Smorgasbord Weekly Round Up – Josh Groban, Getting to Know Carol Taylor and Barbara Villiers unveiled.


Welcome to the weekly round up and to get you in the mood, I thought I would kick things off with the wonderful new teaser from William Price King and his new musical collaborator, guitarist Manolis. Really looking forward to sharing the full videos with you over the next few months.

It has been a glorious week here up to yesterday, so I have been in the garden.. Fiddling I think it is called… adding some new plants here and there and I have now been banned from going to the garden centre. I keep coming back with the multi-coloured pots that are so much more decorative than the plain brown ones… blues, purples, pinks to complement my colour scheme this year. Trouble is pots need plants!

We are having our lawn laid in the next couple of weeks and if we get a run of dry weather, the wall which is cracked will be repaired and then brand new fencing. We have been in the house two years next month and we knew we had a job on our hands!  Delighted to only have a couple of inside jobs to do and then the house is finished. Hopefully that will not signal itchy feet as we do like a project.

Anyway, in the meantime I have managed to post a few (I know I bend the rules and post too many!) but hopefully out of the collection you will find one or two that are of interest to you. The reason for creating this as a magazine is that it opens it up to several topics and if you would like to see more than the current offerings let me know.

On with the week…..starting with the regular columnists.

William Price King begins a new series about the American singer, songwriter and actor Josh Groban and in the the first post shares this very talented artist’s early years.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/23/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-music-column-with-william-price-king-josh-groban-the-early-years/

Writer in residence Paul Andruss with Part Two of the Barbara Villier’s Story

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/25/smorgasbord-writer-in-residence-barbara-villiers-part-2-uncrowned-queen-by-paul-andruss/

This week the Food and Cookery Column with Carol Taylor has rather a different ingredient.. Carol herself as I decided to share her Getting to Know You in her regular spot. She has quite the stories to tell and my advice….. don’t get in a lift with her!!

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/23/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-food-and-cookery-column-with-carol-taylor-getting-to-know-you/

Getting to Know You – Sunday Interview

Delighted to welcome author Lucinda E. Clarke to the blog today, sharing her experiences of life and work in Africa, with some hair raising moments.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/27/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-getting-to-know-you-with-author-lucinda-e-clarke/

Personal Stuff.

I continue my letters to my parents from Texas in 1985, having just celebrated our first July 4th.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/24/smorgasbord-letters-from-america-1985-1987-july-4th-celebrations-mechanical-bulls-and-tennis/

The final in my Get Caught Getting Reading month and this week Bernard Cornwell, a long time favourite historical author of mine. I have read all of the Saxon Chronicle so far, but review the first The Last Kingdom.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/24/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-get-caught-reading-month-writers-who-have-inspired-me-bernard-cornwell-and-a-review/

Another background story to my book Just an Odd Job Girl… and this week a ghost and counting peas in the Steak House part two.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/25/smorgasbord-posts-from-my-archives-odd-jobs-and-characters-odd-jobs-and-characters-the-steak-house-counting-peas-and-a-ghost-story-by-sally-cronin/

Sally’s Drive Time #Playlist – My 18th Birthday and HMS. Belfast

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/25/sallys-drive-time-playlist-music-from-the-year-i-was-18-hms-belfastrod-stewart-and-diana-ross/

Another story from my collection Flights of Fancy… Curtains – An old woman recalls her life and reflects on the changing patterns and colours of her bedroom curtains.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/26/smorgasbord-short-stories-flights-of-fancy-curtains-by-sally-cronin/

And the second story this weekend from the collection features a woman whose marriage has ended and she has escaped to southern Spain to lick her wounds.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/27/smorgasbord-short-stories-flights-of-fancy-manana-manana-by-sally-cronin-2/

 

A Haiku with image by Wayne Barnes of Tofino Photography

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/26/smorgasbord-poetry-haiku-sun-bows-in-respect-tofino-photography/

Posts from Your Archives – Travel

Author and Financial expert Sharon Marchisello steers us through the complex Cuban currency exchange.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/21/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-travel-navigating-cuban-currency-by-sharon-marchisello/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore – New on the Shelves

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/21/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-over-my-dead-body-murder-at-eurovision-a-bebe-bollinger-murder-mystery-by-christoph-fischer/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/22/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-tallis-steelyard-and-the-sedan-chair-caper-by-jim-webster/

Cafe and Bookstore author update

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/21/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-lorinda-j-taylor-j-e-spina-heather-kindt-and-paulette-mahurin/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/25/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-frank-parker-gigi-sedlmayer-sally-cronin-and-andrew-joyce/

Cafe and Bookstore – Meet the Reviewers

A celebration of the book reviewers who support authors.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/26/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-meet-the-book-reviewers-barb-taub-for-judith-barrow-m-j-mallon-for-annette-rochelle-aben-linda-hill-for-katherine-clements-and-liz-lloyd-rbrt-for-rachel-walkley/

Health column

The difference between an allergy and an intolerance and some of the culprit foods.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/22/smorgasbord-health-column-food-allergies-or-intolerances-the-difference/

