Smorgasbord Laughter Lines from the archives – Blondes have more fun… I know from experience!


The beauty of being blonde and having a touch of the Irish is that there are many jokes you can tell without getting told off. As I am now well into my 60s I can also tell elderly jokes if I remember them.

I have rifled through my drawers (pardon the expression) an unearthed some jokes that have been sent to me.

Anyway… Have fun with this selection and pass them on as laughter is infectious and so much more healthier than the usual virus.

And as an added bonus – some What’s in a Name signs..

A natural Blonde!

A blonde in first class refuses to move when the ticket holder who paid for the seat boards, saying only, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to LA to be a star – and I’m not moving to the back of the plane.” Repeatedly. To anyone who tried to convince her otherwise.

The stewardess asks the advice of the captain. Since his wife happens to be blonde, he admits to some expertise in these matters and agrees to handle it. He whispers something in the budding starlet’s ear and she immediately scurries back to the cheap seats, saying only, “Well why didn’t they tell me THAT in the first place?”

The curious stewardess couldn’t wait to hear what the pilot had said to get her to change her mind so abruptly.

“I simply informed her that the front of the plane wasn’t going to Los Angeles.”

Men can have a blonde moment too!

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”

And a blonde cow!

The only cow in a small town in Northern Italy stopped giving milk. So the town folk found they could buy a cow in Sicily quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Sicily. It was absolutely wonderful. It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they’d never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go to the local veterinarian, Dr. Santucchi, who was very wise, to tell him what was happening and to ask his advice.

“Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side.”

The veterinarian rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, “Did you by chance, buy this cow in Sicily?”

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Sicily.

“You are truly a wise veterinarian,” they said. “How did you know that we got the cow from Sicily?”

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eyes and says, “My wife is from Sicily.”

A not so blonde student!

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.’ The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.

He got an A.

A not so blonde salesman

Sid was told if he did not sell more toothbrushes he would be fired. One month later his sales record had soared and his manager called him in to explain the dramatic turnaround.

Sid explained that he had got tired of calling at pharmacies and had set up a little stall at the main train station with some crackers and a new dip.

‘Try my dip,’ he would say, and a constant stream of people did so. When they enquired about the ingredients of the dip, Sid told them: ‘Garlic and Chicken poop!’

They would go ‘Aaaargh!’ and spit it out.

Then Sid would say: ‘Would you like to buy a toothbrush?’

and finally a blonde Irishman

A Scot, Irishman and an Englishman were dining together in a restaurant. When the waiter cleared away the coffee the Scot was heard to ask for the bill.

Next day the newspaper headlines declared: Irish Ventriloquist shot in restaurant.

I hope that raised a smile and feel free to pass them along.. thanks Sally

 

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Posts from Your Archives – Problem, Lesson or Opportunity by Tina Frisco


Welcome to the series where you can share four of your links from your archives here on my blog to a new audience. Perhaps posts that you wrote at the beginning of your blogging experience that deserve another showcase. If you have book promotion posts then please contact me separately for other options. Details of how to get in touch with me at the end of the post.

Today I am delighted to welcome Tina Frisco to the series with the first of her four blog posts. We would not be human if we did not face problems in our lives. Not just the minor daily issues that we deal with as routine, but the kind of problems that are possibly life changing, life threatening or impact more than just ourselves. It is easy to get into a tail spin especially if others are depending on us to find a solution. Tina offers stratagies to change the narrative and take control of any such situation.

Problem, Lesson or Opportunity by Tina Frisco

Image is courtesy of Lucie Stastkova

When faced with an inexorable problem where emotions run high, knowing what to do can be a challenge. Rational thinking becomes obfuscated, forcing us into a holding pattern of circular thought.

Anger wants to place blame on others. Obsession with fine points masks the big picture. Abject frustration insists we bury our heads in the sand. Emotions churn and become ill-defined. Focus obscures. Common sense derails. Indigestion, insomnia, or worse take up residence.

None of these gets us anywhere. All of them threaten our sanity and plunge us into a maelstrom of inimical emotion. What to do?

Taking in a few deep breaths is a good first step toward relaxing. Listening to soothing music, meditating, or taking a comforting bath are a few ways to ease the constriction felt in the midsection. Relaxing the body helps mitigate mental and emotional distress. We all know this. But remembering to do it while in the heat of muddled emotion can be an ambitious undertaking.

After relaxing, and to ensure continued clearing, it is often wise to table problem-solving for a few hours or even a few days. Temporary distraction can be a lifesaver. Go to the movies. Visit with friends. Write. Do arts and crafts. All of these activities are superior to spinning our wheels and ultimately losing traction. Diverting attention away from obsessing helps clear chaotic debris and make way for rational thought.

An optimist by nature, I usually see the glass as half full. Is there a lesson being offered that I might benefit from learning? Is this an opportunity to expand and foster equilibrium?

When asking myself these questions, I sometimes find raw emotions rearing their heads and doing their damnedest to pull my thoughts back toward the negative. But the hiatus I’d taken from the problem usually pays off, affording me the clarity needed to focus my intention on finding a positive solution.

So what is it that hinders our accepting a problem as a life lesson and opportunity for growth? What’s the trade-off for wallowing in chaos?

