Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – October 2nd 2020 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp

Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from Facebook.. Where you will also see that he has had a spell in hospital for a long awaited operation. Despite that he still managed to rustle up some great gags for us. Speedy recovery Danny.

And to finish off

An elderly couple were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old Town after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered. They found the old desk they’d shared, where Jerry had carved “I love you, Sally”.

On their way back home, on Bridge Street, a bag of money fell out of an armoured car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money – fifty thousand quid!

Jerry said,: “We’ve got to give it back.”
Sally said: “Finders keepers.”

She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers, who were canvassing the neighbourhood looking for the money, knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?”

Sally said: “No.”
Jerry said: “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.”
Sally said: “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile.”

The police officers turned to Jerry and began to question him.

One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.”

Jerry said: “Well when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ..”

The first police officer turned to his partner and said: “Let’s get out of here.”

Went to my GP this morning, I said I was having repeating dreams of building shops, restaurants, a cinema, and student accommodation on a plot of land. She said…
“I think you’re developing a complex”

A bloke walks into a pub, orders a treble whiskey, sits at the bar drinking it, and then says to the barman, ‘really, you shouldn’t have given me that with what I’ve got.’ The barman says, ‘What have you got?’ The bloke replied, ‘I’ve only got 5p!’

A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand.

He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down.
“Is this yours?” he asked.
She said, “Yes, could you bring it up?” and the man agreed.

On arrival, she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterward she said, “I’m about to have dinner. There’s plenty; would you like to join me?”

He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, “I’ve had a marvellous evening. Would you like to stay the night?”

The man hesitated then said, “Do you act like this with every man you meet?”
“No,” she replied, “only those who catch my eye.”

My thanks to Danny for allowing me to raid his Facebook page…..

About Daniel Kemp

Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?

In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.

Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.

He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.

A selection of books by Daniel Kemp

A recent review for The Widow’s Son

Kindle Customer 5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely One of the Best  Reviewed in the United States on July 19, 2020

I cannot praise you enough on your style of writing, I have read volumes 1 and 2 of this series one after the others , stopping at the end beginning at the beginning no pause inbetween. This one the widows son first caught my attention with the title as I am a traveler from the East MM living in the Levant. Around the middle of this book to the ending you really out did yourself. Your plot looking at the long view of the world outstanding absolutely outstanding. One of the best stories i have read in a long time. Thank You. Steven

Read the reviews and buy the books also in audio: Amazon UK – And : Amazon US – follow Daniel: Goodreads – Website: Author Danny Kemp – Facebook: Books by Daniel – Twitter:@danielkemp6

 

Thank you for dropping in today and I hope it has make a good start to your weekend…thanks Sally.