There is a great deal of research going on around the effects of a Vitamin D deficiency which is linked to autism, brain disease, IBS, and cancer.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/22/smorgasbord-health-column-vitamin-d-deficiency-links-to-cancer-hormone-balance-sad-autism-and-ibs/

Crash dieting does your body no good, in the short or the long term… avoid the blandishments of the magazine headlines and the latest celebrity diet and ease yourself into your swimsuit healthily and nutritionally.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/23/smorgasbord-health-column-forget-crash-diets-ease-your-body-into-that-swimsuit-this-summer/

Humour and afternoon videos

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/21/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-lassie-in-slow-motion/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/22/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-fifty-sheds-of-grey-tree-hugging-and-one-liners/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/24/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-a-few-irish-jokes-and-one-liners-part-one-1-30/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/25/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-three-cats-in-discussion-about-the-neighbours-i-think/

Advertisements

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Fifty Sheds of Grey, Tree Hugging and One-Liners


Another way of looking at it! Double-entendres (a bit saucy).

The novel “Fifty Shades Of Grey” and its sequels have seduced women – and baffled blokes.

Now an alternative for men, Fifty Sheds Of Grey, offers a treat for
the men.

The book has author Colin Grey recounting his love
encounters at the bottom of the garden.

Here are some extracts………………………

Fifty Sheds Of Grey

We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a
wall…
But in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was
the only place for a good shed.

She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
“I’m yours for the night,” she gasped, “You can do whatever you want
with me.”
So I took her to McDonalds.

She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then
harder.
I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.

Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes,
chains and shackles.
She still manages to get into the shed, though.

“Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly.
“Mmmm, kinky!” she purred.
“Yes,” I said, “You can’t be too careful with all that asbestos in the
shed roof.”

“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. “I need to be
punished.”
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.

“Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
“I think so,” I gulped. “Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me
the receipt.

“Are you sure you want this?” I asked. “When I’m done, you won’t be
able to sit down for weeks.”
She nodded.
“Okay,” I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.

“Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!”
“Very well,” I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

“Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously,” she said,
gently massaging my back as we listened to her Barry Manilow CD.

The dangers of being a tree hugger!

A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA . There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor re-appeared.The angry woman demanded, “What took you so long?” He smiled and then told her, “Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a ‘recreational area’ so close to a Waste Treatment Facility.

And I’m sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down.

And a few one liners…

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I’m reading a book about antigravity. I just can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro… What a rip off!

Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

Sporty?

My skiing skills are really going downhill

I’m not a big fan of archery. It has too many drawbacks.

My tennis opponent was not happy with my serve.. He kept returning it

What do say to an impatient Jockey? Hold your horses.

I think there are about 1 to 2 million baseball fields in the world but that is just a ballpark number.

Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I hope you enjoyed and were not too overcome by the Fifty Sheds of Grey.. personally I thought more realistic and true to life than the original…..Please feel free to pass on… thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Weekly Round Up – Personal thoughts on the week’s events and Jazz, Tulips, Pork, Reading and the Himalayas


Welcome to the weekly round up and it has been a week of two extremes. The sadness and horror of more young people killed in a place where they should all feel safe in Texas, and the opulence and joy of a royal wedding.

The first is a problem that is not just confined to the United States, as violence and bullying in schools seems to be universal. We keep applying plasters to the symptoms, but do not seem to be able to resolve the underlying root cause of such anger, and the inability to communicate without aggression. I have no answers; only ideas, but surely some of the brightest minds in the world could get together, and come up with some constructive ways to prevent this sort of tragedy from happening in any of our educational establishments.

The royal wedding yesterday was an example of how centuries of tradition and customs that have been passed down within a constitution, can be modified and amended to enable new and more relevant inclusions which work. Proclamations and edicts issued 500 years ago and amendments to constitutions written in 1791 had their relevance in those times. Change is necessary and for those young people that are paying the price for our alleged ‘rights’, it cannot come soon enough. And that applies in the UK where our own capital has now become a murder hotspot, with acid and knives being the weapons of choice.

That change needs to take place not just in schools, and the way that we teach children, but in the home, where the fundamentals of socialisation need to be established by good parenting. How we achieve that will require a massive social and educational shift. I know from experience that there are amazing teachers and parents who inspire, motivate and prepare their pupils and children to enter the world as responsible adults. Many of them are bloggers here on WordPress sharing their expertise and ideas. Sharing their posts with your own readers is a very good start to the change process.

And the most important element for me towards this change, is that we need to stop giving those who perpetuate these acts of violence their 15 minutes of fame, and instead take every opportunity to celebrate the achievements of the millions of young people, who are inspiring and motivating.

Along with the usual videos of music and humour; I am going to share some videos of amazing young people.

I don’t often use my blog as a platform to share my views on politics or other social issues, but today I felt that I could not mention my enjoyment of the royal wedding without paying respect to the young people and their families in Texas, where David and I were so warmly welcomed back in the 1980s.

Now on with this week’s round up of contributors, guests and of course, not forgetting those of you who have kindly been in to like, comment and share.

