Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – One liners Marathon – Part Two – 31- 60


I make no apologies for these one liners… only 333 to go!!!

31.To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

32.Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

33.Two wrongs are only the beginning.

34.The sooner you fall behind the more time you’ll have to catch up.

35.A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

36.Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

37.Get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade!

38.Plan to be spontaneous – tomorrow.

39.If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

40.How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

41.If the speed of light is 186,000 miles/sec., what’s the speed of darkness?

42.Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?

43.Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

44.”When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather–not screamin like the passengers in his car.”

45.A girl phoned me the other day and said, “Come on over; nobody’s home.” I went over. Nobody was home.

46.It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning … put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.

47.I was such an ugly kid… When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

48.I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

49.I’m so ugly… My father carried around a picture of a kid that came with his wallet.

50.When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, “I’m sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through.”

51.I’m so ugly… My mother had morning sickness… AFTER I was born.

52.I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

53.My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

54.I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror…I feel like throwing up; What’s wrong with me?” He said…”I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect.”

55.I love to sleep. It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

56.What’s the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.

57.Always wanted to be a procrastinator, but never got around to it.

58.My friend has kleptomania, but when it gets bad, he takes something for it.

59.It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

60.When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

 

Thanks for dropping by..  feel free to pass them on and Part Three next Tuesday.. Part One can be found in the archive for Tuesday.

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Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – A few Irish jokes and one liners… Part One – 1 – 30


I trot these out every year and add some new ones here and there… if you have read them before.. then try to put that behind you and enjoy again……….

Here is the first lot.

1.When the Irish say that St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland, what they don’t tell you is that he was the only one who saw any snakes!

2.His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan. “Did she say anything before she died?” asked the sergeant. “She spoke without interruption for about forty years,” said the Finnegan.

3.Pat and Kieran were getting ready to go on a camping trip. The first one said “I’m taking along a gallon of whiskey just in case of rattlesnake bites. What are you taking?” The other one said “Two rattlesnakes!”

4.”Seamus do you understand French?”, “I do if its spoken in Irish”

5.Two farmers were driving their tractor down the middle of a country road. A car comes around the corner backs hard to avoid them, skids, tumbles twice and lands in a field. Jimmy say to Eamonn it’s just as well we got out of that field.

6.Two drunks coming home, stumbled up the country road in the dark. “Faith, Mike, we’ve stumbled into the graveyard and here’s the stone of a man lived to the age of 103!” “Glory be, Patrick and was it anybody we knew?” “No, ’twas someone named ‘Miles from Dublin’!”

7.T’was the Irish what invented the pipes, you know, and they gave them to the Scots as a joke. And you Scots haven’t gotten the joke yet!!”

8.One night I was chatting with my Mum about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: “When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a penny, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance.”

9.I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

10.42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

11.99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

12.If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.

13.Honk if you love peace and quiet.

14.Remember half the people you know are below average.

15.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

16.He who laughs last thinks slowest.

17.The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

18.I intend to live forever – so far so good.

19.Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back.

20.If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21.Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

22.Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

23.If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

24.Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

25.For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

26.Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

27.No one is listening until you make a mistake.

28.Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

29.The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

30.To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

I hope you have enjoyed today’s selection… please feel free to share and more sillies… I mean funnies to come next week…. thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Fifty Sheds of Grey, Tree Hugging and One-Liners


Another way of looking at it! Double-entendres (a bit saucy).

The novel “Fifty Shades Of Grey” and its sequels have seduced women – and baffled blokes.

Now an alternative for men, Fifty Sheds Of Grey, offers a treat for
the men.

The book has author Colin Grey recounting his love
encounters at the bottom of the garden.

Here are some extracts………………………

Fifty Sheds Of Grey

We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a
wall…
But in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was
the only place for a good shed.

She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
“I’m yours for the night,” she gasped, “You can do whatever you want
with me.”
So I took her to McDonalds.

She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then
harder.
I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.

Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes,
chains and shackles.
She still manages to get into the shed, though.

“Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly.
“Mmmm, kinky!” she purred.
“Yes,” I said, “You can’t be too careful with all that asbestos in the
shed roof.”

“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. “I need to be
punished.”
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.

“Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
“I think so,” I gulped. “Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me
the receipt.

“Are you sure you want this?” I asked. “When I’m done, you won’t be
able to sit down for weeks.”
She nodded.
“Okay,” I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.

“Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!”
“Very well,” I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

“Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously,” she said,
gently massaging my back as we listened to her Barry Manilow CD.

The dangers of being a tree hugger!

A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA . There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor re-appeared.The angry woman demanded, “What took you so long?” He smiled and then told her, “Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a ‘recreational area’ so close to a Waste Treatment Facility.

And I’m sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down.

And a few one liners…

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I’m reading a book about antigravity. I just can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro… What a rip off!

Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

Sporty?

My skiing skills are really going downhill

I’m not a big fan of archery. It has too many drawbacks.

My tennis opponent was not happy with my serve.. He kept returning it

What do say to an impatient Jockey? Hold your horses.

I think there are about 1 to 2 million baseball fields in the world but that is just a ballpark number.

Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I hope you enjoyed and were not too overcome by the Fifty Sheds of Grey.. personally I thought more realistic and true to life than the original…..Please feel free to pass on… thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Posts from My Archives – Laughter Lines – Shaggy Dog Stories from around the world.


This was one of the most popular laughter academies of a year ago and I thought that I would add to the blog sitting list for my final day away.

From Australia

Whenever two drovers get together, there is the inevitable argument about who has the best kelpie sheep dog. So the merits of their respective dogs was the subject of the debate at the bar.

‘My dog’s so smart,’ said one, ‘ I can give him five instructions at the same time and he will carry them out to perfection.

‘That’s nothing,’ said his mate. ‘I only have to whistle and point and Bluey anticipates the whole exercise.

Finally they decided to put their dogs to the test. The first drover whistled his dog and told him to dash to the saleyards, select the oldest ram, bring him back into town and load it into the ute which was parked outside the pub.

The dog sped off in a cloud of dust and ten minutes later was seen bringing a large ram down the main street. He jumped into the ute, dropped the tail gate and hunted the ram in.

‘Well that’s not bad,’ conceded the second drover. ‘ But watch this.’

‘Bluey, what about some tucker?’

In a cloud of dust Bluey streaked down the main street to a farm five kilometres from town. The dog raced into the chook house, nudged a hen off the nest and gently picked up an egg.

The dog then sped back to town and gently placed the egg at his master’s feet. But without waiting for a pat on the head, the dog gathered a few sticks and lit a fire, grabbed a billy in his teeth and dashed to the creek. Returned and set the billy on the fire and gently dropped the egg into the simmering water.

After exactly three minutes, Bluey rolled the billy off the fire, laid the boiled egg at his master’s feet and stood on his head.

‘Well that beats all,’ conceded the first drover, ‘but why is he standing on his head?’

‘Well he knows I haven’t got an egg cup,’ said the proud owner.

 

From Ireland

An Irishman Patrick Flanagan was walking his Irish Setter in the countryside. He picked up a stick and threw it, the dog went and retrieved it and brought it back.

Patrick then threw it in a different direction and the dog once again went and retrieved it and brought it back. Patrick then threw it in another direction and it landed in a small lake. The dog went down to the water’s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back.

Well, Patrick was astounded. He couldn’t believe what he had seen and threw stick in the lake again, and the dog once again walked across the water to bring the stick back. As he went into town, he promised that he would show his dog’s wonderful new trick to the first person he came across.

Once in town the first person the dog owner came across was the town drunk Declan Dunphy. Patrick dragged Declan to the lake to show him what his dog could do. Once again, the dog owner threw the stick into the small lake and the dog went to the water’s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back to it’s owner.

Once the Irish drunk saw that, he turned to Patrick and said; “Why that’s great, mister! But when are you going to teach your dog how to swim?”

