Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Guest Post – I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now! #Life by Terry Tyler

I am sure like me, there have been times when you have wondered what difference might have been made to your life, if your younger self had been gifted with the experience and knowledge you have accumulated over the years.

I invited several friends from the writing community to share their thoughts on this subject which I am sure you will enjoy as much as I did.

Many thanks, Sally, for inviting me to share my thoughts on your new feature.

‘I wish I knew then what I know now’ by Terry Tyler

I was a teenager in the 1970s and in my twenties during the 1980s – a much easier time to be young, I think. No social media telling you what to think, no mobile phones following you everywhere, you could walk in and out of jobs at whim and find a cheap flat by answering a newspaper ad. I consider myself so lucky to have been born when I was, and have known that time. How would I advise the eighteen-year-old me to make the most of such good fortune, if I could go back in time to 1977?

The Generation Gap:

Whatever issues you’re having, however vast the chasm between your lifestyle and that of your parents, find some common ground. The older you get the more you will appreciate them, but never more than when they are gone. Talk to them. Ask them about their lives. When they give you advice, at least consider it. Their youth may have been very different from yours, but human nature is a constant.

My parents died in 2017 and 2019; I still have so many questions that will remain forever unanswered – and I would give a great deal to have one more day with them.

The Sparrow’s Flight:

Edited quote from St Bede, in the 7th Century:

‘The present life of man upon earth – like the swift flight of a sparrow through the mead-hall where you sit at supper in winter, while the fire blazes in the midst and the hall is warmed. The sparrow, flying in at one door and immediately out at another – so this life of man appears for a little while, but of what is to follow or what went before we know nothing at all.’

Life is short. When you’re young, you can’t imagine what it’s like not to have all those decades stretching ahead of you, but the years certainly speed up once you hit forty. Now I’m sixty-two, I find that there aren’t enough hours in the day, days in the week or weeks in the year to do everything I want to do. Books I want to read (and write), subjects I’d like to learn more about. Don’t waste a moment complaining about being bored. Don’t waste time on people who drain you and let you down. Appreciate your friends, nurture good friendships. Don’t spend half your youth in the pub. See something of the world. Life is a gift. Use it well!

Affairs of the Heart:

How much time and emotional energy do we, as young women, waste wondering and discussing with our friends whether or not HE really is interested/really does love you/is ever going to get his act together?

Listen, and digest:

  • If a relationship is going well, you don’t need to discuss it.
  • In every couple there is one who kisses, and one who turns the cheek. This is so true, even in the happiest of relationships.
  • If he wants to call you/spend time with you, he will. No matter how busy his life. If he doesn’t, it’s because he doesn’t want to, or certainly not enough to make it a priority.
  • Beware the addict – life with a drinker, a gambler or any other sort of addict will always be an uphill struggle, and unless he wants to change for himself, the slope ahead will only become steeper.

My Body, My Choice:

Don’t waste another day being hung up about your weight. You’re probably not as fat as you think you are (I spent decades thinking I was fat; when I look back at old photos I see that I wasn’t). If you really are overweight and it affects your health, confidence and state of mind, do something about it. Maintaining a healthy weight gets harder after you’re thirty, and harder still every decade after that. Remember: nothing tastes as good as losing weight feels.

Remember, though, that your body shape is your own choice. In my 20s, I allowed the man I was with to make me feel inadequate because I was a size 14 rather than a size 10. I have never been or wanted to be smaller than a large size 12; if he’d wanted a skinny girlfriend, he shouldn’t have picked me!

The Roaring Twenties

Your twenties: such a valuable time in your life when you have youth, energy, independence, a whole world out there to explore. These are the years to enjoy your freedom, to try anything you want, make mistakes and learn from them. It is not a time to be wasted in a boring job, a stagnant love life, with friends that don’t enrich your life. It’s the time to travel, to meet lots of new people, to do whatever you want (within reason!).

My mother used to say that you need two lives, the second one to get it right. Oh if only, eh?

Thanks again, Sally!

©Terry Tyler 2022

My thanks to Terry for sharing her thoughts on the prompt and for some excellent guidelines for relationships and body image. Two issues that can result in a great deal of heartache through life. I know she would love to hear from you.

