Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – July 23rd 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Football and Tech repairs


Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp .. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

And to finish up…

Technical issues

So, Peter finds that his printer is giving faded prints and he takes it to a local repair store dealing in computers and printers.

The friendly assistant at the counter tells Peter that the printer probably only needs to be cleaned.

The counter assistant continues and says, “The store charged £30 for such services, so, it would be a better idea for you to read the printer’s manual and try doing the job yourself.”

Pleasantly surprised by his openness, Peter asks, “Is your boss aware that you discourage business?”

The assistant replies, “Actually it’s my boss’s idea,”

“To be honest, we make a lot more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things on their own first.”

My thanks to Danny for allowing me to raid his Facebook: Danny Kemp

About Daniel Kemp

Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?

In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.

Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.

He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.

A selection of books by Daniel Kemp

A review for Once I Was A Soldier

Reviewed in the United Kingdom

Once I was a Soldier by Daniel Kemp is the second in a trilogy that opened with What Happened in Vienna Jack? Once I was a Soldier picks up the narrative some 20 years later. It’s not obvious, at first, because the characters seem new, but if you have read the first book, you will realise, slowly, slowly that you have met these characters before.

This is a thriller of the highest quality. I’ve made the comparison between John le Carre and Daniel Kemp before. Both of these writers have agile, creative minds and both are experts in their chosen fields of espionage and the politics of the era.

The theme of Once I was a Soldier is power. People crave power, even if they already have it, they are greedy and want more. Those in power are afraid of losing it and guard it jealously.

The novel opens with an abuse of power. Melissa Iverson has inherited a vast fortune. Her lawyer reads her the contents of her Father’s Will. Her Father has made provisions for his two elderly, much loved servants, leaving them a house in which to live out their days. But the clause isn’t water tight and Melissa demands that the elderly couple are thrown out of their home immediately. This abuse of power drives the narrative.

This is some of the finest erotica I’ve read. The writer lulls the reader into believing that sex and wealth are so high on the agenda that we are reading a narrative that lures us into the sexually determined world of Jackie Collins, or Shirley Conran.

And neither is this Agatha Christie, there’s no room for Miss Marple here. There is a change of mood and pace that is shocking. We stumble into a gritty, dark world…the characters with whom we thought were safe and dependable are not what they have seemed. Who are their masters? Who truly, ultimately has power? We don’t know and for the most part we never find out, we can only guess. but the final pages bring us back to the narrative…it is shocking, leaving us in no doubt that evil really does exist.

If you like your reading to be challenging, if you like the mystery of where Daniel Kemp is taking you..be warned, Once I was a Soldier is disturbing, but you will enjoy the journey.  

Read the reviews and buy the books also in audio: Amazon UK – And : Amazon US – follow Daniel: Goodreads – Website: Author Danny Kemp – Facebook: Books by Daniel – Twitter:@danielkemp6

Thanks for visiting and I know Danny would love your feedback..Have a good weekend…Sally

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – June 6th – 12th 2021 – 1970s hits, Narcissism, Green Kitchen, Humour, Health, Pets, Book and Author Promotions.


Welcome to the round up of posts you might have missed this week on Smorgasbord.

I hope that the week has been good for you.. nothing very exciting to report from our neck of the woods except that I will be having my first official haircut on Monday after almost a year of hacking it myself in the front and David using clippers on the back.. To be hones wearing a mask in public I am sure nobody noticed but it will be great to have some shape back in it… that is if my hairdresser is still talking to me!

I am just about to head out to the garden with books and music to catch some rays… the promised tropical air mass is hovering over us for the next couple of days. I believe the temperature is going up to 17 C (62F) degrees and I am concerned that I might become overheated!!

With that in mind and the window of opportunity rather small….time to get on with the posts.

My great thanks to the contributors this week.. William Price King, D.G. Kaye, Carol Taylor and Daniel Kemp... they add so much to the blog and it would not be the same without them.

And of course to you for your ongoing support during the week and for keeping me motivated.

Chart Hits 1971 Part One – Ike and Tina Turner, James Taylor, Rod Stewart, Tom Jones 

Relationships Rewind -Envy, Jealousy, Bullying – A Path to Narcissism? 

Carol Taylor’s Green Kitchen – June 2021 – Dutch Oven Bread, Kale, Home Grown Pea Shoots, Fishing Nets, Neighbours. 