From France (and various other countries with various makes and models of dog.. )

A wealthy French lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged Poodle along for the company

One day the Poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old Poodle thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in deep doodoo now!” Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old Poodle exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

“Whew!” says the leopard, “That was close! That old Poodle nearly had me!”

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection. So off he goes, but the old Poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!”

Now, the old Poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet,

Just when they get close enough to hear, the old Poodle says: “Where’s that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!”

I hope you enjoyed the repeat and feel free to share the laughter. thanks Sally

 

Smorgasbord Blog Sitting Special – The Wedding Dancer by Jennie Fitzkee


I have another treat for you with the next blog sitting post. Jennie Fitzkee has a wonderful blog where she shares stories of her life as a pre-school teacher. But in this post Jennie shares a hidden talent… well hidden from us up to now!

The Wedding Dancer by Jennie Fitzkee

Friends. Good friends. There are seven of us. Lucky Seven, I’d say. We met when our children were quite young and sang together in a premier children’s choral group. The group made two trips to England, including singing at Harrods and at St Martin-in-the-Fields. We stuck together through years of rehearsals and performances, a brilliant choir director who drank too much, and an organist who was as kind as Father Christmas to the children. The choir flourished, and so did our friendship.

I never really experienced diversity before. My southern upbringing where everyone was alike abruptly changed when I moved to New England. These ladies, good friends, were different from me. Our commonality was music, and that was the foundation for a life-long friendship.

Paula was the smart one, the leader, and a math genius.

Jane was the voice of standing up for what is right and wrong. She could have led the woman’s suffrage movement back in the day. She was also the chef.

Carolyn was the witty one and a brilliant writer. She reviewed all the theater performances in Boston.

Kathryn was the accomplished musician and an excellent nurse.

Alice was the outstanding teacher, working with blind students in Boston.

Elaine was the savvy one, the techy one. She also owned the great outdoors.

Death and illness intervened and brought us closer together. Alice’s husband died, and Paula’s husband became very ill. We started meeting for dinner every month. Then, we started meeting for a weekend every summer at Paula’s house on Lake Winnisquam in New Hampshire. Meanwhile, our children were going through teenage years and prep school applications. We cried. We laughed. Oh, how we laughed! We swam in the lake and became the Mermatrons. Too old to be mermaids, so matrons seemed to fit the title.

That humorously came to be pronounced merm-A-trons. Yes, we have a title. Our children are jealous, hoping that they find such a lifetime group of friends.

Music was always the bond, the glue. We shared our love of opera. I shared my love of R&B. We talked about the concerts we went to in college, and the great music of the 60’s and 70’s. I always said, “I want to be Aretha Franklin’s back-up singer.” I did, and I meant it. We played music at Paula’s on the lake, loud. Really loud. We sang and danced as if no time had passed since college.

Then, our children were older. Kathryn’s daughter was getting married. Kathryn said, “Jennie, you have always wanted to be Aretha Franklin’s back-up singer. Let’s do a performance at the wedding reception. You can lead us in a song and dance.”

Whoa! Me? Leading a R&B song and doing a performance? I protested, but finally caved.
I had to pick a song and decided on “One Fine Day” by the Chiffons. Costumes were white gloves. Picture a hand in the glove, and a finger waving and hips moving as we sang the words, “one fine day.”

Our practices were… hysterical. We were so bad that we laughed more than we sang. Wine helped, or maybe it didn’t help. Dancing to music looked like snow shoveling. At one practice, a client of Carolyn’s husband arrived, just in time to see us in all our glory, or less than glory. Paula’s son was there to help. Oh, we needed help. He clapped his hands together saying, “Ladies in the back row.” We knew we were bad. We’d never had so much fun.

We dubbed that as one of our top-ten Mermatron moments.

The wedding reception arrived, and so did we. I was (gulp) front and center. Carolyn and all her wit announced us, and… we were a big hit. Standing ovation. The audience asked for an encore. Encore? Carolyn’s parting words to the crowd at the end of our performance were, “Ladies and gentlemen, as we speak, Federal Agents from the Witness Protection Program are waiting to escort the performers…”

Out first wedding performance was a smash!

