Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Misleading, Misdirection and minding your own business, and more one liners…


Now time for those one liners.. as usual please place your groans rated 1-10 in the comments!

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

There is no point in following the five second rule when you drop your toast on the floor if you have a three second dog.

I hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… thanks Sally.

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Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Things are not as they might seem.. and a few more one liners…


And now a few one liners…..please add your level of groans in the comment section rated between 1 -10….

Politics: Poli, a Latin word meaning ‘Many’. and Tics, meaning ‘blood sucking parasites’.

Of all the blood groups,type Os make the most spelling mistakes..

When the Irish say that St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland, what they don’t tell you is that he was the only one who saw any snakes!

His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan. “Did she say anything before she died?” asked the sergeant. “She spoke without interruption for about forty years,” said the Finnegan.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back.

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

I hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine Weekly Round Up.. Travel Safe, Chicken Kiev, Classic Italian Rock Legends and all that Jazz


Welcome to the weekly round up of posts that you might have missed here on Smorgasbord.

I hope you are all well and thank you for dropping in to see me this week, and as always it is much appreciated. Nothing much to report on a personal level as the week has flown by and the weather has not been very conducive to being out in the garden.

There are however some upcoming events on the blog. Next Sunday 18th August I will be posting about the new Sunday author interview. This time it is specifically for the authors in the Cafe and Bookstore, as my intention over the next few months is to ramp up the book promotions. The Cafe and Bookstore has around 150 authors at any given time whose books are receiving reviews or they have a new release in the last six months.

I would like to give those authors another opportunity for promotion with an interview – answering five questions from a selection of twenty.. and excerpt from the book they wish to promote.  Please drop in next Sunday to find out all the details.

I am also putting together the next Archive post series. This time it will be for authors who have only been blogging in the last 12 months. An opportunity to give new bloggers a boost and to welcome them to our community. It can be tough going those first few months and I would love to share the amazing posts that should have a wider audience.

This week sees the end of the serialisation of Tales from the Irish Garden and I am delighted at the lovely comments it has received. Next week I am starting a new book that has not been shared since 2016. Just an Odd Job Girl.. I know that many of you read the first time around, but I am hoping that new readers of the blog will enjoy.

Time to get on with the posts from the week… and as always my thanks to the contributors who spend time and effort to write such interesting and informative post.

D.G. Kaye, Debby Gies reminds us that preparation is key if you want to have a safe and secure holiday.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/05/posts-from-my-archives-the-travel-column-with-d-g-kaye-preparing-for-a-safe-trip/

If you enjoy chicken to delicious recipes for you.. and for dessert lovers.. apple and mulberry crumble.. Courtesy of Carol Taylor

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/07/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-food-and-cookery-column-with-carol-taylor-chicken-kiev-multi-coloured-chicken-breast-and-apple-and-mulberry-crumble/

A wonderfully simple but flavour packed Italian classic from Silvia Todesco.. Summer Fresh Tomoto Fettuccine…

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https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/08/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-italiancookery-with-silvia-todesco-summer-fresh-tomato-fettuccine-bring-on-the-tomato-bounty/

This week author Karen DeMers Dowdall shares her very special gift.. a sixth sense that is highly developed.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/11/smorgasbord-sunday-interview-human-in-every-sense-of-the-word-my-sixth-sense-by-karen-demers-dowdall/

Those of us who have books available on Amazon and other online book sites, particularly ebooks are also vulnerable to pirates, and Debby Gies, D.G. Kaye, shares an interesting possible action we are taking to enable this. Felony or Flattery? #Copyright Infringement and Content Scraping by D.G. Kaye

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/11/smorgasbord-reblog-felony-or-flattery-copyright-infringement-and-content-scraping-by-d-g-kaye/

Some rock ‘n’ roll this week to get your feet tapping. Status Quo, Queen, Bruce Springsteen, Tina Turner and Eric Clapton and Creedence Clearwater Revival.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/06/smorgasbord-summer-music-festival-get-your-rock-n-roll-boots-on-with-my-top-five-picks/

This week in Colleen’s Tuesday Poetry Challenge 139 being the first challenge of the month, is for the poet to choose their own words. I hope you will enjoy my double etheree…A Dog’s Life.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/08/smorgasbord-poetry-colleen-chesebros-tuesday-tanka-challenge-double-etheree-a-dogs-life-by-sally-cronin/

