Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – It’s all about the Cats and Dogs…host Sally Cronin


Welcome to the Friday funnies and hopefully they will get your weekend off to a good start.

And finally

In front of the local butcher’s, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realised with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery. It was, in fact, a collector’s item.

He strolled into the store and offered two pounds for the cat. ‘He’s not for sale’, said the butcher.

‘Look’, said the collector’, that cat is dirty and scabby, but I’m an eccentric. I prefer cats that way. I’ll raise my offer to ten pounds’. ‘It’s a deal’, said the proprietor, and pocketed the ten immediately.

‘For that amount of money I’m sure you won’t mind throwing in the saucer’, said the connoisseur’, ‘The kitten seems so happy drinking from it.’

‘I can’t do that’, said the butcher firmly, ‘That’s my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week, I’ve sold 18 cats.’

 

I hope you have enjoyed and have a great weekend.. next week Danny Kemp will be back with his wonderful brand of humour…Thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – January 14th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Dry January and Genies


Welcome to laughter lines with some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a joke or two to make you smile from Sally.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK    BlogD.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally.

Drinking to excess is never recommended but sometimes people go a little too far..

The other night I was invited out for a night with “the girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.

Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him midnight. He didn’t seem disturbed at all. (Whew! Got away with that one!). Then he said, “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, “Oh, crap,” cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and burped.”

00000

So a guy walks into a bar one day and he can’t believe his eyes. There, in the corner, there’s this one-foot-tall man, in a little tuxedo, playing a tiny grand piano.

So the guy asks the bartender, “Where’d he come from?”

And the bartender’s, like, “There’s a genie in the men’s room who grants wishes.”

So the guy runs into the men’s room and, sure enough, there’s this genie. And the genie’s, like, “Your wish is my command.” So the guy’s, like, “O.K., I wish for world peace.” And there’s this big cloud of smoke—and then the room fills up with geese.

So the guy walks out of the men’s room and he’s, like, “Hey, bartender, I think your genie might be hard of hearing.”

And the bartender’s, like, “No kidding. You think I wished for a twelve-inch pianist?”

 

Thanks for dropping by and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – January 12th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Waistbands and Walking into a Bar


Welcome to laughter lines with some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a joke or two to make you smile from Sally.

 

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK    Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s 2020 series here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally.

Walking into a bar has been the subject of many jokes over the years and I will share one or two of my favourites .

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and order a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!” The panda yells back at the bartender, “Hey man, I’m a PANDA! Look it up!” The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for Panda: “A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”

00000

A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whiskey. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, “Where is everybody?” The bartender replied, “They’ve gone to the hanging.” “Hanging? Who are they hanging?” “Brown Paper Pete,” the bartender replied.

“What kind of a name is that?” the cowboy asked. “Well,” said the bartender, “he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes.”
“Weird guy,” said the cowboy. “What are they hanging him for?”

“Rustling,” said the bartender

00000

This guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he can show him something unbelievable, he gets a free beer? The bartender says alright. So the man puts a hamster and two frogs on the bar and all of a sudden the two frogs jump up and start into a Broadway medley.

Well, a man at the end of the bar said, “That’s amazing; I’ll give you $1,000 for the frogs.” The man agreed the guy took off.

The bartender said to him, “You could have gotten more for the frogs.”

The man said, “Frogs are easy to come by, the hamster’s a ventriloquist.”

 

Thanks for dropping by and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – January 3rd – 9th 2020 – Breakfast Show, 1960s, Poetry, Book Reviews, Health and Funnies


Welcome to the round of posts you might have missed this week on Smorgasbord.

A rollercoaster of a week on many fronts and hard to stay hopeful in a time of such unrest and the pandemic. Ireland saw cases rise to around 500 mark in May during the first wave but yesterday recorded over 8000 new cases. With only 5 million population the cases so far have shown that being a small nation makes it just as hard to contain.

This does not of course compare to the over 300,000 new case in the USA and similar horrific figures in Europe and other countries. Vaccines are slowly being rolled out but the logistics of vaccinating whole countries, to ensure that those in most need such as front line health carers, those most at risk. We are down the list without any underlying health issues and being under 70, and also I cannot have the Pfizer vaccine as I have a severe allergy to both Penicillin and Tetanus.

Allergy warnings have been issued by the Medicines and Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) following reports of anaphylaxis among two recipients of the vaccine last week.

The head of the MHRA, Dr June Raine, said: “Any person with a history of anaphylaxis to a vaccine, medicine or food should not receive the Pfizer BioNTech vaccine.

“A second dose should not be given to anyone who has experienced anaphylaxis following administration of the first dose of this vaccine.”  allergies and Covid vaccine pfizer.

I firmly believe in vaccinations but will wait until the Oxford variant is available.. and if you would like to know more about how the various Covid vaccines work with out bodies to help protect us then these articles are very helpful.