On that subject, with the GDPR coming into force on the 25th, you will find a note at the end of each post about the subject.

Because of the actions of a few of the large Internet players, we are now all being held responsible for their actions. Our privacy online is a very hot issue. We all know that when we are online and interact with a website, that our data is being collected. With the responsible websites, such as WordPress, this is to ensure the smooth running of the platform.

I have a privacy statement in the menu: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/privacy-statement-please-read/

This contains the links to both Jetpack and Automatic who provide services to WordPress, outlining what information is gathered and how it is used.

I have also added my assurances that I will not pass on your information to a third party, or misuse.

I do hope that this new regulation will not result in readers of blogs from leaving feedback on posts. It is one of the fundamental elements of blogging that allows interaction and communication between us all. Something we need more of and not less in this world.

Thank you for taking the time to read my views today… your visit is appreciated and here are the posts from the week you might have missed.

The Music Column with William Price King –

So far on the Music Column this year, William has featured Bono and U2, Madonna, Johnny Mathis and Aretha Franklin. Next week a new series with the music of Josh Groban.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/16/william-price-king-music-column-the-artists-so-far-bono-and-u2-madonna-johnny-mathis-and-aretha-franklin/

Paul Andruss – The Gardening Column.

Paul Andruss treated us to an extra post this week with the history and varieties of the beautiful Tulip.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/18/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-gardening-column-extra-tulipmania-by-paul-andruss/

The Food and Cookery Column with Carol Taylor who shares a sure fired way to crisp up that crackling on your roast pork and other fabulous recipes.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/16/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-cookery-and-food-column-with-carol-taylor-pork-perfect/

The Literary Column with Jessica Norrie

For various reasons we can find ourselves in a reading desert.. too much going on at work, relationships and online! It can be tough to leap back into reading novels.. but Jessica offers hope in how we can revive that reading feeling…..

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/19/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-literary-column-with-jessica-norrie-youve-lost-that-reading-feeling/

The Sunday Interview – Getting to Know You – Balroop Singh

This week my special guest is author, poet, book reviewer and blogger Balroop Singh.  Balroop is a wonderful supporter of other writers and I have been delighted to share her insightful and constructive reviews for authors in the Cafe and Bookstore.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/20/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-author-poet-and-book-reviewer-balroop-singh/

 

Personal Stuff.

Get Caught Reading Month and another author who has inspired me.. Dorothy Parker was born before her time… and today I share two of her poems and some of her quotations that have inspired me to write.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/17/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-get-caught-reading-month-writers-who-inspired-me-dorothy-parker/

This week on Odd Jobs and Characters, I share the events that took place when I was in my management training programme with a steak house chain. ‘The Night of The Mouse’ and the aftermath.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/18/smorgasbord-posts-from-my-archives-odd-jobs-and-characters-the-steak-house/

Short stories – another from my collection Flights of Fancy.

A woman in a farmhouse on a Welsh hillside offers kindness to another.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/20/smorgasbord-short-stories-flights-of-fancy-trust-by-sally-cronin/

Letters From America – 1985 – 1987 – A baby arrives and I meet a new friend at the pool.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/17/smorgasbord-letters-from-america-1985-1987-a-new-baby-arrives-and-i-meet-debbie-around-the-pool/

Finally Spring has arrived in my garden… some of the colour that has erupted with a few days of sunshine.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/19/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-finally-spring-has-arrived-in-my-garden/

Sally’s Drive Time Playlists #Music to get the weekend started.

The last of the request shows… and back to the usual posts next Friday.  This week requests from Jacquie Biggar, John Rieber, Judy E. Martin and Janice Spina

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/18/sallys-drive-time-playlist-music-to-get-your-weekend-started-requests-from-requests-from-jacquie-biggar-john-rieber-judy-e-martin-and-janice-spina/

Posts from your Archives – Travel

This week Debby Gies shares her photographs from her cruise to the Caribbean.. and coming back through Canadian Customs.. where they have a special lane.. just for her!

St. Kitts

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/14/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-caribbean-and-canada-customs-by-d-g-kaye/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore – New on the Shelves

This week Craig Boyack.. C.S. Boyack celebrates the release of his latest book. The Yak Guy Project.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/15/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-book-on-the-shelves-the-yak-guy-project-by-c-s-boyack/

Poet Ali Whitelock introduces us to her latest release – And my heart crumples like a coke can.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/17/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-book-on-the-shelvesand-my-heart-crumples-like-a-coke-can-by-ali-whitelock/

A warm welcome to novelist Elle Boca and her Weeia series of novels.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/19/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-gypsies-tramps-and-weeia-the-weeia-marshals-book-1-by-elle-boca/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore Meet the Reviewers. 

A celebration of those who take the time to review our work and help us sell books.

