Firstly, some funnies foraged from the web from Debby Gies – D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.
My thanks to Debby for expert foraging…
D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster
Debby’s latest post in her series Spiritual Awareness: Timing – of people and events in our lives
Now something from Sally’s Joke book archives….
How to give the cat a pill
- Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
- Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
- Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
- Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
- Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
- Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
- Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
- Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
- Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
- Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
- Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
- Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
- Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
- Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
- Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How to give the dog a pill
16. Wrap it in bacon.
We hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… thanks Sally and Debby.
Love those, ladies! The dogs I looked after were quite happy with pills hidden in soft cheese and some ham or even yogurt… Never tried with a cat, I must admit, and I never will now, just in case.
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Lol… Sam was a sucker for warm melted cheese with the pill inside to bring texture… ♥
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Funny! I think it was only yesterday that I sent an email without the attachment. Happens all the time! Lol. And I loved the difference between giving a cat and a dog a pill. So true. Thanks for the laughs, Debby and Sally. 🙂
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I also have those moments still things could be worse lol… I have to say I love both cats and dogs but find a dog easier to handle.. ♥
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We always stuffed the pill in the end of a hotdog. 🙂
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lol good move.. ♥
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Lol, glad you found a relatable one Diana. 🙂 ❤
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Oh my! Sally, the giving the pill to the cat episode had me in stitches. And it’s the truth! Then following up with the dog…all of these are priceless!
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Thanks Jan and I have experience of both and scratch mark scars to prove it lol.. ♥♥
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Some great jokes there. Wonderful laugh!
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Thanks Danny… enjoy your weekend.. hugs
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Thanks Danny. We’re trying to keep up to yours LOL 🙂
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Yes! Talk to each other…love it! Thanks, ladies.❤️
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Thanks Jill.. ♥♥
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❤
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First-rate funnies, every single one!
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Thanks very much Debby ♥
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Lol, the excuse for the long hair, and the thoughtful notice on missing wifi. :-)) Thanks so much for the fun, Sally and Debby! hugsx Michael
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Happy you enjoyed Michael..hugs
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Always a great fun, Sally! hugsx Michael
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Lol, so glad you enjoyed Michael. And thanks for sharing. xx
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Reblogged this on https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.
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Thanks Michael..hugsx
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Lol the dog one. The haircut one is just hilarious. ❤
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thank goodness for the funnies… thanks Debby for great foraging ♥
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Lol Sal ❤
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Great fun all!!! I LOVED the dad’s response to his son, also the dude mistaking the tuna can for Alexa! And getting the pill down the cat? I can speak from experience … we’ve had as many as 10 rescue kitties at one time and my advice is DON’T EVEN TRY!!! Tell the vet to give the cat an injection and be done with it! Let him destroy the vet’s office instead of your home! Great fun … thank you!!! ❤ ❤
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Lolol Jill. Most worthy advice. 🙂 🙂 xx
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Experience is a great teacher!!! xx
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Yes indeed! 🙂 xx
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Lol.. 10… that is amazing and apart from the pill taking, I am sure very rewarding. Glad you enjoyed them all Jill ♥
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Yep, 10! All with different personalities and quirks, more so than usual since all our cats have been rescues with physical and/or emotional problems. We are down to 5 right now … one has the feline equivalent of autism and is scared of anything that moves, one cannot get along with the others, so lives in my bedroom, and one is just plain ornery. Two are almost normal. We’ve had cats that were hit by cars and lost a leg, cats with diabetes, you name it! And we’ve loved every last one of them. ❤
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You are amazing Jill and that is 10 very lucky felines to have found you. I discovered an elderly feral cat under a bush in our garden when we lived in Ireland in the 90s. He had crawled in there to die. I persuaded him to eat and drink over a few days and he crawled out and went on to meet a young feral cat and have three babies. When we got Sam our collie as a puppy he introduced himself and taught him how to get along with cats and he lived until he was 14. He never wanted to come into the house but would join me when I sat in the garden for a cuddle and he enjoyed his meals I prepared for him. He and his wife would leave dead rats on the doormat in return and sit their waiting for their home cooked dinner! ♥
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Awwwww … thank you, Sally! They have brought us much joy throughout the years, and still do (also some very large vet bills!)
