Smorgasbord Laughter is the Best Medicine – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Funnies and Weird Facts Part One.


Firstly, some funnies from Debby Gies followed by some weird facts from Sally. Thanks to those who share the funnies on the internet.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for excellent foraging

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s latest Travel Column: St. Kitts

Now for some  Weird Facts part one from Sally….

Here is your first list of trivia and weird facts.. .they may well be out of date in some cases and I cannot confirm or deny their veracity….just saying.,

According to a booze bill for a celebration party thrown September 15, 1787, the 55 people who were designing the United States Constitution drank 54 bottles of Madeira, 60 bottles of claret, 8 bottles of whiskey, 22 bottles of port, 8 bottles of cider, 12 bottles of beer, and 7 large bowls of alcoholic punch large enough “that ducks could swim in them”. There were 16 musicians at the party. We all know now why the Constitution was signed on the 17th of September instead of the 16th.

In 1980, the yellow pages accidentally listed a Texas funeral home under “Frozen Foods”.

35% of people who use personal ads are already married.

While performing her duties as queen, Cleopatra sometimes wore a beard.

1 in 5 Americans cannot say which president is on the $1 bill without looking.

Pigs can become alcoholics.

The Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas has 12 gardeners on its staff to care for artifical plants.

When Italy was founded in 1861, only 3% of Italians spoke Italian fluently.

Daniel Boone detested coonskin caps.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Alexander Graham Bell insisted the proper way to answer the phone is “ahoy!”

John Wilkes Booth’s brother once saved the life of Abe Lincoln’s son.

25% of Americans believe Sherlock Holmes is a real person. (stress on IS, folks!!)

It is against the law to drink beer in Cedar City, Utah, if your shoelaces are untied.

Disneyland has the fourth largest navy in the world.

Raccoons, slugs, and ants all love to get drunk.

The Bible is the most shoplifted book in the United States.

Louis XIV bathed once a year.

The NY phone book had 22 Hitlers before WWII. It had 0 after WWII.

Fish can get seasick.

Kentucky produces more whiskey than all the other states combined.

59% of men and 39% of women say that the remote control has significantly improved their lives.

In Kentucky, it is illegal to marry your wife’s grandmother.

Termites eat wood twice as fast to heavy metal music.

In the 40’s, the Bich pen was renamed Bic for fear Americans would pronounce it “Bitch”.

President Andrew Jackson was not sure if the earth was round or flat.

Mosquitoes prefer blondes.

There was so little dialogue in the original “Mission Impossible” TV show that Peter Graves, the star, once fell asleep in the middle of a scene….and no one noticed.

52% of Americans say they would rather spend a week in jail than be President of the US.

In 1992, 2,421 people checked into U.S. emergency rooms with injuries involving house plants.

In 1992, 5,840 people checked into U.S. emergency rooms with “pillow-related injuries”.

15% of women send themselves flowers on Valentine’s Day.

Until 1967, LSD was legal in California.

Russians generally answer the phone by saying “I’m listening.”

In Frackville, Pennsylvania, a woman filed for divorce because her husband insisted on shooting tin cans off her head with a slingshot.

The average American eats at McDonalds 1,811 times in their lives.

Smokey the Bear has his own zip code, 20252.

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is “screeched.”

Barbie’s measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.

All of the clocks in Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.

“Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “MT”.

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

Almonds are members of the peach family.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance. (debateable but Sir Winston could neither confirm or deny and stated ‘Although present on that occasion, I have no clear recollection of the events leading up to it.’

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

Thanks for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter is the Best Medicine – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Car Expenses and The Ostrich


Firstly, some funnies from Debby Gies and her neighbour Marilyn who has donated her humour for our enjoyment followed by some funnies from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.  

My thanks to Debby and Marilyn for sharing these with us.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s latest Travel Column: Cruising – Part One

Now for some funnies from Sally….all about the birds…

The auction

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.

Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid – the parrot was his at last!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can’t talk!”