What’s in a Name? Volume One – Brian – The Birthright  

Chapter Five – Trouble in Paradise – Part one 

#CrownCinquain – Life’s Progression  

#Mystery #Paranormal – The Light (Wake-Robin Ridge Book 4) by Marcia Meara 

Past Book Reviews 2020 – #Fantasy – Allies and Spies (Unraveling the Veil Book 2) by D.Wallace Peach… 

Part Two – Author Biographies -Tips and Translations 

Image

Kennel Cough – Hygiene is as important for dogs as humans  

A-Z of common conditions – Athlete’s Foot  

3 Reasons to Create a Facebook Group by J.Q. Rose 

#Paranormal John W. Howell, #Poetry Anita Dawes, #WWII Paulette Mahurin 

#Thriller Allan Hudson, #Relationships M.C.V. Egan, #Fantasy Jean Lee 

Memoir Marian Longenecker Beaman, #Prehistoric Jacqui Murray, #Memoir Patty Fletcher 

Hugh W. Roberts

Monday June 7th 2021 – #Food #Environment Carol Taylor, #Blogging #Interview Hugh W. Roberts, #Poetry Colleen Chesebro 

Tuesday 8th June 2021 – Entertaining Again? #Recipes Dolly Aizenman, Eat Dessert First, Dorothy of New Vintage Kitchen. 

Wednesday 9th June 2021 – #Newhome Ritu Bhathal, #Reviews Jan Sikes, #Writing D.L. Finn 

Thursday June 10th 2021 – #Children #HandWriting Robbie Cheadle, #BetaReaders Richard Dee, #Guest C.S. Boyack with D.L. Finn 

#Fantasy – The Ferryman and the Sea Witch by D.Wallace Peach 

#Contemporary – Matilda Windsor Is Coming Home by Anne Goodwin 

#Safety Miriam Hurdle, #Malta Darlene Foster, #Environment Kathleen Jae 

June 8th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Catnip and Groaners 

June 10th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – #Twins and more Groaners 

June 11th 2021 – Anniversary Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Carbolic Soap and It could be worse 

 

Thanks very much for dropping in today and for all your support.. I hope you will join me again next week…Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – 4th – 10th April 2021 – Community, Dusty Springfield, Acne, Cravings, Book Reviews, Humour


Welcome to the round up with posts that you might have missed during the week.

First some sad news that most of you will have already seen. Debby Gies (D.G. Kaye) has been a contributor to the blog with the Travel and Relationship Column for over three years, but has been a wonderful supporter of the blog and friend since 2014.

As many of you will know, Debby has been taking a break from her own blog and also her regular posts here as she cared for her husband in the last few weeks. George passed away earlier this week and the funeral was yesterday. The service was live-streamed and a number of us attended but we wish we could have been there to offer a more tangible support.

Debby has appreciated your kind thoughts and wishes over the last few weeks and I am sure you join me in sending our love and condolences… never has this writing community of ours been so important and needed.

RIP lovely ‘G’

Here is Debby’s Facebook Page

On the home front there has not been a great deal happening. Allegedly 64 – 69 year olds will be able to book their vaccination from April 16th and we shall see how that goes. At least now the cold snap is over for the time being we have been able to spend some time in the garden, and for the first time this year we had the weather to do the winter clear up.

As always I am very grateful to William Price King for his contributions which go back 7 years and I have learnt so much about all genres of music from his wonderful series on musicians, singers and composers. We are having a lot of fun with the Breakfast Show and so pleased that it is bringing back memories of the 1960s for so many of you.

Thanks to a new contributor to the blog – Malcolm Allen is an author who my husband David has worked with for several years and lives in Australia.. He sends a great selection of funnies to us regularly and I am now passing them along to you. You can find out more about Malcolm’s latest book if you click on the link at the end of the posts under Laughter Lines Extra..