Cathy Ryan

 

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/19/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-meet-the-reviewers-judith-barrow-for-thorne-moore-balroop-singh-for-deborah-a-bowman-robbie-cheadle-for-john-w-howell-and-cathy-ryan-for-abigail-osborne/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore Update – Authors in the cafe with recent reviews.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/14/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-sue-coletta-vashti-quiroz-vega-geoff-le-pard-and-william-luvaas/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/18/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-updatejacquie-biggar-robbie-and-michael-cheadle-sarah-brentyn-and-brigid-p-gallagher/

Smorgasbord Health Column

Food in the news… heart and stress – good news for dark chocolate lovers.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/14/smorgasbord-health-column-food-in-the-news-heart-and-stress-good-news-for-dark-chocolate-lovers/

Heart health and stress – strategies to help save your life.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/15/smorgasbord-health-column-heart-and-stress-strategies-to-help-save-your-life/

Vitamin D is a multi-functional nutrient that we need for some very important reactions with in the body to keep us health and our structure strong.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/15/smorgasbord-health-column-nutrients-we-need-vitamin-d-bones-immune-system-arthritis-and-hormones/

The next in the series of ancient healing therapies – Acupuncture..

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/16/smorgasbord-health-column-ancient-healing-therapies-acupuncture/

Humour and Afternoon Video

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/14/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-whose-been-sleeping-in-my-bed-meow/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/15/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-last-wishes-quickies-and-sports-injuries/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/16/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-talking-dog-and-pizza-hut/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/17/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-pharmacists-and-side-effects/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/18/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-talking-dog-wants-an-award-and-he-should-have-one/

I hope that you have enjoyed the posts this week, and would of course love to hear from you. Thanks Sally

Before I finish I would like to congratulate all the winners of the Bloggers Bash Awards that took place in London yesterday. So sorry not to have been there but I hear it was a great day. I was very honoured to have been nominated in the Best Overall Blog Category.

If you would like to find out who the winners are in the various categories you can find them here: http://sachablack.co.uk/2018/05/19/the-winners-of-the-2018-annual-bloggers-bash-awards-are-bloggersbash/

and I will leave the last word to the Kid President 20 things we should say more often.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Pharmacists and side effects!


Little Blue Pills

Michael O’Riley and his wife both in their 80s arrive at the doctor’s office and sit across the desk from him holding hands.

“You are both looking fine, how can I help you today?”

Michael smiles shyly at him…

“Well Doctor, you see, I have heard that them little blue pills that are available on the health service might help Mary and I improve our love life.”

Slightly taken aback the doctor regarded the eager couple for a moment or two..

“Well Michael, you see, you have a heart condition and those pills now, could cause you a dreadful problem in that department, so I don’t think that it would be a good idea.”

“Well Doctor, said Mary, “Do you think we might give them a try just once or twice and see if they work or not?”

Reluctantly the doctor wrote out a prescription for 12 pills but with very strict instructions.

“You are to only take every other day.. So, Take Monday, skip Tuesday, take Wednesday, skip Thursday, take Friday, skip Saturday and take Sunday.

“Right you are doctor and thank you.” The couple went on the way happily clasping the prescription.

Three weeks later Mary comes to see the doctor and tearfully tells him that Michael has expired.

“Oh jeez, was it the pills? Did Michael take them as I prescribed?

“Of course doctor, just as you told us. Take Monday, skip Tuesday, take Wednesday, skip Thursday, take Friday, skip Saturday and take Sunday.

“Then what killed him Mary?”

“It was the skipping”.

Hiccups

A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face.
“What did you do that for?” the man asks.

“Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore, do you?”

The man says, “No, but my wife out in the car still does!”

A lady walked into a pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide. The pharmacist said,

“Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said, ‘I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! They’ll throw both of us in jail!’

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, ‘Well, now. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.’

A Short History of Medicine 

“Doctor, I have an ear ache.” (This one is dear to my heart)

2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”
1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
2000 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”

An instant cure.

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the pharmacy and asked, “Excuse me, I’ve lost my wife and can’t find her anywhere. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”

“Why?”

“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”

Thanks for dropping in today and I hope you have enjoyed the humour.. Please feel free to pass it on… thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Last wishes, Quickies and Sports Injuries.


Last wish.

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears.

He says, “So what’s bothering you, dear?”

She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”

The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any
last requests?”

“Aye, That he did, Father…”

“And what did he say?”

“He said, ‘Please, Mary, put down that damn gun…”

 

Quickies

A woman is showing off a huge diamond on her finger to her friends. ‘This is the Klopman diamond, worth millions,’ she tells them, ‘but there is a terrible curse that goes with it.’
‘What is the curse? ask her friends breathlessly. ‘Mr. Klopman.’

00000

There is so much sin around these days that the local church has put in two more confessionals.’Five items or less!’

00000

A police officer flags down an elderly driver and says, ‘Excuse me sir, didn’t you realise your wife fell out of the car three miles back?’

‘Thank God,’ the old man replies, ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’

Marketing

In an effort to boost sales United Airlines announced that for two weeks only, any business executive who travelled on a midweek flight could take his wife along with him for only 20% of the normal fare. In order to judge the success of this campaign, they emailed all the wives concerned, asking them if they had enjoyed their flights.