The last two chapters for Tales from the Irish Garden this weekend… Queen Filigree is delighted to announce the betrothals of both her daughters and accept the gifts that are offered by their future husbands… Plus concerns about her health are getting the court into a bit of a lather.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/10/tales-from-the-irish-garden-serialisation-winter-chapter-betrothals-and-surprises-by-sally-cronin/

The final chapter of Tales from the Irish Garden… the court’s first Christmas in their new home and an announcement from Prince Ronan.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/11/tales-from-the-irish-garden-winter-chapter-twenty-one-the-first-christmas-by-sally-cronin/

Another wonderful tale of dog sitting from Debbie the Doglady.. This week meet a Dalmatian with a wonderful nature.. JJ.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/05/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-dogsitting-chapter-two-j-j-the-dalmation-by-debbie-the-dog-lady/

This is the second post from Marsi, who with her husband Robert, embarked on a four month journey west. I will be sharing posts from their trip in addition to other posts in their archives. Due to the number of photographs I suggest that you head over to the blog to view them all.. Olympic National Park

View of Lake Quinault from our campsite, Willa Campground Olympic National Forest

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/05/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-olympic-national-park-part-1-quinault-hoh-rainforests-by-marsi/

A little retro summer magic from 2016 for L.T. Garvin’s second post.. and a little rock music. Summertime, Gnomes and Rock Music (2016) by L.T. Garvin

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https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/06/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-pot-luck-summertime-gnomes-and-rock-music-2016-by-l-t-garvin/

This is the second post from the archives of Claire Fullerton, and this week a birthday celebration for renowned author Pat Conroy. An event over several days that clearly was a highlight for Claire. Notes on Pat Conroy’s 70th Birthday Celebration in Beaufort, South Carolina (2015)

Notes on Pat Conroy’s 70th Birthday Celebration in Beaufort, South Carolina

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/06/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-notes-on-pat-conroys-70th-birthday-celebration-in-beaufort-south-carolina-2015-by-claire-fullerton/

This is the second post from the archives of Smitha Vishwanath who shares poetry, wonderful travel posts and life experiences on her blog. I have selected this poem as it brought back memories of all the times I have stood behind a podium to give a presentation or speech…The Speaker’s Ordeal…by Smitha Vishwanath

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/07/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-poetry-the-speakers-ordealby-smitha-vishwanath/

This is the second post from author K.D.(Karen DeMers) Dowdall’s archives and she also has some news, with The Captain’s Witch, her latest book being released on September 1st…A short story, that might have its roots in truth… anyone’s worst nightmare when walking in the woods. Fire in the Sky or The Black Bear and Me (2017) by Karen DeMers Dowdall

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/07/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-short-story-fire-in-the-sky-or-the-black-bear-and-me-2017-by-karen-demers-dowdall/

This is the third post from the wonderfully varied archives of poet and author Ritu Bhathal. Today the joys of being a kindergarten teacher…. things I am sure they don’t share during the career advisory days at secondary school when you are faced with so many options! Kindergarten Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! 2015 by Ritu Bhathal

weeeeee

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/08/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-kindergarten-weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-2015-by-ritu-bhathal/

This is the third post from the archives of author Elizabeth Gauffreau who has some wonderful posts, including an interesting look at her genealogy journey, seeking out her family history. This week a post by William Wordsworth, which reminds us of those moments when life or nature takes us by delightful surprise. Poetry – Surprised by Joy”

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/08/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-poetry-surprised-by-joy-2018-by-elizabeth-gauffreau/

This is the third post from retired librarian and author Cathy Cade, who has been blogging since early 2018. This week a poem about a much loved old friend. Fred’s Legacy by Cathy Cade.

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https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/09/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-poetry-humour-freds-legacy-by-cathy-cade/

This is the third post for author Chuck Jackson and this week I have selected a post that Chuck wrote about editing software that I am sure you will find helpful if you are looking to buy a package. Do you use Editing Software

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/09/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-editin-do-you-use-editing-software-by-chuck-jackson/

This is the third of the posts from the archives of author and poet Joy Lennick, although certainly not the first post that we have enjoyed here on Smorgasbord from this entertaining writer. This week a post from 2017 on the subject of fascinating and mostly long forgotten words… some I must really work into both conversation and story..thanks Joy. The Phrontistery revisited (2017) by Joy Lennick

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/10/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-the-phrontistery-revisited-2017-by-joy-lennick/