Thank you as well for you ongoing support and wishing you a lovely weekend.. thanks Sally

Here are the posts from the week…

The Breakfast Show with William Price King and Sally Cronin – Chart Hits 1966 Part Two 

D.G. Kaye Explores The Realms of Relationships – #Friendships – Keeping them Healthy 

Chapter Eleven – Summer: The Foxes by Sally Cronin 

The Foxes Part Two – Chapter Twelve – The Storyteller to the Rescue 

– Tanka Tuesday Challenge – #Senryu – Scepticism 

#Musicians #Covid – Pause, Play, Repeat:The real impact of Covid-19 on musicians by Sammy Stein Reviewed by William 

Past Book Reviews 2020 – #Mystery – Frozen Stiff Drink: A Kellan Ayrwick Cozy Mystery (Braxton Campus Mysteries Book 6) by James J. Cudney 

Past Book Reviews 2020 – #1920s #Familysaga – Telling Sonny by Elizabeth Gauffreau 

#YA D.L. Finn, #Shortstories Mandy Haynes, #Vampires Susanne Leist 

#Children’s Jude Lennon, #Poetry Elizabeth Merry, #Poetry Marlene Mesot 

#Historical V.M. Sang, #Myths Barbara Spencer, #Memoir J.Q. Rose 

#Reviews D.Wallace Peach, #BlackHumour Jacqui Murray, #Haddock New Vintage Kitchen 

Tuesday 6th April 2021 – #Tarot Jan Sikes, #BananaKoftas Carol Taylor, #Funnies The Story Reading Ape 

Wednesday April 7th 2021 – #Limericks Esther Chilton, #Humour Charles Yallowitz, #EggPlant Lisa’s Food Blog 

Thursday April 8th 2021 – #Review by Elizabeth Gauffreau, #Challenge Antoinette Truglio Martin, #FREE Book Daniel Kemp 

What causes your cravings? – Part Four – Coal, Dirt and other strange stuff 

Family Health A-Z – Acne – Teenage and Adults 

Fiction In A Flash Challenge Prompt Week #13 – The Key to Unlock the Mystery by Miriam Hurdle 

Words, Wonderful Words…by Joy Lennick 

Amanda in Malta: The Sleeping Lady (An Amanda Travels Adventure Book 8) by Darlene foster 

Share an Excerpt 2021 – #Family – Brody Cody and the Stepmother from Outer Space by Toni Pike. 

#Poetry – Lines by Leon : Poems, Prose, and Pictures by Leon Stevens 

#Scifi #Cats – Fluffy’s Revolution by Ted Myers 

New Author on the Shelves – #Historical, #Spiritual -The Windmill by K. Lewis Adair 

#Poetry Sue Vincent, #Paranormal #Romance Jan Sikes, #Fantasy D.Wallace Peach 

April 6th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Hindsight and Quick Thinking 

– Open Mic Night – Special Guest Malcolm Allen – #Malapropisms and #Thesaurus 

 

Thank you very much for dropping in today and I hope you will join me again next week..thanks Sally

 

 

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up 21st -27th March 2021 – Editing, 1960s Music, Ball Boys, Reviews and humour.


Welcome to the round up of posts that you might have missed this week on Smorgasbord

I hope you are all well and have some decent weather. Ours is still mixed at the moment with freezing showers forecast for tonight. The sun is shining at the moment and whilst still nippy it is a welcome sight.

As you know I prefer the Classic Editor. I did a trial of the block editor and whilst I appreciate that many are very happy with it. I don’t find it helpful for me, because of the posts that I upload. For example this weekly round up which I try to update daily as even with the original classic editor it would usually take an hour. There was an update about three weeks ago which added more steps into the process. Whilst they have said they will not support the editor I had hoped they would have the decency to leave it alone.

But no..on Thursday without warning and in the middle of a post everything changed into an abomination that has removed all functionality and has added many more steps into the process.

I have approached WP who keep bombarding me with ads to upgrade and they tell me that if I go to the Business plan I can have their own classic editor plug in.. It is 300 dollars a year and the only thing that I want is the plug-in for the classic editor. I don’t want to monetise the blog as I don’t wish to sell any books or my services through it. I just want to be able to provide free book marketing for authors current and new. Post health blogs, music and funnies for people to enjoy.

Also I am not paying 300 dollars a year, if the classic editor they deliver in the plug-in, is the one that has just been dished up this week. I want the old classic editor with its functionality and customer friendly interface which was easy to use for new bloggers and those less technical alike. The person who responded to me yesterday could not answer that but still urged me to upgrade to the business plan anyway.