A small selection of  books by Terry Tyler

Terry’s latest release

My review for Where There’s Doubt on April 9th 2022

This is a psychological thriller which delves into the minefield that is modern day online dating and keeps you on the edge of your seat from page one.

Dating has become big business. Certainly for those who host the sites where millions hopefully upload their photographs, likes and dislikes and reach out into the void for a connection that will fulfil their dreams of everlasting love. It is also a feeding ground for sharks, seeking out the vulnerable, the desperate, the broken-hearted and those who are easily manipulated. Their intent is to bequile and deprive their victims of their money, self-esteem, dreams and hope.

Kate is just out of a long term relationship which has left her wondering about the myth surrounding true love. Then along comes a man who ticks all the boxes… seems to know her so well from the outset, anticipating all her needs and hopes within a relationship. Wary but falling in love, Kate begins to ignore her inner voice and friends well-meaning cautions and the game is on.

Over the course of the first part of the book the other players in this game each side of the con are introduced, including the masterminds behind the scam. The author is very good at creating characters who the reader can easily identify, including the poster boy for every woman’s romantic dream, handsome, attentive, successful and sexy. However we  hear first hand from this adonis about what he thinks of his victims and his accomplice as well as his endgame. We are spectators to the events but can only watch from the sidelines, helpless to intervene to prevent the inevitable tragedies and loss.

In the second part of the book we discover which of the victims are going to rise above this dispicable piece of trickery and deal with the aftermath. The best and worst of human traits is explored and for some there will be surprising revelations that threaten to devastate them even further. Does crime pay, will there be retribution, who will survive the con?

Highly recommended as a thriller you will find hard to put down.

About Terry Tyler

Terry Tyler is the author of twenty-four books available from Amazon, the latest being ‘Where There’s Doubt’, about a romance scammer. Also recently published is ‘Megacity’, the final book in the dystopian Operation Galton trilogy. She is currently at work on a post apocalyptic series, which will probably take the form of three novellas. Proud to be independently published, Terry is an avid reader and book reviewer, and a member of Rosie Amber’s Book Review Team.

Terry is a Walking Dead addict, and has a great interest in history (particularly 12th-17th century), along with books and documentaries on sociological/cultural/anthropological subject matter. She loves South Park, the sea, and going for long walks in quiet places where there are lots of trees. She lives in the north east of England with her husband.

Read the reviews and buy the books:Amazon UK – And : Amazon US – Follow Terry Tyler: GoodreadsBlog: Terry Tyler Blogspot – Twitter:@TerryTyler4


Thank you for dropping in today and it would be great if you could share Terry’s guest post… thanks Sally.

94 thoughts on “Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Guest Post – I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now! #Life by Terry Tyler

  1. This is packed with truths that I can recognise now! The Listen and Digest section should be made into a poster and given to every student to put on the wall. That first photo is stunningly vibrant and beautiful! xx

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Wonderful advice and lessons, Terry. My younger self could definitely have done with this! Thanks so much for sharing. Huge congratulations on Sally’s fantastic review. I’m headed off to check out Where There’s Doubt now. Hugs 💕🙂

    Sally, thanks so much for sharing! Hugs 💕🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  3. All good thoughts and advice Terry, resonating with me. When I first hit my teen years, I thought I was horribly fat and went on all kinds of crazy diets to become Twiggy thin. They didn’t work, and when I look back at my old photographs, I wasn’t fat at all! It took a long time to see my real reflection.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Such a beautiful post from Terry. Life is short and we spend way too much time worrying about things that in a year will be insignificant. I love all of this. Such great insight! Thank you, Terry and Sally!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. What a wonderful post. I am grateful too for having been a teen in the 70s. Good advice about wasting our time with the wrong people and worrying about being a weight we are not. Life is too short to waste it 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  6. A lot of great thoughts which resonate with my own thoughts.
    Indeed it makes me feel that sometimes we worry too much and forget to get on with our lives.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thanks for sharing great advices, and also such a personal part of life, Terry. Yes, i also think we would need a second life to make things better. Maybe only for making some people around us better. 😉 Thanks also for sharing the review, Sally! A psychological thriller around online dating is a great story. xx Michael

