Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Rewind December 7th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin- Santa Stand in and Weird Facts


Firstly, some of the funnies from Debby Gies shared in Christmas’s past followed by some recycled jokes from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for expert foraging…

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s latest Realms of Relationships here on Smorgasbord: Wrapping up the Year and Covid Lingering Effects

Now for a joke or two from Sally

A reminder of some weird and wonderful facts over the next few weeks that are useful when there is a lull in the conversation…allegedly true although some might be a little out of date now!!!

  • Alexander Graham Bell insisted the proper way to answer the phone is “ahoy!”
  • John Wilkes Booth’s brother once saved the life of Abe Lincoln’s son.
  • 25% of Americans believe Sherlock Holmes is a real person. (stress on IS, folks!!)
  • It is against the law to drink beer in Cedar City, Utah, if your shoelaces are untied.
  • Errol Flynn once worked on an Australian sheep ranch, castrating sheep with his teeth.
  • Disneyland has the fourth largest navy in the world.
  • Raccoons, slugs, and ants all love to get drunk.
  • The Bible is the most shoplifted book in the United States.
  • Louis XIV bathed once a year.
  • The NY phone book had 22 Hitlers before WWII. It had 0 after WWII.
  • Fish can get seasick.
  • Kentucky produces more whiskey than all the other states combined.
  • 59% of men and 39% of women say that the remote control has significantly improved their lives.
  • In Kentucky, it is illegal to marry your wife’s grandmother.
  • Termites eat wood twice as fast to heavy metal music.

Thanks for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face..thanks Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up- 28th November – December 4th 2021 – 1980s hits, Wales, Book Reviews, Christmas Book Fair, Blogging and Humour


Welcome to the round up of posts you might have missed on Smorgasbord this week.

At last we can celebrate Christmas, online at least without feeling too guilty…now we are in December.

An early start here with the Christmas Fairs to make sure that I feature all authors currently in the Cafe and Bookstore and in The Children’s Reading Room.. The fairs will be posted until Christmas week.. so warn your Kindles that there will be  influx of books.. I hope lol..This week is a taster of what is to come..

In 2018 and 2020 I featured the twelve days of Christmas and I am going to do so this year but I have amalgamated the two. In 2018 I shared guests each of the days with their most special Christmas gifts and as the guest included the contributors over the last nine years, I thought it would offer me another opportunity to thank them. Because of the time lapse I have updated bios, books and links (hopefully)… and I hope you will enjoy seeing them again or for the first time if you are new to the blog. There will be music, food courtesy of Carol Taylor on most days and my favourite drinks for the holidays.

As always a big thank you to William Price King, Debby Gies and Daniel Kemp for their contributions.. they are amazing.

Thanks to you for dropping in, liking, commenting and sharing.. it means a great deal.

On with the show….

Chart Hits 1983 Part Two – Spandau Ballet, Michael Jackson, Bonnie Tyler, The Eurythmics

1979 Part One – The Lady Magazine, Into the Unknown, Queen and Rocky

1979 Part Two – Bontddu Wales, Anne Murray and Star Trek The Movie

November 2021 – #Mystery Joan Hall, #Western Sandra Cox, #Children’s Toni Pike, #Poetry Elizabeth Gauffreau, History Patricia Furstenberg, #Poetry Colleen Chesebro, #Anthology Allan Hudson and Other Authors

Cook From Scratch Rewind – Sally Cronin and Carol Taylor – Cranberries, Sauce, Camembert Puffs, Apple and Cranberry Roast Pork

#Children’s – New Book on the Shelves – Wilbur’s New Home: A Surprise for Wilbur (Wilbur the Tractor) by Deanie Humphrys-Dunne

Smorgasbord Christmas Book Fair – New Author on the shelves – #Thriller – The Hurler by Jack Talbot

#Children’s – My Baby Bear Brother and Kong and The Hungry Crocodile by Joyce Murphy