I have to say that I am disappointed in WordPress and their approach to this. There are (from what I can gather) five million + people using the classic editor plug-in and I would be very happy to pay 50 dollars a year for example, for a plug-in that gave me the original classic editor..From comments I have received there are great deal of others who would like to go back to it. It seems to me that WordPress are missing a business opportunity here. 5 million+ paying 50 dollars a year is 250million dollars.

I spent yesterday leaning new software offline. This is an open source platform and open to self-hosted blogs. I am too effectively now, as I can now write and format my posts offline and schedule and upload directly into my blog but without a middleman and the hassle of trying to work within this cumbersome framework.

Looking back at the beginnings of WordPress their mission statement was that this was a place where bloggers of every level could post free, creating posts their way using simple coding that was easy to follow. I am disappointed that they have moved so far from this ethos and the platform is now being run by programmers who are determined to show how creative they can be. That is blogging their way…not as promised the users way.

I am determined that until they throw me out kicking and screaming, I will continue to write my blog ‘my way’ so if you don’t see me around next week you will know what happened!!!

In the meantime.. please forgive any format issues etc as I find my way around the new offline editor.

Anyway on with the show…. and as always my thanks to William Price King, D.G. Kaye and all of you for keep coming back.. That does keep me motivated. Sally.

The Breakfast Show with William Price King and Sally Cronin – Chart Hits 1965 Part Two

A return to Tales from the Irish Garden- Spring: Chapter Seven – Jeremy the Donkey  

Chapter Eight – The Royal Banquet

#Poetry Challenge No 217 Themeprompt -#Etherees – Immortality 

#Poetry Lockdown Innit by M.J. Mallon

#Short Stories–Undercover Crime Shorts by Jane Risdon

Past Book Reviews 2020 – A Year in the Life of Leah Brand: A #Psychological Thriller by Lucinda E. Clarke

#Quotes D.L. Finn, #Blogging Pete Springer, #BookOffer John W. Howell 

jim bordenclaire fullertonSharon Marchisello

Tuesday 23rd March 2021 – #Accounting Jim Borden, #Ireland Claire Fullerton, #Finance Sharon Marchisello

debby1John Howell Head shotamy-m.-reade

Thursday March 25th 2021 – #Writing D.G. Kaye, #Characters John W. Howell, #Interview Amy M. Read

toni brody cody 2Bette Stevens

#Reviews – #Ghosts Toni Pike, #Butterflies Bette A. Stevens

-#Epic #Fantasy The Goblin Trilogy by Jaq D. Hawkins

New Author on the Shelves – #Musicians #Covid – Pause, Play, Repeat:The real impact of Covid-19 on musicians by Sammy Stein

cafe and bookstore 2021 new book final

teagan journey 3

New Book on the Shelves – #Fantasy Dead of Winter: Journey 3 – The Fever Field by Teagan Riordain Geneviene

stevie Turner new marriage of convenienceEternal road john w. howelljacquie biggar book 7craig boyack 2019

#Family Stevie Turner, #Supernatural John W. Howell, #Action #Romance Jacquie Biggar, #Fantasy C.S. Boyack

Meet the Authors 2021 – #Fantasy K.M. Allan, #Supernatural Jessica Bakkers, #Family Johnnie Bernhard 

chuck new biolisette profileAnn Chiappetta

Meet the Authors 2021 – #Thriller Chuck Bowie, #Family Lisette Brodey, #Guide Dog Ann Chiappetta

What causes your cravings? – Part Two – Need Chocolate? 

Turning Back the Clock 2021 – Part Eleven – Anti-Aging and a nutrient dense diet

Meet the Muse by D. Wallace Peach 

Five Best Endings by Elizabeth Merry

#Pot Luck – #Spain Chronicles, Part 2 by Darlene Foster

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – Mid-week boost – More humour from the family… Shadows and Full time job

March 25th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Grilled Chicken and Genies

Open Mic Night – Special Guest Malcolm Allen – Home Depot and Algebra

Thanks very much for visiting this week and all your support.. enjoy your weekend thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – March 19th 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Marriage Alphabet and Anesthesiology


Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp .. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

A TV detector van pulls up in a street. A man gets out and goes and knocks on one of the doors.

A woman answered the door.

The man said–I’m from the tv licencing department I would like to see your licence.