Linda Bethea is a regular contributor here on Smorgasbord, but this time I get to select the posts from her archives to share with you… I am sure you will enjoy her stories as always. This is the third post and I have selected and it was one that Linda posted about a patient of hers, who inspired her as a nurse. Lessons from MIchael 2014

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/11/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-lessons-from-michael-2014-by-linda-bethea/

New on the Shelves

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/06/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-book-on-the-shelves-cold-cream-murders-book-four-sun-scream-by-barbara-silkstone/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/08/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-book-on-the-shelves-shortstory-jewel-by-jan-sikes/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/09/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-book-on-the-shelves-roads-a-journey-with-verses-vandana-bhasin-and-smitha-vishwanath/

Author Update

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/05/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-d-wallace-peach-terry-tyler-and-fiona-tarr/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/09/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-linda-bradley-john-w-howell-and-gwen-plano-and-deanie-humphrys-dunne/

The liver is the largest waste organ inside the body (the skin being the largest overall). This week, a look at the role it plays in keeping us healthy and alive.

Liver

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/07/smorgasbord-health-column-major-organs-and-systems-of-the-body-the-digestive-system-part-three-the-liver-largest-waste-organ-inside-the-body/

 

 

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/06/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-spiders-asthma-eyesight-and-chihuahuas-amongst-other-things/

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Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – One liners interrupted by comedic images….


Some more one liners I have come across in my travels and some comedic images….

My father offered me the benefit of his experience when I was younger. ‘Never do anything you will regret later in life’. I thought this was such a great piece of advice I had it tattooed on my forehead.

How do you keep your husband from reading your emails? Put them in a folder marked ‘Instruction manuals.

What’s the difference between a bagpipe and an onion? No-one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.

I tried to order some tennis balls online last night but the site kept crashing. They must have had a problem with their server.

Experts say that coffee is bad for you, sugar is bad for you, chocolate is bad for you and fat is bad for you. But don’t worry, that’s bad for you too.

Woman patient.’I seem to get fat just in certain places, Doctor, what should I do?’  Doctor: ‘Stay out of certain places.’

I think hitchhikers are really friendly, I have passed five in the last hour and they all gave me a thumbs up.

Teacher. ‘Why are you crying Mary?’  Mary. ‘Because my new sneakers hurt.’ Teacher. ‘That’s because you’ve put them on the wrong feet.’ Mary. ‘Well they’re the only feet I have…’

I hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. tune in again next Tuesday… thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Spiders, Asthma, Eyesight and Chihuahuas….amongst other things.


Some oldies sprinkled with a few funny images…

Doctors and golden oldies……

On his morning rounds the doctor called in to a little old lady that he was treating for asthma… Having checked her over, he asked a few questions and listened to her croaky replies.

‘What about the wheeze?’ he asked.

‘Oh fine,’ she replied. ‘I went three times last night!’

Sex Drive…

An older gentleman in his 70s was concerned about his sex drive and went to his doctor.

‘Well not too unexpected at your age.’ said the doctor.

The patient was still concerned. ‘But my neighbour is over 80 and says that he makes love every night.’

The doctor thought for a moment. ‘Well why don’t you say that too?’

Eyesight….

The parish priest was a welcome visitor for short-sighted Mrs. Evans and after he had left one day she commented to her daughter how kind he was.

‘But that wasn’t the priest mum that was the doctor.’

‘Oh was it?’ Mrs Evans exclaimed with relief, ‘I thought Father O’Malley was getting a bit familiar!’

 

Gotta love those nuts….

 

A young social worker on her weekly visit to Bert, cut up his steak and watched whilst he ate his lunch. She noticed a bowl of almonds beside his tray.

‘They were given me as a gift, but I don’t want them,’ he explained. ‘You can have them if you like.’

She said thanks and sat there and finished the bowl.

‘Funny present to give a man with no teeth,’ she remarked.

‘Oh no,’ he said. ‘They had chocolate on them then.’

 

Say what?

Miss Smythe was miffed… Her pet a Chihuahua was consistently second in dog shows throughout the country… One day she decided to investigate by asking the judges why this was happening. It was explained to her that the true Chihuahua breed had smooth coats and her dog, despite being perfect in every other way, had a shaggy coat.

Miss Smythe decided to take action and popped into a local pharmacist to buy some hair remover.

The chemist handed her the latest product. ‘When you slap this on, it’s best to keep your arms up for two or three minutes,’ he said.

‘Oh it’s not for my underarms, it’s for my Chihuahua,’ she explained.