New book on the shelves #Mystery – The Waiting House: A Novel in Stories by Lisette Brodey

#Memoirs – D.G.Kaye, Pamela S. Wight, Cynthia Reyes, Karen Ingalls, Marian Longenecker Beaman

#Contemporary – #Community Jessica Norrie, #Mental Health Anne Goodwin, #LGBTQ Stevie Turner, #Thriller Alex Craigie

#Paranormal – John W. Howell, Jan Sikes, JP McLean, Roberta Eaton Cheadle

#Children – #Chocolate Robbie and Michael Cheadle, #Tractor Deanie Humphrys-Dunne, #Monkey Donald Lloyd jnr #Fairystory Wanda Luthman

#Mystery Novels – Sharon Marchisello, Harmony Kent, Geoff Le Pard, Amy M. Reade

#Children’s Books – Emiliya Ahmadov, B.C Byron, Dawn Doig

#History – #Britain Mike Biles, #Russia Marina Osipova, #Transylvania Patricia Furstenberg, #Witchcraft Nancy Kilgore, #StephenFoster Sarah Taylor

Thrillers – Carol Balawyder, Sue Coletta, Terry Tyler, Mark Bierman, Jaye Marie

#Poetry – #Tanka – Dancing in the Moonlight by Gwen Plano

#PickleBall —A Growing Sport by Pete Springer

#Dogs – The Frustrated Hunter by Annabelle Franklin

#LunarDiary – January – The Wolf Moon by Joan Hall

#Reviews Colleen Chesebro, #Guestpost Marcia Meara, #Christmas Eat Dessert First, #WATWB D.G. Kaye, #MeatFree Carol Taylor

December 3rd 2021 – #RoundUp Carol Taylor, #Christmas Donna Parker, #Guest The Story Reading Ape, #Children’sbooks Jennie Fitzkee, #Guest Colleen Chesebro with D.L. Finn

November 30th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Houses and No Good Deed

December 2nd 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – To Do Lists and Police visit

 

Thank you very much for dropping in today and your support during the week.. have an amazing weekend and I hope you will join me again for more festivities soon.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – December 2nd 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – To Do Lists and Police visit


Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp .. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

Age inspired resolutions.

As I was sitting around, pondering the problems of the world, I realised that at my age I don’t really give a rat’s ass anymore.

  • If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
  • A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.
  • A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
  • And you tell me to exercise??

I don’t think so. Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
7. It was a whole lot easier to get older than to get wiser.
8. Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
13. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
15. When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
16. It’s not hard to meet expenses . . .they’re everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “hereafter”.
19. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
20. HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE

Lifelines

A lad from Hartlepool is doing really well on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. He’s got to £125,000 with all his lifelines.

Chris: OK, for £250,000 which of the following was one of the Great Train Robbers was it: Take your time.

Ronnie Biggs
Ronnie O’Sullivan
Ronnie Corbett
Ronnie Wood

Lad: I’ll take the money, Chris

Chris: Are you sure, you’ve still got 3 lifelines

Lad: I’m sure Chris, I’ll take the money

Chris: OK audience give him a big round of applause, but before you go I’m sure you’d like to know the answer.

Lad: I know the answer, Chris.

Chris: You know the answer? You’ve just turned down a quarter of a million quid, are you mad? are you mental?

Lad: I may be mental Chris, but I’m no grass.

Christmas Cake Recipe

This year I’ve had loads of requests for my vodka Christmas cake recipe so once again, here goes. Please keep it in your files as I’m beginning to get tired of typing this up every year! (Made mine this morning).