“Don’t worry.” said the Auctioneer, “He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”

The dinner companion…….

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”

“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order.

“That will be $9.40 please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke.”

The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until, the two enter again.

“The usual?” asks the waitress.

“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad, says he man

“Same,” says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.”

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer.

“Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”

“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress… “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

The waitress asks, “But, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

Thank you for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter is the Best Medicine – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Illegible and Tennis Balls


Firstly, some funnies from Debby Gies and her neighbour Marilyn who has donated her humour for our enjoyment followed by some funnies from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby and Marilyn for sharing these with us.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s latest Travel Column: Cruising – Part One

Now for some funnies from Sally….

An Aussie Drover’s story

Whenever two drovers get together, there is the inevitable argument about who has the best kelpie sheep dog. So the merits of their respective dogs was the subject of the debate at the bar.

‘My dog’s so smart,’ said one, ‘ I can give him five instructions at the same time and he will carry them out to perfection.

‘That’s nothing,’ said his mate. ‘I only have to whistle and point and Bluey anticipates the whole exercise.

Finally they decided to put their dogs to the test. The first drover whistled his dog and told him to dash to the saleyards, select the oldest ram, bring him back into town and load it into the ute which was parked outside the pub.

The dog sped off in a cloud of dust and ten minutes later was seen bringing a large ram down the main street. He jumped into the ute, dropped the tail gate and hunted the ram in.

‘Well that’s not bad,’ conceded the second drover. ‘ But watch this.’

‘Bluey, what about some tucker?’

In a cloud of dust Bluey streaked down the main street to a farm five kilometres from town. The dog raced into the chook house, nudged a hen off the nest and gently picked up an egg.

The dog then sped back to town and gently placed the egg at his master’s feet. But without waiting for a pat on the head, the dog gathered a few sticks and lit a fire, grabbed a billy in his teeth and dashed to the creek. Returned and set the billy on the fire and gently dropped the egg into the simmering water.

After exactly three minutes, Bluey rolled the billy off the fire, laid the boiled egg at his master’s feet and stood on his head.

‘Well that beats all,’ conceded the first drover, ‘but why is he standing on his head?’

‘Well he knows I haven’t got an egg cup,’ said the proud owner.

Tennis elbow

Yesterday while leaving the tennis courts, I noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the fence. I picked the balls up, put them in my pocket, and proceeded on my way.

Walking toward my car, I noticed a beautiful blonde standing close by and smiling. “What are those big bulges in your tennis shorts?” she asked with a smile.. “Tennis balls.” I answered, smiling back.

“Wow,” said the blonde, looking upset. “That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable.

Thank you for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter is the Best Medicine – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Splitting the Bill and Oil fires


Firstly, some funnies from Debby Gies and her neighbour Marilyn who has donated her humour for our enjoyment followed by some jokes from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

And Marilyn has also found some interesting definitions.

COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage.

INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority.

RAISIN
A grape with a sunburn.

SECRET
A story you tell to one person at a time.

TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES
Something other people have…similar to my character lines.

OLD
I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an Affair.
She turned to me and asked, “Are you having it catered?”
. . . and that, my friend, is the definition of ‘OLD’!!!

 My thanks to Debby and  Marilyn for expert foraging…

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s latest Travel Column: Puerto Vallarta Part two

Now for a joke from Sally

Oil be there!

Decades ago, there was a huge fire in one of the oil fields in Texas. The boss of the field contacted Red Adair, but was told that he couldn’t do anything as he was booked up for weeks. But Red Adair gave the Boss the telephone number of his cousin, Green Adair, in Ireland. So the Boss phoned Green Adair, who said he and his team would be over on the next available boat.

A few days later Green Adair and his team drove their transit van off the boat and travelled without stopping to Texas. Arriving at the oilfield, the boss tells him that the best place to see the fire was up on top of a nearby ridge. So Green and his men pile back into the Transit and drive up to the edge of the ridge.