‘In that case,’ said the chemist, ‘don’t ride a bike for 30 minutes.’

I hope that you are leaving with a smile on your face…. tune in again on Thursday for more.. Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round UP – July 29th to August 4th 2019


Welcome to the weekly round up of posts that you might have missed on Smorgasbord.

Thanks for dropping in today, and I wanted to share some news on the current series. The posts from the archives has been a wonderful series with 70 authors trusting me to delve into their archives and select four posts to share with you.. That is 280 posts reaching new readers. The series is not over yet, but I have scheduled the dates for those remaining on the list through to the end of September which is another 48 posts for you to look forward to.  If you have not seen your posts yet, don’t worry if you asked to go on the list you will be featured.

However, a new series begins in October – This time with the choice of the four posts to be shared, down to you. I will do a formal post nearer to October, but in the meantime you might be browsing your archives to find the ones that you feel deserve another airing and a fresh audience. As of this week, that audience across the blog and social media is 45,000.

Please don’t send any links right now, but I will do a specific post in September giving you the guidelines.

The summer Sunday Interview Series – Human in Every Sense of the Word will be finished  next week and the following Sunday I will do a post about the next series which will be author interviews of those on the shelves of the Cafe and Bookstore.

I want to develop the promotions for the authors on the shelves and this is just one new series that will accomplish that so stay tuned.

Time to get on with the posts from the week….thank you again for your support, it means a great deal to me. 

My thanks also to those who contribute to the blog on a regular basis, such as Annette Rochelle Aben and Jessica Norrie this week.

Gotta love August! Well, may be not but it sounds so regal, doesn’t it? Guess it depends on the way one pronounces the word, August.

Okay, August rocks because being the eighth month of the year, it is packed with energy. Not only the energy of the season but the Numerology Energy of the 8 as well. 8 calls to us to go for the gold, reach for all the brass rings and keep looking to and for the next opportunity. As this is the Personal Energy of this month, it holds a lot of weight regardless of where you are with Universal Energy or Personal Energy.

Do you want to know how this works?

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/31/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-numerology-your-universal-energy-for-august-by-annette-rochelle-aben/

Jessica Norrie explores Loneliness in fiction and also in recently published articles on the subject in leading business and science journals. When you have read the article, Jessica would love to have your views on the subject. O is for Loneliness

https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1405259930l/18774964.jpghttps://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/01/smorgasbord-posts-from-my-archives-the-literary-column-o-is-for-loneliness-by-jessica-norrie/

Today my guest is Mary Hiland author of a book that everyone who has cared for or will care for elderly parents in the future would benefit from reading. Find out more about The Bumpy Road to Assisted Living: A Daughter’s Memoir and read a review later in the post.

Mary shares a memory of a wonderful summer day when despite being sight impaired, she enjoyed the freedom and fun of being a teenager aged 14. A Whiff of Chlorine on a Happy Summer Day by Mary Hiland

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/04/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-sunday-interview-human-in-every-sense-of-the-word-a-whiff-of-chlorine-on-a-happy-summer-day-by-mary-hiland/

My review for Mahoney by Andrew Joyce.. Five Stars..

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/03/smorgasbord-book-reviews-mahoney-by-andrew-joyce/

This week more country music… Willie Nelson, Patsy Cline, Glen Campbell and Elvis.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/30/smorgasbord-summer-music-festival-a-little-bit-country-part-two-willie-nelson-patsy-cline-glen-campbell-and-the-king/

Autumn – Chapter Eighteen – All Hallow’s Eve – Part Two – Freakish Village prepares for the Zombies

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/03/tales-from-the-irish-garden-serialisation-autumn-chapter-eighteen-all-hallows-eve-part-two-freakish-village-prepares-for-the-zombies-by-sally-cronin/

Winter: Chapter Nineteen – Winterising the Palace

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/04/tales-from-the-irish-garden-serialisation-winter-chapter-nineteen-winterising-the-palace-by-sally-cronin/

And I was delighted to receive a lovely review for Tales from the Irish Garden this week from James J. Cudney

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/02/book-review-tales-from-the-irish-garden-by-sally-cronin/

My response to Colleen’s Tuesday Poetry Challenge 138 The two prompt words this week were ‘Clear and Nature’ and I have selected the synonyms ‘Unclouded and Character’

Double Etheree – Enchantment  by Sally Cronin

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/01/smorgasbord-poetry-colleen-chesebros-weekly-tanka-challenge-double-etheree-enchantment-by-sally-cronin/

My response to the prompt this week by Charli Mills of Carrot Ranch. Rock Star.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/03/smorgasbord-short-story-carrot-ranch-flash-fiction-rock-star-by-sally-cronin/

This is the first post from Marsi, who with her husband Robert, embarked on a four month journey west. Days 11 to 13 (August 9-11) Black Canyon of The Gunnison National Park, Colorado.