Ingredients

  • 1 cup sugar
  • Half pound butter
  • 1tsp baking powder
  • 1 cup water
  • 1tsp salt
  • 1cup brown sugar
  • lemon juice
  • 4 large eggs
  • Nuts
  • 1….bottle vodka, large
  • 2 cups dried fruit
  • 4 cups self-raising flour

To prepare

  • Sample a cup of vodka to check quality.
  • Take a large bowl, check the vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality, then repeat.
  • Turn on the electric mixer.
  • Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again
  • At this point, it’s best to make sure the vodka is still ok
  • Try another cup just in case
  • Turn off the mixer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
  • Pick the fruit off the floor, wash it, and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner.
  • If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver
  • Sample the vodka to test for tonsisticity.
  • Next sift 2 cups of salt, or something.
  • Check the vodka.
  • Now shit shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
  • Add one table
  • Add a spoon of sugar or somefink.
  • Whatever you can find.
  • Greash the oven.
  • Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over—-I eaht siht sllpechcke
  • Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
  • Finally, throw the bowl through the feckin window.
  • Finish of the vodka and wipe the counter with the cat

Should you call a lawyer?

A police officer turned up at my door this morning.

“Do the letters TG mean anything to you?” He asked.

“No,” I said.

“What about RP?”

“No, means nothing to me,” I said.

“How about AH?” He asked.

“Look,” I said, “am I suspected of something?”

“No sir.” He replied, “These are just initial inquiries.”

My thanks to Danny for allowing me to raid his Facebook: Danny Kemp

About Daniel Kemp

Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?

In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.

Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.

He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.

A selection of books by Daniel Kemp

A review for Once I Was A Soldier

billierosie 5.0 out of 5 stars Once I was a Soldier by Daniel Kemp Reviewed in the United Kingdom

Once I was a Soldier by Daniel Kemp is the second in a trilogy that opened with What Happened in Vienna Jack? Once I was a Soldier picks up the narrative some 20 years later. It’s not obvious, at first, because the characters seem new, but if you have read the first book, you will realise, slowly, slowly that you have met these characters before.

This is a thriller of the highest quality. I’ve made the comparison between John le Carre and Daniel Kemp before. Both of these writers have agile, creative minds and both are experts in their chosen fields of espionage and the politics of the era.

The theme of Once I was a Soldier is power. People crave power, even if they already have it, they are greedy and want more. Those in power are afraid of losing it and guard it jealously.

The novel opens with an abuse of power. Melissa Iverson has inherited a vast fortune. Her lawyer reads her the contents of her Father’s Will. Her Father has made provisions for his two elderly, much loved servants, leaving them a house in which to live out their days. But the clause isn’t water tight and Melissa demands that the elderly couple are thrown out of their home immediately. This abuse of power drives the narrative.

This is some of the finest erotica I’ve read. The writer lulls the reader into believing that sex and wealth are so high on the agenda that we are reading a narrative that lures us into the sexually determined world of Jackie Collins, or Shirley Conran.

And neither is this Agatha Christie, there’s no room for Miss Marple here. There is a change of mood and pace that is shocking. We stumble into a gritty, dark world…the characters with whom we thought were safe and dependable are not what they have seemed. Who are their masters? Who truly, ultimately has power? We don’t know and for the most part we never find out, we can only guess. but the final pages bring us back to the narrative…it is shocking, leaving us in no doubt that evil really does exist.

If you like your reading to be challenging, if you like the mystery of where Daniel Kemp is taking you..be warned, Once I was a Soldier is disturbing, but you will enjoy the journey.

Read the reviews and buy the books also in audio: Amazon UK – And : Amazon US – follow Daniel: Goodreads – Website: Author Danny Kemp – Facebook: Books by Daniel – Twitter:@danielkemp6

Thanks for visiting and I know Danny would love your feedback..Have a good weekend…Sally

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up 21st – 27th November 2021 – Thanksgiving, Relationship WrapUp, Toto, Christmas Book Fair, Book Reviews, Memories and Humour


Welcome to the round up of posts you might have missed on Smorgasbord during the week.

