Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives -#NewSeries – ‘Pot Luck’ – Your Own Opinions And Feelings #selfaware by Toni Pike


Since this series began in January 2018 there have been over 1000 Posts from Your Archives where bloggers have taken the opportunity to share posts to a new audience… mine. The topics have ranged from travel, childhood, recipes, history, family and the most recent series was #PotLuck where I shared a random selection of different topics.

In this series I will be sharing posts from the last six months of 2020

It is an opportunity to showcase your writing skill to my readers and also to share on my social media. Which combined is around the 46,000 mark. If you are an author your books will be mentioned too, along with their buy links and your other social media contacts. Head over to find out how to participate: Posts from Your Archives 2021

This is the second post by author Toni Pike and is from her series about authenticity, validation, self-belief and personal power.

This is a series about authenticity, validation, self-belief and personal power.

I’ve already mentioned self-validation, but I wanted to talk more about respecting our own opinions and feelings.

I realise now that for my most of my life I have been extremely reactionary. If someone said or did anything that concerned me in any way, I would immediately react and try to fix things up or do something about it. If I thought someone had a poor opinion of me for any reason, I would react and try to plead my case.

Trust your own opinions and feelings

Now I realise that I needed, instead, to trust and believe in my own opinions and feelings.

For instance, someone said to me recently that a letter I had written created some confusion because of a contradiction in it. Previously, I would have immediately reacted, trying to explain and justify myself. If the other person didn’t respond the way I wanted, I would keep trying to sort things out and possibly get into a flap, or be “jumping through hoops” with that person if they continued to disagree with me. I would also be upset that they had a bad opinion of me. But by doing all that, I was handing my power away to them.

But now, when that happened, I instead took a deep breath and thought about my own opinion. I knew that the letter was very clear, and that the other person was highly manipulative and merely trying to get a negative reaction from me. I chose to trust and believe in myself, knowing that I did not need to give them any explanation. I told them that I would not discuss it any further.

It’s easy to get into the habit of avoiding our own feelings and opinions. Instead, we should listen to them first and foremost, and believe in ourselves. You can even become “hooked” on focusing on what other people are thinking, and becoming upset or reactionary in response.

Our feelings are so important

I can’t stress enough how important it is to listen to our own feelings, rather than trying to think about and analyse every situation. We experience feelings in our body – which is why, when we’re scared or upset, we have all sorts of physical reactions such as headaches, intestinal cramps, trembling and aches and pains.

Here is a simple exercise to try. I know many of us have trouble getting to sleep because we get into bed and start thinking about all the worries in our life. When you start to do that, instead try listening to and experiencing your feelings. Calm yourself by focusing on feeling tired, sleepy, warm, relaxed, and cosy and safe in bed. Close your eyes and let your feelings help you drift off to sleep.
Trusting our own opinions and feelings

Here are some ways that show we’re not trusting our own opinions and feelings.

Do you worry far too much about what other people are thinking or feeling?

Wherever you are, ask yourself if you’re thinking about the way you think and feel – or are you thinking about other people’s thoughts and opinions? Try to focus on yourself, and have confidence in yourself.

Are you being reactionary?

Do you keep jumping in and reacting to any situation, trying to fix things up or alter another person’s opinion? Instead, stay calm and think about how you see the situation, and how you feel about it. When you react to something, you are handing your power away to the other person. Keep that power with yourself.

How do you comfort and calm yourself?

When anything happens, listen to your own feelings or emotions. How do you feel about the situation? Truly allow yourself to experience that feeling. Then, ask yourself how you comfort and support yourself. Do you immediately want to talk to someone to get their support, or do you try to numb the feeling with something like food, drink, drugs, cigarettes, or even by working hard or just trying to keep busy?

Try a different approach. Instead, talk to yourself with your inner voice, support and comfort yourself just like a loving parent would do to their beloved child. You’ll be amazed what a difference it makes.

Do you listen to and trust your own opinions?

We should try to believe in and trust both our own opinions and feelings. By doing that, we’re learning to love, support and care about ourselves the way we deserve.

Have you thought about focusing on your own opinions and feelings, rather than those of other people? I’d love to hear about it.

Here are my other articles in this series:

©Toni Pike 2020

Toni Pike is a multi-genre author who enjoys writing exciting thrillers for adults, non-fiction, and hilarious books for children. She also loves travelling and being with family and friends. She lives in Australia and firmly believes that coffee and long walks are an essential part of any day.