Vista along the Million Dollar Highway near Silverton

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/29/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-travel-photography-black-canyon-of-the-gunnison-national-park-colorado-by-marsi/

This is the first post of Debbie the DogLady who lives in Toronto, Canada and posts about travel, music, life and of course dogs. Chapter One: Luke

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/29/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-pet-sitting-chapter-one-luke-by-debbie-the-dog-lady/

The first post by L.T. Garvin is a book review, for The Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy, which is in my top 50 book list.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/30/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-bookreviews-revisiting-the-prince-of-tides-by-l-t-garvin/

This is the first post from the archives of author Claire Fullerton whose book Dancing to an Irish Reel is set in Ireland, where she has family links. On an Irish Bus (2015)

On an Irish Bus

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/30/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-on-an-irish-bus-2015-by-claire-fullerton/

This is the first post from author K.D.(Karen DeMers) Dowdall’s archives and she also has some news, with The Captain’s Witch, her latest book being released on September 1st…For Karen’s first post I have chosen a poem…which I am sure you will relate to. Beyond Tomorrow (2016) by Karen DeMers Dowdall

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/31/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-poetry-beyond-tomorrow-2016-by-karen-demers-dowdall/

This is the first post from the archives of Smitha Vishwanath who shares poetry, wonderful travel posts and life experiences on her blog. This week I have selected a travel post from 2016 to share with you and the wonderful Kerala Temples. Kerala Temples (2016) by Smitha Vishwanath

thriprayar-temple-thrissur

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/31/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-travel-india-kerala-temples-2016-by-smitha-vishwanath/

This is the second post from the wonderfully varied archives of poet and author Ritu Bhathal. Conversations with random strangers (2017)image

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/01/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-conversations-with-random-strangers-2017-by-ritu-bhathal/

This is the second post from the archives of author Elizabeth Gauffreau who has some wonderful posts, including an interesting look at her genealogy journey, seeking out her family history.  This week a post on the art of writing a short story that is believable but does not come across as a documentary. The Chet Arthur Five Play Jeffersonville: Some Thoughts on Verisimilitude 2017

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/01/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-the-chet-arthur-five-play-jeffersonville-some-thoughts-on-verisimilitude-2017-by-elizabeth-gauffreau/

This is the second post for author Chuck Jackson and he shares his journey of discovery of his heritage having been adopted at a young age. My Heritage by Chuck Jackson

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/02/smorgasbord-post-from-your-archives-potluck-memoir-my-heritage-by-chuck-jackson/

This is the second post from retired librarian and author Cathy Cade, who has been blogging since early 2018. She shares posts on a variety of topics, including some excellent grammar tutorials. This week I have selected a post that is close to my own heart. Distractions….I love Codewords….and also online solitaire, which I have been playing for over 20 years. Puzzling It Out 2018 by Cathy Cade.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/02/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-puzzling-it-out-2018-by-cathy-cade/

This is the second of the posts from the archives of author and poet Joy Lennick, although certainly not the first post that we have enjoyed here on Smorgasbord from this entertaining writer. Carrying on from Last week Joy and Eric face challenges as does Joy in her jobs! Thumbnail sketches – 1950: Hebrew, motzas and ‘Brown Boots’ (2014) by Joy Lennick

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/03/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-thumbnail-sketches-1950-hebrew-motzas-and-brown-boots-by-joy-lennick/

Linda Bethea is a regular contributor here on Smorgasbord, but this time I get to select the posts from her archives to share with you… I am sure you will enjoy her stories as always. Here is another of her fabulous family stories. Cousin Barbie Gets Married by Linda Bethea

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https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/04/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-cousin-barbie-gets-married-by-linda-bethea/

New Book on the Shelves

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/02/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-book-on-the-shelves-writersguide-creating-a-sci-fi-world-by-richard-dee/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore Special..Do No Harm – 17 Medical Thrillers.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/29/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-special-do-no-harm-seventeen-medical-thrillers-published-tomorrow-only-99p-99c-for-one-more-day/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore Author Update