I hope those of you celebrating Thanksgiving this week managed to do so with family this year. Christmas here in Ireland is looking a little dicey with rising cases in line with the rest of Europe. I am grateful to have had my booster this week and it looks like the majority of Irish people are taking advantage of the opportunity.

The weather has turned very cold but it is dry with some bright sunny days… the birds are hungrier now that the harvest is over and there is less food available. This has led to an attempt at the world record to see how many starlings and sparrows you can get in our homemade pyramid bird feeder at one time… and I counted more or less 20 at one time the other morning.. The bird bath is still very active despite the cold snap and it can fit a similar number at one time being a metre square. I am having to refill at least twice a day as most of the water ends up being splashed across the concrete.. Better than Netflix… and when the crows come down to see what they can scrounge it is somewhere between Game of Thrones and a Carry On movie.

This week has seen another wrap up post for the year from D.G. Kaye.. Debby Gies and a wonderful summing up of the impact of Covid on key members of the community. As the world, despite rising cases is opening up again with a few fits and starts….we are repeating Debby’s Travel Column from three years ago which many of you may not have seen at the time… Starting in January 2022.

My thanks to William Price King this week for his great selections for The Breakfast Show… our weekly dip in the charts through the years… It is wonderful to be working together still after seven years…

And of course there would be no blog if it was not for your kind support throughout the week.. thank you.

On with the show….

Chart Hits 1983 Part One – Marvin Gaye, Toto, Irene Cara, David Bowie

Wrapping up the Year and Covid Lingering Effects

Thanksgiving Special – #WritingCommunity #2022 #Gratitude by Sally Cronin

1977 – Break-up, Kenny Rogers, Staying Alive by Sally Cronin

1978 – Boarding School, Sussex, John Travolta, Olivia Newton John, Gloria Gaynor 

#Anthology – Autumn Paths – Seasonal Collective of Nine Authors

Word Weaving #1: A Word Craft Journal of Syllabic Verse – The Moons of Autumn. – Colleen Chesebro and other Poets

#Preorder #Crime – Deadly Deceit (Foxy Mysteries Book 3) by Fiona Tarr

New Book on the Shelves – A Lake Sambell Walk: Picture-Poetry en plein air (Picture Poetry) by Frank Prem

New Book on the Shelves – #YA #BlendedFamilies – Hype by Yvette Calleiro

#Poetry – Colleen M. Chesebro, Annette Rochelle Aben, Balroop Singh, Elizabeth Gauffreau and Robbie Cheadle.

#Fantasy – Richard Dee, D.Wallace Peach, C.S. Boyack, Vashti Quiroz- Vega, Teagan Ríordáin Geneviene

#Romance – #Western Sandra Cox, #Crime Jacquie Biggar, #Paranormal Marcia Meara, #Contemporary Lisette Brodey

#Children – #History Antoinette Truglio Martin, #Fairies D.L. Finn, #Adventure Darlene Foster, #Safety Miriam Hurdle.

#BrainHealth – Another reason to read and write…by Gwen Plano

#Reviews – March Book Reviews by D.Wallace Peach

#Culture – Why I never liked Czech and Slovak Easter and it won’t change. Still true in 2021 by Eva Hnizdo

#Teaching – How to survive the Supply Teaching Challenge by Sue Wickstead

#BookReview from Harmony Kent for #Memoir – P.S. I Forgive You by D.G. Kaye

November 25th 2021 – #Writerstips D.G. Kaye, #RoundUp Carol Taylor, #Pilgrims Noelle Granger, #Gratitude365 Pete Springer, #Canada Rebecca Budd

November 23rd 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Something to be Thankful for…

 

Thanks for all your support during the week and I hope you will join me again soon..enjoy your weekend… Sally

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine Weekly Round Up.. 14th – 20th November 2021 – Boosters, Thanksgiving, Hits 1982, Green Kitchen, Ghosts, Book Reviews, Bloggers, Health and Humour


Welcome to the round up of posts you might have missed this week on Smorgasbord.