Ninety percent of the wives emailed back asking ‘What Flight?’

 

Sports injuries

Yesterday while leaving the tennis courts, I noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the fence. I picked the balls up, put them in my pocket, and proceeded on my way.

Walking toward my car, I noticed a beautiful blonde standing close by and smiling. “What are those big bulges in your tennis shorts?” she asked with a smile.. “Tennis balls.” I answered, smiling back.

“Wow,” said the blonde, looking upset. “That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable.

Things are not always what they seem……

While driving through the desert in New Mexico a woman’s car ran out of petrol. After a lengthy wait and becoming concerned that she would run out of water and never be found, she was delighted when a young Red Indian rode up on his horse. She sat behind him and was intrigued with his habit of letting a wild yell from time to time. She put it down to Indian whoops she had seen on the movies.

He dropped her off at a gas station with another ‘Ya-hoo’.

‘What was going on between you two?’ asked the gas station attendant as he prepared to drop her back to her car with a can of petrol.

‘Nothing,’ she said. ‘ I simply rode behind him with my arms around his waist holding onto the saddle horn.

‘Don’t you know that Indians ride bareback,’ he replied.

10366109_659622550788767_3264870116604577012_n

I hope you have enjoyed today’s humour.. please pass the smiles on…. Sally

Smorgasbord Weekly Round Up – Aretha Franklin, Late Spring Bulbs, Corned Beef and Esme’s Party Piece.. and that’s just for starters…


Welcome to the weekly round up with the posts that you might have missed. I have been editing Tales from the Irish Garden and breaking that up with time in said garden, planting pots and (if I am honest) sitting in patches of sunlight reading! It is another lovely day here so will be doing the same, as around here one is not really sure if this is ‘summer’ and you need to make the most of it.

We have some major work coming up with contractors in to lay a lawn and add some new fencing. We have been in the house two years in June and these will be the last of the major renovations…really looking forward to having the garden in bloom again.

As usual the posts this week do not all originate from my keyboard, and a huge thank you to the contributors for their commitment to delivering fabulous posts.

William Price King finished his series on the legend, Aretha Franklin in style on Wednesday, with plenty of tracks to bring back memories and to dance to. There is a slight break this week but then from the 23rd, William will be sharing the story behind the talented singer and songwriter, Josh Groban.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/09/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-music-column-with-william-price-king-aretha-franklin-up-to-date/

Paul Andruss shared some stunning images of late Spring bulbs that brought some colour into our lives, especially those of us who have been waiting rather a long time for spring to even begin!  The gardening column is clearly popular and don’t forget that our resident expert is happy to answer your questions. Not just for those of us in the UK and Ireland but across the world.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/11/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-gardening-column-with-paul-andruss-light-up-your-life-with-brilliant-late-spring-bulbs/

Carol Taylor enticed us and informed us with her post this week on the glories of beef.. in a Strogranoff, Corned and in the fabulous Thai Salad Nam Doc Nua… again if you have questions about any of the recipes or any food or cookery queries then fire away.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/09/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-food-and-cookery-column-with-carol-taylor-recipes-beef-stroganoff-corned-beef-thai-beef-salad-nam-doc-nua/

Esme’s Party Piece… the health issues common to the specific zodiac signs and foods that are a good idea to include regularly.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/10/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-esmes-party-piece-health-and-foods-for-your-zodiac-sign/

The Getting to Know you Sunday Show.

My guest today is the generous, forthright and passionate advocate for civil liberties, The Militant Negro™. Not a day goes by when one or more of my posts are shared on his eclectic blog and I know that I am just one amongst many have reason to be grateful for his kindness. You will find the arts, poetry, fiction as well as down to earth and compelling documentation of the the many civil rights violations that are part of all our cultures.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/13/the-smorgasbord-sunday-interview-getting-to-know-you-the-militant-negro/

Sally’s Book Reviews

If you are a frequent visitor to the blog you will have seen D.G. Kaye… Debby Gies here many times as a contributor, commenter and supporter. It is no secret that we are friends. This however, does not influence my views on her books, and this applies to her most recent release. Twenty Years: After “I Do” : Reflections on Love and Changes Through Aging.

 

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/12/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-sallys-book-reviews-twenty-years-after-i-do-by-d-g-kaye/

Posts from Your Archives – Travel with D.G. Kaye – Debby Gies

Time for the third of Debby Gies, D.G. Kaye’s travel posts. I would love to be a fly on the wall when she is traveling. Apart from her usual finesse with the check-in and carry on bags, there is the matter of the toxic passengers and glares over protective masks.. You don’t mess with Debby that is for sure.. As to the bathroom facilities…..aghhhhhhhh.

