It is always useful to have a few jokes in your repertoire… You know, that moment when someone asks you if you have heard any good jokes lately. Here are a few to get you started with more to come in the next couple of posts.
Out of the mouths of babes….
A teacher was giving a lesson blood circulation. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, ‘Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”Yes,’ the class said. ‘Then why is it that while I am standing upright, the blood doesn’t run into my feet?’
One little fellow shouted, ‘Cause your feet ain’t empty.’
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: ‘Take only ONE. God is watching.’
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.A child had written a note: ‘Take all you want. God is watching the apples.’
Men vs. Women
Two men are discussing what their wives think about them. The first man says. ‘My wife thinks so much of me that she won’t let me do any work around the house.’
The second man says. ‘That’s nothing, My wife thinks I’m a God.’
‘She thinks your a god?’ replies the first man.’ What makes you say that?’
‘It’s obvious. Every night when I get home she places a burnt offering in front of me!’
An Englishman, a Welshman and an Irishman were at the fair and about to go on the helter-skelter when an old witch steps in front of them.
‘This is a magic ride,’ she says. ‘You will land in whatever you shout out on the way down.’
‘I’m game for this,’ says Dai, the Welshman, and slides down the helter-skelter shouting
‘GOLD!’ at the top of his voice. Sure enough, when he hit the bottom he found himself surrounded by thousands of pounds worth of gold coins.
William, the Englishman, goes next and shouts ‘SILVER!’ at the top of his voice. At the bottom he lands in more silver coinage than he can carry.
Patrick, the Irishman, goes last and, launching himself from the top of the slide shouts ‘WEEEEEEE!’
A man joins a Trappist order and is told that he is allowed to say just two words every five years. After five years he speaks his two words to his superiors. ‘Bed hard,’ he says.
He is promised the problem will be looked into. Another five years passes and this time his two words are: ‘Food cold.’
Again his superiors promise to take care of the problem. Five years later his two words are ‘I quit’. His superiors look at each other wearily. ‘We are not in the least bit surprised. You have done nothing but complain for the last fifteen years!
Words of wisdom
A man had been contemplating the world’s population,
It’s amazing, he told his friend. Every time I breathe in and out someone dies.
Have you tried mouthwash said his friend
‘Every man should have a girl for love, companionship and sympathy,’ said a wise and mature bachelor. ‘Preferably at three different addresses,’ he added
Thank you for dropping in today and I hope it has made you smile.. thanks Sally