The end of another week and winter is knocking on our door here with a cold front moving in. Like so many countries in Europe cases of Covid have been on the increase and I am glad to be having my booster on Tuesday… thankfully unlike last time where I had to make a 100 mile round trip it is locally.

The government is asking those who can to work from home again and there is a distinct possibility of a lockdown at Christmas which will be a sad blow for so many families who hoped that they could for the first time in two years enjoy a family celebration. However, especially with older family members it is safer to be safe.

I expect that those of you celebrating Thanksgiving in some states are also bearing this in mind on Thursday, especially as it is a time when millions board planes and travel through congested areas.

Still, however restricted it might be, I wish you a Happy and safe Thanksgiving. Whilst is not a holiday we celebrate here,I have a post going out early on Thursday to share my own thanks for special people here and in the writing community… and to share some news about 2022.

Tuesday however also marks the beginning of the Christmas Book Fair as there are a lot of authors to promote before the day. I will be featuring writers in both the Cafe and Bookstore and the Children’s Reading Room through the rest of November and then December, and hope it will help encourage readers to enjoy the books for themselves or for gifts.

Also this week on Wednesday D.G. Kaye, Debby Gies is back with her final Relationship Column of the year… always wise words to look forward to.

As always I am very grateful to the contributors to the blog and this week William Price King and Carol Taylor provided their expertise in The Breakfast Show and The Green Kitchen.

Thank you for all the support this week and I love both your visits and comments..they keep me motivated..

On with the show….

Chart Hits 1982 Part Two – Aretha Franklin, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes, Dionne Warwick

Carol Taylor’s Green Kitchen – Christmas Special 2021 – DIY presents, Sustainable Trees and Gifts, Cheesecake and Pickles.

Woodlands Hotel

1975 – Gravesend, You Sexy Thing, Ghosts and shark invested water by Sally Cronin

1976 – The Harbour Lights, Cowes, Weekend Invasions, Bay City Rollers and Abba

#History – Transylvania’s History A to Z: 100 Word Stories by Patricia Furstenberg

Book Reviews – Rewind 2017 – #Afghanistan – #Romance – No More Mulberries by Mary Smith

Guest Posts – #Influencers – Mark and me by Anne Goodwin

#Daydreaming Robbie Cheadle, #Roundup Carol Taylor, #Funnies The Story Reading Ape, #RoastVeg The New Vintage Kitchen

Nutrients the body needs – Print off Weekly Grocery Shopping List by Sally Cronin

– My One Word for 2021 #OneWord2021 by Sarah Brentyn

#Publishing Goodbye Traditional, Hello Indie (Part I) by D.Wallace Peach

#Family – I loved my mother, although I didn’t know it by Eva Hnzido

#Reading Aloud & Reading – There’s a Big Difference – Jennie Fitzkee

#Charity – Red Nose Day 2021 by Sue Wickstead

#BookReview from Harmony Kent for An Ordinary Life by Amanda Prowse  Life.

#Disability Dawn Doig, #Fantasy Janice Spina

#Preorder – #Romance – The woman who felt invisible by Lizzie Chantree

New Book on the Shelves – #Romance No Such Luck (Keystone Couples) by Staci Troilo

#YAParanormal Teri Polen, #Autism Karen Ingalls, #NativeAmerican Andrew Joyce

#Fantasy C.S. Boyack, #MentalHealth Anne Goodwin, #WWII Paulette Mahurin

#Sci-fi John L. DeBoer and Jean Jacques, #Design Valentina Cirasola, #Family #Drama Mary Crowley

 

November 16th 2021 – Funnies and Bad Dad Jokes Host Sally Cronin

Just for Writers – Sources Anon by Sally Cronin

 

Thank you so much for dropping in during the week and leaving comments and sharing.. I hope you will join me again next week… thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra Rewind – Just for Writers – Sources Anon by Sally Cronin


Some writerly funnies that have been floating around the web and hope you enjoy…

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.