Do you like books that you can’t stop reading? Pike is the author of DESOLATION BLUFF, DEAD DRY HEART and The Jotham Fletcher Mystery Thriller Series: THE MAGUS COVENANT, THE ROCK OF MAGUS, THE MAGUS EPIPHANY and HOLY SPEAR OF MAGUS. Her latest release is for children aged 6-9: BRODY CODY AND THE STEPMOTHER FROM OUTER SPACE.

She’s also the author of two non-fiction books. THE ONE WAY DIET is a no-nonsense guide to losing weight and coping with the journey. HAPPY TRAVELS 101 is a short book of travel tips with great advice for anyone who wants to travel overseas.

Books by Toni Pike

One of the recent reviews for Desolation Bluff

D. W. Peach 5.0 out of 5 stars Quick and thrilling read  Reviewed in the United States on December 4, 2020

Oliver is a successful romance writer and happy newlywed. His wife, Vanessa, is his writing assistant, and his best friend Ray handles promotion. But Oliver is also blind, and what he doesn’t see is the way Vanessa and Ray roll their eyes at him and touch each other’s hands across the table. Then a freak accident returns Oliver’s sight. Before he can tell the two most important people in his life about the miracle, he discovers them in the throes of passion. His ability to see becomes his secret, and the tables turn.

The characters started off a touch flat for me, but they didn’t stay that way for long. As soon as Oliver gets his sight back, things get very interesting, very fast. Oliver is quite crafty and when a distant relative, Ferris, shows up at Oliver’s estate, she joins in the scheming. Things escalate like crazy and grow out of everyone’s control. The pace is great and the plot well-conceived.

The characters are varied and interesting, all of them flawed. Even Vanessa and Ray, despite their deceptions, don’t seem to start out with murderous intentions. And Oliver, in many ways the victim, makes vengeful choices with disastrous results. This book is a quick read that I polished off in a morning. Recommended for anyone who enjoys thrillers.

Read the reviews and buy Toni’s books: Amazon US – And : Amazon UK –  Follow Toni:Goodreads – Website: Toni PikeTwitter: @piketoni

 

Thank you for joining us today and I know that Toni would love to receive your feedback

 

Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives -#NewSeries – ‘Pot Luck’ – #PersonalPower #Standards by Toni Pike


Since this series began in January 2018 there have been over 1000 Posts from Your Archives where bloggers have taken the opportunity to share posts to a new audience… mine. The topics have ranged from travel, childhood, recipes, history, family and the most recent series was #PotLuck where I shared a random selection of different topics.

In this series I will be sharing posts from the last six months of 2020

It is an opportunity to showcase your writing skill to my readers and also to share on my social media. Which combined is around the 46,000 mark. If you are an author your books will be mentioned too, along with their buy links and your other social media contacts. Head over to find out how to participate: Posts from Your Archives 2021

The first author and blogger to kick of the new series is Toni Pike with one of the posts from her series about authenticity, validation, self-belief and personal power

This is a series about authenticity, validation, self-belief and personal power.

Previously, I talked about values and living your truth – and that means living according to your own core values in every aspect of your life. This article is about standards – and next time I’ll be talking about boundaries.

The role of standards and boundaries

An important part of establishing your values and living your truth is not just thinking about your own behaviour. It’s also about what you’re willing to accept from other people. That doesn’t mean you have to make everyone else conform to your values. I’m referring to having a firm set of standards for what you will and won’t accept in your life.

If your core values, like mine, include honesty, kindness, loyalty and respect – then you won’t be living your truth if you allow people to treat you in another way. Having standards for other people that match your values will help you to live your truth.

Boundaries are the tools you use to enforce your standards. Just like a medieval town surrounded by a thick wall, having strong boundaries means that you can keep out those things and people that don’t match your values.

Standards and strong boundaries are two of the biggest secrets to living your truth.

Standards

Our standards should apply to all the people in our lives, including colleagues, family and friends. They apply in our workplace, and also to our partners, any potential partners, our children and parents.

I now realise my standards were very ill-defined for most of my life and my boundaries were as weak as tissue paper. I’ve recently tried to change that, and wanted to share my new standards with you. I’d love to know what you think.

My Standards

  • I will only accept being treated with decency, kindness and respect.
  • I won’t trust anyone that I know is a liar
  • I won’t tolerate, or make excuses for, anyone else’s toxic behaviour.

That includes behaviour such as:

  • verbal abuse or rage
  • frequent or constant criticism, or barrages of criticism
  • trying to make me feel that I’m always doing something wrong
  • trying to invalidate, demean, or belittle me
  • trying to make me feel as if I’m unimportant
  • treating me as if I’m invisible – ignoring me or giving me no attention
  • manipulating and gaslighting me (trying to alter my perception of reality)
  • refusing to discuss any issues of concern or answer legitimate questions
  • refusing to be accountable for their own behaviour
  • blaming their own behaviour on me (shifting blame)
  • being cruel and/or uncaring
  • using the silent treatment
  • using circular arguments and/or deliberately trying to confuse me
    lying to me
  • playing verbal games such as pretending not to hear or understand me, interrupting, stamping on my speech, not responding, or criticising my speech.