After a few minutes, the Transit slowly moves off the top of the hill, gathers tremendous speed, and plummets right into the centre of the fire. Green Adair and his men jump out, and start stamping on the fire and blowing at it furiously. After a couple of hours, the fire is out.

The Boss is delighted and goes to see Green Adair and his men. “That’s the most amazing thing I’ve seen in my life! Incredible!!!” says the Boss. He willingly and delightedly gives them a cheque for $5 million, and asks Green Adair what’s the first thing he’ll do with the money. “Get the feckin’ brakes fixed!!!” came the reply…

Thank you for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter is the Best Medicine – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Sinatra and Dentists


Firstly, some funnies from Debby Gies and her neighbour Marilyn who has donated for our enjoyment followed by some jokes from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby and her neighbour Marilyn for expert foraging…

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s latest Travel Column: Puerto Vallarta Part One

Now for a joke from Sally

At the Dentist.

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist.

“I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want Novacaine because I’m in a big hurry,” the woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.”

The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?”

The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear

‘Open Wider,’ requested the dentist as he began his examination.

‘Good heavens,’ he said astonished. ‘You have the biggest cavity I have ever seen – the biggest cavity I’ve ever seen.

‘Ok no need to rub it in by repeating yourself.’ said the patient. ‘I am scared enough as it is.’

‘I’m not repeating myself,’ replied the dentist. ‘That was the echo.’

Thank you for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter is the Best Medicine – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Cup of tea and Marriage Wisdom


Firstly, some funnies from Debby Gies and her neighbour Marilyn who has donated for our enjoyment followed by some jokes from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby and her neighbour Marilyn for expert foraging…

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s latest Travel Column: Skiing Destinations North America and Scotland

Now for a few more words on the subject of Marriage from Sally

An engaged man asked his father for advice for a long and happy marriage...

Dad, you and Mom have been happily married for 28 years now. How do you do it?

“That’s easy son, when your Mom and I first got married, we made a deal. She would make all the little decisions, and I would make all the big decisions. ”

Hey, that sounds like a good arrangement. But how do you decide what’s a big decision, and what’s a little decision?

“Oh, there hasn’t been any big decisions yet.”

The truth about marriage

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Did you know in some other countries you don’t know who your wife is until you are married?” he asks the bartender. “It’s the same everywhere, son,” the bartender replies.

Anniversary

At St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto , they have weekly husband’s marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, “Wella, I’va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!” The priest responded, “Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?” Giuseppe proudly replied, ” I gonna go pick her up.”

Thank you for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter is the Best Medicine – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Pizza, Coffee and Breaking and Entering


Firstly, some funnies from Debby Gies and her neighbour Marilyn who has donated for our enjoyment followed by some jokes from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby and her neighbour Marilyn for expert foraging…

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s latest Travel Column: Winter Sun destinations

Now for a few words on the subject of Marriage from Sally

Family Christmas

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,“I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

‘Dad, what are you talking about?’ the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

“Like hell they’re getting divorced!” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!” She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. ‘Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way.’

Breaking and entering

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant. “No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

 

Thank you for joining us today and we hope you will enjoy the funnies coming up in 2022… thanks Sally and Debby.

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and a joke from Sally’s Archives.


First Debby Gies shares some of the funnies this week that she feels you should not miss.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: http://www.amazon.com/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO
Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s monthly Travel Column here on Smorgasbord: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/the-travel-column-with-d-g-kaye/

And now time for a joke from my archives….

Don’t mess with blondes…

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa.” Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer:

“Okay, how about this “If you don’t know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $50.” This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it’s the blonde’s turn. She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?”

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50.

The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, so what IS the answer?”

Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Thank you for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face….Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Afternoon Video – D.G. Kaye finds another Gem – Two Moose…whose going to give way!!


Debby Gies has been scanning the airwaves for videos to share… here are some more that she has come across.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: http://www.amazon.com/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO
Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s Travel Column here every month: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/the-travel-column-with-d-g-kaye/

Thanks to Debby for finding another gem.. I hope you have enjoyed… thanks Sally