“It’s a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway,” he said.
“Actually,” said his guide, “it’s named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation.”
The visitor was astonished. “Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?”
“Yes, indeed,” said his guide. “He wrote a check.”

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

A writer comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.

“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is–”

“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called?”

Pen names

Neither a Borrower ……………Nora Lender Bee
Holmes Does it Again ………..Scott Linyard
Cloning …………………………….Ima Dubble
Inflammation, Please ………….Arthur Itis
House Construction ……………Bill Jerome Home
Leo Tolstoy ……………………..Warren Peace
The French Chef ……………….Sue Flay
Why Cars Stop ………………….M. T. Tank

Ode to the Spell Check

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It cam with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew!

Thanks for dropping in and I hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… .. Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – 7th- 13th November – Remembrance, Anniversary, 1982 Hits, Book reviews, Guest Bloggers, Health and Laughter


Welcome to the round up of posts you might have missed on Smorgasbord this week.

Hope that you are all staying safe as cases seem to be spiralling upwards in most of our countries. Whispers of a Christmas lockdown here in Ireland seems to be gathering momentum and it might be necessary but certainly sad for those who were looking forward to finally seeing their loved ones around the Christmas dinner table at last.

On the homefront nothing much to report.. but it is our Wedding Anniversary on Monday.. 41 years… and rather than socially distance in a restaurant sipping Champagne through our masks.. we are going to have a rather Smorgasbord inspired meal of our favourite things….

We don’t drink much these days but a bottle of Cava will be chilled and accompanied by Tempura Prawns, Spring Rolls, Crispy Duck and Spare Ribs and followed by mini-eclairs. So if you don’t see much of me around the usual haunts on Monday afternoon, you will know why!

This week as always William Price King selected some great music for the Breakfast Show… we hope you enjoyed the selection.. Debby Gies and Daniel Kemp kept us laughing.. And thank you too for joining us and sharing the posts… it is much appreciated.

Chart Hits 1982 Part One – The Alan Parsons Project, Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, Survivor, Steve Miller Band

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In Remembrance – The War Poets – In Sawnlees Once and Can You Remember Edmund Blunden

The War Poets Rupert Brooke – The Soldier

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Vera Brittain The Superflouous Woman

Siegfried Loraine Sassoon CBE, MC The Working Party

Shoes, Makeup, Drama, A Wedding Carly Simon and The Sting

XH558 (G-VLCN) Avro Vulcan - Last Flight over Farnborough (cropped).jpg

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1974/1975 – Married Quarters, Barry White, The Towering Inferno

Weekly Grocery Shopping List by Nutrient – Part Six – #Essential Fatty Acids

#Poetry – Grief Songs: Poems of Love and Remembrance by Elizabeth Gauffreau

Brody Cody and the Stepmother from Outer Space by Toni Pike

Past Book Reviews #Thriller – Our Justice (John Cannon Book 3) by John W. Howell

#UniversalLinks – One Link to Rule Them All by Sarah Brentyn

#Art – Painting in Defiance by M.L. Holton

Patty and her guide dog Blue. Patty has her hair tied back in a low ponytail and rests her right hand on Blue's head. She wears a white shirt with a pink and purple butterfly on the front and light blue shorts. Blue is a handsome black lab. He wears a brown leather harness with a handle attached to the back and is smiling at the camera as he sits in front of Patty. In the background is a brick building with white, windowed doors and a flowerpot overflowing with pink and yellow blooms.