Standards for a potential partner – If I was thinking about dating, I would only be interested in someone who:

  • is not involved in any other relationship
  • is reliable in all their dealings with me, such as contacting me and sticking to arrangements
  • shows a genuine interest in getting to know me, my interests, background and character
  • is interested in my friends and family
  • takes me out and treats me properly
  • is trustworthy and loyal
  • is kind, caring, supportive and thoughtful
  • is interested in and supportive of me and my goals
  • treats me with respect
  • has good manners
  • is willing to discuss any issues with a view to resolving them and is accountable for their own behaviour
  • is able to apologise
  • never engages in any form of toxic behaviour (as described previously in my general standards)

Having thought about my standards, I now know exactly what I’m willing to accept in my life.

Have you thought about your standards? I’d love to hear about them.

Here are my other articles in this series:

  1. Validate Yourself – and Transform Your Life
  2. Become Your Own Best Friend
  3. Don’t Give Your Power Away
  4. Your Values and Living Your Truth
  5. Having Boundaries – for healthy relationships

©Toni Pike 2020

Toni Pike is a multi-genre author who enjoys writing exciting thrillers for adults, non-fiction, and hilarious books for children. She also loves travelling and being with family and friends. She lives in Australia and firmly believes that coffee and long walks are an essential part of any day.

Do you like books that you can’t stop reading? Pike is the author of DESOLATION BLUFF, DEAD DRY HEART and The Jotham Fletcher Mystery Thriller Series: THE MAGUS COVENANT, THE ROCK OF MAGUS, THE MAGUS EPIPHANY and HOLY SPEAR OF MAGUS. Her latest release is for children aged 6-9: BRODY CODY AND THE STEPMOTHER FROM OUTER SPACE.

She’s also the author of two non-fiction books. THE ONE WAY DIET is a no-nonsense guide to losing weight and coping with the journey. HAPPY TRAVELS 101 is a short book of travel tips with great advice for anyone who wants to travel overseas.

Books by Toni Pike

One of the recent reviews for Desolation Bluff

D. W. Peach 5.0 out of 5 stars Quick and thrilling read  Reviewed in the United States on December 4, 2020

Oliver is a successful romance writer and happy newlywed. His wife, Vanessa, is his writing assistant, and his best friend Ray handles promotion. But Oliver is also blind, and what he doesn’t see is the way Vanessa and Ray roll their eyes at him and touch each other’s hands across the table. Then a freak accident returns Oliver’s sight. Before he can tell the two most important people in his life about the miracle, he discovers them in the throes of passion. His ability to see becomes his secret, and the tables turn.

The characters started off a touch flat for me, but they didn’t stay that way for long. As soon as Oliver gets his sight back, things get very interesting, very fast. Oliver is quite crafty and when a distant relative, Ferris, shows up at Oliver’s estate, she joins in the scheming. Things escalate like crazy and grow out of everyone’s control. The pace is great and the plot well-conceived.

The characters are varied and interesting, all of them flawed. Even Vanessa and Ray, despite their deceptions, don’t seem to start out with murderous intentions. And Oliver, in many ways the victim, makes vengeful choices with disastrous results. This book is a quick read that I polished off in a morning. Recommended for anyone who enjoys thrillers.

Read the reviews and buy Toni’s books: Amazon US – And : Amazon UK –  Follow Toni:Goodreads – Website: Toni PikeTwitter: @piketoni

 

Thank you for joining us today and I know that Toni would love to receive your feedback. Next time on February 15th, another of Toni’s personal power posts.

 

 

Smorgasbord Blogger Daily – Tuesday February 4th 2020 #Lifestyle Toni Pike, #Blogging Pete Springer, #Phonesafety ACFlory, #Language Sue Vincent


A full house today with lots of great posts out there…

The first post is on the blog of Sue of Sizzling towards Sixty – Over 50 lifestyle blogger for Women and is a guest post by author Toni Pike, who had a medical emergency whilst on holiday in 2019 that resulted in her taking stock of many aspects of her lifestyle.

 Making Positive Changes in My Life in 2020

I’m retired, and my main hobby over the last four years has been writing thrillers. In fact, I had become somewhat of an author-holic, working long hours on my writing and probably pushing myself too hard. However, in 2019 I also had other concerns that were wearing me down.