D.G. Kaye Arizona

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/07/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archivesflight-manifesto-with-d-g-kaye-debby-gies/

Personal Stuff – Letters from America

We were now into June of 1985 and getting the hang of things. We had met more people in the apartments and were planning our next trip later in the summer.  I also send photographs of our trip to Disney World to my parents.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/10/smorgasbord-letters-from-america-1985-1987-photos-from-disney-adventure-alone-in-america-new-arrival-by-sally-cronin/

Flights of Fancy – Short Story Collection

A woman is accused of murder.. and this is her response…..Getting Away with Murder

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/12/smorgasbord-short-stories-flights-of-fancy-getting-away-with-murder-by-sally-cronin/

A recently purchased cottage is waiting for one more member of the family to arrive to make it perfect – The Other Side of Heaven.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/13/smorgasbord-short-stories-flights-of-fancy-the-other-side-of-heaven-by-sally-cronin/

Get Caught Reading Month – Authors who have inspired me – Jean M. Auel – Earth Children Series.

These books did not just inspire me to continue writing, but to explore my own heritage, back 20,000 years to a woman’s bones in a cave in the southern France, northern Spain region.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/10/sally-cafe-and-bookstore-get-caught-reading-month-authors-who-have-inspired-me-jean-m-auel-clan-of-the-cave-bear/

Another background story to my characters and jobs in Just an Oldd Job Girl. Originally hosted by Diana Wallace Peach. This week the cosmetic department.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/11/smorgasbord-posts-from-my-archives-odd-jobs-and-characters-the-department-store-part-two-the-cosmetic-department/

Sally’s Drive Time Playlist – The requests from readers over the last few weeks.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/11/sallys-drive-time-playlist-music-to-get-the-weekend-started-requests-from-annette-rochelle-aben-n-a-granger-jan-sikes-judith-barrow-and-darlene-foster/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore – New Book on the Shelves

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/08/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-book-on-the-shelves-the-cruel-romance-a-novel-of-love-and-war-by-marina-osipova/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/13/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-book-on-the-shelvesguilt-my-companion-by-chuck-jackson/

Author Update – Recent Reviews.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/07/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-christine-campbell-karen-ingalls-olga-nunez-miret-bette-a-stevens-and-a-t-balsara/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/11/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-lyn-horner-sandra-j-jackson-mae-clair-and-lucinda-e-clarke/

Meet the Reviewers.. A celebration of those who take the time to review and support the books of authors.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/12/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-meet-the-book-reviewers-colleen-chesebro-with-d-wallace-peach-olga-nunez-miret-with-mallory-james-richard-blake-with-joan-ohagan-and-d-g-kaye-with-michael-wolff/

Health Column

The right balance of LDL – Low density lipoprotein (potentially unhealthy cholesterol) and HDL– High density lipoprotein (healthy cholesterol).

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/07/smorgasbord-health-column-cholesterol-parttwo-the-fats-and-the-myths-by-sally-cronin/

One of the most common contributory factors to heart disease is stress… finding the right balance in our lives and diet is essential to reduce the risk of acute stress becoming a permanent state.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/08/smorgasbord-health-column-heart-health-and-the-stress-connection/

The next vitamin in the Nutrients we Need series is Vitamin C which is involved in over 3000 processes in the body.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/08/smorgasbord-health-column-nutrients-that-we-need-vitamin-c-ascorbic-acid-involved-in-over-3000-processes-in-the-body/

The start of a new series of ancient healing therapies – this week Reflexology.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/09/smorgasbord-health-column-ancient-healing-therapies-reflexology/

Humour

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/07/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-the-ultimate-dog-talking-video/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/08/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-watch-what-you-say-and-do/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/09/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-your-dog-yoga-masterclass-sign-me-up/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/10/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-church-bake-sale-bachelor-parties-and-tick-warning/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/11/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-a-dog-wants-a-kitty/

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Church Bake Sale, Bachelor parties and Tick Warning.


Church bake sale….

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church ladies’ group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.

She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp.

But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She said, “Oh dear, there’s no time to bake another cake.”
This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of new friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.

Alice found it in the bathroom — a roll of toilet paper & newspaper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect!
Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy that cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her Mom. Alice was horrified. She couldn’t imagine what had gone wrong. Alice was beside herself. Everyone would know, what would they think? “Oh, my,” she wailed! She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed. All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would attended the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend and try to have a good time. Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP ‘d she could not think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South. Then, to Alice’s horror, the CAKE in question was presented for dessert.

Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake. She started out of her chair to rush to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor’s wife said, “What a beautiful cake!”

Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, “Thank you, I baked it myself.”

Alice smiled and thought to herself, “GOD is good.”

Beer vs. Makeup

My wife told me we couldn’t afford beer at $25.00 a case anymore. Too bad, but I would have to quit drinking.

Then the next day I caught her spending $65.00 on a tiny bottle of make-up.

I asked her how come I had to give up stuff and she didn’t.

She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me. I told her that wasn’t necessary, that’s what the beer was for!

Besides, my beer was 40 bucks cheaper.

I don’t think she’s coming back…

Home Depot Lost and Found.

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around at Home Depot when they collide.  The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

The young guy says, “That’s OK. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little worried.”

The old guy says, “Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?

The young guy says, “Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she’s wearing tight white shorts.  What does your wife look like?”

The old guy says, “Doesn’t matter — let’s look for yours.

Somethings are better kept to yourself!