Who Is She? Claire Plaisted: an Interview with Anita Kovacevic shared by Patty Fletcher

#WATWB – Meet the Young Woman Helping Others Smile, One Bouquet at a Time! – D.G. Kaye

#Music #Facebookads Nice Work If You Can Get It…by Will McMillan

#PreOrder #Poetry A Beechworth Bakery Bears e-Book: Waiting For Frank Bear by Frank Prem

New Book on the Shelves – #NewAdult #Romance – Our Summer by Angie Dokos

New Book on the Shelves #Christmas – Mountain Laurel Christmas by Jan Sikes

#Romance Lisette Brodey, #History #NorthernIreland Jane Buckley, #psychologicalthriller Lucinda E. Clarke

#CrimeThriller Sue Coletta, #Paranormal John W. Howell, #Shortstories J. E. Spina

– #Fantasy Richard Dee, #History Patricia Furstenberg, #Fantasy Teagan Ríordáin Geneviene

10th November 2021 – #Reviews Jan Sikes, #Writing Marcia Meara, #Poetry D.G. Kaye, #Round Up Carol Taylor

#Remembrance Roberta Eaton Cheadle, #Afghanistan Mary Smith, #Ceramics Rebecca Budd, #Review Olga Nunez Miret

November 16th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Hibernation and Doctors.

 

November 11th 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Blonde Men and Holiday Offer

 

Thanks for dropping in today and I hope you will join me again next week… thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – November 11th 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Blonde Men and Holiday Offer


Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp .. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

And to finish off

Sorry, but I need to moan!

I experienced the WORST customer service yesterday at a store in town. I don’t want to mention the name of the store because I’m not sure how I’m going to proceed.

Yesterday I bought something from this store. I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn’t work. So this morning, less than 24 hours later I took it back to the store and asked if I could get a refund. The girl in the store told me “NO” and very rudely too, I asked if I could exchange it for something else in the store instead, again this person said “NO.”

I asked to speak with a manager as, by now, I was really not very happy and I explained that I had just bought the item, got it home and it didn’t work. The manager just smiled and told me to my face that I was—“OUT OF LUCK. No refund. No FREE replacement.” Grrrrrrrrr.

I’ll tell you what… I am NEVER buying another Lottery Ticket from there again..

Generous offer…

Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter, flight for 4 people?! I’m still looking for 2 more people to join us. We leave early Saturday (October 17) morning from Glasgow and will fly to Loch Ness where we will have breakfast and then on a yacht for lunch.

Then we’ll do a flight to Ireland and returning to Loch Ness for dinner, then fly back home.
If interested please pm me.

Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can’t go…

My thanks to Danny for allowing me to raid his Facebook: Danny Kemp

About Daniel Kemp

Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?

In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.

Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.

He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.

A selection of books by Daniel Kemp

A review for Once I Was A Soldier

billierosie 5.0 out of 5 stars Once I was a Soldier by Daniel Kemp Reviewed in the United Kingdom

Once I was a Soldier by Daniel Kemp is the second in a trilogy that opened with What Happened in Vienna Jack? Once I was a Soldier picks up the narrative some 20 years later. It’s not obvious, at first, because the characters seem new, but if you have read the first book, you will realise, slowly, slowly that you have met these characters before.

This is a thriller of the highest quality. I’ve made the comparison between John le Carre and Daniel Kemp before. Both of these writers have agile, creative minds and both are experts in their chosen fields of espionage and the politics of the era.

The theme of Once I was a Soldier is power. People crave power, even if they already have it, they are greedy and want more. Those in power are afraid of losing it and guard it jealously.

The novel opens with an abuse of power. Melissa Iverson has inherited a vast fortune. Her lawyer reads her the contents of her Father’s Will. Her Father has made provisions for his two elderly, much loved servants, leaving them a house in which to live out their days. But the clause isn’t water tight and Melissa demands that the elderly couple are thrown out of their home immediately. This abuse of power drives the narrative.

This is some of the finest erotica I’ve read. The writer lulls the reader into believing that sex and wealth are so high on the agenda that we are reading a narrative that lures us into the sexually determined world of Jackie Collins, or Shirley Conran.