Paula’s younger son was the next to get married. After the success that happened at the previous wedding, we were asked to perform. This time, I had to be prepared for a song AND an encore. Clearly the 60’s female groups were our thing, at least for weddings. I picked “Heat Wave” by Martha Reeves and the Vandellas. We wore white boas, long white gloves, and white cat-eye rhinestone-studded glasses. This was far more costume than the short white gloves we had worn before. The movements to the words would have topped any 60’s group. We had it nailed!

Then came the encore, “Gimme Some Lovin” by the Spencer Davis Group. I knew it had to be good, and not a female R&B song, as it was the encore! We practiced. More wine and more laughing helped. Well, sort of. Before the wedding, my husband and I attended a friend’s wedding. The DJ at the reception was taking requests for songs, and I knew I needed a practice in front of an audience. He played the song, I sang and danced… and everybody was watching. Everybody, including the kitchen help. Yes, they came out of the kitchen to watch.

 

I danced in front of a group of hundreds of people. Alone. I brought the house down. I had to practice for my friend’s wedding. Afterwards, a new acquaintance said, “Jennie, I didn’t know you were, uh, like that.” Little did he know I’m not. The power of music is remarkable.
At the Mermatron’s wedding reception we slipped away to “dress” in our boas, glasses, and long white gloves. “Heat Wave” has a long instrumental introduction with plenty of rhythm and soul- perfect for walking onto the stage. You could have heard a pin drop except for the music. I think the Mermatrons were relieved I was up front in case they screwed up, or had a sudden fit of hysterical laughter. Oh, we were good! Swinging hips and shoulders, waving arms up high, or open wide, with great exaggeration, of course. I think Martha Reeves and the Vandellas had real competition.

As soon as the song ended, and all the clapping and cheering died down, we turned our backs to the audience, took off the boas, glasses, and gloves, and grabbed dark sunglasses. Time for “Gimme Some Lovin”, the encore! Turning around to face the audience, we stood stone-faced, feet apart, and holding sunglasses behind our backs.

The music began with the heavy sound of five, do-do-do-do-do beats. We slowly put on our sunglasses at the second round of beats, keeping rhythm to the music. That was our killer opening move. This dance was heavy rock, not the smooth beats of R&B. We shook our hair, bent over shaking our shoulders, and pulled in an imaginary rope. Remember Dan Aykroyd in “The Great Outdoors”, dancing at the end of the movie and pulling his wife in with a ‘rope’? Yeah, that was the (great) move we did.

Just when wedding dancing seemed like a distant, lovely Mermatron memory, Kathryn’s other daughter married, and of course she wanted us to perform at her reception. The Chiffons came through again with “He’s So Fine.” Love that R&B. No boas, just long white gloves and the rhinestone studded white glasses. As we had a last rehearsal in the wings, Paula’s son remarked, “The ladies in the back row now have separate movements. Wow!” Can you picture 60-year-olds orchestrating and actually dancing to a hit song, with separate movements? We did, and we made The Chiffons proud. Carolyn introduced us as the Merm-a-tones. The audience roared their approval, and we danced the night away.

Paula’s oldest son was the next to marry. Mr. Ladies in the Back Row probably knew us better than any of our children. Naturally, we decided on the best wedding song ever, “Chapel of Love”, by the Dixie Cups. As with all the wedding dancing events, I spent the previous month singing the song under my breath at every moment, and unconsciously working on ‘cool moves’. Yes, in public. The stares were priceless. My husband did not feel the same way, though. I spied bling rings at the checkout counter at Pier One and lost it. I turned into a four-year-old on Christmas morning. I grabbed seven rings and tried to tell the sales lady how perfect they’ll be on top of the white gloves. She didn’t respond. I tried to explain the song and dance while trying on every ring, then noticed the silence around me. My husband clenched his teeth, paid for the rings, and pulled me out of the store.