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Wonderful straightforward advice from Terry. Time does fly, and we waste so much of it on things that don’t matter, while the things and people that do matter slip away. Oh, to be twenty again and have another chance. Great post, Terry and Sally. Now I must close the computer for a moment and go outside!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I loved everything Terry said and could identify with much of it. Wise words indeed. I also wasted time with the wrong man who was emotionally (and physically abusive). Sounds like our you worldliness taught us to get out of dodge.
    A beautiful share from Terry. I’m currently reading Where There’s Doubt, very hard to put down. Hugs xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, I’ve hooked up with some right turkeys in my time, Debby! Though I don’t regret it, not really, because every experience makes you who you are now – and I wouldn’t have appreciated Husband #3 without all that went before! So glad you’re liking Where There’s Doubt – THANK YOU! x

      Liked by 2 people

      • You said it Terry. I was stuck for 7 years in a terrible relationship and soon after, I met my husband. Turns out, my husband and I traveled in similar circles for years and never met, and then he lived in the same condo building as me for a few years while I was with the ‘wrong one’, And we still never met. Because it wasn’t the right time. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • Debby, I am SO with you on the ‘right time’ thing – if I’d met husband #3 10 years before we’d have passed without me noticing him!

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I appreciate Terry’s takes on life. So much wisdom all rolled into one post. First, I agree that kids have it tougher today. I know that’s not the common perception, given the current technology that wasn’t around when we were kids. With that technology comes more opportunities to get sidetracked by things that aren’t healthy for us. New problems have cropped up that we didn’t have to experience.

    An ideal partner accepts you for who you are. They don’t try to change you. If you want to change, your partner accepts and supports that right.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. A wonderful reflection on what it means to live within each stage of life. I enjoyed the breakdown of ages, Terry, with words of wisdom for each time – the important stuff. These words resonated with me especially:

    “Talk to them. Ask them about their lives. When they give you advice, at least consider it. Their youth may have been very different from yours, but human nature is a constant”

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Life is indeed too short to worry about anything. And it should never be about allowing others to control what you do and how you look. There are far too many people who want to control everything and everybody. Avoid them at all costs.

    Terry’s words pack a punch and are words everyone should read. The part that struck me the most was the missed opportunities in asking questions to those in the generation before us. Make the most of every minute and always find the time to be with and visit them. And never be afraid to ask those questions.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Thanks so much for reading, Hugh. Looking at my answers again, I wonder if it’s just a basic list to live by, full stop. Unfortunately, not enough material for a self-help book!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think you’ve summed up much of what we humans go through in this post, Terry. There’s certainly lots of great advice in your post. After reading it, I went and visited my last surviving aunt and asked her lots of questions about the family. I was pretty surprised by some of the stuff she told me. Those are stories that will now live on in me. She may have told other family members, but they certainly haven’t mentioned any of the information to me.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Hi, Terry:

    I saw you tweeted this a few days ago when I didn’t have time to read, but I remembered to come back and do so. I really enjoyed what you wrote and agree with your perspectives. There are many things in here that I might tell someone myself.

    So many years wasted on body image — for sure — and choosing people who uplift you is SO important. And ditto on not spending half one’s youth in a pub/bar. Thanks for sharing all that you have.

    xx Lisette

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I enjoyed Terry’s story. It seems like yesterday that I was a teenager in the 60’s, and now I think about those years and perspectives when I teach my preschoolers. You have sound advice.

    Liked by 1 person

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  18. HI Sally, this is a lovely article by Terry. I can honestly say I have not wasted time with my parents. I think I know an awful lot about them and many of their secrets. I know my knowledge is far greater than that of my sisters but then, they do live with me and I have always spent a lot of time with mum. I was a teenager in the 80s and that was a great time too. My youth was much nicer than my sons and I had a lot of freedom and not nearly as much stress as they do. Terry is right that modern life is to pressured and to high tech, you never get any peace and quiet.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. This is excellent, Terry. I agree, talk to your parents. I had a great relationship with mine and we did talk a lot but I still wish I could ask them something every now and then. Your 20s are great years but I was a young mom and spent my 20s raising my children. I wouldn’t change it for anything as I have two fabulous kids. The cool thing is, when my friends were having children, mine were grown up and I was having fun! It’s never too late to have happy times! Love your pictures.

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