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/29/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-reviews-jacquie-biggar-c-s-boyack-mae-clair/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/02/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-jacqui-murray-james-j-cudney-and-teagan-riordain-geneviene-and-d-g-kaye/

The Digestive System Part Two – The Oesophagus, Acid Reflux and Stomach We continue the journey through the digestive system – not as exotic as an ocean cruise but far more critical to your health.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/30/smorgasbord-health-column-major-organs-and-systems-of-the-body-the-digestive-system-part-two-the-oesophagus-acid-reflux-and-stomach-by-sally-cronin/

What causes your Cravings – Part Four – Coal, Dirt and other strange stuff

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/31/smorgasbord-health-column-what-causes-your-cravings-part-four-coal-dirt-and-other-strange-stuff-by-sally-cronin/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/30/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-comedian-in-residence-d-g-kaye-and-some-one-liners-from-sallys-archives/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/08/01/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-comedian-in-residence-d-g-kaye-and-some-one-liners-from-sallys-archives-2/

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and some one-liners from Sally’s Archives


First Debby Gies shares some of the funnies this week that she feels you should not miss.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: http://www.amazon.com/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO
Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s monthly Travel Column here on Smorgasbord: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/the-travel-column-with-d-g-kaye/

Now time for more one-liners from my archives…

Mr. Smith: ‘My wife has one very irritating habit, she stays up until two or three in the morning.’

Mr. Jones: ‘What is she doing all that time?’

Mr. Smith: ‘Waiting up for me to come home’

*****

What do you call a lady with both legs the same length?’

Nolene….

*****

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don’t like to share the spotlight.

*****

Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking there are two of me…

One at a time please…

*****

A man goes to the doctor and says ‘Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts’

The Doctor asks ‘What do you mean?’

The man says, ‘When I touch my shoulder it really hurts, If I touch my knee it is agony, When I touch my forehead it is excrutiating.’

The doctor say, ‘I know what’s wrong with you, you’ve broken your finger’

******

They get much worse.. trust me!

Thank you for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving laughing.. Debby and Sally.

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence – D.G Kaye and some one-liners from Sally’s Archives


First Debby Gies shares some of the funnies this week that she feels you should not miss.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: http://www.amazon.com/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO
Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s monthly Travel Column here on Smorgasbord: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/the-travel-column-with-d-g-kaye/

Now for the start of a series on one-liners that I discovered tucked away….

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half and hour, and then she hung up.’Wow,’ said her father, ‘that was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?’

‘Wrong number,’ replied the girl.

*****

How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?

I don’t know; it has never happened…

*****

A dog goes to the Job Centre and asks for work. He’s told there’s a vacancy at the circus. The dog asks, ‘why would a circus want a plumber?’

*****

Tommy asks his dad, ‘Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?’

His dad replies, ‘I don’t know boy, I’m still paying for it’

*****

A young actor rang his father. ‘Dad, I have just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who has been married for thirty years.’

His dad replied ‘Well keep at it son. Maybe one day you will get a speaking part!’

*****

Patient: ‘Doctor, Doctor, I’ve lost my memory.’

Doctor. ‘When did this happen?’

Patient. ‘When did what happen?’

Thanks for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your faces….Debby and Sally.

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up


Welcome to the weekly round up of posts on Smorgasbord that you might have missed.

Short and sweet this week.. well my introduction to the post anyway.. I know for many of you the school holidays have just begun and you may be already on your way to a vacation and just hope your transition by road, rail and air is smoother than it has been for those leaving the UK in the last few days.

My thanks to all those who have contributed this week.. and every week… also to everyone who has liked a post.  I still have that button and when people are busy and cannot comment on all the post that they read, it is a sign of appreciation. Please don’t get rid of the like button on your blog.. it is there for a reason.

Reblogging has become a two step process since the last upgrade, so thank you to those who have gone the extra mile… if you find you cannot reblog a post here or on anybody else’s blog.. refresh the page. I have a sneak suspicion that WordPress are trying to cut down on traffic, and hoping that most people will give up when the reblog button does not work.

Press This.. is a very useful way to share a post. You can add your own introduction and cut and paste an extract from the post as well as schedule for a time ahead.  This is a great way to schedule content for overnight to reach an audience in other time zones, without having to write a post yourself. This is useful if you are too busy that day or week and also promotes another blogger at the same time.

Time to get on with the posts you might have missed this week….

