Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – 12th – 18th December 2022 – Ice skating, International Carols, Old Souls, Podcast, Book reviews, Christmas Guest posts, Funnies

Welcome to the round up of posts on Smorgasbord you might have missed this week.

I hope your week has gone well and I am sure you are busy with your holiday preparations. We have gone from white, frosty and Christmasy to gale force winds and driving rain overnight. I am not complaining as I will take a wet road over an icy one any day.

Although a few weeks away I am making preparations for my 70th, not a party but to renew my driving licence which is the age we have to do it here. It used to be you had to produce a medical certificate at 70 but they have just moved to 75 which is one step out of the renewal. To renew online however I have to go to a local office tomorrow with all my IDs and prove my identity, which gives me a card which enables me to avoid going 20 miles to the nearest licence office. I also get a free travel card when I am 70 which I can use on any public transport including all buses and trains. So whilst there may be a few more cracks in my face than last year, there are definitely benefits of turning 70.

I will however forgo any invitation to compete in Dancing on Ice as yesterday proved that I might not have the aptitude I used to have on roller skates. I went out to pour warm water in the bird bath, and next thing I knew I was flat on my back, having slipped on the ice that had accumulated around the bird bath during their ablutions. I was wet through from the bucket of water I was still carrying, and startled crows circled me calling out in distress. I assume it was concern that the human who spends copious amounts of money and time feeding the garden birds, and the crows when they can get at it, was lying injured on the ground. I suspect however it was excitement at the sight of the largest piece of road kill they had ever seen… possibly an early Christmas gift!

Anyway, I broke my fall with my wrist and apart from various bruises from top to tail I have escaped with another lesson learnt. Throw the water in the bird bath from a distance when the hose is frozen.

This week I will be sharing the final Christmas book fairs including new book news for John Howell and Dan Antion, there will be festive music, videos and funnies with a couple of short stories, book review and the round up over the holiday weekend.

Contributor News this week.

William Price King has been sharing some wonderful international carols this week and there will be more festive music on Tuesday and Friday…and on New Year’s Eve a party  with music from William and some special guests .  You can also find William – Blog– IMPROVISATION– William Price King on Tumblr

Debby Gies​ was here on Monday morning with the next post in her Spiritual Awareness series – Old Souls.. It was amazing to read the comments and discover how many of you resonated with the post.  Over on her own blog you can find Debby’s own exciting news of her latest release Fifteen First Times: Beginnings: A Collection of Indelible Firsts and you can read all about that in the promotion post that went out here this morning. On Debby’s own post you will find December’s very useful selection of writer’s tips, and the Sunday book reviews... for Robbie Cheadle and D.L. Finn. Follow the link to Debby’s posts …D.G. Kaye

Carol Taylor will be back after Christmas with the next in her Culinary A-Z and the letter ‘N’ – Carol is also one of the special guests at the New Year’s Eve Party. Over on her own blog you will find some amazing holiday recipes including Homemade Christmas Ham, …Winter Warmers…Hot Chocolate, Fish Pie and a delicious Thai Duck Curry…Carol shares more edible flowers and if you have room after the Fish Pie, there are some fabulous White Chocolate Chip Cookies…make a delicious ice cream sandwich…Head over for the winter warmer recipes… take your appetite: Carol Taylor’s Christmas Recipes Winter Warmers

Time for some shameless self promotion… and a heartfelt thanks for the generosity shown by the writing community.

My thanks to Joy Neal Kidney who didn’t just review my latest book but the other three collections in the ‘Life’ series. Wow.. I was blown away..

Joy’s lovely feature: Prose and Poetry Gems

Colleen Chesebro is celebrating the release of her latest collection Fairies, Myths, & Magic II: A Winter Celebration, and as part of her blog tour she kindly featured each of her hosts in a post. Colleen also included her review of my latest so I am feeling quite chuffed this week as you can imagine.

Head over to Colleen’s: Colleen’s blog tour and review for Variety is the Spice of Life.

Author Aurora Jean Alexander included me in her festive newsletter this week with an update on her writing, including her latest release  and recent blog posts, and a delicious recipe for tangy honey glazed ham topped off with a delightful poem. If you have a newsletter you have sent out during December please drop the URL in the comments so we can all enjoy..

Head over to enjoy AJ’s festive newsletter: A.J’s Writing Adventure

Thank you too for all your visits, comments and shares during the week. As always very much appreciated…♥

 On with the show….

Christmas Music with William Price King Rewind – Carols from around the World – #Germany, #Greece and #France

Carols from around the World – #Italy, #Nigeria, #Sweden

Spiritual Awareness – Old Souls by D.G. Kaye

#Flash Fiction – Season of Goodwill and Retail Therapy by Sally Cronin

New Book on the Shelves – #Memoir – Fifteen First Times: Beginnings: A Collection of Indelible Firsts by D. G. Kaye

#Shortstories Hugh W. Roberts, #Crimestories Jane Risdon, #Historystories Lisette Brodey

Book Review – #Contemporary #Romance – Falling by Stevie Turner

 

New Book on the Shelves and my review – Fairies, Myths, & Magic II: Book 2: A Winter Celebration by Colleen Chesebro

Previous Reviews from 2022 – Oh Baubles: A Christmas Romance Novella by Harmony Kent

#Thriller #Mystery John L. DeBoer, #Malaya #1950s Apple Gidley, #Romance Stevie Turner

#ElementarySchool Pete Springer, #Fantasy #Magic Chris Hall, #Poetry Balroop Singh

#Photography #Poetry #Flash M.J. Mallon, #Women’sLit Toni Pike, #Family #Poetry Lauren Scott

A Christmas Eve Poem: Children Singing in Latin by Elizabeth Gauffreau

#Recipe #History – French Canadian Tourtière, Our Family Tradition by Dorothy Grover-Read

#Christmas #Santa Darlene Foster

Cooking up Memories- EggNog French Toast #Recipe #Christmas #FamilyFirst by Jacquie Biggar

Host Malcolm Allen December 2022 Part One- #Christmas Crackers

 

Thanks for dropping in today and I hope you will join me again next week if you have time.. Sally

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra Rewind- Courtroom funnies host Sally Cronin

Subject: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place:

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

_______________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

_________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you kidding me?

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral…

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

I hope you are leaving with a smile on your face….have a good weekend… Sally