Might it be the need for validation? Seeking validation from others can become an addiction if we consistently deny our own power. Might it be fear of the unknown? Dwelling within the familiar can become an addiction if we repeatedly refuse to break new ground. Might it be the need for love and nurturing? Searching for love by drawing attention to our suffering can become an addiction if we fail to see our connection to all around us.

When we look outside of ourselves to meet our needs, we are seeking validation for our very existence; we are failing to recognize life itself as validation enough.

How do we get off this self-destructive, self-denying merry-go-round? When stymied or utterly distraught, I fall back on my mantra:

The way out is the way in.

Image is courtesy of Lucie Stastkova

Am I willing to confront fear and tackle the challenge facing me? Am I willing to stand in my power, ready to own what is mine and shed what is not? Am I willing to break the cycle of codependence and let go of behavior that does not serve?

Therein lies the rub. Releasing can be much more difficult than acquiring. Indulging old habits and behavior reserves our place in familiar territory. If we walk away, where will we go? If we give up addiction, what will fill the void?

For most of us, fear of the unknown thwarts the best intentions; yet it can be a valuable adversary.

Seldom can we control how a new experience will play out. Truth be told, we often feel we are merely along for the ride! But the ride itself is the opportunity. It is a crack in the cement of a self-serving belief system that keeps us addicted to fear and chaos. It is a gift from the Universe, daring us to tread beyond our comfort zone.

What we can control are the choices we make. And these choices are determined by attitude. Will we continue to curse the problem and kick up the dust of fear and chaos, or will we meet the challenge and see it as a lesson offering us a chance to expand and become greater than we ever thought possible?

The question boils down to this: What attitude am I sporting? Attitude defines intention. It determines willingness, or lack thereof, to shed our old skin and reveal the tender beauty beneath.

Our spirits deserve the opportunity to experience all the Universe has to offer. That’s why we incarnated in the first place – to grow ever wiser and share our light with the world.

If we are willing to brazen out fear and dive into living, an inexplicable and troubling problem can serve as a vehicle for growth.

The Earth is a schoolhouse. We chose to incarnate here in order to become enlightened. Aspiring to enlightenment necessitates leaving familiar territory. Abandoning the familiar can be frightening. By recognizing fear as the root of a problem, we are able to face the problem as a lesson, and then turn that lesson into an opportunity for spiritual growth.

The way out of fear is the way in to gratitude. When our hearts are open, our bodies relax, our minds expand, our emotions lighten, and our spirits radiate joy. When seated in gratitude, we become pure love. Viewed through the eyes of love, everything is seen as an opportunity, and nothing is seen as impossible…

Until the next time, my friends,
Namaste ❤

© Tina Frisco 2017

About Tina Frisco

Tina Frisco is an author, singer-songwriter, RN, activist, and student of shamanism. Born in Pennsylvania USA, she attended nursing school in New York and lives in California. She began writing as a young child and received her first guitar at age 14, which launched her passion for music and songwriting. She has performed publicly in many different venues. Her publishing history includes book reviews; essays; articles in the field of medicine; her début novel, PLATEAU; her children’s book, GABBY AND THE QUADS; and her latest novel, VAMPYRIE. She enjoys writing, reading, music, dancing, arts and crafts, exploring nature, and frequently getting lost in working crossword puzzles.

Books by Tina Frisco

One of the most recent reviews for Plateau

Spiritually Moving and Uplifting on September 14, 2017

FIRST I must say that I loved this gentle little book. I devoured it in a single evening, so entranced by the story that I didn’t want to stop to read the inspiring quotes from Lynn V. Andrew’s Power Deck that began each chapter. Once I reached the end of the book I had to go back for the quotes, skimming each following chapter a second time.

NOW I must say that I have struggled with how I could possibly write a review — I’ve never read another book quite like it.

Other reviewers here have given you as much as you need to become familiar with the book’s “environment” – if I can call it that, introducing you to a few of the characters – so I won’t repeat similar content. But they can’t convey the deeply spiritual, uplifting essence of the book that, to me, is what makes it remarkable. Plateau never pontificates, but rather seduces the reader to come to his or her own spiritual realizations as the story unfolds.

I suppose the most impactful thing I can say is that I was infused with a sense of well-being when I finally put down my Kindle and turned off the light. I was in such a calm and totally relaxed positive state of mind that I transitioned easily and almost immediately into a deep sleep – a rare experience in my life.

Read all the reviews and buy the books: https://www.amazon.com/Tina-Frisco/e/B009NMOFNY

And on Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tina-Frisco/e/B009NMOFNY

Read more reviews and follow Tina on Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6497599.Tina_Frisco

Here is how you can connect to Tina on her website and social media.

Website ~ http://tinafrisco.com
Amazon ~ http://hyperurl.co/3vme2a
Facebook ~ https://www.facebook.com/TinaFrisco.Author
Twitter ~ http://bit.ly/14VXY49
LinkedIn ~ http://linkd.in/1aAGwXl
Google+ ~ http://bit.ly/1Fc1Uzn
Goodreads ~ http://bit.ly/165vmVp

My thanks to Tina for sharing this thought provoking post with us and she will be in this slot on Saturdays for the next three weeks. I hope you will head over to her blog and read her more current posts too.

If you have up to four blog posts in your archives that you would like to share with my audience, then send the links to sally.cronin@moyhill.com.

Thanks for dropping by.. Sally