The woman said–I’m just leaving for work, can you come back at 4 o’clock when my husband will be in. Tell him the licence is on the mantelpiece in the kitchen behind the clock.

The man said —ok I’ve got a few calls to make.

At 4 o’clock the tv man knocks on the door.

The husband opens the door and the man said—-I’m from the tv licencing department, I’ve come to check out your tv licence.

The husband said—I’m not sure where it is.

The tv man said—it’s on the mantelpiece in the kitchen behind the clock.

The husband comes back two minutes later and said—that’s some bloomin’ detection van you got out there..

A thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the woman and at knife-point tells the man to hand over the jewelry and money.

The man started sobbing and said, “You can take anything you want or even beat me up. But please untie the rope and let her go.”

Thief: “You must really love your wife!”

Man: “Not particularly, but she will be home shortly….”

Eat whatever you like because

The inventor of the treadmill had died at the age of 54

The inventor of gymnastics died at the age of 57

The world bodybuilding champion died at the age of 41

The best footballer in the world, Maradona, died at the age of 60

And then..

KFC inventor dies at 94

The inventor of the Nutella brand died at the age of 88

Cigarette maker Winston died at the age of 102

The inventor of opium died at the age of 116 in an earthquake

Hennessy inventor dies at 98

The inventors of Afghani food( Qabeli, Manto and Chapli Kebab) are still alive.

How did these doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life?

The rabbit is always jumping but it lives for 2 years and the turtle that doesn’t exercise at all lives 400 years.

So,  Take rest,  Chill,  Stay cool, eat, drink and enjoy life…

 

My thanks to Danny for allowing me to raid his Facebook: Danny Kemp

About Daniel Kemp

Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?

In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.

Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.

He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.

A selection of books by Daniel Kemp

One of the recent reviews for The Story That Had No Beginning

Feb 23, 2021 Roberta Cheadle rated it five stars

This book is an interesting and complex story about twins, Tom and Alice Collins, who enter the foster care system at a young age and are raised separately. The book starts with Alicia Collinson, aka Alice Collins, and her sophisticated boyfriend hosting two friends for a dinner party. Unknow to the dinner participants, the ghost of her brother Tom, known as Bobby Brown among his peer group, is also in attendance. It is obvious from the start that Alicia is a woman of good financial circumstances who mingles with the elite of London’s society. It also becomes evident quite early on, that Tom’s life has followed a very divergent path and he was a member of the mafia-styled criminal class.

The book follows the paths of the twins and how they come to end up in their different circumstances and lifestyles. Alicia is a well-know and talented photographer who owns her own home in London and has plenty of money. Tom has money, albeit ill gotten, but he dies the death of a criminal.

Tom is a conflicting character as he is a man involved in high class prostitution and other shady and illegal dealings. Despite being a seasoned criminal, his narration of the story reveals a different side to his character. One that questions the life he lived and celebrates the good fortune and success achieved by his sister.

Alice or Alicia has the great good luck to become the protegee of a wealthy single woman with no children who effectively adopts her and sets her on the road to success in her chosen field of photography. Unknown to the naïve Alicia, her benefactor isn’t everything she appears to be and some of the people she socialises with are infamous for their continuous promiscuous behaviour with the same, or the opposite, sex. In a contrast to her brother, Tom, who is in the centre of the debaucherous lifestyles led by the wealthy upper classes of London, Alicia hovers around the edges, not realising what is right in front of her.

The author has an in-depth knowledge of the illicit behaviour of the British upper class and paints a detailed picture of how greed, selfishness and a complete disregard for the values and ethics of society lead to the downfall of people.

This book will make you question what success is all about and whether it leads to contentment as the stories of the many characters unfold. This is thought provoking tale as despite the huge difference in the siblings financial and social positions, both of them end up with money but neither of them have good reliable partners or simply and happy lives.

Read the reviews and buy the books also in audio: Amazon UK – And : Amazon US – follow Daniel: Goodreads – Website: Author Danny Kemp – Facebook: Books by Daniel – Twitter:@danielkemp6

Thanks for visiting and I know Danny would love your feedback..Have a good weekend…Sally

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – February 4th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Margaritas and Flying Companions.


Welcome to laughter lines with some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a joke or two to make you smile from Sally.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK    Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally

Nymphomaniacs Conference

A man seated next to a beautiful woman on a plane. Eager to start a conversation, he asks “Business trip or holiday?”