I love your story of the feral cat and how he came to trust you. When you mentioned the dead rats, it reminded me of something! When I was in grad school, being recently divorced, my children and I lived in a 2-bedroom trailer on campus, part of campus housing. It was tiny and without air conditioning, so in warm weather I kept the windows and doors open. We had two cats at the time, and one day I was sitting on the sofa studying, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw the cat come in the door from outdoors, but thought nothing of it until … she dropped a dead bird right in my lap!!! Naturally, I jumped up and shrieked loudly, scaring the poor kitty into the bedroom and under the bed! She stopped bringing me presents after that, having realized I was nothing but an ingrateful human!!! 🤣
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Lol… mine clearly preferred their meals home cooked rather than raw and was uncertain if they wanted me to fillet and roast their offerings and return…♥
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Ooohhhh … spoiled babes!!! ❤
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♥
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The plane leaving is just so…. email.
As for the cat… fortunately most guinea pig meds are in liquid form. One or two even taste nice (the others are wrestled in with juice). 🙂
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That does sound more civilised Jemima, and I am sure they appreciate the juice.. hugsx
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Actually, that’s just reminded me. One of the antibiotics used to be banana flavour and they loved it, but now nla. I asked my vet about using human food flavouring in the new versions, and she couldnt see why not as long as (given the very small amounts involved) it didnt contain… Um.. if I say axolotyl, can you work out which sugar that must be?
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I think that is probably xylitol which is an alternative sweetener. I has in some studies shown that it might stimulate the immune system, however it does come with side effects for some people. The body considers it a sugar so will react in the same way including obesity, diabetes and other associated diseases.. No reason you couldnt perhaps blitz some banana and use as a carrier perhaps.. hugsx
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Yes, xylitol, that’s the one to avoid. For everyone, it seems 🙂 Thanks
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♥
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Wonderful, ladies
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Thanks very much Toni ♥
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Thanks Toni ❤
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Oh, these were outstanding! A standup comic could bring the house down with these.
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Wonderful thanks very much John..hugsx
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Lol, thanks John. Glad you enjoyed. The haircut one was hilarious. 🙂
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So funny Maids of Mirth. Thanks Debby and Sally for sharing.
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Great thanks as always John..hugsx
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😊
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Thanks John. 🙂
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Thank you, Debby.
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🙂
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The driving joke and pill joke were my favorites! Love them! Thanks for the laughs, Debby and Sally!
Yvette M Calleiro 🙂
http://yvettemcalleiro.blogspot.com
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Great to hear thanks Yvette ♥
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Thanks Yvette. I’m still chuckling. ❤
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I love the cafe sign!
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Thanks Dorothy happy to pass them along..♥
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😂😂😂
Great selection, Ladies, but Sally, the giving the pill to the cat one is might be the funniest I’ve ever read. As a person who’s never lived in any home without cats, and who currently has four, I laughed so hard I almost fell off my chair! I needed that!
Thanks again! ❤️🤗❤️
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lol.. thanks Marica and glad that one tickled your funny bone but I don’t want to be responsible for you doing yourself an injury.. so next time buckle up….♥♥
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😄😄😄
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♥
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We’re happy to bring the smiles Marsh. ❤
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😊❤️😊
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Thanks for the smiles ladies. 🤗
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Delighted to pass them along Balroop ♥
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Our pleasure Balroop ❤
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Thanks for the Thursday giggles 🙂 xo
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Happy to share them Denise..hugsx
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❤
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These had me laughing out loud in the mammogram waiting room!
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Glad to lighten that particular event Susan.. wishing you a pain free and clear result.. xx
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Thanks for the good wishes! Had (good) results in my chart before I was even out of the parking lot. Technology is amazing!
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Fantastic Susan good to hear. It is amazing. x
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Lol, happy to brighten your day. 🙂
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Hilarious – as always! Have a great day you two… 🤣❤️🤣
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Thanks very much Gwen and glad to bring the smiles.. ♥♥
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Thanks Gwen. ❤
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What fun today – I can so commiserate with giving the cat a pill, but I would never take the last step. I’d just have the vet show me how to do it (btw, I can wrap a pill in cheese for Garfield).
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Lol.. I doubt many would actually take that last step… cheese worked for Sam too.. in fact he would do anything for a little melted cheese in a rolled up ball.. ♥
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