Smorgasbord Humour with Debby Gies and Sally Cronin

Welcome to laughter lines and as some of you may know Debby’s husband is very unwell and requires round the clock care Debby’s latest update. However, Debby has allowed me to raid her Facebook photo archives to share with you.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally.

Quick Thinking.

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked, “Is someone in your house?” and George said, “No,” and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I’ve just shot them all.”

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”

George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… Debby and Sally.

Welcome to today’s Laughter Lines with some funnies from Debby Gies, followed by some jokes from Sally

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

Thanks to Debby for finding this treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Check out Debby’s new series here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

And now a joke or two from Sally…..stop me if you have heard them before….

Neighbours

An old lady complains to the police about the man next door who walks around his house naked with the curtains open.

‘But, madam,’ says the police officer as he peers from the old ladies window at the offending house, ‘you can’t see into his house from here.’

‘No,’ replies the old lady, ‘you have to climb onto the bookcase and look through the skylight.’

*****

“How’s the flat you’re living in in London, Jock?” asks his mother when he calls home to Aberdeen.

“It’s okay,” he replies, “but the woman next door keeps screaming and crying all night and the guy on the other side keeps banging his head on the wall.”

“Never you mind,” says his mother, “don’t you let them get to you, just ignore them.”

“Aye, that I do,” he says, “I just keep playing my bagpipes.”

*****

So a couple of neighbouring farmers are standing around talking. One goes you know, “I had a bull who just wouldn’t breed anything, so I took him to the vet and she gave me some pills to give to him. Well he bred all of my cows and jumped the fence and bred all of the neighbors cows!”
The other farmer looked at him and asked what kind of pills they were and the first one responds, “I don’t know, but they kinda taste like mint.”

Cat cartoons | Grains of Sand