Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – March 5th 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp

Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp .. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

Priorities

Morag is standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it wouldn’t blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approaches her and says, “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?”

“Yes I know” replies Morag, “but I need both hands to hold onto this hat.”

“But madam continues the gent. You are actually exposing your private area!”

Morag looks down at her dress billowing in the wind and replies, “Son, anything you see down there is 85 years old.“

”However, I just bought this hat for the cruise yesterday!”

Have you had the Jab – Urgent Notice

This happened yesterday and is important information for our age group.

A friend had his 2nd dose of the vaccine at the vaccination centre, after which he began to have blurred vision on the way home.

When he got home, he called the vaccination centre for advice and to ask if he should go see a doctor or be hospitalised.

He was asked to go back to the vaccination centre immediately
…………….as he had left his glasses behind

The Prison Sentence

A woman goes to prison to visit her husband who has just been sentenced to 40 years in jail.

As soon as she enters the visiting room, she hugs him and exclaims with tears in her eyes: “Oh! Roger, 40 years, Roger?”

And the husband replies: “Well, my love, what are you going to do?”

“Oh, Roger …! I spoke to the judge handling your case,”

“And what did he say, my love?”

“He told me that for every time I make love with him, he will reduce your prison sentence by one year …”

“What !!! What a miserable bastard and what did you say to that son of a bitch?”

“Oh, Roger! We’ll talk about it at home, get your stuff and let’s go.”

My thanks to Danny for allowing me to raid his Facebook: Danny Kemp

About Daniel Kemp

Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?

In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.

Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.

He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.

A selection of books by Daniel Kemp

Read the reviews and buy the books also in audio: Amazon UK – And : Amazon US – follow Daniel: Goodreads – Website: Author Danny Kemp – Facebook: Books by Daniel – Twitter:@danielkemp6

Thanks for visiting and I know Danny would love your feedback..Have a good weekend…Sally