Since this was the wedding of the hip, cool child, we went all out and decided to finish the song by immediately going into the latest, greatest, coolest music of the day- Gangnam Style! Well, first we had to learn that dance. So, two YouTube videos to the rescue, and lots of wine. One video was instructional. We followed along, or at least tried to. That was a sight not to behold. Laughter caused serious bladder control issues. A friend aged twenty-something watched us jump and cross our wrists, the key dance move, and commented that we looked like scarecrows. Now that was encouraging. Although, rolling our derrieres was a move we got down pat. Pun intended?

At the wedding reception, we entered the stage walking in a line, each with a hand on the shoulder of the lady in front of us. We flashed those bling rings at the audience and nearly brought the house down. But, no time to pause, as we immediately transitioned to Gangnam Style, including wearing singer PSY’s sunglasses. The audience enthusiastically whistled and clapped along to the beat. That certainly helped, and we pulled it off, beautifully.

Fast forward to today. One of our children has been friends with Meghan Markle for quite a while. If he is invited to the Royal Wedding, don’t you think he should suggest the Mermatrons as entertainment? Wait! We could ask Her Majesty the Queen to join the ladies in the back row!

Laughter makes the world all the better. So do good friends. Hats off to the Mermatrons and our wedding dancing adventures.

©Jennie Fitzkee images 2018

Wasn’t that a wonderful post of friendship, music and laughter and I know that Jennie would love your feedback..

About Jennie Fitzkee

I have been teaching preschool for over thirty years. This is my passion. I believe that children have a voice, and that is the catalyst to enhance or even change the learning experience. Emergent curriculum opens young minds. It’s the little things that happen in the classroom that are most important and exciting. That’s what I write about.

I am highlighted in the the new edition of Jim Trelease’s bestselling book, “The Read-Aloud Handbook” because of my reading to children. My class has designed quilts that hang as permanent displays at both the National Liberty Museum in Philadelphia, and the Fisher House at the Boston VA Hospital.

Connect to Jennie

Blog: https://jenniefitzkee.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jennie.fitzkee

I look forward to checking up on your comments when I get back next Wednesday and thanks again to Jennie for a lovely post.

Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives – It’s the phrase he’s going through by Geoff Le Pard


Welcome to Geoff Le Pard who joins us with his four posts from his archives. This week catchphrases, particular from our youth on television or the odd phrase that somehow does not come out as intended…Malapropisms ran rife in our family as my mother was very creative…. known as molliepropisms..

It’s the phrase he’s going through by Geoff Le Pard

The Textiliste has no sense of smell. Not really. So it wasn’t unusual to have a sack pushed at my face and asked to sniff. Dried lavender, you see.

Collected last year from the garden and used to fill small cushions for sale. I had to check it still had oomph.

I moaned about the imposition (I was pretending to be asleep – I was never good at that – when the Lawyer was a babe and cried in the night, I would fain sleep while the Textiliste fained death) but she wasn’t to be denied. So I resorted to throwing a stalk at her, spear-like, crying ‘Banzai – Stabu the Elephant Boy!’

“Stab You?”

That’s what Dad said when he flung a grass stalk at us on a long walk (boy, were our entertainments sophisticated back then).

I thought I’d better check if there was such a character and it turned out he was talking about Sabu, the Elephant Boy, a star of 1930s Indian cinema. This young man had quite a history and it set had me thinking about whether I had just misheard Dad or that’s what he actually said.

By that tortuous route I alighted on a link to a wartime radio show called ‘ITMA’ (It’s That Man Again – which I’m informed, was a reference to a moustachioed German causing a stir across the channel). It seems ‘Stabu the elephant boy’ might have been a creation of that show. ITMA, I found, was the source of a number of catchphrases of the time: ‘Can I do you now, sir’ ‘TTFN’ (tata for now) and ‘After you Cyril; no after you Claude’. All of which peppered my childhood a couple of decades after the end of the war, proving the longevity of such silly expressions; they certainly wiggle their way into the subconscious like one of those cheap music ear-worms.