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello.

He’s rather taken aback, because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says,

“Do you Know me?”

To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that wore the red tassles and sprayed me with whipped cream before coming back to my motel?

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, “No, actually I’m your son’s math teacher.”

Do my eyes deceive me?

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The phaonmneal pweor of the human mnid .Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt!

I hope you have enjoyed and please feel free to pass on the laughter. Thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Watch what you say and do……


A numbers game

On his 80th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an American Doctor who was rumoured to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction.

The husband visited the Doctor who gave him some medicine in a bottle and warned,

“This is powerful medication. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: ‘1-2-3.’ When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want.”

The man thanked the Doctor, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: “How do I stop the medicine from working?”

“Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,’ he responded, “but when those words are spoken, the medicine will not work again for six months.”

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: “1-2-3!”

Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: “What was the 1-2-3 for?”

THE MORAL: we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

 

Sweet nothings..

I went to my nearby CVS Pharmacy, straight to the back, where the Pharmacists’ high counter is located.

I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter.

The Pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could help me. I said, “Yes! Could you please taste this for me? Seeing a senior citizen, the Pharmacist went along.

He took the spoon, put a tiny bit of the liquid on it, put it on his tongue and swilled it around.
Then, with a stomach-churning look on his face, he spat it out on the floor and began coughing.

When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye and asked, now, does that taste sweet to you?”

The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, “HELL NO!!!”

I said, “Oh, thank God! That’s a real relief! My doctor told me to have a Pharmacist test my urine for sugar!”

I can never go back to that CVS, but I really don’t care, because they aren’t very friendly there anymore

Confessional

A taxi driver picked up a nun. She noticed him watching in the rearview mirror after she got into the back seat. “Is something bothering you, my son?”

“I’m sorry, Sister. I’d rather not say.”

“Go on. I may be a nun, but I’ve heard a lot of things in my time.”

“I’ve had this fantasy, Sister, my whole life, of kissing a nun.”

“That’s alright, son. I can oblige, but I have two conditions. You must be Catholic and unmarried.

“I’m both of those, Sister.”

“Pull in there son.” She pointed to an alley.

Ten minutes later, they came out. The nun noticed the driver crying. “What is it, my son?”

“I lied, sister. I’m not Catholic; I’m Jewish and I’m married.”

“That’s alright, my son. I’m Kevin, and I’m going to a Halloween party.”

Polish Eyetest.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.

First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:

‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’

“Can you read this?” the optician asked.

“Read it?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the guy.”

Learner Driver.

During a ride in a taxicab, the rider touched the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

Upon the touch, the cab driver flinched, screamed, then went into a panic and almost wrecked the cab. Finally the driver got control and pulled to side of road.

Still shaking, he turned to his rider and apologized. He said, “Sorry about that. This is my first day as a cab driver. For the past 20 years I have driven a hearse”.

Thanks for popping in today and I hope this brought some laughter into your life…Sally

Smorgasbord Weekly Update. – Aretha Franklin, Restoration Women, Hot Soup and Texas Thunderstorms


Another week gone but one with some sunshine which is always worth celebrating. I have also finished writing Tales from the Irish Garden and phase one is over. Catching my breath and then back into each chapter to tidy up and elaborate before another run through for the first edit. I really don’t mind this part and at least I am on target to publish mid-summer.

I am so grateful for the amazing columnists who contribute to the blog each week and it would not be the same without them.

Great to have William Price King back after his week away and we just have one more post to come in the Aretha Franklin series. I am delighted that it has brought so many memories back and thank you for your comments.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/02/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-music-column-with-william-price-king-aretha-franklin-the-1970s/

Paul Andruss posted on his own site this week.. Plight of the Restoration Women.. when your money and assets belonged to the man you married. A companion piece to last week’s post here on Barbara Villiers.

Elizabeth Pepys by Rita Greer 2007 (Historical Painter)

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/04/writer-in-residence-companion-post-to-barbara-viliers-plights-of-restoration-women-by-paul-andruss/

Carol Taylor, like so many has been battling a chesty cough but still managed to get into the kitchen and produce some of her delicious soup recipes, it may be spring but the weather is still a bit cool and soups make perfect light lunches.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/02/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-food-and-cookery-column-with-carol-taylor-delicious-warming-soup/

The Sunday Interview Getting to Know You.

Welcome to the Sunday interview and this week my guest is poet Ritu Bhathal who I enjoyed meeting at last year’s Bloggers Bash in London. And it was fantastic to be there when she won the Best Overall Blog Award 2017. Find out more about her phobias, her love of dusting!…. her passion for singing and meet her cat..

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/06/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-getting-to-know-you-poet-ritu-bhathal/

My personal stuff – Letters from America.

The weather becomes more turbulent in Houston. with the hot humid days and we experience our first thunderstorms and torrential rain. My friend Kelly’s due date comes closer.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/03/smorgasbord-letters-from-america-1985-1987-thunderstorms-texas-style-pool-antics-and-birth-coach-on-standby/

Posts from my archives – Short stories – Odd Jobs and characters.