And neither is this Agatha Christie, there’s no room for Miss Marple here. There is a change of mood and pace that is shocking. We stumble into a gritty, dark world…the characters with whom we thought were safe and dependable are not what they have seemed. Who are their masters? Who truly, ultimately has power? We don’t know and for the most part we never find out, we can only guess. but the final pages bring us back to the narrative…it is shocking, leaving us in no doubt that evil really does exist.

If you like your reading to be challenging, if you like the mystery of where Daniel Kemp is taking you..be warned, Once I was a Soldier is disturbing, but you will enjoy the journey.

Read the reviews and buy the books also in audio: Amazon UK – And : Amazon US – follow Daniel: Goodreads – Website: Author Danny Kemp – Facebook: Books by Daniel – Twitter:@danielkemp6

Thanks for visiting and I know Danny would love your feedback..Have a good weekend…Sally

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Rewind– November 9th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Hibernation and Doctors.


Firstly, with the results of previous sleuthing on the Internet are some funnies from Debby Gies followed by some jokes from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

 

Thanks to Debby for finding these treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s series here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now for a joke or two from Sally

Doctors…

An old female patient complains to her doctor. “Doc, when I touch my left shoulder it’s painful, when I touch my abdomen it’s painful, when I touch my head it’s also painful! What do you think it is ?” The doctor replies, “I think your index finger is broken.”

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The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said: “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.”

“Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

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A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: “Doctor, I have an ear ache.” (This one is dear to my heart)

2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”
1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
2000 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”

 

Thanks for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face..thanks Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – November 4th 2021 – Malcolm Allen – Marbles and Memory


Author Malcolm Allen is back with some more funnies

 

Thanks to Malcolm for keeping us entertained…more from him soon

About the book

This is the third book by the author, following publication of his two autobiographies ‘From Birth to Perth – Memoirs of a Nomad’ in August 2013 and ‘World Turned Upside Down – More Nomadic Memoirs’ published in June 2018. This third book in the nomadic series, is a travelogue of the author’s journeys around the world. He shares both his travel experiences and his views on various subjects, with his usual frankness and humour. It’s a tale of the traveller as he moves by air, land and sea with assorted companions. The world of travel has changed the lives of many and continues to delight and surprise the author each time he packs his luggage and passport. As a fellow author, Michael Palin so eloquently said: ‘Once the travel bug bites there is no known antidote. I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life.’

One of the reviews for the book

Mr. Ian M. Smith 5.0 out of 5 stars A Nomad who really Entertains Reviewed in the United Kingdom

The author has already written his autobiography in two volumes and that is quite a story. He is much travelled and, in this new book, he gives us the benefit of his travels in a novel way. Instead of using a chronological framework, Allen uses an alphabetical format interposing memories of places he’s visited with a miscellany of anecdotes that keep you entertained.

There is plenty of humour and I’ve given the book five stars because of its readability. It’s a winning combination of real world travelogue that puts you right there with the author, and anecdotal humour that will make you chuckle (as well as groan at some of the quips). The result is a book that you will not want to put down. If you enjoy Bill Bryson, you will enjoy Malcolm Allen. He has taken a novel approach to non-fiction that is both entertaining and highly amusing. I now feel that I’ve really been to some of the places that I’ll never get to in person and that must be the highest accolade for a book that is much more than a travelogue.

Buy the book: Amazon US And:Amazon UK – And: Amazon AU

About Malcolm Allen

The author was born in London UK and experienced a challenging childhood, leaving school with no academic qualifications at the age of 15. He had mixed fortunes in his early working days but managed to secure a job in the banking industry at the age of 19. During a period of 32 years he enjoyed a demanding and successful career in London, the pinnacle of which was becoming a Company Director at the age of 37. Following a life changing experience in November 1998 he emigrated to Perth, Western Australia in September 2001, relocating to his current home in Melbourne, Australia in November 2015.

Thanks for dropping in today and I know Malcolm would love your feedback.. thanks Sally