Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – New Series – Life Lessons 101 – Dating Now and Then by D.G. Kaye

Welcome back to my Life 101 series. You can find the first post in the series Kindness Matters

Dating Now and Then  

Today I’m talking about the potentially scary world of digital dating compared to the pre-digital era. Maybe it’s because I spend much of my waking life online, so I know how intimidated I would feel to ever think of dating someone I only know through online. Not to say that I am at all interested in dating anyone at this time – or as far as my inner eye can see, but the conversation is still quite worthy of having.

Dating isn’t as easy as it was when I was younger, the days when we got dressed proper and went out with friends, be it clubbing or disco-ing, out for a gathering, a friendly sports competition or just for an ice-cream or coffee. So much of that lifestyle has dissipated into Netflix, takeout food or delivery, gaming, and in my case, nowhere to really go to meet anyone with my same interests.

Life was more personal back when – no cell phones or texts or emails – just face-to-face conversations and phone numbers exchanged. People went out and met other people in person. Working from home wasn’t yet a thing. And quite frankly, much of my own dating life was very busy interacting with colleagues at jobs I worked at, places we all spent much of our waking hours with together. Alas, not everyone met a romantic interest at their jobs, but it just seemed back in the era, pre cell phones and computers, life was just simpler in many ways, and social interaction, face-to-face was a huge part of the way we met people and invited them into our lives.

If we physically went on a date with someone, we could see who they actually were, in the flesh. We could learn from their conversations – or lack of them, or if we either admired or disliked qualities in that person. Their body language also reveals things about them. One cannot get any of that by meeting someone online, primarily because sadly, often in the scammy world we live in, how are we to trust a total stranger who could type anything they want or put up any photo and say it is them, and not leave us skeptical about who we are really talking to?

Nowadays, how easy is it to meet someone? Many of the men I dated when younger, I met at my jobs. That’s how many people meet. Or met. Now, with so many working from home, is it even harder to meet someone? Not to mention the many who are at jobs and in their ‘free’ moments seem to be appendaged to their phones. And dating, or getting to know someone, by text, isn’t enough to give me any sense of trust of the person’s personality, mood, or quite frankly, their intelligence. For me, eye contact is a big teller of much about a person. I’m a staunch believer in ‘the eyes are the windows of the soul’. Personally speaking, I don’t enjoy texting at all. I find its value in quick messaging as in – meet up times, appointment reminders, but certainly not in deep conversations or for getting to know somebody.

I spend too much time online and have a huge mistrust for even thinking of joining a dating site (which is furthest from my mind), but just sayin’, what if I was? So where can people go to meet other people without feeling as though they’re being set up or potentially scammed? I’ve thought of this question many times, especially when speaking with my single friends. And the only thing that makes sense to me as a good alternative is to join a club or hobby doing something we like to do and there we will meet like-minded souls who enjoy same things. Where better to go than where we can share an interest with someone else?

What is it we enjoy doing – outside of the home in social surroundings? Hobby? Singing in a choir, volunteering for an organization that we support? Joining a gym? Join groups that may be online but offer in person trips and/or get togethers? As long as we are joining a group of like-minded people in the flesh, better than virtually, we will be among others who share our same passions. And from there, as time and events go on, we will surely make some new friendships, or quite possibly a new romantic interest. By joining a group of whatever makes our hearts sing, we’re opening new doors to relationships just as we did or do when we went/go to work. Heck, even just getting out for a neighborhood walk and passing others can open possibilities. We meet people sometimes in most unexpected ways and situations. But the key is to get out. Nobody is going to come knocking at our doors looking for us if we don’t make efforts to put ourselves out into the world.

I can attest to the importance of getting out and doing what makes our hearts fuller. After losing my husband and steeped in seclusion and grief, my good friends urged me to do the same. Get out and join a club, something that fulfills you, they said. There never seemed to be any shortage of suggestions, many of them I shot down because of no interest and a lack of want. But I finally did join a gym, a women’s gym, because that’s about all I desire right now, getting fit, keeping good health, and making new female friends. I initially thought it was important to get my physical health back in check after a year of not caring, but I got so much more – better mental health and making some wonderful new friendships.

At heart, I’m a social butterfly with a lot of energy to burn, so I’m thrilled with my progress, new ambitions, and friendships. But I went out to find it, it didn’t come looking for me, somewhere I knew I’d be comfortable with a chance to meet new like-minded people. Now I take five classes a week (to keep me accountable to myself), have so much more agility and energy, quite happy with the way my clothes fit, and have numerous get -togethers, lunches, coffees, and events I now partake in with my new friendships.

What about you all? Have you found a hobby or club that you enjoy doing and find fulfilling? How do you feel about online dating opposed to the ‘old fashioned’ way?

@DGKaye 2024

About D.G. Kaye

D.G. Kaye is a nonfiction memoir writer who writes about life, matters of the heart and women’s issues. Her intent is to inspire others by sharing stories about events she encountered, and the lessons that came along with them. She loves to laugh and self-medicate with a daily dose of humor. When she’s not writing intimate memoirs, you’ll find her writing with humor in some of her other works and blog posts.

Kaye’s childhood kept her observant about her surroundings. Growing up in a tumultuous family life kept her on guard about the on-and-off-going status of her parents’ relationship. She began writing notes, and journaled about the dysfunction she grew up in. By age seven she was certain she was going to grow up to become a reporter. But life has a funny way of taking detours. Instead, she moved away from home at eighteen with a few meager belongings and a curiosity for life, finished university and changed careers a few times along the way, always striving to work her way up to managerial positions. Her drive to succeed at anything she put her mind to led to having a very colorful and eventful life.

Ever the optimist, D.G. conquered quite a few battles in life; health and otherwise, and her refusal to accept the word ‘No’, or to use the words ‘I can’t’, keeps her on a positive path in life. She hopes to inspire others with her love of telling stories with lessons to empower others, by sharing her own experiences.

In 2021, she lost the love of her life. “When the grief overcame me, I found my only way to move forward was through my writing (that book currently in the works) and communing with others who understand this journey. Through this and my own search for seeking comfort, I began podcasting – Grief, The Real Talk. This is a podcast for those of us who’ve worn the shoes, and for all those who wish to understand the journey of a griever.

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the reviews for Twenty Years After “I Do”

Mary Schmidt 5.0 out of 5 stars Words rang true  Reviewed in the United States

This book is a gem, a book that all couples planning to marry or already married should read. Personally, I found every word truthful. Why? My husband and I built our relationship on a strong foundation of friendship first, then love came along. Kaye writes about making sure the foundation your relationship is built is secure, secure enough to withstand anything, and everything thrown at it so the foundation doesn’t form a crevice. Part of a piece of mortar can fall off, but be right there and prepare it ASAP. Those couples who have a great foundation can weather any and all storms tossed at them. There will be many storms amid times of splendor, and if your foundation is strong, you will survive each and come out stronger and more in love than you thought possible. I know. I have this in my life. Without that strong foundation, we wouldn’t have made it, or if we did make it, the hard times would have been much worse. Both my husband and I’ve had desperate life-threatening issues, and each time, our love grew stronger. Even if you don’t think you can love a person more, that your heart already overflows, we find out how much more we love each other. Five stars. 

Read all the reviews and buy the books: Amazon US – and: Amazon UK – follow Debby: Goodreads – Blog: D.G. Kaye Writer – Twitter: @pokercubster – Linkedin: D.G. Kaye – Facebook: D.G. Kaye – Podcast: YouTube –   All Links: Linktree

 

 

My thanks to Debby for another thought provoking post in her new series and it would be great if you could share  thanks Sally