More wonderful recipes from Carol Taylor.. including Chinese Chicken or Pork with Water Chestnuts.. and if you have a glut of cucumbers.. get pickling..

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/24/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-food-and-cookery-column-with-carol-taylor-chinese-chicken-pork-with-water-chestnuts-quick-pickling-and-bread-rolls/

Patty Fletcher shares her experience of the bond between her Seeing Eye Dog Campbell and herself, including when there is something wrong that he cannot communicate.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/28/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-sunday-interview-human-in-every-sense-of-the-word-ignoring-vs-acknowledging-and-obeying-my-6th-sense-by-patty-fletcher/

A miller and his family repay the kindness shown to them in dark days by mice.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/27/tales-from-the-irish-garden-serialisation-chapter-sixteen-autumn-the-kindness-of-mice-by-sally-cronin/

Part One of a Halloween Tale about special residents of the Magic Garden….

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/28/tales-from-the-irish-garden-serialisation-chapter-seventeen-autumn-all-hallows-eve-part-one-by-sally-cronin/

My fifteen year old niece comes to spend three weeks with us from the UK and we get up to a lot of mischief.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/25/smorgasbord-letters-from-america-a-nieces-visit-astroworld-rafting-south-padre-and-a-royal-wedding/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/23/smorgasbord-summer-music-festival-a-little-bit-country-dolly-parton-kenny-rogers-john-denver-anne-murray-and-crystal-gayle/

Time of the week to respond to Colleen’s Tuesday Poetry Challenge 137 and this week the prompt words were Kind and Shift‘ and I have selected the synonyms ‘Genial and Change’

Etheree – To Better Understand by Sally Cronin

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/26/smorgasbord-poetry-colleen-chesebros-tuesday-poetry-challenge-etheree-to-better-understand-by-sally-cronin/

Another wonderful prompt and post from Charli Mills for this week’s carrot ranch flash fiction challenge And I do suggest you head over to read about a loon chick who lost its way and the kindness of human strangers determined that it should have a chance to survive. The prompt this week was For One Day’

Retail Therapy by Sally Cronin

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/27/smorgasbord-short-stories-carrot-ranch-flash-fiction-challenge-retail-therapy-by-sally-cronin/

This week I have chosen a post by Sherrey Meyer, that I am sure all of us who miss their fathers will relate to.. This was for Father’s Day June 16th 2013 so I am not too far out date wise. Memoir – Remembering Dad 2013 by Sherrey Meyer

Clockwise L-R: Dad sitting at a linotype machine, Dad at 16, and Dad showing me how to use my new tricycle

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/22/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-memoir-remembering-dad-2013-by-sherrey-meyer/

This is the final post that I have selected from the archives of author Janet Gogerty. In the last few weeks Europe and the UK has been hit by the very hot weather courtesy of North African prevailing winds, and this was last year. Australia Some Like It Hot 2018 by Janet Gogerty

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https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/22/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-australia-some-like-it-hot-by-janet-gogerty/

This is the final post from the archives of author Stevie Turner who has an extensive and eclectic archives and it is easy to get yourself lost in there for an hour or so. I have selected this post as it is that time again….school summer holidays…..

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/23/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-school-summer-holidays-2017-by-stevie-turner/

This is the final post from the archives of Laura M. Bailey who blogs on a number of subjects including history, family, horses, Southern lifestyle and cookery. With the tinder dry grass that these long hot summers are producing, there is always a risk of a bush or wildfire. Laura shares the terrifying moment she saw a wall of fire heading for their homestead and livestock.

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https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/23/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-ranching-my-life-in-mud-boots-2016-wildfire-by-laura-m-bailey/

This is the final post from the archives of children’s author Annabelle Franklin who lives in a lovely part of South Wales. She blogs from the Literate Lurcher..or should I say Millie and Pearl do….Millie has sadly passed away now but lives on in the hearts and minds of her pack. Millie goes to Uni 2017 by Annabelle Franklin

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https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/24/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-therapydog-millie-goes-to-uni-2017-by-annabelle-franklin/

This is the final post in this series from the archives of Dolly Aizenman, who not only shares amazing recipes from around the world, but also shares the history behind them. I use a lot of herbs in my cooking and I love animals and the people who rescue and keep them safe….  Saving Animals and Herbs by Dolly Aizenman

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https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/24/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-animalwelfare-herbs-saving-animals-and-herbs-by-dolly-aizenman/