She smiles dazzlingly and tells him.” Business, I’m on my way to the annual nymphomaniac conference in New York”

Trying to stay cool, the man asks “What’s your role at the conference?”

Lecturer, she says, I use my experience to debunk some of the myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” the man asks. And what are those?

The beautiful woman explains “One is that African men are the well-endowed, when in fact it is the American Indian. Another is that French men are the best lovers when actually it’s the Greeks and I have also found the men most likely to impress in both categories are the Irish”.

“Blushing she added I’m sorry I shouldn’t be discussing this with you. I don’t even know your name”.

“Tonto” the man replied. “Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy.

 

Thanks for visiting us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face..Debby and Sally…

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – February 2nd 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Wine Day and One Liners


Welcome to laughter lines with some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a joke or two to make you smile from Sally.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK    Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally’s Archives

Some more one liners…

  • Two aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get married. The ceremony was rubbish – but the reception was brilliant.
  • Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’. He said: ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’. ‘Is it common?’I asked. ‘It’s not unusual’ he replied.
  • I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
  • A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ”Pint please, and one for the road.”
  • I went to the doctors the other day and I said, ‘Have you got anything for wind?’ So he gave me a kite.
  • My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
  • I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ”He’s trying to pull a fast one”.
  • I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
  • A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says ”I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything”
  • Slept like a log last night…….. Woke up in the fireplace.
  • A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ”Is this some kind of joke?”
  • A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ”Sorry we don’t serve food in here”

 

Thanks for visiting us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. thanks Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – January 28th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Spiders and Gravestones


Welcome to laughter lines with some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a joke or two to make you smile from Sally.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK    BlogD.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally’s Archives

There are some fascinating things on old tombstones . . .

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York Born 1903–Died 1942 Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.

In a Thurmont, Maryland cemetery: Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only the good die young.

In a London, England cemetery: Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna Wallace The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna. Clark Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon him for not rising.

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake,
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery: Here lays The Kid, We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger, But slow on the draw.

A lawyer’s epitaph in England: Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange.

John Penny’s epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery: Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England: On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

Anna Hopewell’s grave in Enosburg Falls,Vermont: Here lies the body of our Anna, Done to death by a banana. It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low, But the skin of the thing that made her go.

On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts: Under the sod and under the trees, Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there’s only the pod, Pease shelled out and went to God.

In a cemetery in England: Remember man, as you walk by, As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so shall you be, Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you, I’ll not consent, Until I know which way you went.

 

Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – January 19th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Quotes and a letter to friends


Welcome to laughter lines with some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a joke or two to make you smile from Sally.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK    BlogD.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally.

A letter to my women friends. (apologies guys)

Dear Friend,

This letter was started by women like yourself in the hope of bringing relief to other tired and discontented women. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything.

Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your husband or boyfriend and send him to the woman who appears at the top of the list. When your name comes to the top of the list you will receive 16,877 men. One is bound to be a hell of a lot better than the one you already have.

DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN.  HAVE FAITH

One woman broke the chain and got her own husband back.

At the time of writing this letter a friend had already received 454 men. They buried her yesterday but it took the undertakers 36 hours to get the smile off her face!

YOU MUST HAVE FAITH – Yours truly a friend.

 

Thanks for dropping by today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face..Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – It’s all about the Cats and Dogs…host Sally Cronin


Welcome to the Friday funnies and hopefully they will get your weekend off to a good start.

And finally

In front of the local butcher’s, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realised with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery. It was, in fact, a collector’s item.

He strolled into the store and offered two pounds for the cat. ‘He’s not for sale’, said the butcher.

‘Look’, said the collector’, that cat is dirty and scabby, but I’m an eccentric. I prefer cats that way. I’ll raise my offer to ten pounds’. ‘It’s a deal’, said the proprietor, and pocketed the ten immediately.

‘For that amount of money I’m sure you won’t mind throwing in the saucer’, said the connoisseur’, ‘The kitten seems so happy drinking from it.’

‘I can’t do that’, said the butcher firmly, ‘That’s my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week, I’ve sold 18 cats.’

 

I hope you have enjoyed and have a great weekend.. next week Danny Kemp will be back with his wonderful brand of humour…Thanks Sally.