How the Various Vaccines Work – AndHow does the Oxford Vaccine Work

Other news on the personal front.
Life is Like a Bowl of Cherries: Sometimes Bitter, Sometimes Sweet by [Sally Cronin]

One of the bright spots of the week has been the wonderful support of the writing community who have been kind enough to share their thoughts on Life is Like a Bowl of Cherries.. and if you would like to read their reviews you can find some on Goodreads and all of them on my book pageThank you for the motivation.

And I do have more news on the book. We have always printed my books independently and uploaded to Amazon and paid them commission to sell the books. However, despite Ireland not being part of the UK and without VAT on printed books at the time, Amazon said that to continue to sell print books we would need to register for VAT.. so we removed my print books and I have sold them at fairs and via paypal.

So we decided to try out Amazon’s print on demand and so for those who would like the book in print it should be available in the next week. Looking forward to seeing how it works out.

On the blog and book promotion front for you….

Since this series began in January 2018 there have been over 1000 Posts from Your Archives where bloggers have taken the opportunity to share posts to a new audience… mine.

The topics have ranged from travel, childhood, recipes, history, family and the most recent series was #PotLuck where I shared a random selection of different topics.

In this series I will be sharing posts from the last six months of 2020

It is an opportunity to showcase your writing skill to my readers and also to share on my social media. Which combined is around the 46,000 mark. If you are an author your books will be mentioned too, along with their buy links and your other social media contacts.

How to feature in the series?2021 – Pot Luck – Posts from Your Archives

As always my thanks to William Price King, Debby Gies and Daniel Kemp for their contributions this week and so pleased that the new Breakfast Show is going down well.

And of course many thanks to you for visiting and leaving your comments and sharing around the usual haunts.. it is much appreciate..

This week’s posts.

The Breakfast Show with William Price King and Sally Cronin – Chart Hits 1960 – Part One.

The Sewing Circle Part Two

The Other Side of Heaven

Chesebro’s Poetry Challenge – Butterfly Cinquain – ‘Hope’ by Sally Cronin

April 1986 – San Diego – Trash Can Punch and Sea World

#Mystery #Paranormal – The Light (Wake-Robin Ridge Book 4) by Marcia Meara

Past Book Reviews 2020 – #SouthernFiction – Little Tea by Claire Fullerton

New Author on the Shelves – D.L. Cross – The Forgotten -Astral Conspiracy: (An Alien Invasion Science

New Release – #Western #Romance Sandra Cox, #Fantasy Vashti Quiroz-Vega, – Review #Poetry Balroop Singh

#YAMystery D.L.Finn, #Memoir Liesbet Collaert, #Family Judith Barrow.

Reviews – #PostApocalyptic Terry Tyler, #Fantasy C.S Boyack, #Memoir D.G. Kaye

#Chocolate Robbie and Michael Cheadle, #Fishing Dawn Doig, #Wolves Elizabeth Jade

Monday 4th January 2020 – Carol Taylor, Jennie Fitzkee, Judith Barrow

Wednesday January 6th 2021 – Stevie Turner, Mary Smith, Jean Lee

Friday 8th January 2021 – Carol Taylor, Joy Lennick, Patricia Furstenberg

Getting the year off to a healthy start – Part One by Sally Cronin

Getting the year off to a healthy start – Part Two

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – January 5th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Pajamas and Word Games

January 7th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Crafting and Teenage Imaginations!

January 8th 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Poachers and Retirement speeches…

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – January 8th 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Poachers and Retirement speeches…


Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp  .. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

And now for that little bit extra….

A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish:

A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However he was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:

“I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents; embezzled from his employer; had an affair with his boss’s wife; had sex with his boss’s daughter, taken illegal drugs; and was arrested several times for public nudity. I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things but as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.”

Just as the Priest finished his talk the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

“I’ll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived.” Said the politician. “In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession.”

My thanks to Danny for allowing me to raid his Facebook: Danny Kemp

About Daniel Kemp

Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?

In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.

Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.

He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.

A selection of books by Daniel Kemp

Read the reviews and buy the books also in audio: Amazon UK – And : Amazon US – follow Daniel: Goodreads – Website: Author Danny Kemp – Facebook: Books by Daniel – Twitter:@danielkemp6

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – January 7th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Crafting and Teenage Imaginations!


Welcome to the laughter lines some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a few words to make you smile from Sally.

If you are not already following Debby’s blog here is the link D.G. Writes where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAndAmazon UK    BlogD.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s Relationship series here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally.

Out of the mouths of teenagers……allegedly from GCSE essays...certainly creative….

