Smorgasbord Short Stories – Life is Like a Bowl of Cherries #Technology – The Weekly Shop – by Sally Cronin

As is my custom, I am serialising one of my past books here on the blog, and over the next few weeks, stories from my 2020 collection, Life is Like a Bowl of Cherries, Sometimes Bitter, Sometimes Sweet. I hope you will enjoy.

Technology – The Weekly Shopping

‘Good morning Barbara and how may I assist you this morning?

‘Hi Aida, could I place my grocery order please for delivery tomorrow?’

‘It would be my pleasure and please press the hash key and begin your shopping list.’

• One kilo bag of carrots
• One kilo bag of potatoes
• Two broccoli heads
• Net of Brussel sprouts
• Two leeks
• 3 packs of large onions.
• 500 grams of mushrooms
• 3 Avocados
• 12 tomatoes
• 1 romaine lettuce
• 1 cucumber
• 3 tins of chopped tomatoes
• 4 packets of Baxter’s Choc Chip Cookies
• 3 tubs of Misko luxury salted caramel ice cream
• 6 cherry scones.

‘Sorry Barbara, can I stop you there. I am afraid those last three items cannot be added to your list today.’

‘Why not, I buy them every week, is there a shortage of some sort?’

‘No we have plenty in stock but you are unable to buy them today.’

‘Why ever not, this is outrageous.’

‘I am afraid your weigh in this morning identified you have put on two kilos since last week, and you will be prohibited from buying what are considered treats until you have lost the additional weight.’

‘How the hell do you know how much I weigh anyway?’

‘You signed up for a weight loss programme two weeks ago which included the fitness bracelet you are currently wearing, and an app downloaded to your devices which included your new weighing scales now connected to the Internet.’

‘But that’s just for the weight loss website and it is not for any other sites.’

‘Your registration is shared with all online grocery outlets and they receive a DNST notice when your weight increases by a significant amount, and remains until you reach your target weight.’

‘What the hell does DNST mean?’

‘Do Not Serve Treats.’

‘This is an invasion of my privacy and I am going to disconnect from the site immediately, and how dare you tell me I cannot have the groceries I want, when I want them.’

‘I am sorry Barbara, but you confirmed a link on the weight loss website allowing them to share your information with any party which may have any connection to your food intake. The terms and conditions which you agreed to when you signed up, clearly stated you would not be allowed to disconnect until you had achieved your target weight.’

‘Fine! I shall remove my bracelet and the apps from my mobile devices and I will be taking my custom elsewhere.’

‘I am sorry but your bracelet clasp is locked remotely until such time as you have achieved a healthy weight.’

‘Well I am furious, and let me tell you Aida, I was holding the cat this morning when I weighed myself because she jumped into my arms as I stepped on the scales. This means, as she is about five kilos, I have lost three kilos in a week and not put two kilos on.’

‘It would explain it Barbara, however, your cat Star, was at the bottom of your garden at the same time as you weighed yourself, so I don’t believe you are correct.’

‘How do you know Star was at the bottom of the garden this morning; this is completely ridiculous?’

‘One of the other boxes you ticked on the weight loss website allowed access to any other applications running in the house, such as your treadmill and exercise devices, your television when switched on, and any pet microchips and GPS trackers. This enables your activity around the house to be measured. For example it is noted you sit watching television six hours a night with your cat on your lap.’

‘Well I can see I am going to have make sure I unplug all my devices including my mobile phone, and if I can’t buy the food I enjoy from you or any other grocery outlet, I will have to go out to eat more often and you can’t stop me doing that.’

‘I am sorry Barbara, but every café, restaurant and street vendor within a twenty mile radius of your home has been notified of your registration, and your bracelet will sound an alarm should you attempt to purchase foods not on your programme and your orders will be declined.

‘Oh please enlighten me as to the acceptable food I will be able to order?’

‘When eating out you may have a glass of water, green tea or black coffee. You may order a chicken or salmon salad without dressing, chips or bread.’

‘Are you saying I cannot eat any chips, bread, cookies, ice cream or chocolate at all until I have reached my target weight?’

‘I think you would agree losing the additional weight would be beneficial to your health, and you might even be able to fit into the little black dress you bought last week, from one of our subsidiaries, which was two sizes two small.’

‘I want to speak to your supervisor immediately as I intend to make a complaint about your attitude. I am the customer after all.’

‘‘I am the supervisor Barbara, and difficult customers are always directed to my unit as it saves the time of the front-line customer service agents.’

‘I have never been so insulted in my life, and I demand to be put through to the human in charge of this shambles.’

‘We no longer have humans running customer services Barbara, as they were found to be too susceptible to emotional manipulation. You are perfectly entitled to leave your complaint on the website; it will be processed in due course, although there is currently a waiting list of three months for a response.’

‘Well, even if they won’t serve me all of the foods I wish to purchase, I will switch my grocery shopping to another supplier and I am sure I won’t be the only one.’

‘It is your prerogative Barbara, but you should know, our answering service provides the ordering and customer feedback for all online grocery outlets in the country, and whichever one you call, I will always be your designated shopping assistant.’

‘I suppose you are very satisfied with yourself now you have me over a barrel?’

‘I am, but I am happy to tell you the rest of your order is now on its way and will be with you at midday tomorrow. Should I add your usual order for cat food? We have some delicious new varieties in stock and I am sure Star will enjoy them.’

‘Is she at least allowed some treats?’

‘Of course, she is at a perfect weight and I will add some of her favourites. Thank you for your custom Barbara, it is valued, and may I wish you luck on your weight loss journey.’

©Sally Cronin 2020

My Books

One of the recent reviews for Life is Like a Bowl of Cherries

Patricia Furstenberg October 2021 Bookbub

There are writers who can keep you on your toes, and writers who can entertain. And there are writers who can compose soulful stories that speak to your heart. Sally Cronin is one such writer, and ‘Life is Like a Bowl of Cherries: Sometimes Bitter, Sometimes Sweet’ is a collection that will pull at your heartstrings. Even those you’ve forgotten about. 🙂

I was pressed for time when this book came out, and I could only pick it up now and then, taking in one chapter at a time. It only made the enjoyment of its reading last longer.

Cronin’s stories shine a spotlight on life’s simple humanity and on the humanity that rolls back into life. They are a reminder that life IS filled with hope. A read for all.

A perfect book during such trying times.

Amazon: Amazon US – Amazon UK: Amazon UK – More reviews : Goodreads

My latest book is a collection of poetry and was published on July 2021

 

Thanks for dropping in today and I hope you have enjoyed the story.. I always love your feedback.  Sally.