Smorgasbord Laughter Lines November 23rd 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Something to be Thankful for…


Firstly, with the results of previous sleuthing on the Internet are some funnies from Debby Gies followed by some jokes from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.


 

Catladyland: Cats are Funny: Stuck at the Thanksgiving ...

And then there is the joy of family at the dinner table….

Thanks to Debby for finding these treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s series here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now for a joke or two from Sally

Some small things to be thankful for..

  • One good turn gets most of the blankets.
  • There are two kinds of pedestrians – the quick and the dead.
  • Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  • If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you
    say, talk in your sleep.
  • Every morning is the dawn of a new error…..
  • A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
  • A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
  • Diplomacy – the art of letting someone have your way.
  • It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.
  • Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
  • Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
  • Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
  • A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

 

Thanks for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face..thanks Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Clairvoyant, Mother’s Day, Band Names and Mesmerising the elderly!


Please leave your Band Name in the Comments…..

Mine is Black Fish Balls

And now for the joke…..And now that I have you mesmerised!!

It was entertainment night at the senior citizens’centre.

After the community sing-song led by Alice at the piano, It was time for the Star of the Show – Claude the Hypnotist.

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.

“Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time.” said Claude.

The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.

“I want you to keep your eyes on this watch” said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see.

“It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations” Said Claude.

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting “Watch the watch — Watch the watch —-Watch the watch”

The audience became mesmerised as the watch swayed back and forth.

The lights twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.

A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.

And then, suddenly, the chain broke.

The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact

“S**T” said Claude.

It took them three days to clean the Senior Citizens’ Centre

And Claude was never invited to entertain again.

I hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. please feel free to share…Thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Beethoven – Some more observations on Life – Citizenship


Music

A man is looking through a cemetery when he hears some music. He looks around to see who is playing it but can’t see anyone. Searching for the source, he finally finds it coming from a grave with a headstone that reads:

Ludwig van Beethoven 1770-1827

Then he realizes the music is Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony and is being played backward.

Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.By the time they arrive back at the grave, the Seventh Symphony is playing, also backward.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar.When they return, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward.The expert notices the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed. By the next day, the word has spread and a crowd has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then, the graveyard’s caretaker ambles up to the group.

Someone asks him if he has an explanation for all of this. “I would have thought it was obvious,” he replied. “He’s decomposing.”

Some more observations on life.

1.Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to go to the toilet.

2.Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3.Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

5.Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

6.Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

7.Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

8.Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, IT WILL!!!

9.Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10.Law of the Theaters & Sports Arenas – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

11.The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12.Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13.Law of Physical Surfaces -The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14.Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible IF you don’t know what you are talking about.

15.Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

16.Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet!

17.Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

18.Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.

19.Law of Comparisons – Guns are a lot like parachutes, if you need one and don’t have one, you’ll probably never need one again.

Heaven help us all!

In a University Classroom, students were discussing the qualifications required to be Prime Minister of Canada.

The candidate must be a natural-born citizen of at least 35 years of age.

One young woman began ranting that the natural-born-citizen requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming Prime Minister. The class let her rant, and few jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating, “What makes a natural-born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?”

What WAS she thinking?

Thank you for popping in today and many thanks to Tina Frisco who has filtered funnies to me by email over the years… I hope you have enjoyed and please feel free to share the smiles. Thanks Sally