Ritu Bhathal has an eclectic range of subjects on her blog, and I am going to share a poem that I think will resonate with anyone with teenage children. Of Teen and Tweenage Angst 2018 by Ritu Bhathal

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/25/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-of-teen-and-tweenage-angst-poem-2018-by-ritu-bhathal/

This is the first post from the archives of author Elizabeth Gauffreau who has some wonderful posts, including an interesting look at her genealogy journey, seeking out her family history. This post will strike a chord with many who have, like me got a drawer where previous creative ideas lie waiting for rejuvenation… 

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/25/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-failed-novel-anyone-2017-by-elizabeth-gauffreau/

This is the first post from retired librarian and author Cathy Cade, who has been blogging since early 2018. She shares posts on a variety of topics, including some excellent grammar tutorials, but  this week I have selected an early post about her writing journey. We often seek other’s opinions on our writing but it can be very daunting putting it out there on a site and invite criticism.  Swimming with Sharks by Cathy Cade

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https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/26/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-newwriters-swimming-with-sharks-by-cathy-cade/

This is the first post for author Chuck Jackson and I have selected a post from last year that I enjoyed very much at the time… Working in a funeral home… A True Story From my Past by Chuck Jackson

Sandra West – Photo – San Antonio Express-News

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/26/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-memoir-a-true-story-from-my-past-funeral-home-by-chuck-jackson/

This is the first of the posts from the archives of author and poet Joy Lennick, although certainly not the first post that we have enjoyed here on Smorgasbord from this entertaining writer. This week Joy shares the wonderful moment she met her husband Eric, who sounds, in her recent posts, not to have lost an ounce of his charm or humour. Thumbnail sketches of the past – 1949 (2014) by Joy Lennick

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/27/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-thumbnail-sketches-of-the-past-1949-2014-by-joy-lennick/

Linda Bethea is a regular contributor here on Smorgasbord, but this time I get to select the posts from her archives to share with you… I am sure you will enjoy her stories as always. For her post I am going back to 2014 and Linda’s recollections of bringing her new baby home and the ensuing mayhem.. I am sure that many of you can relate! Baby Blues

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/28/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-potluck-baby-blues/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/22/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-book-on-the-shelves-what-about-love-the-rivera-sisters-series-book-two-by-jeanine-lunsford/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/23/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-book-on-the-shelves-tallis-steelyard-a-guide-for-writers-and-other-stories-by-jim-webster/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/25/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-book-on-the-shelves-silent-heroes-by-patricia-furstenberg/

Author Updates

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/22/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-reviews-mary-smith-and-bette-a-stevens/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/26/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-upate-reviews-sally-harris-angie-dokos-and-andrew-joyce/

The start of a series on the digestive system.. beginning in the mouth… a very important place to start.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/24/smorgasbord-health-column-major-organs-and-systems-of-the-body-the-digestive-system-part-one-the-mouth-by-sally-cronin/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/23/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-lets-hear-it-for-the-dogs-shaggy-and-otherwise/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2019/07/25/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-comedian-in-residence-d-g-kaye-and-a-joke-or-two-from-sallys-archives-4/

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and a joke or two from Sally’s archives.


First Debby Gies shares some of the funnies this week that she feels you should not miss.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: http://www.amazon.com/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO
Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s monthly Travel Column here on Smorgasbord: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/the-travel-column-with-d-g-kaye/

Now time for a joke or two from my archives…

Paternity

The old man was dying and he called his wife and family to his bedside. There were four sons – three fine, big boys and a scrawny one. He said to his wife in a weak voice, ‘Don’t lie to me now – I want to know the truth. The skinny boy – is he really mine?’

‘Oh, yes, dear,’ said his wife. ‘He really is – I give you my word of honour.’

The old man smiled and slipped away peacefully. With a sigh of relief the widow muttered, ‘Thank goodness he didn’t ask me about the other three!’

Catholic Church Renovations

Elder priest to young priest: “It was a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now.”

The young priest nodded as the elder priest continued: “And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock n’ roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the balcony.”

“Thank you, Father,” replied the young priest. “I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.”

“All of these ideas have been well and good,” said the elder priest, “but I’m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.”

“But, Father,” protested the young priest, “confessions and donations have nearly doubled since I began that!”

“Yes,” replied the elder priest, “and I appreciate that. But the flashing neon sign, “Toot ‘n Tell or Go to Hell” cannot stay on the church roof.”

We hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…why not let us know….thanks Debby and Sally.