Welcome to laughter lines with some gems from Debby Gies who has been keeping an eye open for funnies online and some jokes from Sally.
Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020
Now something from Sally
David (my husband) has a secret stash… thankfully only one-liners and here is part Two of some new groaners…
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said Parking Fine. So that was nice.
I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell.
The universe implodes. No matter.
Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
Why is the winner of the Miss Universe contest always from Earth?
If you’re being chased by a police dog try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They’re trained for that.
Apparently 82.6 per cent of statistics are made up on the spot.
I took part in the sun-tanning Olympics – I just got bronze.
I got an odd-job man in. He was useless. Gave him a list of eight things to do and he only did numbers one, three, five and seven. Had to get an even-job man in to finish it off.
They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. They’re not laughing now.
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs.
I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me: “Can you give me a lift?” I said: “Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.”
Thanks for dropping in and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… Debby and Sally.