Here is the next set of one – liners – please feel free to groan!!
Part two can be found here: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/29/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-one-liners-marathon-part-two-31-60/
61. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
62. For Sale: Wedding dress, size 12, worn once by mistake.
63. I’m going to start thinking positive, but I know it won’t work.
64. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
65. You can’t have everything – where would you put it?
66. When you go into court you’re putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough get out of jury duty.
67. I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
68. Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
69. How can there be self-help “groups”?
70. If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
71. If you shouldn’t drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
72. Why do the signs that say “Slow Children” have a picture of a running child?
73. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
74. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
75. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
76. Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?”
77. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
78. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
79. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
80. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
81. Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
82. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
83. Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
84. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
85. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
86. Corduroy pillows: They’re making headlines!
87. Never play strip poker with a nudist, they have nothing to lose.
88. He who hesitates is boss.
89. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
90. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
Thanks for dropping in today and please feel free to share.. thanks Sally.