Catchphrases have an odd way of framing a period of my life. Mid 60’s TV and there was ‘Oh you are awful, but I like you’ (Dick Emery Show). Later, in the 70s and teen age years it was ‘They don’t like it up ’em, sir’ (Clive Dunn – Dad’s Army), ‘I’m Free’ (John Inman – Are You Being Served) and even ‘Bernie the Bolt’ (Bob Monkhouse). Partly I suppose it was because we only had two, three or four channels back then and we all watched TV together, all the generations, so these things infected every walk of life.

Do catchphrases still have the same resonance today? I had to think hard and came up with comedian Catherine Tate’s ‘Am I bovvered’. This entered the household lexicon at some time in the last ten years or so, but I can’t honestly say many others have. Which I think is a shame. Having Brucie (Forsyth) continue to roll out ‘Give us a Twirl’ is a sad indictment of the stickability of today’s TV, frankly. They seemed to be neat shorthand for shared experiences, albeit rather trite and superficial and I suppose I miss them.

And then, pondering their loss, I realised the BBC spoof of the Olympics, 2012 (which believe me, from someone who worked for both the ODA and LOCOG over four years up to the Games, was far too near the mark to be really funny) has given me the Ian Fletcher (Hugh Bonneville) ‘Well, that’s all good then’. I don’t suppose it has stuck with as many as the older ones did but it’s still out there, struggling to survive in this harsh competitive world of ours.

I wonder what others think? Do you have family favourites?

I started this piece wondering about the misheard phrase or saying: maybe I can share our family favourite which was when the Vet, aged about 7, came home to tell us, sadly, of her friend who was Black Toast Intolerant. She always feared I’d cook a lactose based breakfast at the next sleepover and kill the poor soul.

©Geoff Le Pard 2014

About Geoff Le Pard

71oyplm6zdl-_ux250_Geoff Le Pard (not Geoffrey, except to his mother) was born in 1956 and is a lawyer who saw the light. He started writing (creatively) in 2006 following a summer school course. Being a course junkie he had spells at Birkbeck College, twice at Arvon and most recently at Sheffield Hallam where he achieved an MA in Creative Writing.

And what did he learn?

That they are great fun, you meet wonderful people but the best lessons come from the unexpected places. He has a line of books waiting to be published but it has taken until now to find the courage to go live.

He blogs at http://geofflepard.com/ on anything and everything. His aim is for each novel to be in a different style and genre. Most people have been nice about his writing (though when his brother’s dog peed on the manuscript he was editing, he did wonder) but he knows the skill is in seeking and accepting criticism. His career in the law has helped prepare him.

Geoff’s Latest Book

About Life in a Flash

Life is fast, life is short. In a series of short fiction pieces, most under 500 words, we explore the world, its inhabitants and their trials and tribulations, their ups and downs and sideways shifts, all with humour and decent grammar. You’ll find something to amuse and intrigue here and if, unlikely as it is, one piece isn’t for you, well, turn the page and start again.

A recent review for the collection

Geoff Le Pard’s book is a collection of 157 pages filled with short stories. Each one has 500 words or less. Geoff Le Pard is a master in bringing out the irony of life in his special way. He has this dark British humor, adds twists, and always leaves something to ponder. What I loved most are the stories in which he combines Greek Mythology with the modern world.

This is a book made for those who like to be into the story quickly… but you won’t stop with one story because it makes you want more!

The book is available here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Life-Flash-Geoff-Pard-ebook/dp/B076T96M2Y

and Amazon US: https://www.amazon.com/Life-Flash-Geoff-Pard-ebook/dp/B076T96M2Y

Other Books by Geoff Le Pard

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Read all the reviews and buy the books: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Geoff-Le-Pard/e/B00OSI7XA0

And Amazon US:https://www.amazon.com/Geoff-Le-Pard/e/B00OSI7XA0

Read more reviews and follow Geoff on Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/9791177.Geoff_Le_Pard

Connect to Geoff

Blog: http://geofflepard.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/geofflepard
Google+ : https://plus.google.com/+GeoffLepard01/posts

Thanks for dropping in and there will be more from Geoff over the next three weeks. Don’t forget to share your favourite TV phrase in the comments. Thanks Sally