Firstly, some funnies foraged from the web from Debby Gies – D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.
My thanks to Debby for expert foraging…
D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster
Debby’s latest post in her series Spiritual Awareness:
Now something from Sally’s Joke book archives….
Some one liners.. no groaning please
Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.
I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.
Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.
You can find out more about my books – Sally’s books and reviews 2023
We hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… thanks Sally and Debby.
Pingback: Smorgasbord Funnies 2023 – Hosts Sally Cronin and Debby Gies – Wine reduction and One liners - JamieAdStories
Thanks for sharing Jamie..
LikeLike
These are absolute gems!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Jamie.. Happy Halloween.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine Weekly Round Up 23rd – 29th October 2023 – Final Big Band Era, Barbra Streisand, Podcast, Book Reviews, Book excerpts, Pins and Needles, Lavender and Funnies. | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine
Thanks for the laughs!
LikeLike
Oh, those groaners!
LikeLiked by 1 person
lol… ♥
LikeLike
Lol, the one with the wet floor is equisite. 😉 But i also love the one liners. They make me thinking more about correct writing in future. xx Michael
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Michael.. I love them too.. would love to meet the people who make them up lol.. hugs
LikeLike
Hilarious, ladies – I love the toilet paper and Sally’s jokes xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks very much Toni.. delighted you enjoyed..♥♥
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL I especially liked the one with the lady who mopped the floor and “Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great thanks Thomas… glad you enjoyed and have a good weekend.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You two amaze me. 😄 Thank you for the laughter and delight.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Always happy to hear that thanks Gwen ♥
LikeLike
Ha! Ha! Love the way she’s reducing the wine and the mopped floor, well, I can’t blame him. 🙂 Great ones, ladies!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me neither poor guy lol.. ♥
LikeLike
Hilarious, you two. I love the meme about the mopped floor, Debby. That could be my house. Lol. And wonderful one-liners, Sally. So many clever ones, but this was a fav: “Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.” Ha ha ha.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Delighted you enjoyed Diana.. and very happy to pass them along ♥♥
LikeLike
These are some clever ones.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Andrew glad you enjoyed..
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol Sal, great one liners! No groans here. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank goodness for that Debby lol.. ♥♥
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂 ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh Maids of Mirth. You just keep getting better and better.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Woohoo John, thank you. We strive to stay on top. 🙂 x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Perfect thanks John.. hugsxxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
The gals of glee are at it again. Great chuckles!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Love our title, thanks Noelle. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks very much Noelle ♥♥
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very entertaining, ladies. A fun way to start the evening.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Great thanks Robbie and hope the week going well ♥
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, thank you, Sally. Tomorrow is Friday.
LikeLiked by 1 person
♥♥
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Robbie, happy to bring you some evening smiles ❤
LikeLiked by 2 people
🩵🦋
LikeLiked by 2 people
The cautious cop and the jealous rooster got me today. Oh, and U2, of course. Thank you, ladies.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Great thanks Dolly.. always great to hear ♥
LikeLiked by 1 person
My pleasure, dear Sally.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol, so glad you enjoyed Dolly 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
I certainly did, darling.
LikeLiked by 1 person
🥰
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks for some great laughs today, Ladies! As always, you find the best ones out there! 😀 ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks very much Marcia..♥♥
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤️❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Marsh, we aim to please. ❤
LikeLiked by 2 people
❤️❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
All great! Thanks for the giggles:) ox
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks Denise..hugsx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Denise xx
LikeLiked by 2 people
Loved them all, ladies. Great laughs, many thanks. Hugs
Reblogged on Improvisation – “The Art of Living”
https://williampriceking.tumblr.com/
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks very much William…hugsxx
LikeLike
Thanks William. Glad you enjoyed. And thanks for sharing. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love the wet floor one!
LikeLiked by 3 people
I think his career might be a little short lived…xx
LikeLiked by 2 people
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol, glad you enjoyed Liz. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
I like the idea of reducing the wine like that. 😉
Thank you for the giggles, Ladies.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Happy to pass them along Pat.. ♥
LikeLiked by 1 person
So do I Patricia. Happy to bring the smiles. ❤
LikeLiked by 2 people
Absolutely love the one liners, I’m still groaning with a smile on my face 😂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Just what we like to hear Sue ♥
LikeLiked by 2 people
Those one liners are hilarious, Sally. I especially liked:
Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars. 😂🤣😂
LikeLiked by 5 people
Lol.. not sure what it says about the minds who make them up Chris ♥♥
LikeLiked by 1 person
😂🤣😂🤗❤️🤗
LikeLiked by 1 person
♥♥
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol Chris. Glad you enjoyed 🙂 x
LikeLiked by 2 people
🤗❤️🤗
LikeLiked by 2 people