This week I work in the shoe department of our local store and find that I am still using x-ray equipment and some ladies do not wear knickers!

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/04/smorgasbord-short-stories-posts-from-my-archives-odd-jobs-and-characters-the-shoe-department-by-sally-cronin/

Get Caught Reading Month – Authors who inspired me to writer –  The books of Wilbur Smith.

Since my teens I have read and collected the books of Wilbur Smith. As part of Get Caught Reading Month, I will be sharing some of his work and three other authors who inspired me to write.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/03/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-get-caught-reading-month-authors-who-inspired-me-wilbur-smith-memoir-on-leopard-rock/

Sally’s Friday Drive Time Playlist – more of your requests.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/04/sallys-drive-time-playlist-music-the-requests-part-two/John Howell, Annette Rochelle Aben, D.G. Kaye and Judy E. Martin

Short Stories – Tales from the Garden – Mollie’s Gardens.

My mother loved her gardens and in this post I share some of her memories spanning 94 years.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/05/smorgasbord-short-stories-tales-from-the-garden-mollie-the-duchess-coleman-by-sally-cronin/

Posts from Your Archives

Debby Gies, D.G.Kaye shares another of her entertaining and informative travel posts. The joys of carry on luggage and the moving goal posts of their dimensions.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/04/30/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-the-joys-of-travel-not-by-d-g-kaye/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore – New Book on the Shelves.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/04/30/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-book-on-the-shelves-impending-disaster-by-colin-guest/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/01/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-book-on-the-shelves-the-jericho-prophesy-book-one-of-the-eternal-realm-by-fiona-tarr/

Cafe and Bookstore Author Update

 

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/04/30/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-updatestevie-turner-m-j-mallon-terry-tyler-and-phillip-t-stephens/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/04/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-deborah-a-bowman-matthew-drzymala-angie-dokos-and-john-w-howell/

Meet the Book Reviewers

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/05/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-meet-the-bookreviewers-d-g-kaye-for-kathy-steinemann-barb-taub-for-terry-tyler-robbie-cheadle-for-ben-woodard-m-j-mallon-for-sacha-de-black-and-jan-sikes-for-nonnie-jul/

Smorgasbord Health Column

Aromatherapy – Marjoram essential oil – Muscles and stress.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/02/smorgasbord-health-the-medicine-womans-treasure-chest-aromatherapy-marjoram-essential-oil-muscles-and-stress/

Our heart is very dependent on us to provide it with the nutrient it needs to do its vital job of keeping us alive. It does not ask for much…just lots of fresh food, prepared from scratch and less packages, cans and bottles.

Our heart is only as good as the food we eat……

dsc_1207aw

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/01/smorgasbord-health-column-our-heart-is-only-as-good-as-the-food-we-eat/

A-Z of nutrients that we need to be healthy – Vitamin B12.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/01/smorgasbord-health-column-b12-cyanocolbalamin-cell-health-dna-and-sleep/

Why we need cholesterol….

gnet.org

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/03/smorgasbord-health-column-cholesterol-part-one-an-essential-substance-our-bodies-need-by-sally-cronin/

Humour

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/04/30/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-perhaps-a-cuddly-rabbit-might-be-the-answer/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/01/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-writing-witticisms-and-nonsense/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/02/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-more-animals-making-music-well-noise/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/03/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-time-and-motion-study-last-wishes-and-grand-parenting-tips/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/05/04/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-meet-an-amazing-service-dog/

Thank you so much for dropping in today and as always my thanks for the amazing support and feedback. Enjoy your week and see you soon. Thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Writing Witticisms and Nonsense.


A few snippets from the archives on the subject of our chosen line of work……. writing. 

Great Expectations

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define “Great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

English Professor

“In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

And if you are looking for inspiration for your next novel’s title.

A Clifftop Tragedy  by Eileen Dover.
A Whole Lot of Cats  by Kitt N. Caboodle
Animal Scents by Farrah Mones
Cheating on His Wife by  Izzy Backyet
Confessions Of A Gold Digger by Emile Ticket
Yellow River by I.P.Daily,
Russian Lion Tamer by Claude Buttox
Carpet Laying by Walter Wall
Eating Garlic by Y.I Malone.
Pain and Sorrow by Ann Quish
Russian Striptease by Eva Vestov
The Insomniac by Eliza Wake
The Scent of a Man by Jim Nasium
Wait for me by Isa Cummin.
Willie Win by Betty Wont.

How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two, but it’s actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one’s shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

How many screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Why does it *have* to be changed?

How many cover blurb writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A VAST AND TEEMING HORDE STRETCHING FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA!!!!

Ode to the Spell Check

Eye halve a spelling chequer

It cam with my pea sea

It plainly marques four my revue

Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word

And weight four it two say

Weather eye am wrong oar write

It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid

It nose bee fore two long

And eye can put the error rite

Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it

I am shore your pleased two no

Its letter perfect awl the weigh

My chequer tolled me sew!

Thank you for dropping by today and hope you have enjoyed… thanks Sally