One of my main passions over the last ten years has been travelling, and I was on a four-week trip to France, England and Germany when disaster struck. The tour of Northern France was incredible, and then we spent eleven days in northern England, visiting the Lake District, Hadrian’s Wall, Northumberland and Durham. A strange headache had been bothering me for a few days, and was still there the night before we were due to fly to Germany for a 12-day tour.

I never made it, instead having an emergency medical episode that kept me in hospital for several days and could have killed me. I was back home in Australia a week later, and thankfully I’ve recovered well. But I totally believe that my medical problems were brought on by stress and emotional anxiety, which had also caused exhaustion from lack of sleep. On top of that, a hectic travel schedule had led to migraines and even more fatigue.

Head over to read the rest of Toni’s post and make a note of some of the steps you might take to make some healthy changes to your own lifestyle: Ageing, Living Well by Making Positive Changes by Toni Pike

Toni Pike, Buy: Amazon US – And : Amazon UK –  Follow Toni: Goodreads – Website: Toni Pike

   

About Sue

Women Over 50

Welcome! Sizzling Towards 60 & Beyond is a place for Women Over 50 to learn, experience & enjoy. I’m Sue and I’m here to share tips on Health & Wellness, Lifestyle, How to Rediscover Yourself   and Thrive After 50.

The next post is by Pete Springer and is a lovely showcase about fellow blogger Jim Borden.

Jim Borden-Blogger Extraordinaire

I’m coming up on my first anniversary of blogging in March. It’s been a great ride getting to know folks out in the blogosphere. One quality I enjoy the most about my new hobby is the variety of blogs that exist. It didn’t take me long to realize that one has to be selective when signing up for others’ blogs, or I could spend the entire day reading and responding to everyone and not have time for anything else. There truly is something for everyone.

One of the more interesting characters I’ve met in the last year is Jim Borden, the creator of the blog, Borden’s Blather I immediately was attracted to his tagline, “Drop in daily for your regular dose of nonsensical blather.” As a guy who enjoys poking a little fun at life and himself, I can tell that Jim and I are similar in that area.

Head over to enjoy finding out more about Jim Borden and he is well worth following, along with Pete Springer for excellent posts: Jim Borden – Blogger Extraodinaire by Pete Springer

Pete Springer, Buy: Amazon USand: Amazon UK – Website: Pete Springer WordPress

The next post by Meeks – Author ACFlory…and it shares a very disturbing story about phone apps, sold data and more sinister buyers who may not have advertising on their agenda. Recommended by The Story Reading Ape

The Price of Convenience

I’ve been concerned about online privacy for a couple of years now, but the article I just read still shocked me. It’s titled ‘Your Apps Know Where You Were Last Night, And They’re Not Keeping It Secret’.

You can read the entire article here: New York Times – Business – Location- Data Privacy

I’ve had geo location turned off on my phone since I bought it, but until today, I always felt a little silly; was I being paranoid for no real reason?

You may be wondering that too, but the case study of Lisa Magrin, a 46-year-old math teacher, may change your mind. It certainly confirmed my fears.

An app on the device [smart phone] gathered her location information, which was then sold without her knowledge. It recorded her whereabouts as often as every two seconds, according to a database of more than a million phones in the New York area that was reviewed by The New York Times. While Ms. Magrin’s identity was not disclosed in those records, The Times was able to easily connect her to that dot.

Head over to read the rest of this post and perhaps review what apps you have on your phone and who might have a direct line to them: The Price of Convenience

A selection of books by ACFlory: Amazon US – and: Amazon UK – Follow: Goodreads

And lastly today a post from Sue Vincent on The Silent Eye and it explores how our experiences influence the understanding and use of words in our language.

Living knowledge

blood moon 010
Crepuscular!” He was getting desperate now, having exhausted his list of the most obscure words. His face fell as I gave him the definition. He tried another and scowled… “How do you do that?”

“I read.” The words he dangled before me, trying to catch me out, may not be common in verbal usage, but they have cropped up often enough in books to learn their meaning through meeting them in different contexts and from different angles. Except for unfamiliar technical terms, I don’t look up words when I read. It isn’t necessary to fully understand every word to experience a story… you need, instead, to enter fully into the tale and feel it as you read. Over decades of reading, you encounter words in so many phrases that your understanding of their layers of meaning evolves and eventually becomes clear.

Head over to read the post in full and discover more about how living knowledge expands the understanding and usage of words we use daily: Living Knowledge by Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent  Buy: Amazon UKand:Amazon USBlog: S.C. VincentGoodreads: Sue Vincent

prof-pic1

Thanks for dropping in today and I hope you will head over and read these posts in full. Thanks Sally.