  • His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.
  • The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly like a bowling ball wouldn’t.
  • McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.
  • Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
  • Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
  • He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
  • The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot oil.
  • The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
  • The thunder was ominous sounding much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during a storm scene in a play.
  • Even in his last years Grandad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
  • The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of Family Fortunes.
  • The plan was simple, like my brother Phil, but unlike Phil this plan just might work.
  • The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get for not eating for a while.
  • Oh, Jason, take me! She panted, her breasts heaving like a student on a pound a pint night.
  • He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.
  • Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined , like someone who can tell butter from “ I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter “.
  • The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.
  • It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.
  • He was deeply in love . When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.
  • She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.
  • She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-temperature British Beef.
  • She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
  • It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

 

See you again soon and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – January 5th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Pajamas and Word Games


Welcome to the first laughter lines of 2021 some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a word game to make you smile from Sally.

If you are not already following Debby’s blog here is the link D.G. Writes where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAndAmazon UK    BlogD.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s 2020 series here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally.

A reminder of how a letter changed in a word can make a world of difference.

The Washington Post’s quest for answers……their invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
Decaflon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

 

Happy New Year and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – December 27th 2020- January 2nd 2021 – Happy New Year, Rock ‘n’ Roll, Books and funnies


Welcome to the round up of posts on Smorgasbord that you might have missed this week.

If I have not already wished you Happy New Year, then please accept my wishes for a fantastic 2021.. in the hopes that it will be better behaved than 2020.. I posted a little tribute to the heroes of the year, and to our pets who have been there with us all the way. There were a few funnies and music of course to mark the occasion..

Happy New Year’s Eve – 2020 in the rear view mirror

My thanks as always to you for visiting and sharing the posts.. and this year has been made special by the warmth and kindness of the writing community…something to be treasured.

On with the posts from the week…and I hope you will join William Price King and myself on Tuesday for the new Breakfast Show with music and news from the 1960s.

Get your rock ‘n’ roll boots on with my top five picks by Sally Cronin

March 1986 – Pool Parties, lost puppies, New Furniture

What’s in Name? Ifan and the Black Sheep by Sally Cronin

What’s in Name? – Kenneth – A Love for Life by Sally Cronin

The Sewing Circle Part One.

#Fantasy – Lords of Chaos (Unraveling the Veil Book 3) by D.Wallace Peach

Past Book Reviews 2020 – #Family #Mystery – Watching Glass Shatter by James J. Cudney

Past Book Reviews 2020 – #Fantasy – The Hat by C.S. Boyack

29th December 2020 – D.L.Finn, Elizabeth Merry, Jan Sikes

January 1st 2021 – #Books and more Books – Amy M. Reade, Jessica Norrie, Mary Smith

#Suspense Sandra J. Jackson, Reviews – #Supernatural Jessica Bakkers, #WWII Marina Osipova,

New Release – #Fairies Teagan Riordain Geneviene, #Family James J. Cudney, #1960s #Thriller Ted Myers

#Romance Ritu Bhathal, #Paranormal Romance Stevie Turner, #Poetry Denise O’Hagan

#NewAuthor Marketing Tips – Making the most of Twitter

The Children’s Reading Room – New Author – #Emotions – Feel Like Eggs by Jeff Goodman

New Release – #Dragons Janice Spina,- Reviews – #Turtles Cynthia S. Reyes and Lauren Reyes-Grange, #Bears Frank Prem

Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – December 29th 2020 – Working out and Animal comedians

 

Enjoy the weekend and look forward to seeing you next week.. stay safe and thanks … Sally

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – December 29th 2020 – Working out and Animal comedians


Today some fun from around the web from Debby Gies and a video to make you smile from Sally

If you are not already following Debby’s blog here is the link D.G. Writes where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK    Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s 2020 series here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally.

There are some wonderful animal comedians out there and here is a selection courtesy of Podborkin TV

 

Thanks for joining us and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…thanks Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Christmas Laughter Lines Extra with Hosts Debby Gies and Danny Kemp – Netflix and Diamonds


I hope you are having a wonderful day and please have a glass of wine if you are so inclined from are special reserve Chateau Cronin…

Despite 2020 have a few drawbacks…..laughter has been as important as ever. Two fellow bloggers have cohorted with me this year and today I have put them together in a Christmas post…Debby Gies and Danny Kemp who I am very grateful to for keeping the smiles going. Today is no exception.. Happy, Merry Christmas

Ladies first… thanks Debby for a year of funnies..

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAndAmazon UK    BlogD.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s 2020 series here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

My thanks to Danny for allowing me to raid his Facebook: Danny Kemp

A selection of books by Daniel Kemp

Read the reviews and buy the books also in audio: Amazon UK – And : Amazon US – follow Daniel:Goodreads – Website: Author Danny Kemp – Facebook: Books by Daniel – Twitter:@danielkemp6

 

Thank you for dropping in today and wherever you are…have a wonderful Christmas from Debby, Danny and Sally.