a midship cabin. Personally, I don’t get seasick, despite encountering a few rough patches on a couple of cruises I took. But there are several aids people use to combat seasickness.

Some recommended aids to help with seasickness are Seabands, worn on the wrists, said to work on accupressure points to hold nausea at bay. Others swear by Bonine and Gravol. These are tablets you can purchase at any drugstore. Just make sure to take the non-drowsy Gravol or you might sleep away half your vacation!

What Do I Need To Know About Boarding The Ship?

Typically, on all cruises I’ve taken out of Miami or Fort Lauderdale, Florida, the cruises depart around 4PM, and protocol is, you can board up to 3 hours early and have lunch aboard and mingle before you’re assigned the okay to go to your cabin as time is needed to clean the rooms from the last sailing’s passengers. Concierge Class and all categories higher can board earlier because they have priority checkin.

The cruise lines state clearly that anyone missing final boarding time should find their way over to the next port that ship will sail to. So not fun! For this reason, many cruisers like myself, are seasoned enough to know that unforeseen circumstances such as flight delays, bad weather, etc., can leave you vulnerable to getting left behind from boarding the ship for same day arrivals. For these reasons, I prefer to fly out at least a day before the ship’s sail and begin my vacation earlier. Besides, I get extra cross border shopping time in!

Boarding a ship is similar to going through airport security where you will pass through similar security checks and scanners for your personal items to ensure safety for all passengers. Similarly, when the ship docks in each port and you return from an off-ship excursion, you will go through the same security procedure to re-board.

Once you’ve checked in on the ship, you’ll be given a ship card which will serve as your room key and cruise credit card where anything you purchase aboard – drinks, upgraded restaurant meals, shopping, booked tours, paid activities, etc., will all be charged to that card. You will pay your onboard cruise bill the evening before returning to your disembarking port at the end of the cruise.

As soon as the ship sails, each passenger will be directed to their section’s muster station for a short crash-course on emergency procedures. This is mandatory on all ships although, meeting times will vary with each cruise line.

Rewards Programs

Most cruise lines offer perks for new cruisers and upgrades for patrons who are repeat cruisers. It’s important to check what your cruise line has to offer you. I know with Celebrity, the more you cruise, the more discounts and perks you receive for every consequent cruise you take with them. These perks can be anything from cabin upgrades to free drink packages, free wifi, invites to the Captain’s party, discounts on spa facilities, and even discounted tour packages (something I’ll get into on the next post).

The points I earn for each cruise bumps up my status to a new category of perks. To stay competitive, many cruise lines offer package deals you can purchase when booking your cruise such as: a choice of different alcohol and non/alcohol packages and an onboard credit. And many offer these perks as part of a ‘take your choice’ bonus package just for booking with them. There may be a drink package, a special offer to have your tips included, or perhaps free or discounted wifi offered as a special bonus at the time of your booking.

Something else I recommend is if you discover you love cruising, you should book another cruise while onboard at the ship’s travel office because you will receive a discounted price and a cabin upgrade plus a choice of at least 2 or 3 packages included free in your booking onboard. I’m also going to add here that Celebrity has an ‘evergreen’ policy where once you’ve booked another future cruise you can change your destination choice to a different cruise anytime before the booked cruise date to pay the balance in full is due and keep every discount and package you were given when put to a different cruise. So, I highly recommend booking another cruise while onboard – any cruise, it doesn’t matter because you can change the destination or dates indefinitely and as many times as you deem. Note: You will also have the option to cancel a booked cruise and get back your full deposit. So, there’s really nothing to lose – it’s a win/win!

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Stay tuned for Part 2 of this post when I’ll be getting into your dining options, when and where to book excursions, shopping and tipping protocol, and things to beware of!

Do you have any cruise stories or info you’d like to share here?

A wonderful start to the new column and I know I am going to be enjoying finding out more about cruising as it is something on the wish list in the coming years now that we have a little more time. Debby would love your comments and also your questions.

About D.G. Kaye

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

                 “For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Debby has written a book about her travel adventures – Have Bags Will Travel

About the book

D.G. Kaye is back, and as she reflects on some of her more memorable vacations and travel snags, she finds herself constantly struggling to keep one step ahead of the ever-changing guidelines of the airlines–with her overweight luggage in tow. Her stories alert us to some of the pitfalls of being an obsessive shopper, especially when it comes time for D.G. to bring her treasures home, and remind us of the simpler days when traveling was a breeze.

In her quest to keep from tipping the scales, D.G. strives to devise new tricks to fit everything in her suitcases on each trip. Why is she consistently a target for Canada customs on her return journeys?

D.G.’s witty tales take us from airports, to travel escapades with best friends, to reflections on how time can change the places we hold dear in our hearts. Her memories will entertain and have you reminiscing about some of your own most treasured journeys–and perhaps make you contemplate revamping your packing strategies.

A recent review for Have Bags Will Travel

Super fun travel reading on April 20, 2018

“Have Bags, Will Travel” is a delightful read on the experiences of travel, fashion, the art of packing suitcases with the emphasis on having a good time. Author, D.G. Kaye details her days on board planes to many popular destinations and her vivacious antics with friends. She also relates her solo travels to exotic destinations with steep cliffs and too much baggage. I particularly enjoyed the details of the by-gone, romantic days aboard Wardair, and the exquisite details of vintage Las Vegas.

A consummate shopper, D.G. Kaye relates her rather humorous run-ins with customs officials. How does it feel to be singled out routinely by airline officials? A read through this humorous pages will give you the insight to these first-hand conflicts.

I would say this might be required reading for shoe connoisseurs and fashion mavens especially if they have a plane ticket in hand. Germ avoidance theory is also discussed, and it may never be possible to look at airplane bathrooms the same.

D.G. Kaye brings back the memories of best friends and blazing trips through the desert. Many readers will identify with the struggles of this stylish lady attempting to blend in to avoid a custom’s mishap. A short and super fun read, “Have Bags, Will Travel” is perfect for your next airplane ride.

And Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-Bags-Will-Travel-Over-Packer-ebook/dp/B015HP1R6S

Other books by D.G. Kaye

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Read all the reviews and buy the books: http://www.amazon.com/author/dgkaye7

and Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO

More reviews and follow Debby on Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/dgkaye

Connect to Debby Gies

Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com
About me: http://www.wiseintro.co/dgkaye7
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/@pokercubster (yes there’s a story)
Linkedin: http://www.linkedin.com/in/dgkaye7
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/dgkaye
Google: http://www.google.com/+DebbyDGKayeGies
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/dgkaye
Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/dgkaye7

Thank you for dropping in today and please help spread the news of Debby’s new travel column.. look forward to your questions and comments. Thanks Sally